Can't believe it!

[Guest Denise]

As you may remember, I have an appointment to see my neurosurgeon on Monday, the 8th.

Well, 2 days ago the office calls to tell me that the tests I had on Dec 26 weren't enough, I need another one. It took 2 days to get them to fax a prescription to my local hospital so I can set up an appointment for the test. Cause, they will not see me on Monday without that test.

Ok, fine, now on Monday morning, we have to get to the hospital at 8:45 am, have the test that is about 45 mins. Wait for the guy to get the films, can't see the Dr without the films in hand. Once we have the film, we have to drive an hour away to the Dr's office. Don't sound too hard does it.

Well, the worse thing about this part is time. I have been sleeping until almost noon this past week or so. I dont' know why. I go to sleep my normal time at night, but 2 hours later, I wake up and lay here for hours before I can get back to sleep, sometimes it's 8 am so I sleep till noon.

But, one way or another, I can get to the hospital by 8:45 am on Monday.

Well, then today I get this call from the Dr's office at 2:30 in the afternoon: the receptionist tells me I can't come in on Monday if I dont have the films from my first Amnio test (10/25/06) at the Philly hospital. I was like what? And she said when they let me see the Dr last time I had the report but not the films and she will not see me without them this time. So, I was so upset, my head started hurting and I was shaking. The husband came in and found the number and I spoke to a girl over there and she said I never had an Amnio the first day and I said yes, I remember it well. About an hour later she calls back, she found it and will go print it out and send it over night with Fedex as long as she gets it done in time.

Meanwhile, I called Fedex about it and they said there is no over night service to my house, I said how can that be, I just had something sent from the same place a few weeks ago overnight, she said, oh well maybe our computers aren't updated. I got off the phone with her, couldn't even deal with that.

Well, the clock is going faster and faster, so I called the Dr office back and said no problem, they will be here tomorrow, so the girl said, well, do not come here Monday without them or you'll be turned away! Imagine!

I told the husband she is a freaking bulldog.

Well, at last minute the girl from Philly calls and said they are done and going out via Fedex in 10 minutes.

Oh it is so stressful. I am sure this is why my sleep pattern is so screwed up.

Here for days I thought everything was in order and right up until 5:45 on Friday evening, I am freaking out.

The husband was ready to lets take a 5 hour ride to Philly today and get the films but the girl said they close at 6 and it was already after 2:30 and they wouldn't be open until Monday morning now.

I just can't believe they waited until the last minute to say this. I mean I remember they were upset when I only had the report and not the film from the first Amnio, but they let me in to see her, and nothing more was said about it until today.

As it is, I have to be at the hospital here on Monday morning, do this test for 45 minutes, wait for the films, run to the Dr's office (an hour away) and God knows how long we have to sit there. Last time it was 3 hours!

I swear, it's like trying to get in to see Oz. Then the Dr isn't at all what you'd expect anyway. It's not like if you saw her on the street you'd be like {"oh look, a brain surgeon"}, no, matter of fact you wouldn't think much of anything.

I'm sorry, I am just so upset.

Depressed, I don't know if I am, I think not, I think I am more scared. I have pin pains and headache pains and shooting pains, stabbing pains all day in my head, and with each new pain I do wonder if this is a sign, with each feeling I've never felt before, I pause and wonder if this is the next one, the big one.

But when I am asleep, no pain, no headaches, no wondering or worries.

I'm sorry, I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, and I don't mean to. I don't want to see my husband worry about me everytime I pause or shake or put my head in my hands from the pain. The poor guy has had enough.

I know, cause I have too.

And here I am dumping this on you all, but I am sure you know what I mean and may have been through the same. If not the same situation with the Dr. at least the stress, the worry and the fears.

Hey, I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Oh, and Happy New Year everyone!

Denise

[Karen]

Hi Denise,

Really sorry to hear about the problems that you are having.

It sounds to me as though you are experiencing anxiety attacks due to the stress and worry. I know that it's not easy to stay calm, when a panicky situation takes hold. I'm still on medication (Beta blocker) for anxiety, but anxiety for me causes headaches, tension type spasms in the head, tremors.

If you are suffering bad anxiety, you really need to see your Doctor and hopefully he/she will be able to suggest something for you. Again, it seems to be quite common to suffer anxiety attacks post SAH, but you need to find a way to help keep you calm. It's a vicious circle with anxiety.... stress causes the anxiety, then the headaches start up again, which causes even more worry and sets you into panic mode as you think that the SAH is going to happen again.

Can your Husband take over from you with sorting out your medical bits and pieces? You need to be able to step back from this and have your load lightened, as your coping mechanism seems to be in overload. Lots of us post SAH, find it hard to cope, nobody should expect you to be "Superwoman" after the physical and emotional trauma that you've been through and are still going through.

Disturbed sleep patterns seem to be a common thing as well.....I still have them and I'm 18 months post SAH now......it does drive you nuts, but the more you worry about not sleeping, the more of an issue it becomes.

Try to stay calm Denise and see if you can get some help with the anxiety.

Take care and sending you a big hug,

Love K xx

[Annie]

Yes, Karen is right. AND... you never have to apologize for being stressed or scared here! We take turns.

Annie

[Guest Denise]

Thanks Karen and Annie,

I do know I am stressing and my anxiety is high even though I am already on anti depressant. My husband has been wonderful, he never had to do half the things he's doing these days, and I don't want to burden him more than I already have.

As it stands now, I did not recieve my films today, and called Fedex and the girl at the hospital didn't check the "Saturday delivery" box so it is not going to come here until Monday around 4, so I won't be able to see the Dr. at noon and who knows how long before I get a new appointment.

I sometimes think I am over anxious to see the Dr and maybe I shouldn't be? I feel like I am hoping she is going to give me many answers, but I wonder if she is only going to leave me with more questions?

How long does it take before we stop wondering if the next headache is another attack?

Yes, I do have more headaches and shakes when I am tired or stress.

Well, I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Take care.

Denise

[Karen]

Hi Denise,

I have asked quite a few questions in the past and a lot of times they haven't been able to give me the answers that I've been looking for. After suffering something so devastating, you seek answers, look for reassurance, peace of mind etc.

"Will this happen to me again?" .... the million dollar question ........ Well, I've been told that it's highly unlikely.

To be honest, it's taken me a long, long time to realise that every headache or twinge isn't the start of anything awful again ...... I got so fed up with constantly worrying about it, that I thought I would drive myself mad. I got to the point where I knew that I had to stop stressing, as it makes life miserable and let's face it, what can you do about anything that you haven't really got any control over?

Since that realisation, I've had less and less headaches and my anxiety level has decreased. It's not been easy, but time is a great healer.

Hope that you get your appointment soon Denise and that they can give you the answers that you're looking for.

Love K x

[Annie]

Same here. I was told that the chances of another SAH was practically nil. I think that in that first year especially, every twinge brings a lot of fears and questions. After that, you start to concentrate on how to improve life as it is, and less on all the scary stuff. That long slow process is emotional as well as physical. So, pat yourself on the back, Denise... you're normal!!!

xo,

Annie

[rince]

Even now going on for four years post SAH I still have times when I'm convinced that the headache I have is really a SAH all over again, same with dizzy spells. Part of the problem is that since it all happened even a small cold can knock me for six, so this time of year it can really get me down. Even tho I am convinced I'm not going to have another SAH, knowing something and feeling it are two completely different things. Although I do have to say that the "good" periods have generally caught up with the "bad"periods and now I have more of them than "bad" ones.

Last night we went as a family to a social club to watch some live music, and we all enjoyed it (although I'm not too sure about Sam my 13yr old son). That is something that even six months ago I wouldn't of looked forward to at all. So even 3 1/2 years later progress is still there, but it has slowed down quite a bit!

Scott

[Guest Denise]

Thanks again for all the reassurances. I try to tell myself that this is all normal and actually, I learned that the headaches were all part of it when I found this site. No Dr told me what to expect, and I have for the most part felt silly for always being worried. But seeing my husband worry, worries me too.

I know we both are hoping this neurosurgeon is going to put our minds to rest, actually I think we are counting on it.

Today I had a really good day, I didn't have much of a headache and even had a few hours without any pain. My head feels like a pin cushion most of the time, a pin ***** here, a pin ***** there, but today wasn't so bad. I also didn't over sleep or shake. Can't say what the difference was, but I do hope for more days like it and wish the same for everyone else too.

But I do find myself looking for signs of another attack, sometimes I think about the next one being the "big one", I just hope as you all say, that in time it will not be all I think about.

And I know it's like anything else, time will help me move on.

Wow, Scott, even 4 years later you still wonder.

Amazing, I never heard of this in my life, and now my every day is spent thinking about it.

As for tomorrow, it don't look like I am going to see the neurosurgeon, I will go for the other test, I don't know the name of it, but will find out in the morning. If by chance the films from Philly get here in time, we might get to see the Dr. Otherwise, I just have to make a new appointment. And I am ok with that.

You guys are the best. Thanks for being here.

Denise