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Hi Linzi, Welcome to BTG as you've already found out it's a great place. There is so much to be said for being around people who understand because they've been/going through it as well. Just one thing, on your details you say "near stroke" a SAH is a stroke. A haemorraghic stroke as opposed to ischemic stroke. Scott

It would naive to say that I haven't changed, the last four years of my life have been "different" compared to what went before. I have spent a lot more time with my wife and children, and that has been a revelation. Many people find that enforced time in their partner's presence leads to a break up, in ours it led to a radical rethink of our relationship. I went from breadwinner to dependant in the space of a few seconds, Sarah went from housewife to being the main wage earner. It's fair to say that our marriage has had a major overhaul! Without that remake we probably would of been headed for a divorce, but we had started making changes before my SAH so it's difficult to make guesses about where we would of been without my SAH (my best estimate is exactly where we are now). My children have probably seen the biggest change, they now have a "stay at home" dad, that can only be good for them I think. We live in a world of changing gender roles and for boys to have the roles models that Sarah and I provide can in my mind only be good for them and their future partners. I have been able to play an active role at their school, and seen the huge female basis that is there at "primary" school (nine to one female to male staff ratio and even larger "helper" ratio). I fully intend to continue even beyond my youngest son's stay at the school. Socially I am far more withdrawn, but not at the football club where I am far more active. I always personally wanted to watch more football and I do now. I am now virtually teetotal, prior to the SAH I was on a "holiday" from booze to prove to myself that I didn't need to get drunk in order to socialise (don't think tho I was a drunk I only used to indulge on a fortnightly basis and the occasional drink through work). Sarah now has a far more active social live than me! Although I was touched to see so many people at my 40th, I tend to compartmentalize (made up word) into very seperate sections and never intertwine them EVER, but for the first time ever I allowed them all to come together and was surprised by how well they all got on. Would I of continued to know all these people without my SAH? Of course I would, but I don't know where my life free of SAH would of taken me. So to sum it up, I have less money than SAH free, have a smaller social circle than SAH free, more time with my family than SAH free but would I swap my life now for a life with no SAH? You bet I would. That's not to say I am unhappy now, far from it. I am though in constant fear of dying, but I am far more aware of life and how joyous it can be. Being aware of your own mortality is not always a good thing but also it's not always a bad thing. Health wise I am now obviously far worse off than pre SAH, but I have a far healthier lifestyle, not a bad thing as I'm sure you'll all agree. If you offered me a swap with worse case senario with no SAH then I would probably pause for thought, but offer me going back to the day of my SAH and the hemorrhage going away I would take your arm off! I am not unhappy, in fact I am very happy at times but that doesn't change the fact that I am not a "well" man. I am a realist and know I am lucky to be alive, but also I can see other who have been through the same as me and not had the problems I have had and am a little jealous. But I am not bitter (at least 23 1/2 hours a day I'm not) and I accept who I am NOW and that is something I couldn't say pre SAH. Scott

There are lots of reasons why we should all be aware of the risks involved with everyday items that we can buy in any chemist or supermarket. Just because an item hasn't been "banned" doesn't mean there is no risk in using it, do you read the multipage leaflet with everything you use? I know of quite a few over the counter drugs that we should avoid due to SAH. Phenylpropanolamine which used to be a common component of cold and flu remedies has been "proven" to cause SAH in people but in the UK we were slow to ban this substance (if you are female and had your SAH over four years ago have you been told this?). Bonjela is not allowed if you've had a "cerebral haemorraghe" and ibuprofen can dramatically increase your BP. Only now are we clamping down on smoking which we all know does and will kill you, alchol is also "clinically" bad for you. Where do we draw the line? Do we allow all or none, do we legalise heroin or ban Carling Black Label? Over dramatic? Ask yourself if tobbaco, alchol, cannabis etc were all new to the market which would get a licence as "fit for sale" today? Scott

Andy don't beat yourself up about it, I don't know how I would react in your position but it would probably be exactly the same. You are allowed to have your own emotions and you don't have to be a saint all the time. Scott

Welcome Harvey, Don't worry about us as you'll find out we SAHer's have a low boredom threshold anyway!! Welcome to the "family". You couldn't of been in a better place than the Wessex Neuro, that's where I was moved to from Basingstoke A&E. In fact now I have been treated on every floor of that particular establishment! Again welcome, and I look forward to hearing more from you. Scott

Another thing is that only being a few months in your body needs lots of sleep!

It doesn't help when you are constantly questioning yourself about your need to be "safe". I'm four years on and although I know that I'm not going to have another SAH it doesn't stop me from panicing every time I have a dizzy spell. I'm afraid that it's something we all have to come to terms with in our own ways and everyone will have differing rates of success. Just the knowledge of other people out there who've been through the same thing used to help me, this site has so many examples of those who've come through SAH and "lived" to tell their tale.

Wendy, keep going we all have to face upto what we've through no matter how painful. It's one of the first steps on the road to regaining some sort of life. Scott

She looks very much like Tabitha or some other TV witch! Scott

I've learnt to ignore the voice in the back of my head telling me what "other" people think. It used to be a major concern as it got so bad even I was convinced other people thought I was a "faker", but I know what I feel and what I can and can't do. The people close to me know, the people whose opinions I care about know. Anyone who wants to think I over play things then that's their right, and the more I attempt the more people like that I'm going to come into contact with. Just worry about how you feel and what you feel comfortable with, slowly over time that will increase more and more. Scott

Debbie, Don't get too hung up on getting back to "before", we can never recapture the past even without the added complication of SAH. I'd like to be 17 again but it's not going to happen! We are all different people, no matter what "brain damage" we might of suffered but that doesn't mean we can't recapture the enjoyment factor of others. We've got accept the person we are now.......... Scott

I'll never forget the look of blind panic on her face when I asked that question and repeated that the SAH had left me with no sense of smell! Cruel I know but we have to take what small pleasures we can

Nah.... they assured me that on some level I would still benefit, although they couldn't tell me how. I would of thought that either it would work like for everyone else or it wouldn't work at all but I was told that it wouldn't "work as well as anyone, but you should notice a difference....". Was the end of what could of been a beautiful relationship between me and aromatherapy! Scott

Even stranger was the reply to my question about aroma therapy, given that I have no sense of smell........ I won't tell you what they said I'll let you guess first! Scott

I also had the pleasure of meeting Alison, and the meet up that she suggests sounds like an excellent idea. Scott

We had an "alternative" therapy talk at one of the SAH Support groups in Southampton and we were assured that as long as the person giving the massage was aware of our medical history it would be OK. Even Indian head massage was OK (although I can't believe that anyone who's been through brain surgery wanting that!). Oh and also make sure that the therapist is registered, although I can't remember who they have to be registered with!! Could be CORGI for all I know......... Scott

Hiya Julie, Welcome to BTG!! Scott

Photos can be misleading.....who would of thought from mine that I'm an over weight middle aged man rather than a Brad Pitt look a like? Scott

Sorry didn't mean to sound down about it, but I was told that it would take 18 months or so to make a full recovery. Further than that down the line I'm still not anywhere near making what I would term as a "full" recovery. I'm not down or depressed about that, but I would of liked to of known that I wasn't unusual in that regard. What this site has done is made me feel better about myself as I know that what I feel every day is not unusual! Another small thing is that you report making small gains all the time, which mirrors my own experience. I was also told that "all the recovery is done in the first year post SAH" which as we all know is not the case. We suffer from info overload a lot of the time, and if you're anything like me it doesn't all sink in. Which makes it the more important to make sure all the information we're given is true. I also am aware that all of us who have had "coiling" are medical guinea pigs! All the more reason for the medical community to get our feedback on our recovery!!! There are very few sites around that get anywhere near the level of this particular one which makes it a VERY important resourse post SAH which ALL patients and their families should be made aware of. Cheers Scott

"gorged myself on all the posts" probably the best thing I've heard in a long time !!! Scott

I think that the majority of us all have to learn that we will NOT be the same as we were before SAH. The medical proffesionals have got to learn to tell us that when they speak about "full recovery" most of us feel that we haven't made anywhere near that. Scott

Glen, One of my friends has had a metal plate put over a "dent" in his skull. He looks like a "new" man and his self confidence has returned a huge amount, he can even be seen walking around without a hat on! Good luck Scott

Hi, Even four years in I get scared by some of the strange sensations I experience now! People can tell me tell their blue in the face that I'm bound to have aches and pains and "stuff" but they're not in my head when I get them. I can go for weeks now and feel OK but as I've said elsewhere it all hits me in the face and I can't even continue my version of a "normal" life for days/weeks. Scott

I watched a program where JKyle was mentioned as probably the most arrogant man alive, foul mouthed as well!

Hi and welcome....... Strange that you say you've become more laid back about everything because that's exactly how I feel I've become......Others tho tell me a different story. Apparently I've become a lot less tolerant of all sorts of things even tho I don't think so. Still don't worry about "stuff" you can express yourself to your hearts content on here! Scott