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Unexpected question!


Guest jennybee
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Guest jennybee

Dear All,

My mum, amazingly, is now home, and I am in the unexpected situation of trying to curb her activity! I am delighted she feels able to do things, but I'm worried she'll do herself an injury, either exhausting herself, fall or worse. She's only been out a couple of days but she's organising the world! I'm staying with her so have been doing what I can, but if I make a phonecall she's up doing the washing or picking things off the floor. I know part of it is just her wanting to take control of her own life again, having had it the control of others for 2.5 weeks, but I don't know what to do. Any thoughts? Should I just let her get on with it and trust that she'll know when to stop, or should I try to pursuade her to take it easy? Jenny

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Hi Jenny,

I answered your post in Announcements before I read this one .... think that a pair of handcuffs could be in order! :lol::lol:

I understand where your Mum is coming from though.....she probably just wants to feel a sense of normality and control. I would make a bargain with her, that if you let her do the odd small task, that she'll rest up inbetween? I think that you'll probably be able to see if she's overdoing things anyway .... hopefully, she'll settle down over the next few days and it's just her need to feel in control of her life for a little while.

Good luck! :lol:

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Jenny

I'm new to the site and notice that your thread is a few months old now. I just wondered how your mum is doing? I hope she is doing well. Please let us know, when you get a chance.

I know that when I came out of hospital.. and then spent a week with my parents..I was so desperate to get home and back to my normal life..although my body was telling me not too!!

I even went shopping en route to my house (as I do love my food shopping)!

It's just a way of regaining your independance, I feel.. but the body does tell you when to stop and people have to listen to what their body tells them. I, for one, have always been one that has fought against tiredness etc.. and pushed myself to the limits. It took me to have my brain haemmorhage to change that..and I now listen to my body.

Your mum has been lucky that she has had you by her side to look after her. My mum wanted me to phone her every day to make sure I was okay and that I was still alive. Much to her dismay, as I wanted my independance back, we agreed that for a while, I would at least text her daily to say all was okay..as some days I was so tired and not in the mood for talking. This has now stopped as I'm nearly 2 years down the line.

I understood her need for me to do this.. however I have never been used to people fussing over me and value my independance so much. It is great to know, however, that we have people that care for us. It's not easy to understand when someone goes through a Brain Haemorrhage or stroke or any head injury for that matter..and the patient can feel isolated..and so can the carers. It's not an easy task .. but good on you for finding here and finding support from others. I have never been one to ask for help..but this has taught me .. that sometimes that's exactly what we have to do.. ASK FOR HELP!

I hope your mum is making a full recovery...and you are taking care of yourself also.

L x

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Hey there

I was pretty much the same as your mum when I came home. I wanted to be able to do all the things I had been able to do before and the only way to prove I could was by doing it. Karen's right though, bargain with her. Paul did this with me - basically I could vacuum so long as he was allowed to do the polishing. I could iron so long as it was only what I needed to wear etc. I found that if I over did it, it set me back days and I'd end up feeling even more frustrated.

It's a hard life being a woman :wink:

Sami xxx

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Guest jennybee

Hi Linzi,

Thanks for words of advice - mum is certainly really likes her independence and her mentality, even in hospital, is to sort the world out! She was out clearing graffiti off the garage the other day - walking stick to hand! I posted an update on mum on the announcements pages - but just so you know, she's doing really well. In her own words 'almost back to normal'. Given what her poor brain has been through over the past 40 years (first SAH aged 21!) she's so lucky. We're so lucky. I really thought the last one was going to be it, so I've been wanting to keep an eye on how she's doing post-op. It would be awful if anything went wrong just because she was over doing it. She does seem to be doing what you suggest though - just listening to her body and so far, so good. And she's learning to say no to certain social engagements (lots of neighbours!). The plus side is that where as previously I'd been living in another city, I'm now just a 30 minute bus ride away so actually I think mum is relishing having good excuses to have me round - setting me on tasks etc. Thanks for your thoughts and words, Jenny.

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