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Struggling today


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Take care. We all have awful things that come and go. Just when you think you've got the most problematic thing licked, another comes your way that's completely different. Learning to listen inside and feeling comforted that you are so strong as you we're one of the ones that has survived SAH! Since you survived that, you can get through ANYTHING.

You said you'd like to just get back to normal. This may or may not ever happen...acceptance is a dynamic process and it is so hard for us as our symptoms keep changing. I felt like if I could have just lost a leg, then I'd know it was the leg. We lost part of our normal brain functioning. It shows up in ways that we never should even have to think about. I get a lot of autonomic sensations in strange places. I'm not suppose to be able to dilate my left eye on command, but I do now. Weird. I feel my food slide 1/2 way down my esophagus then hang out and then take another slow wave until it hits my pyloric and then empty into my gut. Why can I sense this? No one should...it happens automatically without input from the conscious brain...but now I am conscious of it for some reason. The point is, a symptom may be really abnormal but typical for you. As you get more time, you'll be able to see, 'Oh, I've seen this before.' It's still not normal, but becomes tolerable.

~Kris

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