Ann

18 months post SAH I was at last feeling as though I was nearly better. I got the chance to do some temping work, 5 hours a day or thereabouts. I decided I could do it so long as I did nothing else apart from work and that seemed to be ok. Initially it was just for a week but it went on longer and after about 6 weeks I suppose I was doing extra things around the house etc and I reached a point where I could not function any longer. I got a terrible headache, stiff neck, pains in my eye, dreadful fatigue, all the symptoms that I had had for many months after SAH but had, I thought, gone away. I was sent home and spent the next 4 or 5 days in bed with the symptoms continuing. Now 10 days later I still get the same symptoms as soon as I exert myself again. It has frightened and disappointed me, I really thought I would be able to cope and for the first few weeks was really proud of my achievements. It has left me feeling a real failure and don't suppose I will be asked back to work there again in a hurry as I let them down(it is somewhere I loved working in the past). Has anyone else suffered a major setback like this so long after SAH when recovery was going really well? It has really set me back to where I was a year or more ago. I think everyone just thought I couldn't handle the work and got stressed but that was totally inaccurate as I was doing a really good job and enjoying it. Ann

Hi Sandie and welcome. Oh how familiar your words are!! One step forward and two back, losing temper, poor sleep patterns, struggling for words mid sentence, getting very tired just having to hold conversations, feeling like a fraud because we look OK, thinking you can buck the trend and get better quicker than anyone says, dreadful fatigue etc etc, the list goes on. You have said oh so eloquently what I used to try to say a year ago when I was at the same stage as you. As others have said we are all different but there are also so many similarities too. On a more positive note, it gets better, honestly. I am now 18 months post SAH and the past 3 months have been so very different than the previous 15. Hope you feel the same in 12 months time even though that may seem like a lifetime away at the moment. None of us are patient enough I suppose, we want to run before we can walk. Hope to hear more from you Ann

Hi Debbie Welcome to the site which will prove invaluable. Ann

And yet another welcome from me too. You are now amongst people who really understand how you are feeling, I have found this site such a support over the last 18 months or so, everyone is so helpful and non judgemental about everything and everybody. All of us are recovering from SAH at some stage or another and there is always someone who has had the same feelings or difficulties. Friends and family are superb but must sometimes find it very difficult to really comprehend recovery from SAH as it seems so different in all of us. Welcome and best wishes Ann

Hi Bobby Welcome to the site, you will be glad you found it. I had the same type of SAH as you have apparently had, usually called perimesencephalic because of the particular pattern of bleeding and there is no aneurysm found. We are the lucky ones in that no surgery was needed and the final recovery is usually complete although the recovery time and pattern is often the same as other SAH's. On the other hand we are left wondering why it happened and there are no answers forthcoming, plus the after care is even more abysmal than the follow up for all SAH's.Also I felt a fraud at times as there were no outward signs that anything had happened to me so why was I feeling so helpless!?I had mine in January 2008 whilst on holiday in Majorca and spent 8 days in intensive care followed by time on a normal ward, I flew home after 16 days in hospital, flying is fine at that stage so long as your blood pressure is under control I was told, so feel sure you will be fine to have a RESTFUL holiday AFTER seeing your GP but do not run before you can walk. Recovery can be long and frustrating and you may take one step forward and then 2 back along the way. Headaches, neck ache and fatigue can be debilitating at times especially when tired.Thankfully we are at no greater risk of having a further SAH than anyone else in the population although at times you may still worry about that, I know I did. Keep those golf clubs, you WILL def need them again. I was allowed to drive after about 10 weeks but did not go far at all for a few months as I was too tired. We are all different and recover at different stages and times though, in our case (no aneurysm)we have to inform DVLA but just need to send them a doctors letter to say we are fit to drive again and they will then agree, there is no need to surrender your licence. Funny you were in the QE Birmingham, my daughter is a doctor on the liver unit there, the largest liver unit in Europe. She sometimes does nigh shifts on the Medical Assessment Unit too if you went through there? Anyway, I have rambled on as there are only a few of us non aneurysm folk on here, good luck, sure we will talk again. I was happy to hear from the other non aneurysm people when I first came on here as there is so little information specifically for us.Try to be patient and just go with the flow, listen to your body, people kept telling me that but I got impatient but I know now that it is important advice.18 months on I am still getting stronger and better even now. Concentration is now nearly back to normal and neck aches only when I am tired. Message me any time if you need to. All the best Ann

Hi Michelle and welcome. You will be glad you found this site. It helps us all to realise we are "not the only one" experiencing these post SAH feelings and problems. Ann

Hi Karen, I too thought I had responded but it seems not. I was 51 when I had my SAH with no aneurysm found. I have two children. The blood was in the prepontine and interpenduncular cisterns. Best wishes Ann

Wow Andy and Heather, you made a fantastic job of this and I am so glad it is on the NHS web site. What a fantastic couple you are, you both come over so well (and so happy and natural)on screen. You are an inspiration Andy, as a husband, as a non judgemental person and also as a carer. Very well done. Ann

Well done Laura, that is a great start, you have made one decision that you know is right for you and that is good. Just deciding not to go to the interview and knowing you are not ready for going back to teaching yet shows great insight. I went back to teaching too early 5 years ago after a very serious illness and it destroyed all my confidence because I was no longer great at the job I was once so good at because I was not well enough to do it properly.It is easy for me to see that now but at the time I just thought I was useless.I am glad you are not going to go down the same route at the moment. It is horrible when you have trained fro something and you know you are good at it to then find yourself unable to actually do it well it at a given time, it does not mean you will always feel like this. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you still and may find that at the moment you may be happy doing an undemanding job that simply puts food on the table. A friend of mine had his own very stressful business for many years and after an illness he decide to become a postman to pay the bills,get fit and also to avoid stress.10 years later he is the happiest man I know, still a postman, he cannot believe that he ever felt he needed any mental/academic fulfilment from work. He is not too tired to do his hobbies which now give him the fulfilment he got from his previous job.He is not the only one either, another friend who had a stroke was a teacher but now works on the tills in Waitrose and adores it I have gone on a bit here I know but we all at times feel defined by WHAT WE DO instead of WHO WE ARE. "What do you do?" is often the first thing people ask when meeting new people, it is a question I now avoid asking and my response when people ask it of me is "enjoy life!"

Hi Laura I feel for you and can tell how stressed you are. Stress, indecision and unhappiness can make you just as tired as mental and physical work. The demands in a private school (I have taught in both) are quite different to the state sector but can still be challenging, on the whole I would say it was less stressful in the classroom but some private schools demand their pound of flesh with a lot of open days for prospective parents etc and more reports and consultation evenings.Paperwork/planning seems to be similar nowadays.Also in the current economic climate pupil numbers are falling and this is putting pressure on some private schools to work harder to maintain pupils.Terms tend to be MUCH shorter though!!! A massive bonus as it not only means more time off but cheaper times to go on holiday. Of course you already know all this, you are just feeling unhappy and torn. Worrying about the adoption process can't be helping either,plus the extension, you have so much on your plate it is no wonder you are feeling as you do. As others have said, money is not the be all and end all but of course we have to pay the bills and if you are struggling to make ends meet you will get even more stressed. No one can make the decision for you and if you make the wrong one it is not the end of the world, as long as you admit after a trial that it is not right for you and try something else again. Try to spend a day in the school and see how you fit in, it always helps. Aorry I can't be more constructive!! Best of luck Ann

Welcome Melissa Good you have found this site for support. Totally understand where you are coming from, I am 16 months post SAH, still do not feel I am "ME" whoever she may have been!! Still get terrible tiredness, still improving though even at this stage.Like you, my doctor tells me symptoms are not SAH related and that I should be recovered but I disagree with him. I KNOW that they are SAH related and you probably do too. Having a young child can only add to your tiredness too, hang on in there, things will improve further I feel sure. Everyone on here understands that we are all different and we all recover at different rates but one thing we nearly all do agree on is the tiredness issue so it must be pretty relevant to our recovery despite what medics try to tell us. Good luck Ann

Hi Karen Hope it all works out for you. It really gave me food for thought though because for weeks before my SAH I had been complaining about pulsating in my ear and kept saying that it felt as though my head needed to explode through my ear (very basic language I know!) I had no idea till I read your entry that the two things were even related! I have never been asked at any point about the time leading up to my SAH. It all seems obvious now in retrospect but I had never linked the two. Thank you for that insight Ann

Hi Jacquie Welcome, sorry I have not been on for a few days so a belated welcome! I am like you, SAH with no aneurysm found. Mine was in January 2008 and things have improved tremendously over the past year. We are the lucky ones as the final outcome is the best scenario although the recovery is similar whatever the cause I am led to believe.We still get the dreaded fatigue, headaches, neck ache etc etc. And as we have had no surgery it is sometimes really difficult for anyone to understand why we are struggling and recovering from something that no one, not even us, can see. Anyway, Good luck with the MRI, it is good that they are doing one, I had one at about 2 months and another recently just to rule out totally that anything had been missed, when there was no aneurysm found they like to be sure. The road to recovery is never as simple as it may at first seem so do not push yourself, listen to your body, I thought I could beat it and would recover quickly if I pushed hard enough, it does not work like that! Any questions (although everyone recovers at a different rate) do not hesitate to PM me at any time. I found it hard to get info on non aneurysm SAH but think I have found all I need to know now and 13 months on know there is light at the end of the tunnel (although I still get stuck in the tunnel at times!!) Talk to you soon Ann

You so deserve to hear those words! Lets hope this is the start of good things to come. A fabulous event. Good luck for the future. Ann

Welcome Debbie Glad you are finding the site useful. If you need an answer to a question, if you need a moan, if you need support then you can find it here. Ann

Hi CAroline Like everyone else says, you would not be questioning it if you were still enjoying it. I too worked in education but after a major illness (not my SAH, another serious one!!!) 5 years ago I also went back to work with great expectations and then found that my heart was no longer in it and just spent most days wishing they were over and I could go home to bed, I lasted about 4 months and resigned, best thing I ever did. Since my SAH almost a year ago I have often wondered how I would have coped with the thought of returning to a stressful (but enjoyable) job in education and I know that I definitely would still not be able to cope with a return to teaching of any kind right now. Go with your instincts like Karen says, I was stupid, I returned to work far too early last time and really should have gone for ill health retirement as I was seriously unwell but silly me just resigned as I wanted it all to be over and done with and to get out of there. As to what else you can do, I became involved as a volunteer with a charity, this eventually led to part time paid employment on a temping basis at the charity, which I adored, but have not been well enough to return to yet except as a volunteer. Good luck with your decision. Ann

Hi Barbara Just re read my earlier posting and it seems to end on a very negative note! I did not mean it to, apologies! Yes, as everyone has said, it does get better, what I really meant was that at times it is one step forward and then one back and that it can be a frustrating time. 11 months on the improvement is great compared to early days. Ann

Hi Barbara Welcome to the site and to a future of support and friendship. I too had an aneurysm with no known cause in January of this year, there are about half a dozen of us on here with no aneurysm. Apparently it is the best scenario with the best results in long term recovery although at times it does not feel like it! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or just want to chat to someone with the same diagnosis. Like others have said, rest and listen to your body, I felt sure that I would recover really quickly because after all we have had no surgery and to all intents and purposes look fine, I was proved wrong, recovery can be just as long and unpredictable unfortunately. Talk to you soon Ann

Hi Terry A huge welcome to you.So glad you have found this wonderful support network. You have had a really tough time and like others say may be suffering post traumatic stress disorders, the death of a parent is another major event for you to cope with too. Don't be hard on yourself, we all understand exactly where you are coming from. Yesterdays events, trying to do something and not coping then getting really upset, fatigued and frustrated seem par for the course, along with the dreaded headache of course, mustn't forget that!.When I read that sentence of yours about opening the Christmas decorations it made me smile as it is exactly the same thing that happens to many of us.I know it is nothing to smile about but you know what I mean, lots of us have exactly the same difficulties and sometimes it is good to know that we are not alone in our experiences. Getting decent follow up advice and treatment seems to be a huge problem for most SAH'ers all around the world! Seems the medics know what to do initially then discard us when we are partially fixed. This site seems to be the best place to find out about recovery, people have "been there, done that and got the T shirt" so to speak.I have found it a huge source of information ,inspiration, support and advice and I am sure you will too.There is always someone around who can empathise, sympathise or even just read what you have to say and respond to let you know they are there for you. Look forward to hearing more from you Terry. Regards Ann

Great to see you are able to return to work. Take it easy though, don't underestimate how much it will take out of you.Rest when you can. Good luck Ann

Welcome Helen You will find lots of friendship and support here if you need it Ann

All the best Lucie, enjoyed the story, you were/are so young!I have a daughter your age and would be so scared if that happened to her. At least you were close to Hope Hospital which is a centre of excellence for SAH. Really well done on being able to return to your degree so quickly and all the best Thanks for e mailing the story Ann

Hi Prue I have been looking back in my diary and at 7 weeks I was trying to do too much and had a major setback. I thought I would get better very quickly and was determined to do so. Mine happened on holiday in Majorca and I was in hospital there for 2 weeks then flew home. I was so relieved to be home that I wanted to do things around the house etc and return to normal.I went for walks every day and tried to go further each day, but on more than one occassion my elderly neighbour saw me from his window and escorted me home as I could not walk another step, however hard I tried.I just had to sit down on the pavement then I couldn't get up again!!!! Afetr 3 months I started to show a big improvement but then at about 6 months I seemed to hit a plateau and have not improved much since. I must add that we are all very different and recover at different rates and I am only saying how I was because you asked that question directly, not as a comparison.I had major surgery after another life threatening illness 5 years ago and because I beat that and made myself recover quickly I thought I could do it again after SAH but I was wrong. I seem to have no control over recovery this time, my body or rather my brain, is definitely in charge and sets the pace. I still get very tired, I have been volunteering as telephonist athe Hospice this afternoon and now I am fit for nothing this evening, I find it difficult to find the right words and even to speak when I get too tired! Just recover slowly, winter is a dreary time at the best of times, listen to your body, don't feel you HAVE to do anything, just do what you feel you can do, however frustrating it may be. All the best, I enjoy reading your contributions to the site. Ann

Hi Prue You are doing fabulously well at 7 weeks. Just using the internet is very tiring don't forget, especially if it is a new skill that you have learnt. Concentrating can be very wearing. I do a volunteer role which has an element of listening and I still find that listening carefully and intently totally wears me out, as does researching things on the internet. Like you, I think most of us feel that we take one step forwards and two back at times and it can be very frustrating. Like everyone says, listen to your body and rest, both physically and mentally. I know it is easier said than done when you are such an active person but otherwise you will be left with no option because if you get overtired your body and mind will not allow you to carry on, it will make you stop. Very clever mechanism really I suppose. Remember, you are a star, your progress is amazing. Poor hubby is probably secretly delighted that he can no longer get on the computer because he wil be very proud that you have learnt a new skill whilst in early stages of recovery! I have said the same as you a number of times about all SAH'ers should be given this web address on leaving hospital, it is definitely the best source of information around. Good luck with the eye Ann

Hi Karen I am 10 months post SAH and the fatigue got gradually better untill the 6th month then I hit a plateau which I have not moved on from. Prior to SAH I could walk 3 or 4 kilometres followed by a 100 length swim then go to work in the afternoon and out in the evening. Now I cannot do any of those things on their own in one day. I can now EITHER go for a short swim, about 15 lengths, or a short walk, or half a days work or do the food shop but when I try to do more than one thing in a day I can't do anything for the next day or 2.Even if I do half a days work I can't do it 5 days a week, only 2 or 3 half days. All I want to know from medics is is this the new me I have to accept or will it improve. Thanks for running this mini survey! Ann