BSA Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Hey everyone, So on 02/03/2012 I had a brain haemorrhage due to an AVM in brain (which I had no idea about). It was too deep inside my brain to operate on without causing some serious damage, so later I discovered they could do gamma knife surgery so the veins will swell up over 2-5 years. I was in the second year of university at the time and I've repeated it since with my marks intact. Now exams are coming up and I'm not sure if I'm ready. But it's been a whole year since it happened so I don't know if I'm being lazy/a wuss or I still can't go back. Also the problem is that even if I repeat again there's no telling if I will be able to go back after another year. So, what's you're opinion on the subject? Also if you could tell me what your recovery times have been like then that would be great. Quote
Daffodil Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 So you passed a year at the weekend. That must have felt good. I am at a similar stage to you, my SAH 1 st year is coming up end of the week but I am yet to return to work. The honest answer is We are all different in our recovery rate and I'm sure the size and location of the bleed, what kind of surgery and the treatment we receive all create a unique formula for each of us. We're they able to help with your AVM bleed or are they waiting to do something.how are you feeling in yourself? To be back at university is amazing but I imagine very hard, it's not surprising you are unsure right now. My greatest challenge now I have regained much of my memory and mobility is concentration levels, if youre the same that would make assignments challenging. It's something I'm working on improving just like I did for my stamina levels. Are you getting help back at University,they can offer some I am sure. Also have you talked about your bleed to anyone? Its good to want to get on an resume your life but it's important to face up to the fear and uncertainty that this kind of illness brings to all of us. I'm sure others will be able to give more advice. Quote
Anya Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Hi there! Please seek urgent advice from your Student Advisor and request some support right away, to help with your morale. Have you had counselling? If not, perhaps you could now or save it for a time in the holidays. Meantime can you find a ‘study buddy’ or a team of them to help you keep focused and motivated? I understand lectures will be finishing shortly and then its a process of lengthy exhausting cramming for exams, which carry the bulk of the marks. My daughter is finishing her degree soon and it's quite shocking how speedy exams come around. Keep a cool head and a focused mind. You are neither lazy or a wuss! It's unfortunate that a brain bleed will affect motivation and focus. Having a mountain of cramming ahead of you will be daunting but do not despair! Are you exhausted or panicking? If so, then a quick trip to the docs would be a good move too! Talk about it with your peers, friends, parents, anyone who will have a positive influence. & Good Luck! Quote
BSA Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Hey thanks for the replies , They've used radiation to seal up the AVM over 5 years, but they couldn't do anything about the bleed. As for how I feel in myself I feel cheated and it's all really coming around that these are problems that I'll have for the rest of my life. I know that I can work around them if I work hard enough, but I think the worst part is I have a lot of resentment, and there isn't anyone to blame, it's just crappy luck, Same for me, my concentration is hard, even when I'm writing this I have trouble focusing on what I'm doing. My memory is a problem as well, which frustrates me as well. Uni have been great, they've given me flexibility with deadlines, extra time in exams and open book exams as my visual memory isn't as sharp as it used to be. But I don't want to mess it up by being stubborn when I should have taken another year out. I really didn't want to talk to anyone about it, but when I finally did I found out that a lot of people actually have a lot of problems that I didn't have a clue about! So that's been a good bonding experience and made me realize how people's lives really are. Anya I didn't at first but then I finally decided it was the right thing to do (counselling I mean), you can't go through something like this unscathed it seems. Dropping my pride was one of the best things I've done. It's nice to spill out all your emotions on someone you don't know for some neutral advice. I suppose I'm really looking for someone to make the decision for me (as doing that myself is incredibly hard) and I'm at a loss as to what I should do now. I don't like working because it reminds me how sick I am, but that's just something I have to power through. It's nobody's fault, it's completely random and there's no way I could have stopped it. That's what I'm struggling with. I also hated that no-one else I knew my age had gone through this sort of thing, so it's great hearing that we're all in the same boat That and being 21 is far too young for this, and it was all going well before this, I know I can get to the same point but I hate that I can't do that straight away. You guys feel the same? Quote
Daffodil Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 You're right, it is far too young to be dealing with the harsh realities that SAH makes us face but that said you have done so well in getting back to University and regaining some of your normality. you should be very proud of that achievement. What you decide to do next is up to you, maybe it's a change in direction, maybe it's a deserved year out, whatever it is seize that change and try and find enjoyment in it. I could offer many platitudes about how lucky we are and how time heals and whilst those are true it's still so scary , not to mention frustrating , whatever age you are , to be stopped in your tracks and be reminded how fragile our lives actually are. Once you have accepted that though it can be easier. Its good youre talking, I used to do something at work where we got people to plot their life journey line , the peaks and trough, and then we would share them. On mi gosh, some of them just made me gasp when I heard the hardship or pain that people had experienced. Some were lots older than me, but some were younger. All of them without fail when they had a sharp dip indicating a very troubled time all were soon followed by a high point. That make me hopeful that this experience im in right now won't end up defining me but be one of many points of my life and there's more ups and downs to come. You're so young , but with that youth you have courage, determination and stamina which has been sharpened even more that your peers because youve survived something most of them can have no idea about. That will be a gift in the future. Sure you can't do everything they can but hey why follow the crowd anyway. 1 Quote
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