BernieH

Thank you for all the support, just reading your letters to me make me feel so much better and hopefully more able to be in control of my feelings so I can help Ross.

I think I will be reading your responses every day for a while to keep us going.

I'll keep you posted on the progress

Regards,

BernieH

So lovely to see loved ones supporting each other on here.

I alway think it's harder for people trying to support and understand as a observer of what's happened. As a survivor of something like this you have no choice but to deal with the hand you have been dealt but I certainly have become more selfish since my SAH as I often i had to focus just on me to get through stuff. Probably doesn't make me very easy to live with at times.

I'm a year on. I don't talk much about my bleed as the severity and location of it meant odds dictated I shouldn't have survived, they are still quite bemused I did. But survive I did and I am learning to accept the changes it has brought to my character, to my pace of life, my working ability. I'm not there at acceptance for any of them yet but it has got easier and it's really hard to explain that to a partner , the sense of loss and grief but also the fear. Stereotypes probably mean that's even harder for a bloke to talk about. Male sense of achievement is so wrapped up in providing and strength it's blooming hard to take the fragility of that ability to continue to do what you've always done.

Give him some space but keep reassuring him. Help him see that change is ok. A cuddle, a kiss, a gentle touch on the hand. My experience is that these small acts are So healing. Equally as someone else has said I'm sure your taking on sme of the chores that may have previously been his to ease the load. My hubbie is a dab hand at washing now even if he will never fold it how I used to! Do I care? No, just lovely he does it for me out of love.

Great you're on here. You guys are our rocks although we are probably pretty hopeless at telling you that. Note to self. Tell hubby he is amazeballs!

Hi,

My husband Ross, aged 40, had his SAH in the early hours of Christmas day 2012, on a scale of 1- 5, his was a grade 1.

I know I'm extreamly fortunate to even have him here still with me, and 3 months on he has just started to go back to work. Unfortunately he his a self-employed kitchen fitter so things have been difficult 1) without his wages and 2) his job entails lots of heavy lifting.

I think because it was low graded bleed, and to see him and talk to him, he is completely normal, I almost forget that thinks could be so different and he is a different man than he was before.

We have been together for 22 years, married for 14 and have had a excellent relationship, until today, we have had a big argument which has been brewing up all weekend. I have been so upset to hear him say he wishes he was dead. That the constant headache is driving him insane.

Basiclly, I know it's still early days, but have any other carers got any good tips on how to cope with my un-certainty, my fears and general day to day life.

I know i'm not the victim in this, but help in being brunt of the black moods would be appreciated.

I don't know how i can help him when i feel so low aswell.