It was an ordinary day in my busy life, I had just collected my 18 month old son from his grandparents after a long day at work. I took him upstairs and remember thinking how cute he looked in his little all in one pyjamas. I went to the kitchen to make his bottle up; it was a cold December night and I just wanted to warm him up and get him settled.
I put the kettle on an then "wham", I actually turned around to see who it was that had hit me across the back of the head with a bat. My head hurt more than anything I had ever known and all I wanted to do was to go to sleep. Somehow, I dont really remember how I got back upstairs to my son. He was sat up in my bed waiting for me, he saw me and his face dropped - he just said "mammy?"
I will always as long as I live remember that look on his little face (I have tears as I am writing this).
I was fighting to keep my eyes open as there was only us in the house (I was just seperating from my husband at the time) I began to vomit and had a severe pain in my neck. My middle daughter came in and called an ambulane straight away and called my ex husband.
I dont remember much untill the paramedics came in and I was crouched over the toilet being sick. They checked me over and asked me if I had been drinking which I hadn't. They told me I had a bad migraine and to lay in a dark room until it passed. The pain got worse and worse until my mum came and rang the emergency doctor. Two hours later, he came and took one look in my eyes and said he thought I had a bleed in my brain and called an ambulance. Another two hours passed and my mum rang to say she would take me herself; we got to the hospital where they did scans etc.
I was told that I had experienced an SCH and that they needed to operate but I would need to be moved to another hospital as they didn't do Neuro there.
The next day I had my coiling done, I was quite ill afterwards and dont remember much apart from waking up now and again to my family members in tears (they were told to brace themselves for the worst).
The staff I must admit were amazing, as were the nurses at James Cook hospital. I went home to recover after two weeks. It was a difficult time - I couldn't sleep as I was afraid I wouldn't wake up, I was void of any emotion apart from anger and I took that out on everyone. Time is a healer and after 3 months I was back at work and I started to feel love for my family again although it was hard work. My little boy means the world to me and I feel so guilty it took me so long but I am more than making it up to him now.
Three years went by without much of a hiccup apart from being emotional from time to time. I met a wonderful new partner who is a great support even though I test his patience every now and then. In January I found I had a second anerysm that was growing quite quickly and I would need it coiling within six weeks. Seven months on I am still waiting after a few postponed appointments and I am finding it difficult to get on with the day to day things. I worry that it will burst again and I feel scared to be alone with my son just in case. It's causing friction in my relationship but I hope he understands the stress it causes. Well lets hope it happens soon; I turn 40 this year and I want to say LIFE BEGINS AT 40!
Good luck to everyone; you are all an inspiration.
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