MelS

Fantastic positive news Dawn, Sounds like things are moving in the right direction indeed . Well I'm up to 5 hours a day over 4 days now, still doing "special projects" but slowly learning what my boundaries are, with the support of my employer, for which it am very lucky and grateful. Normal things like phone calls, people in the office, multi tasking are still challenging and mash my head, there are tears regularly ( thank goodness for waterproof mascara!). Next step is I'm to have a vocational psychological assessment, which will give myself and my employer some real baselines to work with, as I'm in month 8 of my return and we both need to get an understanding of where things are headed. All supported by Access to Work, it really is invaluable support. Good luck everyone x

Hi all Well you do continue to amaze and be a source of inspiration and spirit. Today is my 7th month back in work and I am still only part time, splitting five half days over four working days...I'm still shattered and not yet doing my role at all, but mini projects to see how I get in. Good days and bad just like real life and I guess a lot is just learning new boundaries..kicking them now and again, or accepting, this is just how it is. I'm babbling, it's late but have you spoken to Access to Work? They are part of the DWP and they help people with disabilities in the workplace..I have a support worker and they also recommended items to help me do my job, like a voice recorder and screen tinting software. They part fund the support and your employer pays some depending on the company size. It's great and the support workers can help mediate with your employer (I was doing more hours but dropped back with their help...39 feeling like 109!) Links here https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work/overview Mels X Zzzzzz sorry pooped this is not very well written in fact I didn't post it last night I emailed it back to BTG! Sorry Karen x

What a beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing. Sometimes you have to be accepting and that can be the hardest thing when you seem so different from "before". My return is still presenting challenges and my 3 half days were actually turning into longer periods, once breaks, brain quieting moments and travel were taken into account. Although I was supposed to ramp up to 4 half days two weeks ago, I ended up speaking to our human resource department and asking to stay at three. They were really understanding for which I am grateful and I'm trying again next week. Still, it is frustrating and I battle with guilt and valuing my own worth......BUT we keep on....and I had a surprise hair chopping .....a change is as good as a rest! Stay strong lovely people X

Hehe, Macca, your "listen to our own advice", advice, tickled me this morning, as I have been rather beating myself up of late. Ironically, I was listening to a friend's problem the other day and the words "stop putting so much pressure on yourself" fell out of my mouth......to which my friend fell about laughing in a pot kettle black way! Even though it is 28 months since my SAH and clipping, I am still finding challenges both at work and in my personal life, which serve as reminders as to what has happened and that I am not quite the pre SAH person I was and that adjustments need to be made... no matter how frustrating that can be. I'm up to three half days at work now and it is taking a LOT of getting used to... but we keep going....and at very least, it will allow me to see truly what I can do... So for now, still appreciate all your words of wisdom and support.. X

Well, my return to work started on the 1st March and its been a hard slog already, mentally and physically. Although my workplace have been incredibly understanding thus far, as they have planned and extremely gradual return, I just hadn't prepared myself for it being such a tough challenge. In my life pre bleed and clipping, I think I have mentioned that I sold internet infrastructures to corporate clients. As an am unable to drive yet and we are really "sucking it and seeing", with regard to what I can cope with and "do", I spent my first few days in sorting out administrative things, like clearing two years of email, getting my Blackberry up and running, clearing my desk etc. My workplace is an ex Bank of England gold Bullion Vault which is in a city centre 14 ft underground, so I knew even getting there and being in it was going to be a huge challenge in itself. My husband also works part time, so initially he was able to accompany me on the train and then hang around for a few hours (as I am only doing half days at first). There has been some tears, just as the amount of stimuli both in the city and back in the workplace is really overwhelming and my divided attention as well as memory and concentration are a bit "broken" after my bleed and surgery. Getting the train even off peak and then walking 10 minutes across a busy city is a REAL challenge... but I will keep trying. Thankfully I can do some of my time at home, which was really accommodating of my company. We are lucky here in the UK, in that we have a government body called Access to Work who help people with disability (including acquired brain injury) get back into the workplace. My assessor has recommended a voice recorder and software, plus a white noise machine and other coping strategies for me and my workplace to implement. Have any of you used the white noise machines? My concern was that because i can tune anything out it would not work... but I would quite like to get some feedback before my company have to spend money....the government contribute some but not all of the cost. I'm anxious not to get too negative as its only my first few times in, but I was shocked at how brain tired I got again.... two years on a you forget how it feels. This week I did two half days (which makes me feel irrationally guilty on the company) and I had to go to bed after the second stint my brain hurt soooo much.... I was gutted. BUT, I have to give myself a break, see how it goes and after a reasonable period, if it doesn't work, the make another life change.... you never know it may just get easier. Anyhoo, thought you might like an update. Take care and you all keep strong, you all continue to support and inspire Thank you X

This is really interesting reading for me folks. Prior to my SAH and clipping, I was something of an "enthusiastic consumer" of wine, socially, after a long day etc..... at first after surgery, I was really afraid to drink, especially as there was no real reason given for why my SAH happened, but of course smoking, drinking and high blood pressure were all cited. Needless to say I have not touched a cigarette since and my levels of drinking are minute comparably, I might have a couple of glasses on a weekend but that is pretty much it. In more recent times I have been trying to go out more (this has been a massive problem as my "filter" seems to be broken, so my concentration and divided attention are all over the place). A friends 40th only became bearable, as I got rather cider squiffy. This was amazing in one sense as I could last at her party without running away (alcohol reduced the anxiety), however I have noticed it has a terrible effect on my memory, I have total blackouts of parts of the night, which is really scary. Realistically, I realise I cant use booze as a coping mechanism long term for dealing with social gatherings, but even in moderation the total memory loss thing is really scary. Anyone else found this? Mel X ps it happens with wine too

Hi Guys First of all may I say thank you to Karen and all you lovely survivors for sharing your stories and experiences. This site is so invaluable and even though I only dip in and out, it provides amazing support and makes you feel not quite so mad . My SAH was nearly 2 years ago now, it happened on the 21st Feb 2011 and even though I am still trying to cope with some of the effects of my injury / surgery / vasospasms, financially, I have got to the point where I need to return to work . Similarly to Wem, my role was high pressure, long hours and big targets, working as an account manger looking after corporate customers, managing their Internet and Telecommunications infrastructures. A sales role, with UK based customers nationally located, it is a pretty manic job. When my SAH happened, I was particularly under pressure and it was also two days before I was due to go on holiday with my then fiancée for his 40th... (poor J.. now my hubby...being in Salford Royal for his birthday while I had a craniotomy, was not really the birthday treat we had in mind!) My company have been really supportive, in that they have agreed to a staged return for me and are going to give me more administrative tasks, supporting my previous boss (who has changed roles within the organisation). I'm starting with two half days a week, one from the office (which is a challenge in itself) and one from home. I've engaged Access to Work who in turn have put Remploy in touch with me, so I am hoping they can help with adjustments that may need to be made..... It's so daunting and also doubly difficult trying to explain whats happening to you, to people who don't know you, don't have experience of SAH or brain injury (thankfully) or have an expectation that you will be the "same person" coming back, eventually "when you are better". Already people have said things like, "when you are back to normal, we can have you doing XYZ" (frustrating). To stop myself panicking, I'm trying to focus on the now and just take one day at a time. Even getting to work will be a challenge as I have kind of shielded myself, from situations that are too challenging or cause me discomfort, particularly as my divided attention and memory are really a bit screwy, so everyday living is a cacophony of "noise". I took up running in October.. which has been an absolute revelation, I love it. As I'm lucky enough to have the Cheshire countryside on my doorstep, I can avoid roads (to much stimuli) and run in the fields and hills, with a really supporting group (including another person with a brain injury would you believe). The running has helped with confidence and stamina.... think I am going to need it and it gives me some real freeing moments and makes me remember that, despite all the new challenges, I am alive and lucky to be here. So.. I'll keep you posted and will keep myself grounded by popping in again to "see" you all soon Mel X

Aw thanks so much everyone x monthly Neuro psych appointment tomorrow at Salford Royal...what a team. I imagine ill be getting some more excercisesand coping strategies....staying positive....its quite remarkable "hearing" all your perspectives too, selfishly makes me feel a little less bonkers hehe Take care x

Hello Everyone, Finally I am brave enough to reply to a post... been too emotional before, but this site is really great for helping reassure and support. My SAH was 13 months ago and I am still on the road to recovery (alhtough not sure what the baseline is yet, I am trying to to focus too much on pre SAH). Apart from anxiety, panic attacks and feeling quite overwhelmed in busy places or groups, another big after effect is a really messed up sense of taste. It started with everything tasting like sweet milk, so in fact, eating cake chocolate etc was fine, as even savoury stuff was sweet. My favourite foods used to be things like curry, Thai etc, but I can't taste it at all, which is really frustrating and saddening. Tried to make chilli the other day and crammed it with cinamon, cumin chillis and lots of good stuff, just tastes sweet..... There has been some progression, in that some days I get salt... and I can definitely get a sense when something is tart, but the distinct flavours have gone. My Surgeon was quite matter of fact, in that he seemed to indicate that the node in my brain was cut through in surgery (I had a clipping), although I am not sure if I am mis remembering this (memory and concentration are not as they were). Other people who have had brain injury say it can be a couple of years before it rights itself or maybe not at all. Generally, I just try and keep on. Social gatherings in restaurants are problematic anyway on the grounds of over stimulation, so I am working at that too. Hopeful it may right itself or become liveable with (not stopping me eating hehe). Oop starting to sound a bit down so will stop now..... Take care out there. Mel X