Crazy Game! by Neilhapgood

Well I went surfing on a bank holiday in May 2009 to then come round 1 month later in hospital. I had a SAH in the water where, according to a family on a cliff top who phoned 999, I floated face down for about 12 minutes and then an off duty doctor happened to to jogging along the beach and saw me and dragged me out, gave me CPR and then the air ambulance picked me up.

According to the family the initial prognosis was really bad with death being the most likely outcome, although a chance I might survive but be in a permanent vegetative state.

After a few weeks in an induced coma they clipped the aneurysm and then I came around. I was cognitively OK all things considered, memory OK, and physically weak but operational. So I was thinking great lets just get back to life.

Within a week I was out of hospital and surfing and playing tennis again and back at work 10 weeks later. So why 2 years on do I feel as though I am a completely different animal to everyone else around me. Why does the world just not make sense to me like it used to. I have various physical issues in terms of back and shoulder pain that may be linked to the SAH (any thoughts on this massively appreciated) but otherwise my life is essentially the same. I have a job I think I like (I used to love it pre SAH but now nothing is that clear), lots of sports and a good quality of life but nothing is the same anymore.

I have hung onto the hope that it will 'get better' with time but now it feels as though I have gone too far down a road that you cannot return from and that 'getting better' won't happen in the sense of returning to my old self and that I some how have to learn to find some kind of way to find peace with my new existence.

Anyway I have rambled on for ages so apologies, I am just soooo amazed to have found this site and realised what I am experiencing isn't unique.

Thanks for reading,

Neil