Another Horrible Day

[Karen]

Hi to all,

Well, today has been horrible. Woke up this morning feeling dizzy and nothing unusual in that. I had been asked out for a pub lunch by a friend, which was great. Still don't get out as much as I would like to, so try to make the most of it when I can. I did nearly cancel our date as didn't feel very good at all, but thought no, I'm sure that I will feel better for making the effort.

She had very kindly offered to pick me up, which was great as I really didn't feel up to driving, even though the pub/restaurant is literally a 5 minute drive. I took my daughter with us and my friend also took her 2 girls, as they are all friends with each other. Lovely meal and great conversation, but I kept getting hot flushes. Suddenly I had a high pitched noise in my ear (which always frightens the living daylights out of me) and felt as though I was about to be sick. I sat there trying to focus on everything going on around me and trying to look and act normal. I could feel the pulsing sensation in the back of my head and I felt as though everything was in slow motion.

I didn't tell anybody that I was feeling rough and luckily managed to stay for another half an hour. (which felt like the longest half an hour I'd ever spent) At that point I really couldn't stay any longer and just made an excuse that I had to get back and tried to be as cheery as I possibly could be.

I spent the next 3 hours in bed, wrapped up in the security of my quilt and wishing that I never had to leave my bed again and wondering when this nightmare is ever going to end?

The usual tears followed once I felt slightly better. (It's been a little while now, since I felt ths bad and felt so frightened.) Sometimes, I don't think that I'm ever going to get any better and the longer it goes on, the harder it is dealing with it.

Still, tomorrow is another day and just hope it's going to be better.

Off to bed now and just hope that I get a decent night's sleep.

Karen x

[AndyH]

Sorry to hear that you have had a bad day lass.

Keep focused on the fact that it is a long time since you have felt that bad and that generally things are getting better for you. Heather still has up days and down days. On the down days my mobile never stops ringing, but thats ok I am just glad that she is here to ring me!!!

Keep your mind on the things that are going right for you.

Gotta go as work beckons me!

See ya.

Andy

[Karen]

Hi Andy,

Thanks for your reply. Well the dark cloud over me has remained today, along with most of the physical symptoms as well. Eric, is away in Jersey and will be back tomorrow. It's strange isn't it, as when I get these rough patches, he never seems to be around. I'm sure that I feel worse because he isn't here and more worried because I wonder how the kids would cope if anything did start to kick off again. Everything seems to be going wrong at the minute.

Poor Lauren (my daughter) has had to put up with a tearful, good for nothing Mother again today.................she was also in tears earlier, she hates seeing me like this. Makes me feel so guilty for putting her through this. Kids shouldn't have to deal with stuff like this.

She's gone off shopping with her mate, so I'm really hoping that she will feel all the better for it. Bless her, she's been great. I've managed to get to the shops and buy her some of her favourite chocs.

I was bought a pamper day for my Christmas pressie last year and last week I finally booked a date at the Spa for Sept 1st. We are also treating Lauren, as part of her birthday pressie, I just hope that I'm feeling up to it, really don't want to have to let her down.

Anyway, won't depress you any longer................just hope that all is going well with you and Heather.

Well, tomorrow is another day...................God, I just hope it's a better one!!

Take care,

Karen x

[Annie]

Dearest Karen,

I am so sorry to hear of your recent hard time. Please know that I am thinking of you, and I pray for more improvement for you. I think Andy's advice is good.... to look at how far you HAVE come. Look at the progress you've made. Nevertheless it is so discouraging to be feeling bad a year later, I know. Here's a hug (( ))

I do wonder if perhaps what you experienced was a migraine like you had prior to your SAH and not actually caused by SAH damage? And remember, at "our age" the migraines can be more of a problem.

I love the idea of a pamper day!! What a great gift. Hope it's wonderful.

[Karen]

Hi Annie and Andy,

Thanks for the big hug, as I certainly could do with it. I was taken into hospital on Friday, as I was experiencing the Mother of all headaches and eye pain etc., along with a load of other stuff. My Doctor was great and phoned the hospital to say that I was coming in. I came back home late yesterday afternoon (great birthday!) after begging them to let me out, I was so sad being in there (I shed so many tears, think that the other patients thought that I was a loony!). They think that my aneurysm might be leaking, so I'm booked in for a MRA scan on Tuesday. They wanted to keep me in, but said I would promise to rest up if I went home and if I felt even worse to come straight back in. My Obs were fine, same as the other bleeds, when I had normal blood pressure and pupil reactions etc. So, I'm not sure whether that's a good sign or not.

My emotions are all over the place...........so excuse my typing as I'm finding it hard to think etc.....It feels like a ****** nightmare again and have mixed feelings as to what they might find or whether i want them to find anything........probably doesn't make sense. I'm so tired at the moment and feel just like I did when I left hospital last year. I feel that something has definetly kicked off again. I don't know how I'm going to handle this, if I have to go through it all again. It's feeling very surreal and I'm hoping that I will wake up and it's all going to be a bad dream.

Lauren is so upset, bless her and I really don't want to put the family through this again. The house is a torrent of emotions.

I have a great need of feeling that everything is in order and have packed a bag for Tuesday, just in case I have to stay in hospital or earlier!

Anyway, hope all you guy's will keep posting on the board. If I do have to stay in, then hopefully Lauren will be able to post my news to you.

Love to you all and big hugs,

Karen xx

[Karen]

PS Annie......I've had to cancel the pamper day..........was so looking forward to it...............still hopefully another time!

Love Karen Xx

[AndyH]

Hi Karen,

So sorry that I havent been around for a while. The mortgage people want the full payments again and I have to work EVERY day to pay it.

The bad days will pass and life will continue. I am really upset to hear that your aneurysm may be bleeding. I hope it goes ok.

Heather has started to be really upbeat and she is taking care of her appearance again. We seem to be having a lot of movement on the recoverey front still.

If you want to contact me just send an email, I always check them whether I am at work or at home. Just not getting as much time online as I had.

Take care, all will be well.

Andy

[Annie]

Oh Karen, I'm so sorry about your trauma. I had several thoughts while I was reading your last post. First of all, what a GIFT that you have set up this gorgeous website and isn't it ironic that you might be reaping the most benefit from it for a while? Lauren, be sure to check in for Mom here daily and take messages from her to us if she wants.

I also thought that in a way it will be a good thing if they do find a leak, Karen. At least that would explain why you've had such a hard time getting to fuller recovery. If it were me, I'd be glad that there is something for them to look at, check out, and maybe attend to. I would find that a hopeful thing.

Maybe I'm weird, but there's something about being in the hospital that I find comforting. At home I feel like it's all up to me and Jack to make things better. In the hospital, I feel like it's THEIR responsibility and it's just ours to cooperate. So let them carry the burden for a while. You just lie back and have them go at it, ok? You need to LET GO of the house and family worries for a little while and just float along, letting everyone else do the work for a while.

Let God (or the "gods" or the "universe" or buddha!!!) handle things for a while. Watch the proceedings like it's a TV show and wait for the outcome. I'm sure there are some trust issues since you had such a horrible experience with your first doctor. But you and yours know now how to demand help. And now you're getting it. So you've done your part.

Breathe. Trust. Let go. Rest. We are all with you. Love,

Annie

[Karen]

Hi Annie and Andy,

Thank you for your lovely messages. They really do help such a lot. It's good here tonight....Lauren has got some mates over in the summerhouse and she's cooking pizza for them. I can hear the conversation buzzing away in the kitchen..........it feels good to be normal at the minute.

Another tired day today and some more scary head pain. In one sense, I'm looking forward to going back to hospital tomorrow. Like you say Annie, someone can look after you and you can pass your burden over to them. You summed it up beautfully and I can see why you are a writer, your words are very comforting.

Andy, really sorry to hear about the financial problems that you're having and it must all be such a worry for you. Take care of yourself. So glad that Heather has picked up, it's wonderful news!

Speak to you soon,

Love to you both, Karen x

[Karen]

Well Folks, I'm still at home. The hospital called me this morning to say that they were pondering over admitting me back to the ward or bringing me back as a day patient. They were meant to be phoning me back this afternoon, but no call came. So feeling a little despondent and wishing that I had stayed in hospital. They assured me that I would be scanned today before I left on Saturday, otherwise I wouldn't have left the bed.

I'm feeling a little better today and the pulsing/pressure feeling in my head has got better and not quite so intense. However, the fatigue has kicked in once again. I just need some peace of mind that the coils are doing the job that they're meant to.

I have lost some more weight as my appetite is nil.......perhaps I could introduce the SAH diet?? Still, there's more than enough of me to cope with that one!

Anyway, I will just wait and see what tomorrow brings........

Hope all is well.

Love Karen xx

[Karen]

Just to let you know that my scan will now be done on Monday. Wish it was sooner than that and it's taken nearly 2 days for them to come back to me. I've been told that if I deteriorate before then, to go straight to the hospital........not sure whether that reassures me or not!

Take care all,

Karen x

[Annie]

Oh these HOSPITAL PEOPLE!!! That makes me so angry. I'm sorry that they led you on a goose chase. My positive energies are flowing to you all weekend and I will pray for HELPFUL results on Monday, whatever they may be. hugs,

Annie

[Karen]

Thanks Annie for your reply. Yesterday wasn't too pleasant a day for me and even though I thought the dizziness was better in the morning, it came back with a vengeance in the afternoon. I've decided to start using the Journal/Diary on the site and keep a log as to how I feel each day.

I finally got myself off the sofa at 3.00pm yesterday and had a soak in the bath. I picked up after that and the day improved.

I know that if I don't rest up regulary during the day, then I really pay for it. Lauren has been great this week and she's looked after her old Mum really well. She's back to school next week and I shall miss her not being around during the day!

Hope that the day is kind to you,

Love Karen x