Carer needs advice

[Guest s_dort]

My boyfriend of almost 3 yrs. had an anny in the circle of Willis 12 yrs ago Oct. 30th. When it happened they gave him 5 yrs to live. 10 yrs. If he quit smoking and drinking, Didn't happen. He has high blood pressure and since the anny has had severe headaches. For five years now, he has been on several different pain meds. with nothing giving him relief. He usually takes enough of it to put him completely out of it so he doesn't feel the pain.

For the last 3 yrs I have watched him have seizures, mini strokes, and depression. Is anyone else going through the same things caring for their better half? Every time I come here he has a fit. Not wanting me to be here it seems. He says he doesn't want me to be scared but I'm scared without anyone like us to talk to.

It seems everytime I try to get advice from his docs or websites I'm stopped in my tracks because no one knows what to say or they're not in our position. He's basically been told he's terminal and has no hope of recovery. He will pass away from renal failure due to meds, or a stroke. Which he has had many lately. I'm having a hard time dealing with him on the meds as he is impossible to manage. So, he stops taking them for awhile and doctor day comes once a month, so we're back to taking the opiods again. Grrrrr....No relief.

Does anyone else have a problem with the meds? It seems all these doctors want to do is "keep him comfortable" which is bull in my eyes. There is a pain clinic epidemic here and everyone in this town is on the SAME meds as him and they never had an anny. So I'm dealing with two problems. Drug addiction and the need for pain relief. He doesn't take the meds the usual way either and that bothers me. He says he does it that way to cut down on the liver and kidney damage. What?

The rest of the problems I can handle. The short term memory, the strokes, the high blood pressure, I've tried massage, but most of the time he doesn't want to be touched. He has a steel plate in his head and now there is calcium buildup on the screws which is also causing pain. As well as the screws actually coming loose!! No not a joke. I wish I had someone in his situation to talk to. Someone with the steel plate. He says he is one of the few survivors of this type of anny. Are there any of you out there? He still tries to work which makes his pain worse which makes him take more meds which makes him lose his jobs. I'm fed up with the circle jerk of it all and need someone to talk to before I lose my mind! I'm not sure I want to marry someone that has this many problems and can't go a day without being on something. (alchohol, pot, etc) but I love him and don't want to leave him. Please help

Stuck in that middle between love and hate.

[paul99]

hi sweetheart

im sorry to read your going through the mill and such a roller coaster .

may i ask where which part of the circle of willis did he suffer a sah it would help if you could tell us many people sometime's do suffer seizures post sah and are controlled by some drugs also the headaches also relate to the area of the bleed as certain area's of the brain have a duty so to speak

its a pity he couldnt give up smoking and drinking the symptoms you have describe i think need looking into by another dr who hasnt seen your boyfriend the mini strokes should have been picked up by the dr and reffered to a clincition to investigate the cause and reason as to why they are occuring this is abnormal

the high blood pressure is sometimes a common as well

i dont think he is having fits because you go to see him it could be because he is pleased to see you and his blood pressure goes up lol

reading stuff on the web can be a godsend but also it can mislead you and cause major panic

i think you need to talk to a neuro psychologist at the hospital he was treated at or get him re admitted to be checked out fully talk to the dr who comes to see him and tell everything dont hold back it sounds as if he has given up and needs help to control his medication and get help in trying to help him recover you havent said how old he is ? your posting has so many questions and such a complexed situation please ask for him to be admitted and helped out its a pity your in the states and not in the uk i think he needs to be educated and given support to help in recovery there is so much to take in and for you sticking by him he is a very lucky man please remember we are here to support each other take care and try to get him into hospital hugs and cuddles from this side of the pond

Edited September 30, 2009 by paul99
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[Karen]

Hi and welcome to BTG,

Sorry, but what type of aneurysm does your partner have? .... I haven't been told that any aneurysm is different or more life threatening than another aneurysm, especially once it's been fixed with surgery? .... I've not ever known a SAH'er to be diagnosed as being terminal ..... but am presuming that your partner has had surgery to correct the problem with the aneurysm?

xx