Family being rejected

[Guest debbie1976]

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?!

My mum had her SAH on Feb 13th and since then has made a remarkable physical recovery apart from some sickness which seems to be under control now she is wearing an eye patch.

The new problem that we are facing as a family is her emotional state.

Mum is now so frustrated with the situation that she is refusing to eat, wash, get out of bed or even see the family.

She is still in hospital which is the thing that seems to be getting her down the most. She blames us for her being there and is cross that we won't get her discharged. She's not listening to reason at the moment and as you can imagine how distressing this is for all involved - does anyone have any advice?

Thanks

Debbie

x

[Skippy]

Hi Debbie

Not advice as such, but more of an insight.

Your mum is probably feeling like most of us did after our SAH - that we are not in control of anything and we've been stripped of the person we once were. I could laugh or cry, shout or scream at the drop of a hat for the first four or five months. Frustration became my middle name and no body knew how I was going to act / react to certain things.

Give your mum time and reassure her that all is under control and that she's in the best place at the moment so that she can be looked after properly. Don't take it personally when she doesn't want people around - its very tiring and difficult to hold a conversation.

Sorry I couldn't give more advice but this is just how I felt after.

Hope that she continues to recover physically - the emotional side will take a lot longer I'm afraid - counselling helped me a great deal - it helped me realsie that this wasn't my fault and that I was still me and no body blamed me etc etc.

Please pass on my best wishes to your mum and remember, keep your chin up - it will get better

Love Sami xxx

[Karen]

Hi Debbie,

I agree with Sami's response....

It sounds as though your Mum is feeling frustrated.... because she feel's as though she has a lack of control in her life, at the minute and she's perhaps lashing out .... we do tend to take it out on the people that we love .... it's probably because we know, that they won't walk away from us.

Try to be patient with her ..... do you know when she's going to be discharged or have any time frame at all? Tell her, that the more that she helps herself, by eating and co-operating with the nursing staff, the quicker she'll be home......

I only spent a few weeks in hospital and I must admit that I was itching to get out especially by the time that I was discharged to our local general hospital.....

I know that it's probably not easy to keep your patience with her, but try to explain to her, that if she's not being co-operative, then that could hinder her return home.

Good luck...

[Guest debbie1976]

Thanks for your responses. Things just feel like they are going from bad to worse right now.

Mum was being sick for ages and when I found this site people suggested we try and eye patch. It seems to work well and mum went from being sick most of the time to just once a day and smethimes not at all. She got her appetite back and things were looking more positive.

Now the hospital have removed the eye patch and she's back to being sick again - apparently it was making her eye lazy.

Now she's being sick all the time again she doesn't want to get up or walk anymore. The doctors are saying there's not much they can do if she isn't motivated to get up but she won't as she feels so poorly.

I feel stuck in the middle as she's looking to me for support and I don't know what to say, i'm trying to motivate her but it's hard and then she gets cross with me.

Before any of this happened mum was very depressed because of her job and I have asked for counselling or psyciatric help for her but thee hospital say they don't offer counselling and and mental help they can offer could take weeks before anyone sees her.

I'm very frustrated with the hospital but don't know where to turn, I can't afford private care for her.

We need help but I don't know where to look...............................

[Guest Shygirl268]

Hi Debbie, I found it very moving reading your post and could feel your desperation. I dont know what to suggest. Have you tried going back to your GP to try and get a referral or at least to get some support in terms of how you can proceed from here. I think sometimes you have to really kick up a stink to get the help and support that you need, often the problem is knowing who direct it at. Can you get access to the OT's in the hospital, they are usually quite good at co-ordinating services as they are in touch with psychiatric services, social services etc.... I'm sorry i cant be more definite with a response for you, I think as most people on this board are aware the NHS services vary greatly from area to area and it can be a bit of a mine field.

Keep talking to everyone on here, they are lovely people and so supportive of one another, share your frustration even just to ease the pressure on yourself a little.

Kind regards. Julie.

[Janet]

Hi Debbie

So sorry to hear that your mum is feeling sick all the time without the patch. Surely you would have thought that if it is helping her sickness and balance they would have let her continue to wear it.

If you are unhappy with the information and services the hospital are failing to provide have a word with the PALS people at the hospital they may be able to take things further forward.

Just remember to take care of yourself as well its hard going being caught in the middle of your mum and medical staff.

Janet x