hello

[Guest xjaynex]

Hi my name is katie and my mum had a sah last year.She joined this group and posted on the site for a while last year.She had a 2nd bleed and her life just went downhill.Social services fitted rails,chairs and other accessories around the house to help mum out and she had alot of help.I am at college and she was ok to be left for a few hours a day on her own which she enjoyed and she always had friends/family at the end of the phone.She is in hospital at the moment - she has taken a massive overdose of painkillers etc which she had obviously been saving up.I am past the tearful bit,now I am just so angry with her for doing this when she has fought so hard to get back on her feet-I am not even going to visit today as i just cant get my head around it all.She has 14 pills a day and I didnt realise she wasnt taking them all.First i felt it was my fault but after talking to my friends and tutors i know its not.She just cant cope with the changes i guess and i feel now that she won't fight anymore,that she will just give up.Love Katie x

[stephen]

Hi Katie and welcome to the site.

I am so sorry to read the story you have written. We never fully understand why people make the choices that they do. You seem to be using your friends and tutors to talk with and that is great.

It's difficult to express the feelings i have had since my sah but feeling worthless and helpless do go through my mind.

In Scotland we have sites that careers can use to discuss the experiences of having loved ones who have overdosed.

I hope you get the support that both you and your Mum could use.

I wish you well.

[Karen]

Hi Katie,

Did your Mum ever receive any counselling for her depression? As you know, I had some e-mail contact with your Mum and I suggested counselling at the time, as she seemed to be very low and required professional help, rather than just a support site alone, to help her cope.

I have certainly dipped in and out of depression since the SAH and at my lowest points, wondered why I had survived, but the thought of what this would have done to family and my kids, would be enough to pick me up again. Depression post SAH is pretty common and maybe, if you suffered from depression before the SAH, then perhaps you're a lot more prone to it.

Understandably, you've had the tears and now you're angry ....... you also need to look after yourself and if you can't face a visit to the hospital, then take a day off from it. By the way, it isn't your fault ....if somebody is determined to do it, then they will .... so don't blame yourself. You'll be surprised how many people are affected by mental health problems and I know plenty of people that have been affected by somebody trying to take their own life..... it's seen as a taboo subject and not many people will talk openly about it.

I would imagine that now your Mum is in hospital, that she will be assessed for her mental health and hopefully, they'll treat her.

Are you getting any support from the rest of your family?

[Guest xjaynex]

Thank you Stephen.

Karen,Mum had counselling and was taking anti-depressants.As far as I know she was seeing someone twice a month.My family are always at the end of the phone for me if they arent able to see me when i need a bit of help.I do feel on my own really even though i have people to talk to.last night i was looking around the house and its so different to what it was.the rails and aids and stuff and I dont think mum can live like this and i know i cant change how she feels and that she does what she wants.I just hurt so much underneath being angry cos I dont wanna lose my mum.I think she is selfish and should fight to get well but then maybe i am being selfish expecting her to.i dont know anymore.love katie xx

[tennissmithy]

Katie,

I feel so sorry for you, I could just feel your hurt/ upset and anxiety from reading your message. I agree with Karen in the fact that if you don't want to go to the hospital today, then don't- you deserve a break too!

It is very different circumstance wise but sort of along the same lines, my mum broke her arm in June 2006, then I had my SAH in September and she has been depressed since June. She went through a period as well of saying she was going to commit suicide. I got very annoyed with myself at first thinking that I was not helping but then also thought she was being selfish, but I said it from the other way I was the one that had had the SAH not her so if I was coping (sort of!) then she needed to try. She didn't want no antidepressants or counselling or anything and now still 18 months on we are in the same position. So I can certainly sympathethise with you.

Have you sisters/ brothers Katie that also feel the same? Where abouts in the country are you?

We will all listen Katie and offer as much supportas we can

Laura

xx

[Guest yasmin]

Dear Katie

I had to reply felt so sorry for you reading your posts, your mums depression is normal most of us go through it and some worse than others, I did at one stage wander if I would be better off out of it but thank god that passed but the depression just lays low always in the background, I try not to give in as giving in allows it to have power and thats when it takes over our lives.

I hope that you can speak to someone and get some help for you as its important that you are not taking on too much, if you get ill you won't be able to look after yourself or help your mum.

don't keep your feelings inside talk about them and then you won't feel so alone

Yasmin