Macca

Hi Liz,

A very warm welcome to BTG!

I guess one thing your neurologist didn't mention was that your recovery would take some considerable time!  So don't beat yourself up about progress being slow going.  Please don't try and compete against others that you perceive to be leaving you behind in the fitness stakes either.  They don't have the obstacles that you do now. They haven't suffered an SAH so it isn't a level playing field anymore.

You are competing against yourself now, not them!

So, it would be a good idea for you to keep a diary of your progress to see how far you have come over time!  Then, and only then, when you are getting back closer to what others are doing should you compare yourself to them.  Your current 'normal' is now different to theirs, so looking at them straight off would only set you up to disappoint yourself.  So don't do it and you will feel much better about yourself.

Also remember that resting well is as important as exercising well, and sleeping and eating well.  You need an all round performance to get yourself back in tip top condition - or as near to it as you can get!

When you feel like increasing your pace a bit, please take medical advice before you do it.  As the others say, your body will soon tell you if you overdo it too soon and it isn't pleasant, as I know from bitter experience.

I wish you well - good luck!

Macca

Hi,

Welcome to BTG!

Well done on getting through your NASAH.  If the condition was only discovered in the 90's then, of course, any study won't go back more than that.  The problem with research is that fields are generally very narrow in outlook and if there isn't much around because the condition hasn't been known about for that long, then it is still in it's infancy, research wise.

Do we know that our outcomes are relatively good from any documents you have seen, or is this an assumption?  Research perhaps might uncover the situation to be as you say, but then again it might uncover another unknown cause, as well as differing degrees of outcomes, some more severe than others. Sometimes there is research, but it is just knowing where to look to find it!

If you are planning on doing exercise, I would advise that you take medical advice before you do it, on both the type and quantities you propose to do.  Whilst it might suit some people, it won't suit others so speak to your doctor first.

Good luck

Hi Graham,

I would ask the questions of the three doctors "Where is the overwhelming evidence?  Where is it to be found and how do I get hold of a copy?  If it does not exist where did you get the information for you to make such a a sweeping statement?"

Of those who did go back, how many went on to reduce hours or stop altogether, as I did?

Fantastic news Heather, thank you for updating us.  I'm sure this will be an inspiration to others that there is indeed life after SAH!  Well done on supporting her through this.  Don't underestimate the part you played.

Best wishes to you all,

Macca

Hi Susan,

You learn something every day.  I did that thank you.

According to the article I read, it seems there can be a hereditary link if a certain gene is present and it isn't necessarily present in all family members, just some, and across generations.  It increases the risk of an aneurysm. Link below to the article:

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/a-groundbreaking-discovery-researchers-identify-gene-mutation-linked-to-deadly-brain-aneurysms-300376614.html

So I stand corrected.  Thanks.

Hi Phil,

Welcome to BTG.

I think the first thing to say is that nobody really knows if stress plays a part in causing SAH.  The thing about stress is that it is such an unmeasurable, and therefore unquantifiable, phenomenon.  One of the things we want to do after SAH is to find someone, or something, to blame for our plight.  Stress is usually one of the first suspects but it is a slippery customer.

There is no measure for stress.  It is different in each of us and its consequences manifest themselves in different ways.  It is convenient for us, then, to blame stress if having it coincides with our 'event.'

When I had mine, I was under an enormous amount of pressure at work and to me it was easy to blame blowing a fuse (known as stress) for it.  Even now, some 6.5 years later, I still think it was a contributory factor, but I have no real or concrete evidence to back it up.

I went back to work after six months and it was way too early really.  I managed it for another three years, and it was a living hell because of the side issues (like travelling the length and breadth of the UK), but then I decided life's too short and I opted for early retirement.  I believe this was the right decision for me and I don't regret it for one second.

I think we all agree, however, that stress isn't good for us and many are convinced it plays a part.  If you were on a jury, could you convict the suspect (stress), on circumstantial and hearsay evidence?  I think not, however much you might like to, because the real evidence just isn't there.

Perhaps there ought to be more research but there isn't.

Stress is such a suspect because of the mental pressure it exerts on our emotions and people link it to blood pressure and the like but in reality you could argue that stress is a scapegoat rather than a real cause.  I, myself, believe it is, possibly, probably a contributory factor but there are others too, such as weakened arteries.  That may simply be caused by the ageing process or, as you say, one you were born with.  That's just bad luck and part of life's lottery. Stress has no part in that.

Could it be hereditary?  There is no evidence to support that theory either, but sometimes other family members have SAH's too.  My first wife had one (she is mother to my two sons) and I have had one too, but we were related by marriage, not blood.  Am I worried about my lads?  Yes, but que sera, sera.  All I can do is try and ensure they get themselves checked out.  I can't let that rule my life now but I am aware of the threat and try not to stress about it, because I can't control it.

You will develop your own coping mechanisms as time goes on, but time is the biggest healer.  Don't fight to get back to what you did before.  Go with the flow and make changes to your life that will help you cope better. Reduce stressful situations as much as you can.  Change your future as you can't change what has already happened.

You have a real chance here to re-evaluate your life and make changes that will improve the quality of your remaining years for yourself and your family.

Don't waste you time on bitterness and regret.  They are wasted emotions.  Be thankful for the person you were then draw a line under it and move on and be thankful for the person you now are.  As time moves on you will see that you are one and the same, albeit with a changed and more positive outlook.

I wish you well.

Macca

Hi Sar67,

Welcome to BTG first of all.

There are theories about what might cause a SAH, but the truth is that nobody really knows for sure why they do.  You may hear things like high blood pressure, stress, weaknesses in your arteries put forward as reasons.  They may or may not be true, but you will not find any proof to back any of them up.

For instance, stress is not measurable and its impact would be different from person to person, depending on their own bodily constitution.  It's like asking 'how long is a piece of string?' - it's unanswerable.

What we do know is that they do happen and fortunately there are doctors who know how to deal with them.

My consultant likened it to riding a bike - one minute its ok and then you get a puncture.  You repair it and get on with your life.

I hope that doesn't sound too simplistic.  We're all looking for answers but I fear they will be a long time coming.  Much better, therefore, to focus on recovery and making the most of your second chance because none of us can change the past - what's done is done.

I hope this helps,

Macca

Welcome to BTG!

I'm at the point now where my baldness nearly covers my hair!  Seriously, I wouldn't worry about it.  The point is, you're alive, you're back at work and the only visible sign you have is cosmetic and that will disappear soon enough.

Eat well, rest well and drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.  If you overdo it your body will soon let you know.  Slowly but surely is the way to go.  You have much to be positive about and I see from your picture that you wear a hat - problem solved!  Laugh a lot too, that's always good for your mood and those around you.

As for your scan, maybe the aneurysm was on the blind side, but that's academic now.  You are well, up and about and active again.  Just enjoy life.  Someone up there is looking after you.  Sounds like you have a great boss too!  Maybe buy him a bottle of something to let him know how grateful you are for the way he has treated you.  He, maybe, knows what a good worker you are and values your continued contribution to the business.

I wish you well

Macca

Uplifting words Daff, and very much appreciated.

Life is a gift, and although we suffered a SAH, we were given the second gift of life (when most people only get one go) just as the flame was about to extinguish.

Now there is brightness all around and it's in the smile you give each day to your friends and family and in you as they reflect that same happiness that you are still in their lives!

Here's to many more years Daff.  Thanks for your friendship and your support and all that you do on BTG!

  Take a bow, you deserve it!

Macca

Hi Jan,

I used to think like that in the early stages, when my short term memory was shot to pieces, and I became slower at virtually everything I did and I became depressed, and frustrated at the change.

One day, I just sat there thinking what can I do about all this.  I came to realise that what is done is done is done and I can't do anything about it except change the future in front of me.  Instead of thinking 'why me?' I asked instead 'What new opportunities are going to come my way and how can I take advantage of them?'

I thought being upset at what had happened was understandable at first, because SAH is such an unwanted and abrupt shock to the system.  Then I thought, 'that emotion is being wasted and I need to channel it into something more positive so I can make the most of the  rest of my life.' So rather than be resentful that I lost my past life, I gave thanks that I was given the gift of it and was privileged to have it for as long as I did.

I can remember my past life and yearn for it, but I can't change the past, but I can learn from it to help me in the future.

I look in my 'toolkit of life bag now' and realise a spanner has gone, but I've got a new socket set instead.  Yes I'm slower, but that makes me more considerative and therefore a better judge of things than before, and I make better quality decisions, but perhaps not as many. So, quality not quantity.

Change happens all the time, just not with the breathtaking speed of an SAH.  Many of us are reluctant to change as we are creatures of habit - but change happens whether we like it or not, it's how we deal with it that counts.

So I would deal with it like this - look at life as 'what can I do next?' and enjoy, rather than look back at a record to be played over and over.

Yes I still have my odd moments of weakness too, but I don't want to regret a single moment of my life and I'm not going to let the SAH bully me into anything else.

Best wishes Jan, I know my take on it isn't for everyone but it's my way of trying to deal with it.  As always, you've asked a well considered and penetrative question that touches what we don't always want to ask ourselves, so thanks for asking it.  As you can see, it made me sit down and think!

Macca

Hi Gareth,

All the things you describe are fairly typical of SAH sufferers.  Short term memory is a problem but there are some coping mechanisms.

Keep a diary, and keep referring to it.

Keep repeating things to her so eventually they commit to long term rather than short term memory.

Get Dympna to repeat things to herself so she doesn't forget.

Make use of diary/calendar planners

Might be difficult at first but it will ease over time, and don't expect instant results!

Best wishes

Macca

Hi Wendy,

This is really one for your consultant.  I had three lumbar punctures (fortunately the last one was successful).  They also went in at my groin to coil me and the resulting pain was awful for weeks afterwards, but over time it got less and less.

You say your doctor sent you to a stroke unit.  Well, that is the right thing to have done because a SAH is classed as a kind of stroke.  Most people seem to associate strokes with the heart and see it as a heart attack.  Ordinarily, it isn't.

A stroke is more associated with the brain.

If you watch the advert on TV about watching out for signs of stroke, (FAST) Face [does it drop on one side?], Arms [can you lift them?], Speech [is it slurred?], Time [get help as fast as you can], then you will see that it is the brain that controls those first three functions, not your heart.

Yes, they can go through the groin to coil, but they can also clip, where they operate on you in more conventional fashion.

You really need to ask your consultant about this one, not us. We can't give medical advice, because we're not doctors, but he/she can and it will be a darned sight better than any we could offer. Memory loss is common amongst SAH sufferers, so that is not unusual, but you will develop coping mechanisms over time, like noting things down, repeating things and so on.

Get to your consultant Wendy, that's what he's there for, so don't be shy, get in there and ask as many questions as you can in the time given.  Write them down before you go so you don't forget any of them.

Let us know how you get on and what he says in return.

Good luck, I wish you well,

Macca

Hi Cat,

One of the biggest problems to deal with after a SAH is that other people can't see any scars or plastercasts that shows there's something wrong. It can be very frustrating.  I've cried like a baby in the early stages of my recovery and that's me, a big daft bloke talking!

It's not a crime to cry - it's natural, because a SAH is a massive blow to take and to live with afterwards. But it's also a release of pent up emotion and it's better to let it out than to bottle it up.  However, you need to tell, and keep on telling, people that you are still not well.  If they get fed up of hearing it then that's their problem, not yours.  Tell someone else instead!

Crocheting is a skill and a talent - you can still do it even if it is in short bursts.  As time passes those bursts will get longer and then you'll be doing it all afternoon before you know it.  Take up some reading or if you prefer, audio books.  They're a great way to relax and for you to learn to concentrate again - short periods at first and longer as time progresses.  I also find that they're a great way to help me go to sleep.  After a few paragraphs my eyes start to roll and I'm away!

Try and get out if you can, even if only for short spells even if you sit in the car whilst your partner goes into the shops.  It helps to break up the day.

Good luck,

Macca

Hi Cat,

Welcome to BTG!

Everything you describe is par for the course.  You are still in the early stages of your recovery journey so just take each day one at a time, step by step.  Perhaps keep a diary so you can plot your progress and look back on it to see the progress you've made as time passes.

Stay hydrated, keep talking to people and keep in touch with your doctors and us.  We'll help you as best we can.  As Tina says we can't give medical advice and that's because we are not doctors, not because we don't want to.  What might be right for me might not be right for you, so that's why we don't do it.

But we have been down the road you're on - so any time you've got five minutes, come on here and talk to us, there's usually someone who'll reply soon.

Macca

Hang on in there Tim,

It does get better, but you need time and patience.  Please don't expect too much too soon.  You are dealing with the very core of your being - the brain - and it is very complex and therefore it takes longer to get over things than other parts of your body.

Keep talking to people - don't sit there on your own letting your imagination run away with itself.  Talk to your doctor, friends. relatives, and yes - us!  Don't try and over- think things, just settle down to getting through each little step and each day at a time. 

Little steps become bigger, a walk becomes a trot, and a trot a run.  Just don't expect to do it too soon.  Give yourself and your body time and don't beat yourself up about it.  Every little goal you reach is progress and is further cause for optimism. Keep in touch, we're here when you want us,

Macca

Hi Tim,

Welcome to BTG!

I can relate to you for many reasons.  First I am male and now 61 years old, so not too different! I was coiled, having spent a week in a coma and more time in ICU.  I too, was lucky to come out relatively unscathed in comparison to some, but that doesn't mean I got away scot free. 

I still have short term memory issues and have to have daily injections of growth hormone because of damage done to my pituitary gland as they saved my life.  But I look at that as acceptable collateral damage, in return for the gift they gave me - a new chance at life!

I am now 6.5 years down the road you have now embarked upon, so I hope you will take on board some of what I have to say.  As you say, you are unique, as we all are, but many of the traits you feel are ones we have probably all felt to one degree or another. They are different, however, in effect because of your own perceptions, set of circumstances and that you have to live with them daily because of what happened to you.

Let's get this into perspective.  You are only eight months down the line.  This is still relatively early in your recovery and experience tells us that this is the brain you're dealing with and it needs more time than anything else in your body to recover.

I read your post with interest because it was like looking in a mirror 6 years ago and seeing myself.  Slow progress, depression, apathy, hesitant and the rest.  You have identified, yourself, several positives though.  You started to walk with sticks, and then threw them away to walk unaided. 

In another time, and without wanting to seem facetious or disrespectful, that might have been called a miracle.  And in its way, it still is and if you are a person of faith, it will help to enhance it.  If you are not then it is still a wondrous ability that you might have lost, but didn't.  That's got to be a positive hasn't it?  It's definitely progress.

Who knows, in another month or two, you might be jogging.  Keep a diary to chart your progress.  The recovery isn't happening as fast as you would like, that's all, but its coming!  When you can't do something, ask yourself "How else can I get the same result or get to the same place as I did before?"  You will be surprised with what you can come up with when you try.

You say, too, that you are financially ok not to have to work again.  Fabulous.  That's called freedom.

A position that sets you free to do as you please, to pursue hobbies, to work at what you want to, for as many or as few hours as you want or feel the need to. To continue full time your aspiration to get better and as near 'back to normal' for you.  A word of caution though. 

If you get back to 'normal' that's great, but for me, it is the wrong mind-set. It is setting yourself up to fail in most cases. It is an unachievable aspiration because it is unrealistic after a trauma involving the body's most complex organ.  What you must do instead is change and adapt, as you do on many occasions throughout life.

A better way in my view, is to look at it this way.  Change has been thrust upon you in an abrupt manner.  Change normally happens over time, gradually, and you deal with it and adjust in a more leisurely and agreeable fashion, ie as we age we slow down, as our eyesight starts failing we get glasses, as our hearing goes we get a hearing aid and so forth. 

In this case, a SAH has thrown you a curved ball, and it means you have to make changes immediately and meet the challenges suddenly and head on.

If you can do this you will emerge stronger, more experienced and more comfortable with the second chance life has thrown your way.  Look at Jan's thread called 'Adapt'.  She puts it plainly in simple language what it means to have a SAH and to progress in life afterwards.  It's a beautiful thread that makes complete and utter sense to me.

You say you worry about dying.  Well, we all will one day, it's just we want it to be way off down the line.  All the SAH has done is make you ask the question of yourself when you weren't ready to ask it, and your body has answered for you and said "Hey, I'm not ready to go yet, so back off!"  So there is every reason to be positive about this. 

You still have a lot to offer life and family so get out there and enjoy it.  We, on this site, have all had a SAH (carers excepted) and we're all still here, so forget that question Tim, and embrace every extra day, week, month, year that comes your way. 

You have been unshackled from all of life's burdens now and adapting to that change is yours for the taking.  You've been given a blank sheet of paper, here's the pencil, now go and map out your new life and don't look back too often, except to learn from the past, and forge a new exciting venture that is the rest of your life.  You've got your second chance - grab it with both hands!!!

Good luck, and any time you want to come back on here and open up to us. We will respond as best we can.  There are a lot of good people on here and we all want the same thing - quality of life, the best we can get!

Macca.

Hi Mindy,

Welcome to BTG.

As Tina says, it is really annoying when doctors just assume it's migraine.  Not only are they wrong but the consequences of mis-diagnosis are potentially lethal - literally.  So well done you for repeatedly going back in.  You can't afford to be timid.  Anyone who has experienced the dreaded thunderclap knows they are headaches like no other and that it is something likely more serious. 

You don't need a doctor to understand you need help and you are right to expect it when you go to the hospital.

I think in the early stages, our brains are doing funny things and many of us experience strange 'dreams.'  I think that's our brains trying to re-connect and find new ways of doing things that it did in milliseconds before.  Sometimes it gets it wrong and hence the strange outcomes.  I had a few of those and they seemed very real, and I took some convincing that they weren't when I woke up.

I think in the early stages you shouldn't be too alarmed at this sort of thing.  Hopefully over time it will settle down.  As Tina says, stay hydrated and rest well.

If you overdo it then your body has a way of telling you and sometimes I think odd dreams can be part of that consequence.

I wish you well,

Macca

Hi Luke,

Firstly - welcome to BTG.

This must feel like a very tough time for you.  I would just like to make the following points for you to bear in mind.

The brain is the most complex organ in anyone's body. When something upsets it, it takes longer than the other organs to repair and its impact on other parts of the body, in particular those it controls, can seem rather dramatic until they start to settle down and return to a more normal functioning.  The bottom line is - it takes time and you need to be patient.

Perhaps the doctors could have been a little more helpful here - I suspect they were talking about weeks and months rather than hours and days in recovery.

Your Mum helped to make the decision herself and it was with longer term effects in mind rather than a short term fix that may have just delayed the inevitable, which was the operation she's just gone through.  She knew what she was doing and hopefully, in the long run, it will turn out to be the right one  Please don't beat yourself up about it.  It seems hard at the moment, but hopefully she should start to improve.

Talk to people and get things off your chest.  If you just bottle it up your mind and imagination will just run away with themselves and problems will appear worse than they really are.

In the meantime, when you go to visit her, even if she isn't responding, talk to her, read to her, so she can hear your voice.  It is amazing how much goes in even though there is no response at the time.  It will also help you to cope, knowing that you aren't just idly sitting by doing nothing.  You are playing a big and active part in her recovery - don't forget that.

I was in a coma for a week and when I came round I didn't know a plank from my elbow!  It took me several weeks more to start talking any sense and I was 'only' coiled.  After a clipping I can only imagine it's more of a major thing to overcome and the best thing you can do for your Mum is to allow her, as in a football match' that 'extra time' to recover and just be there for her.  In that way hopefully you will secure the right result.

Keep a diary to chart her progress.  Over time, and when you are with her everyday, it can seem like nothing has happened, but when you look at a diary, small steps show a definite progress, a bit like when you haven't seen someone for a while and you say  'wow - you've grown, lost weight' etc.  If you were with them every day you wouldn't have noticed.

Please keep posting to let us know how she is getting on.  It will also help you to let us know your thoughts, so we can help you to the best of our abilities.

Good luck and sending my best wishes to you and your family.  Hang on in there.

Macca

Hi - welcome to BTG.

Before me, I am not aware of any of my family suffering SAH.  However, both I and my first wife, who is the mother of my two children, have both had one - and both of us survived.  My children are adults now at 39 and 33 years old respectively.

They have been advised to get scanned and so far neither has, but I mention it about once a year to get themselves checked.

All we can do is advise you to go and get checked as prevention is better than cure, in my opinion.  The weight off your mind would be a big stress reliever too.

I think, though I don't know, that many people must be going around with aneurysms in their heads they don't know about, but where they are not in imminent danger of rupture. Some will, but many won't.  My surgeon said it is like getting a puncture on your bicycle.   One minute ok - the next punctured and the tyre goes flat!

I wish you well.

Macca

Hi Josephine,

Welcome to BTG. 

It is extremely early in your recovery journey and unfortunately there are no instant fixes with SAH.  I think most of us have experienced headaches and worried about them.  They seem to be a normal part of the trip I'm afraid.  But hey!  We're all still here so there's good reason to be optimistic.  So yes, it's uncomfortable for a while, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

If they are worrying you, go back to your doctor to get checked over and whilst you are there talk with them about pain management until the headaches recede.  Everybody's pain threshold is different and perceived levels of discomfort have their severity measured by your own standards.

But in a strange way, it does show that your brain is working, in that you are able to rationalise the pain and interpret it as irritating!  So maybe that's a good sign for the future! 

Don't forget, your brain (your centre of human operations and functions) has undergone a severe trauma and it needs nurturing back to health!  I know I sound like a flowery old windbag, but time is the greatest healer.  Just see your doctor to put your mind at rest and to see if you can get something to ease the discomfort whilst your body is given the time now to self-repair.

I wish you well.

Macca

Well done Clare,

Great to see you so positive and enjoying life to the full again. You have clearly reached Jan's "Adapt" place and done it very well.  Enjoy your day and many more 'anni'versaries to come.

I hope you continue to inspire and be inspired. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're a great addition to the BTG team/family and it is indeed a privilege to 'know' you!

Good on yer girl!

Macca

Congratulations Super Mario!

What an inspiration you are with that positive spin on life!

I too am enjoying my retirement even though I took it early, but only three years ago now (SAH happening 6.5years ago).

You are right, of course, that there is more to life than work, although at the time we don't always recognise it and are apprehensive to make the leap - but I did and I have never looked back.

Enjoy your day, your life and your breaks Super Mario! 

You have helped me enormously since I came to this site and I think some of that positivity is included!  Thanks!

Macca

Hi Jan,

That's a good way of putting it!

I think you have passed some of the scenic places along the way too, such as Hope, Opportunity, Aspire, Change, Delegate.  If you catch my drift! 

Yes you are getting there with grit and determination and effort!  Well done!

Macca

Hi Julie,

Welcome to BTG! 

I was treated at Salford Royal too.  Let me just say that you are being treated there by the very best people. Salford Royal is one of the highest ranked hospitals in the country and its neuro surgical unit is recognised as one of the very best also.  And I survived so it must be good! 

The good news is my bleed happened on 1st September 2010 and I'm still here, so there is every reason for you to be optimistic!  Re-bleeds are a possibility but so is getting run over by a bus! 

What is noticeable in your post is that you have undergone the worst that life can throw at you, yet you are more fearful of the unknown.  That is because your imagination has begun to run away with you and you have had nobody there to balance out your thoughts.  Yet when you think about it, it shows your brain is working perfectly, because you are able to think about and rationalise these fears. You should congratulate the surgeon, he's obviously done a great job!  You weren't fearful of the future before this happened to you, so why be fearful now?  You've come through it - be more fearful of the bus when you are crossing the road!

I was told that people are walking around with aneurysms in their heads and they don't even know they are there.  It is when they are in danger of rupturing that they become a problem.  I suspect that they will monitor you for a while and will take corrective action if they think there is a risk if they don't act.  If they opt not to do anything, then that is wonderful and if they do act then at least they have acted in the nick of time to give you the best chances possible.  So, lots to be positive about!

You'll plan those holidays again, I've been abroad lots of times since I was in hospital.  Travel Insurance is easy to come by and opportunities will come your way.  However don't expect instant answers or instant recovery.  Lots of things come with time and making the right decisions at the right time.  All those physical things you are going through at the moment will ease with time, but you have been through the mill - give yourself time and space - good things come to those who wait!

Put your trust in those people at Salford - they are really good and you are in the best of hands, I am living experience of that!

Keep us posted about your progress!

I wish you well.

Macca

Hi and Welcome to BTG.

Wow!!!  You sound like Wonder Woman!  However, in reality you are not, so stop beating yourself up.    But you are wonderful.  You are one of those wonderful people who looks after everyone else before yourself and often to your own detriment.  Now that you need help, it is time to re-appraise somewhat and be a little more selfish in your outlook for a change, at least until you are better.

Let's look at this a little more critically.  You are only four weeks out from a potentially life changing event - no time at all.  Change has been thrust upon you suddenly and before you were ready for it.  If someone had warned you it was coming you could have put some measures in place, but that did not happen.  It was unexpected and caught you by surprise, like the rest of us.  Welcome to the club!

What has happened, has happened.  You can't change it, but you can change and shape the future and how you deal with it.  Change happens, just usually more gradually and you absorb it and evolve as it happens.  In this case, the change has been sudden and caught you napping.  Look forwards not back.  Learn from it, don't dwell on it.  There is much to be positive about.

Understand that your brain has undergone a major trauma so don't underestimate what happened, or its effects on your daily living.  You are back from the brink of oblivion because a surgeon was able to save you from crossing the threshold.  Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen.  Go to a local garage - there are plenty of cars there that look ok on the outside - they still look like cars -  but that are not ok because they don't run - that is car hospital!

I didn't go back to work for six months and that was too early.  You are back there already and I would say you really need more rest - four weeks is nothing and is not enough, in my opinion, to repair yourself, but you must consult with, and stay in touch with, your doctors and follow their professional advice.

Probably the two most critical organs in your body are your heart and your brain.  They are your core as far as functioning as a human being are concerned, so when they've come under attack, they need nurturing and nursing back to health not cajoling and bullying!  Fatigue, short term memory loss, headaches and nausea are common in people following SAH, so follow doctors advice and don't worry too much about that unless they become abnormal,  Hopefully they will ease in time.

Just keep in touch with your doctors and manage those issues you have as best you can until your body heals itself - over time.  Experience tells us repairs take time, they are not instant, sadly.

Are you in a position where you can re-appraise your responsibilities at home?  Your family sound great so can you call on them for a little more assistance, at least in the short term, to give you the space to get better?

It's a chance to see if you can de-clutter your lifestyle rather than plod on in the same old way!  If you do what you always did, you get what you always got - so change it if you can.  You may need to be quite ruthless about some things, but as I said earlier, you need to do what is right for you now. You've given all you can and now it's time for others to roll their sleeves up and give a little more and some respite to you.

Those are nurses?  I feel like I want to shake them by the throat!  They above all, should know better.  It is clear from what you say, they know nothing of the experience of a SAH.  If you were to go into your local supermarket and pick up a box of eggs - it looks great from the outside doesn't it? - but before you put it in your basket, you open it up and find one egg is broken and the yolk is spilling out into the box.  What do you do?  You close the box and put it back and get another box.  You don't close it and put the box in your basket and pretend nothing is wrong, do you?

That is what has happened to your brain, but you can't put the brain back and get another, it is the only one you have, so you have to repair it instead.  It takes time to do that and the repair has to be given time to set so that it is as fully functioning again as it can get!  I would say to your nurses that they should have a look around this site and understand what a brain injury really means to the patients and their families!

As for your co-workers - they are probably just ignorant of the facts as this is quite a rare event - so educate them, and keep on telling them.  Just because there is no plaster cast doesn't mean there is nothing wrong.  If they can't - or won't understand then that is their problem, not yours.  Remember colleagues are not necessarily friends and you can cut them out of your life if necessary.

You are right - you are lucky to be alive.  You were lucky to be alive before your bleed, you just didn't know it then.  Now you do!  So embrace it, look for the new opportunities that are coming your way.  They aren't always obvious but they are there if you look for them.  Every day is a bonus for you now so take advantage of it and never take life for granted.  it is what you make it - so make it good!

I wish you well,

Macca