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Finally - Karen78


Well here goes "My Story" ... I’m normally very active and can/would attempt to do anything!

Even though I was of a small build and only being 7st5 !! The week before the SAH I was feeling really tired as soon as I got back from school from collecting my bigger two girls Shannon who's 8, Harriet (5) to the point that I would leave Pete (hubby) downstairs with all the girls (and Jasmine 2) I slept for an our or so !! Which was VERY strange for me as I don’t EVER sleep in the day, didn’t even sleep in pregnancy! I also kept getting pins and needles in my hands, and couldn’t clench my hand to make a fist !! I booked an appointment with my Doctor but they couldn’t fit me in for another week !!

As I was not one to make a fuss I booked it for a weeks time, On the Sunday 7th March while Pete was out the front of our house watching the bigger girls on the bikes he “pushed” Jasmine on hers, So I could plant 10 Leylandi trees !! Which may I add that I did quite well, That evening once the all our girls were asleep I decided I wanted to move the living room around as I was bored with it (like you do) So after Pete and I struggled with it we couldn’t agree that either of us liked it so put it all back !!

Monday 8th March- I walked Shannon and Harriet to school as I always did, I got back just after 9 as I wanted to sort Jasmines room out as we had ordered her big girl bed rather than her toddler bed, after I took out the toddler bed then moved her chest of drawers’ around in there and it was ready for her new bed.

Jasmine tried to come up and “help“! Pete got “asked“ to come upstairs and get her as I'm trying to now tidy Harriet’s bomb site of a room! He suggested taking Jasmine to the bakery shop up and supermarket up town to buy something for lunch so I'd get half hour or so peace to get on with things.

When they left I “hit” Harriet’s room she had a cabin bed so I sat under it and started to sort things out, all of a sudden I started to get a headache, I thought to myself that it was irritating and wished it would go away as I had so much to do! Then it got more intense I thought it’s not good it hurts that much I'm going to have to go downstairs and get some pain killers (which I never do)!! With that I got up from under Harriet’s bed and walked towards the top of the landing near the stairs and BANG! I was down on the floor with Pete touching my face telling me not to move as help was on the way!

I couldn’t feel my legs or anything. The next thing I remember was a rapid response paramedic talking to me asking what had happened and how long had I been there!! I remember the light from the window form out bedroom beaming in and I started screaming that the light was hurting my eyes!! The paramedic asked Pete to closes the curtains…The next thing I remember was in A&E with a nurse telling me she had to take my earrings off as I was going for a scan! (My earrings which I may add I never got back)!!

I think the next thing I remember was my Mum in the room with me (Pete had rang her to say I collapsed and was on the way to hospital) My Mum lives in Devon (as do the rest of my family) My Mum and Mark (her husband) were with me be the early evening. I recall asking my Mum to lie in bed with me and cuddle me.

Arghhhhhhh The next thing I remember was that I was on a normal ward and was being showered by a bloke, at that point I guess I didn’t care who it was but I knew that I felt “dirty” and wanted one, I was also bed bathed by a girl much younger than me ! Very strange.

Then I remember being moved from a normal ward to a side room then to a room on my own then the next thing was I was having” something done to me near my groin) Which I later learnt was more iv drips etc !

The next thing was I “woke” up to read at the foot of my bed property of HDU.

My three big brothers and my Dad came up to visit me from Devon whilst in HDU too, just a shame that my eldest brother and my Dad come the first time of me living up in Oxford for 13 years !! Still I guess as I never got ill it was a shock to hear I was so poorly.

Visting times were pants and when ever Pete came to vist I promptly told him to “go” Even when he bought the girls in I asked him to take them home as it wasn’t right for them, I spent Mothers day in there and I was gutted!! I don’t even remember reading the cards from them.

I thought every night there were parties in the ward once all the visitors left and that local kids used to walk through and smash bottles and threaten staff! I remember a dietician coming to see me on one occasion asking me why I wasn’t eating?! Ummm because your food here is rank!! I was only eating the little tub ice-cream that I chose for pudding.

One particular day I had many visitors, some of which was there first time of visiting me in Hospital, I didn’t think anything of it at the time……….One morning a member of the kitchen staff came to my bed and gave me a cooked breakfast! Bizarre! They just wanted to get me eating! I tried one mouthful…. It was not good! Everything tasted the same!

I ate the toast but left everything else, I was yet again visited by the dietician and I was told unless I ate then they would start feeding me through a nasal tube! Told them were they could stick that and I would eat there food if it was worth eating ( I have spent my whole life being told I should eat more and I guess I had enough of being “bullied“ about it)

On Wednesday the 25th March (now I had worked out what day I was on and that I been in there for ages) they told me I was getting transferred to a “normal” ward. It was only then that I realised that as they were wheeling me down through the HDU that there was no way at all that there were parties in here at night! My bed and another lady were kind of sectioned off from everyone else’s, we had one on one nurses apparently!

Anyhow I got taken to normal ward (my own room again) and had asked to use the toilet ( I had my catheter removed in HDU), a nurse asked if it was ok to stay whilst I went for a wee (thankfully I had my own toilet in my room) Bearing in mind it was the FIRST time I had walked since the fatefull day of the 8th March and you could put your hand around the top of my leg as the muscle had “wasted” away, needless to say I came around to a oxygen mask , 2 porters and the nurse !! The first question she asked was … did you just normally pass out or…… As far as I was concerned I had just passed out as I felt as if I was going to as she said I was very “graceful” as I went down to ground !!

The next couple of days I was yet again bought down cooked breakfast’s I didn’t even bother lifting the lid I just ate the toast, Being woken every two hours was taking its toll on me now, as im sure I told the nurses too !! I remember on a 4am check of “what day is it’s, who is the prime minister, where I was….The nurse had “spiked my drink” With laxative stuff which I had refused every time! When I told her I was not drinking it she just laughed and said, oh well worth a try! I swear if I was in a posiition I would of swung for her, I know that she should never of done that with out my consent as I was able to give it and had refused it prior to that,. I then kept thinking about the other patients that may be tricked and are less forward then me in saying NO!

On Saturday I was told that I may be fit for discharge for home on Sunday but more likely Monday, grateful as I so wanted to go home, but a little concerned that I hadn’t walked more than a couple of metres to the toilet and back unaided , still I was not about to question my weakness…our as id prefer to call it my muscle weakness, it dawned on me that I hadn’t had a cigarette and therefore thought well as I have been nearly 3 weeks without one there was no point starting when I got out and to be honest I was worried that I would have another SAH or that it would cause one.

Yay Monday was here at last, Pete and his Dad came into see me and I told Pete I was due to be discharged so we decided to go for a cuppa at the league of friends café bit, So Pete got me a wheelchair and off we went to the café, when I returned to the ward there was a nurse there waiting for so stay I was “free” to go!!

Thankfully Pete hadn’t left so he helped to get my things together and off we went Jasmine been with Pete and wouldn’t leave my side, bless her… I got to our car and decided that I would sit in the back with Jasmine and his Dad could sit in the front.. Jasmine held my hand all the way home, I felt so dizzy on the drive home it was awful, so much fresh air too!

When we arrived home Pete helped me the front door and went back to take his Dad home as Pete had picked him up from there, Jasmine went with them. It felt awful I wanted to clean everywhere to me it was dirty and don’t get me started on my first ever new kitchen we had fitted the end of last year (im sure I had an ocd as I was always drying the sink and didn’t like water marks on it) So I cleaned the downstairs cloakroom toilet and the sides in the kitchen when Pete come home and “caught” me! He got really moody and stormed back out leaving Jasmine with me

He went and bought more cigarettes which really annoyed me as he had told me in hospital that he would give up when I got home, I then received lots of texts from my friends saying that I shouldn’t be doing housework and that Pete was really upset at school waiting to pick up Shannon and Harriet !! I just wanted some control in my life as I have always been in control of it before.

My bigger girls were so pleased to see me as they didn’t know I was due to come home that day as I didn’t want to give them false hopes, I had cuddles from them both this time but in Hospital Shannon didn’t want to cuddle me ! I asked her why and she said there were too many germs in there? I think she was more scared than anything. Harriet on the other hand wouldn’t leave my side. When I drank she did, when I moved she did etc.

As I didn’t want to wait around for my prescription at the hospital the doctor came for a home visit the next day to write a prescription for codeine and paracetamol. He just stared at me before saying, your so very lucky Karen!! I just smiled and said thanks!!

Little did I know what had gone on- -Monday 8th March SAH (on route to the hospital I'm told I had a seizure in the ambulance) Wednesday 10th March coiling (however I was having severe vasospasm’s ) Pete was told to expect the worst, he left me in ITU (Where I was at that time) and came home and the girls asked Daddy why he was crying and told them that Mummy was really poorly and may die !! (Hence I now know why I had so many visitors) all I thought was my poor babies being told that they may lose there Mummy! No wonder Shannon had been distant with me and Harriet and Jasmine so Clingy, there were so scared. Pete was too but has never discussed it with me and I haven’t asked and I still can’t get my “head” around it all!

Pete has told me that the part of my brain that suffered the vasospasm was my temper, my appetite (which explained why I can only drink one coffee a day now and I went off chocolate for ages but I stupidly weighed myself when I got home as was just under 6 and half stone ! So although I didn’t fancy any chocolate I wanted to eat to “fatten myself” up!

Here I am today I feel as EVERYONE has “forgotten” that I nearly died and how serious it was. I’m back to “normal” doing housework, cutting the grass front and back, I pick the girls up from school every day (Pete takes them as after knowing he took them while I was in hospital he is more than capable to help, also I couldn’t cope with the morning rush of hoards of parents wanting to talk to me at once!

As for side effects. Pete said my temper is really short fused and I seem to swear a lot, tourettes. Also I don’t hold back on speaking my mind either anymore icon_wink.gif I’m happy to tell people the truth if they ask for it! I have learnt life is too short, although I really don’t understand what happened to me and because I'm so “normal” it feels as if I was a fake? I almost want to scream to people and say “don’t you know I had a brain haemorrhage you and your moaning about a headache that you got through drinking too much “!!)Not a lover of alcohol by the way) lol!!

I have headaches quite regularly and fight the tiredness everyday, I know after reading lots on here I know I shouldn’t but I’m stubborn what can I say? I Also get really frustrated when I can say the right words that I’m thinking and Pete more often or not finishes’ my sentence ! Argghhh It annoys me. I also find I stutter sometimes to finish what I’m saying!!

I have taken over 4 hours to write this but thank goodness that I wrote it all on word so I could save it unlike my first attempt to write it one here and the page refreshed and I lost it all !!

I’m sure there is so much more to write but I appear to have a mind block on now and don’t want to bore you all too much, its been great to finally write some of it down at last, P.S. I have put all my weight back on and MORE !! And have been walking the dog and took girls on a bike ride too!!

Take care everyone and thanks for the support and knowing that I’m not alone xx

Karen xx

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