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How we become the person we are today

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I know I am a babbling idiot at times and tend to get off track. But I have been thinking a great deal about “Dancing with the Past”. I have told my story about waking up Sept 16, 2011 on the floor of the bathroom with a horrible electrical painful headache and vomiting. But what makes me who I am and who any of us are today are the events and how we handle them in our past. I feel very safe here in this site. I read the headlines today on CNN and it had a horrible photo of a 9 car/truck pile up with 9 dead in Florida. It made me think more about Dancing…. Past. Which I love to so much I want to write it in script on my wall in marker!

In August 2011 shortly before my head thing happened my brother in law (Tedd Laycock) who is one of my most respected people I know was in a similar accident in northern California. He was a retired fireman, 1st responder and fire chief of Riverside City which is a city of over 300,000 people. He had really saved many lives and served his community well as a volunteer. His granddaughter was in Washington State and was going to take the 9 hour drive with her soon to be 3 year old daughter to southern CA for her 3rd birthday. Tedd decided to fly to Washington and drive back with his granddaughter & great granddaughter. On their way there was road construction and the cars were stopped right around a corner where you could not see until you got there. It ended up as a pile up and to make a long story short they along with others were rear ended and their car was one of the ones that burst into flames. Tedd was paralyzed and could not move; luckily they had the car window half way down. He said he was helpless; he turned to look at the baby and knew she had died on impact. The mother was trying to put the fire out on her toddlers hair. Tedd said he suddenly was able to get out the window and fall to the ground. The mother soon followed but the car was engulfed in flames by now. The accident was one of the worst that the responding fire dept. had ever witness. I look back at that day constantly and he gives me strength to be able to keep moving forward. I certainly do not mean to say others are not moving forward etc. this is not about me making any kind judgment of others. This is me telling my story of why I am who I am. I cannot imagine a more horrific situation for an x fireman, 1st responder to be in. It was devastating and my heart broke as did the rest of our family. I ended up going to see them 3 weeks or so after the services, memorials & when he was recovered enough to have time alone with his grief. My sister in law Cindy (my husband’s sister) needed me and we have always been very close and we have a way of making each other laugh, giggle and relax like no one else can. It was right after I came home late on a Wednesday night flight that I had my tooth pulled the next morning and the next day I had my SAH. When I was in California it was such a healing visit for both of them, it gave normalcy to their lives. We were able to just sit and listen to the waves, we laughed & cried. I sat and watched the videos that people took with their cell phones on the internet of the accident with Tedd which no one would do. He needed to figure it out, he had to reconstruct the crime scene so to speak. So for me to this day whatever I think of what he has to live with and how horrible that must be having been a retired lifesaver, watching your granddaughter trying to put the fire out on her baby makes my SAH minor to his story. He also has health issue & head trauma from that day and will never be the same but I sit a little straighter and buck up when I think of my brother in law Tedd Laycock.

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Mary, oh dear Mary,

It's not often that I'm lost for words but I am right now.

Your heart breaking story has made me take a step back and look at things a little bit differently.

Thank you for that, thank you for sharing that story, it couldn't have been easy for you.

Bigs hugs to you.

Take care,


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