Oh Gem, I cannot express how sorry I am for your loss and under these awful circumstances. I sincerely hope that you manage to give your beloved dad a good send off in the weeks to come. Thinking of you all at this time. Much love and many hugs xx

Matt, no one here thinks for one minute that you trivialising SAH. When I joined all I was looking for is affirmation that the emotions I had were normal / usual after something like this happening. The very fact that you are struggling means that this is not a trivial matter for you at all. Every one of us here came here for help and understanding, no matter what aftermath we were and are going through. There is a wealth of experience and understanding on here and that's what you may need to get you through the next few months.

I'm OK to continue at the moment Karen - will let you know if anything changes x

Hi Matt I completely understand what you're saying. I felt EXACTLY the same when I joined BTG. I had two aneurysms - 1 burst, 1 not - overall not a serious bleed. I have 9 coils split between both. I has my SAH early hours of the Friday morning, operated on Saturday and out of hospital on the Tuesday. I was back at work three weeks later (own business with hubby could sleep when I needed). I had no physical limitations other than tiredness. I now work 37 hours a week in a very busy school office and have worked full time since a year after my SAH. However, you are no more a fraud than I or anyone else here. You had a bleed - the hows, wheres and whys do not matter - it happened and its very hard to come to terms with. I was angry, frustrated and very scared for the first couple of years. The first anni-versary was the scariest - the irrational part of my brain told me that it was bound to happen again on that very same day. I went to hell and back that first year - my emotions were all over the place, I went from the heights of happiness to the depths of depression. I truly thought I was going crazy - it was the scariest time of my life. I lost who I was, what I did and how I felt - I lost me! The best advice is to let time heal, slowly accept your new limitations - the "new" you. I know that I actually prefer the "new" me - I don't sweat the small stuff anymore, I feel I'm more compassionate (maybe not more patient though!). It can be a long road to recovery (and I always say this) but you can take as many pit stops along the way as you like. You'll always find one of us here at each pit stop you make. Feel free to rant, rave, laugh, cry, shout and scream - there will be someone here who knows how you feel at each stop along your journey. Stay positive, look after you first and foremost and rest when your body tells you to!

Well done Diane - that's fantastic xx

Its perfectly normal for it to pop into your head. It'd be the same, I guess, if you had a really good experience about something; the memory would keep popping into your head. Unfortunately, this is something we'd rather didn't keep doing so. My therapist told me to let the "video" in my head run a little longer each time it appears - when I can watch the whole thing without trying to distract myself then I'm on the way to recovery mentally. My hubby had a very serious motorbike accident 4 1/2 years ago and I had to identify him before they could operate - I still have that memory pop into my head now - walking through A&E and seeing him unconscious in a bed (not a mark on his face) and saying "yes, that's him". Every time that thought popped in there I had a panic attack. My hubby's brain specialist put my in touch with CBT practitioner and he talked me through everything - it was brilliant, now I can "watch" that memory without the panic attack. Stay positive - it will get better hun x

Hey there I did this for ages after mine. It dominated my every waking thought. It does get easier and you do get to a point where you don't think about it so much and then one day, you'll realise that you've not thought about it that much for weeks. Don't get me wrong, it's always there in your mind but it doesn't dominate quite so much.

If you use ebay type in V Shaped pillow and cover - not sure how much they'll be where you are but in England they're about £6 x

Hi Diane I completely echo everything that has been said. One of the first things I did when I came of my meds was drink! Not so much during the week as I was working, but Friday and Saturday nights, Sunday lunch times - it was getting out of hand and the worse part about it, the more I drank, the worse I felt. I had that open and honest conversation with my GP and was referred for counselling - after the GP pointed out that alcohol is a depressant, so instead of making me feel better, it was making me feel worse. At the time, when you're drunk, you don't feel or believe that, but the day after, oh yeah - left feeling 100 times worse than the day before. The best thing I ever did was see a counsellor - like Karen said, this might not be for you and, like Chelle, I was diagnosed with PTSD. Please make that call to see you Doctor and talk through the options. You've taken the biggest step towards help by being open and honest on here with us. I know it's different as we're all strangers and you're not face to face, but it still took courage to share. Be brave again, and speak to someone. We'll all be here for you every step of the way with all the advice and experience we can provide. Take care of you - you must be your number one priority xxxx

Hey there - have you tried a V pillow?? I've had several since my SAH and they certainly help with the head at night - I take mine everywhere when I'm staying somewhere overnight.

Hey Sallios Don't worry, you haven't posted anything inappropriate. Looking at posts that need moderating, I can't see anything from you waiting. It may be that you hadn't clicked on "submit reply" before posting another response. We know you appreciate the answers and advice, so don't panic

Hey there After my SAH I went through exactly the same things as you're going through now. I was depressed because I couldn't do all the things I could do before - also ran (and still do) a business with my husband - now I also work full time in a very busy school office. I'm in 14 years post SAH in August. I also found that when I was feeling so low, my immune system went to pot and I got more coughs and colds in the first year after than I'd had in the previous decade. Coughing now still gives me headache and its the worst part of having a bug. The biggest battle you'll face right now, beside the fear, is letting go of the old you and accepting the new you. You may have limitations that you didn't have before and it's probably driving you mad, which isn't helping with your state of mind. Don't be offended by someone asking if you're Ok to use something that could potentially hurt you - my husband ran my baths for me for over a year as I couldn't gauge the temperature of the water very well and could have easily got into a scalding hot bath. I have the privilege of seeing this from both sides - my husband had a motorcycle accident 4 1/2 years ago that left him with a mild brain injury. He was very active before - played football 4 times a week, was always pottering around doing something. After he, like you, did nothing but sit and watch the TV for months. I was the same as your mum and wouldn't let him do anything that involved using anything like the kettle, the oven etc - not only in case he hurt himself but also in case he forgot he'd put them on. She's worried that's all - show her you can use it. Get out of the chair and go and put it on! Be kind to yourself, you (and all of us on here) have had a near death experience that will have an effect on us no matter how severe the bleed. Someone once said to me "Only you can let you be depressed" - someone on here described him as my living angel - ironically enough he passed last year from a brain bleed. Continue to "make" yourself get up and do something - make the walk a little longer each day, for instance. Fresh air and exercise will help keep you healthy and help your body fight off infection. Put the coffee machine on before anyone else does or asks. Take back a little bit of your independence each day, there's only you that can do it. If the feeling down continues, make an appointment to see your GP and asked to be referred to a therapist. I did, and it was the best thing I ever did. I'd go so far to say that the therapist and this site went a very a long way to saving my sanity and my life.

Good evening Greg I'm glad that you know and feel that you can still pour it all out on here - it is cathartic and it does help a great deal. The only advice I can give is to take it a step at a time. Don't try to do everything all at once. You say you can't listen to music anymore - is this when you're fatigued or in general. Try to order things to see if one thing has an affect on another. That is to say, don't try to listen to music after a particularly hard or long day. Listen to music when relaxing, laying or sitting down. When volunteering - where is it and for how long at a time? Is there a quieter place you can volunteer for shorter lengths of time? If so, try them and build slowly to longer periods in busier environments. Doing too much too soon and all at once will give you sensory and physical overload. Take tiny steps - the journey may be longer but the destination is still the same. At the same time, please do not feel guilty for not being able to do all the things you want to do all at once. One thing at a time - old cliches - Rome wasn't built in a day; build a wall one brick at a time etc. Steady pace and rest when needed - and make sure you're getting enough fluids - even at this stage in your recovery! I'm 14 years in this year and I certainly know about it if I've not had enough water. All the best and take care of you,otherwise you can't take of anyone else xx

Hi Tim Post your story in the "Introduce yourself" forum and you'll find you get a lot more responses. If you give us your story, details, circumstances etc, we can reply to your situation directly and it helps you to find help and support directed at you. Welcome to the family and feel free to ask anything you need - although we cannot give you medical advice as none of us are medically trained.

Hi Sarah Sounds like a good option to take to me. I asked my consultant what the odds of my brain bleeding again were - he said 1% - 2% the same as anyone on the street. I asked him what the odds of my brain bleeding again were if I carried on smoking and he said 3% - I'm still here (the lower odds in my favour) and I haven't cut down smoking let alone stopped - and I'm still here (higher odds in my favour). Definitely get any confusion with scans cleared up and then enjoy life knowing that the odds are no different to someone who has never had a bleed.