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Hello Paul-thanks for responding to my post of 12th April- I just got back from a 10 day holiday yesterday-hence my delay in getting back to you.

Like Karen, I feel so much for your situation. You were both working so hard to support yourselves and provide for your family-and your lives have been dramatically changed in an instant.

No-one can fully appreciate the sense of helplessness and frustration (and yes anger too) you both feel-and in these circumstances it is so difficult to make rational decisions. Priorities and goals can get very confused in all this emotion.

Paul- I did not find BTG until almost four years after my wife`s SAH. I found that the site has a wealth of totally frank postings from survivors and their carers which are so helpful and more to the point-you realise that you are not alone out there. And yes-you will find that there are some whose conditions are so much worse than your own. You start to feel there is something worth fighting for when you realise others are fighting for their progress too.

I mention this because I do believe that your partner would benefit so much from taking a browse of the individual cases on BTG. (you do not mention that she has already tried this) There are numerous posts on this site of individual struggles with the `sex` question that would give you both some perspective. Others have found ways of dealing with intimacy which have avoided the `finality` of going their separate ways. In fact they have often described their `new` relationship as having improved !

I agree with Karen in that trying to find pills online is not a route to take. - and do speak to your GP.

Your years of working your lives out together surely is worth putting total effort into giving yourself the time you need to get the best chance of some improvement to your condition. So many survivors and their partners can, through no fault of their own, concentrate all their efforts in a `quick fix`  to SAH. With hindsight I am sure most would agree that they wish they had been less forceful in trying to get back to where they were before SAH in these early days.

Paul just remember we are thinking of you as you both face these difficult challenges to your relationship.

Please don`t give up.

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Hi Paul- thanks for sharing.

Twenty eight months since your devastating SAH........your journey so far has been very tough on you and your wife.

It can be difficult to offer specific advice about how you should both cope with this traumatic situation that neither of you has asked for- so I just want to make some general comments which may or may not prove helpful.

It is clear from your posts that you have been left severely debilitated physically- it must also have been so difficult mentally-unable to go back to taxiing-feeling so useless when carrying out simple tasks around the home-and unable to return to providing financially for your family. How has it been these past six months? You sum it up as a `nightmare`.

You mentioned earlier that your wife was `due` around the time of your SAH. What family do you have?

Does your wife have employment?- or is she looking after you and your family?

Sami mentions about the two of you talking about these health and related issues- Are you both able to discuss what is happening?

The dramatic life changing SAH has also affected your wife from the outset........... your struggle to recover has also been her struggle, while also looking after you and your family..... how is she really coping?  

She has seen her partner become so unwell and during these 28 months she has probably been desperately wanting things to improve-while as each month has passed-she also found herself facing the reality that life in all probability, will never be the same again.  This realisation is very very hard to deal with...........and you have twenty years together which must be worth hanging on to.

It is at times like these that you find out who your friends are- often they do not appreciate the many issues resulting from SAH. How are your close relatives and friends feeling towards your struggles?

Paul - only comment on what you feel you want to.

Many of your fellow BTG`rs know and understand your call for help.

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Hello William-great to have you here on Behind The Gray - welcome.

It will be five years in May since my wife had her SAH.

I do hope you can share some of your journey with us when you feel ready.

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Hi Daffodil- four years dealing with that traumatic life-changing hand you were dealt by SAH. You have done so well!

I have only known you for fifteen months, but you are truly an inspiration in how you have tackled SAH head on with your `chap` and now not so young family.

Well done and a sincere thanks for the time`s you have shared your advice in my threads, and for the positive, pragmatic approach you take to your changed life. Your willingness to share your experience with others is always so helpful and challenging.

Your blog `Pop Goes Tifty`  is very honest and open. Thanks for sharing.

I admire how you and the other moderators/administrators give of your time to oversee BTG, given the life changing event you have all experienced.

Keep strong and wishing you well in facing the demands tomorrow holds

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Hello Nat-Thanks for sharing your SAH bleed fears on BTG. It must be so difficult for you to cope with having survived your SAH, and then finding that the fear of another bleed has blurred the joy of making such a good recovery.

Those who have already replied to your post have given such clear pointers on how best to go forward.

My wife had her SAH in May 2011, and I am sure I experienced the fears of your close family and friends. Mrs Subs had to wait three weeks before her coiling. During this time she felt pain at the back of her head. This was a nightmare for me as I was the one feeling that any minute she was going to have another bleed. When she finally returned home, it was me who was full of anxiety, and often I awoke during the night to check to see if she was still breathing. When I went out for messages, as I returned home and saw her asleep in the conservatory, I was always full of apprehension in these early days to know that she was still OK.

However Nat- these feelings  I had gradually faded as we concentrated on her recovery and attempt to phase back into her work. (I should add that Mrs Subs never had those fears-it was me !)

For you, this uncertainty still seems to be taking over your thoughts, and as everyone advises, getting professional help is a wise move to help you move on with your life.

You have been so fortunate in your recovery from SAH and I do hope you are able to find the guidance to live as full a life as possible. Enjoy making plans for the future and be oh so thankful- life is a wonderful gift to us all.

Best wishes

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Hello Gemma- thanks for your update. You do seem to be fortunate in the support and advice you are receiving from the specialists. It must be reassuring to know where things are medically, and that you now have a plan in your mind for how the next seven months will shape up.

Your teaching vocation certainly will help in your recovery this year with that valuable time off in the summer, to check your progress and decide realistically what is best on your return to the Autumn term.

More surgery is always a time of apprehension but it is great to see your positive approach, and I hope the months ahead will help you make the right decisions.

It is always that fine balance of wanting to get the best recovery as quickly as possible tempered with knowing when to accept that you also need time to get the best results, and of course the courage to adjust your expectations along the way.

Wishing you well

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Hello Peter

It is great to hear how Irene seems to have recovered so well from the initial trauma of SAH. You both seem determined to get back to `business as usual` as far as your travels are concerned. By the way we found that Just Travel were very competitive when quoting for `existing illness` cover a year on. There are other members of BTG who travel abroad and will give you advice too.

Just a small word of caution- when we returned home following my wife`s coiling-we thought everything had been fixed- but post SAH is rarely a complete recovery. If you get an opportunity to read some of my introduction you will see what I mean.

Looking forward to hearing more from you in the days ahead

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Hello Peter

Welcome to BTG, you will get so much help here as Irene continues to recover from her SAH.

I am a carer too, although my wife was actually in hospital already when she had her SAH. It must have been quite a traumatic experience for you so far away from home. You will find others here who were on holiday too when it happened.

So glad Irene received excellent medical attention right from the start, and that you managed to return home quite quickly. No place like home to help recovery.

Look forward to hearing more from you as you visit BTG and as I`m sure you know already- it is such a demanding journey for both of you as you adapt your lives. 

Take care

Subs

PS  (there are a few people on here who trained me in the skills of Ironing-they will be watching you too!)

Clare- been doing a bit of baking for your party celebrations in the past half hour-

Can I send you a `virtual cake` ?

It`s called an  `e`  clare............    

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Congratulations Clare

Well done. It has been great to see your positive journey over the twelve months.

You did right to keep re-appraising your return to work- and recently the job itself.

So glad you have managed return to your running- which you obviously enjoy so much.

I think I will retire from the poetry and get your hubby`s contact no. ! He wrote very well. Lovely surprise- poem and flowers.

Take care and wishing you a  good start to the new job.

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Mmmm...interesting Karen

Mrs Subs just bought a warm woolly  winter hat a couple of weeks ago. Normally she gives in to no hat, and hair `tonged` rather than-hat and straight hair -  but........what do I know-I`m a man !

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Hi Carolyn

I`m sure Winnie and SM could take these chocolates to Caveland and fly on to Illonois (without the chocolates)  after showing me how to achieve that creaseless Duvet.

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Hello SM

Well done on twelve years post your SAH.

So glad you adopted a positive attitude and took charge of your life as you came to terms with what had happened.

Travelling to overseas destinations of your choice must have been so rewarding over the years. Dare I ask your favourite country/city ?

Thanks also for your posts over the past year since I joined BTG.

A nice celebration/ reflection in the conservatory today ?

Wishing you many more overseas destinations.

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Hello Tricia

I am sure you have gone through so much heart searching before posting yesterday. Thanks for taking the time to share on BTG.

Your situation with hubby is such a delicate and serious one I would not attempt to try and advise you. I cannot start to imagine what it must be like be trying to keep your family together emotionally and financially while your husband is recovering from SAH and dealing with excess alcohol at the same time.

I have not come across any more information about you earlier in BTG. Perhaps you could tell us some of the questions that spring from your post. 

How long have you and hubby been together, and what is his name ? 

How old are your children ? How are they coping since SAH?  

Have you been working while trying to maintain the family unit ? What practical help have you had to help you cope ? Three years of trying to care will have been very demanding-especially so with your husbands addiction to alcohol.

You sounded very positive about how well he was recovering. When did things change? You say he is almost at the point of being off the Keppra. When did the reduction programme start?

You said he had been in hospital/rehab for most of the first year. How is he physically and mentally at the moment notwithstanding the alcohol ? Does he confide in anyone about his recovery ? When last was he willing to share a meaningful discussion with you about his recovery?

Please don`t feel obliged to answer any of these personal questions. You have had positive support from BTG posters -I do hope you can get the help you need to make one of the most important choices you will ever make.

Wishing you the strength you need to carry on

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Thanks Gemma

I do wish you both well as you go forward together, and glad you enjoyed your night out.

Take care

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Good morning Gemma-

Daffodil, thanks for your comments. I see you have put me on the spot.

It will be five years in May since Mrs Subs SAH , and I have been `thinking` about putting my thoughts down in a new thread around that time. However I hope some of these comments help a little Gemma.

Like you, Mrs Subs was already in hospital getting tests. The shock and sense of helplessness was immense.

Having friends to help and talk to throughout the first year and beyond was so important to relieve the pressure on me. Finding BTG through Winnie three and a half after Mrs Subs SAH was a life saver for me.

With all SAH, there is likely to be a personality change and everyone is different in this respect. This can be very hard for your partner who is so delighted that you have survived, but is perhaps confused and trying to cope with the `new you` at the same time.

Especially in the early days your tolerance levels will be low, and your comments to your partner and friends might cause them to `step back` because they are not aware of why this is happening. You may unintentially say things to your partner that really hurt his feelings, and he has no-one to confide in.

You might be trying to conceal how your recovery is progressing because you want your partner and friends to think you are back as you were. Don`t hide your feelings from your partner- share often with him about your fears.

I will use Daffodil`s expression here-  `the sexy things` in your life may well have taken a massive change partly due to your body being weak and you are totally focussed on recovery. But also the SAH may have changed you. So important that you tell your partner how you are. He just wants to know that you want him to understand and help you through your recovery however long it takes.

Gemma I could go on and on- sorry that this is a bit lengthy. BTG has so many people who have lived through situations that are helpful to your partner in understanding what you are going through in your recovery. If he is not already looking in- please encourage him to.  (also it might help your mum, who you say is struggling too)

Remember- time does heal.

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Hello Gemma

Thanks for your post a year on, and well done.

You have had so much to face up to throughout the year ....with the big question no doubt always never far from your thoughts...............WORK . and when will I be back there again.

I couldn`t help re-reading Macca`s wise, wise comments in your `Introduction` thread on 30th June last year.

I am sure that by the end of your phased return this year, you will be much better placed to decide about your future in teaching. I do wish you well. As is said often on BTG- listen to your body.

By the way, was your aorta stent procedure a total success?

How are your family one year on?

Take care, you have done so well to face up to your post SAH challenges thus far.

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Hello Greg

Thanks for your frank sharing of your feelings about where you are since you started your thread April last year.

As you say- while you look OK, there is so much going on in your recovery as you have faced the challenges of dealing with life post SAH. Thinking of what you used to achieve,  while struggling with what you are able to achieve- and trying to put into perspective what is realistic to achieve in the days and months ahead.

You so much want to get back into work, and your thoughts are often on how fit you used to be.

I wish you and your family all the best as you go into this second year together..... you have all faced so many challenges in the past year.

Still be patient, as you go forward. Your close family and friends are living every experience in your recovery too.

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Hello Chris

Delighted you found BTG and a very warm welcome to the forum. You will certainly get much help and support here.

Trying to understand the cause of an SAH is a question everyone tries to answer...........

So glad you managed to summon help to get you to hospital quickly. You have given your family tough introduction to SAH, and as Daffodil says, do take plenty time to let your body adjust and recover. Don`t rush to try and get back to where you were.

Looking back over various threads on this site will help you to gain an understanding of the varied challenges post SAH.

Winnie has said- there are many `keep-fit` enthusiasts here who have tried to keep exercising, setting their sights at varying degrees of `self punishment`. I say that jokingly as I am a Carer and I am currently trying to get beyond an 8 minute `wall` on my exercise bike

Looking forward to hearing more of your background and progress as you feel ready to share.

Pace yourself well Chris

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Hello Sharon

Thanks for your post and well done for facing up to the varied challenges of being `post  SAH` .

Sharing your highs and lows is also very hard on your immediate family and I am sure they will

be so pleased to see your progress. How are they ?

You mentioned that your sister also had an SAH October 2014. How is she? Maybe you have

mentioned this already and I`ve missed your comments.

Facing up to having to accept that your former daily life at work and at home, have to change is

never easy. However ensuring that your progress is sustained is always the priority.

Take care and wishing you continued recovery in `Year Two` .

You are right- BTG is a great benefit to everyone who uses the site. ( Fab singing essential part

of the package  )

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Hello Neil,

Thanks for deciding to share your SAH experience on BTG.

So glad that you have found the site early and already used it for support.

You have had great advice since you posted - you say you led a busy, pressured life-please take heed of the comments to be patient with your recovery, and be realistic when your brain says no. So, so difficult to do, but so, so important in your recovery.

You mention that you value the support from your family and friends-and dog. While you are trying so hard to get some normality back into your life, please remember that your wife and children are also trying to cope. Not only with seeing you twice in hospital in as many weeks, but also trying to cope with a husband and dad who needs time to deal with life post SAH. Please talk with them a lot, and try and share with them what you are experiencing. Let them know your fears and frustrations. Remember and ask them how they are too.

Time does heal. You have mentioned so many reasons why you want to be back to your normal self, but do remember that you will give yourself a better chance if you are patient now.

Wishing you and your family every strength to cope with the challenges of the months ahead.

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Hello Andy

Also a warm welcome to BTG. So glad you found it so quickly, you will find so much help from past Introductions and encouragement from sharing your thoughts online.

You will look back on the closing weeks of 2015 often as you relive the memories of what happened to your wife, however now at the start of 2016 you have so much to challenge you both as you adjust to dealing with SAH and the new journey it is leading you.

You mention that your family will be a great support, and that is so good.

I wish you all well and the strength mentally and physically to deal with Julie`s progress.

Take care and share often with your friends and all of us at BTG in the months ahead.

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Hello Ashley and Kim,

So glad Kim has been using BTG to get support already.

Well done Ashley for getting in touch about your concerns. We look forward to hearing more about your (I mean both of you) SAH experience when the time is ready. I say `both` Ashley because, like you, I am experiencing life post my wife`s SAH May 2011,  and I am sure you will agree that it is a life that is different for all the family.

The comments you have received above are very well put. You don`t want to have unnecessary pressure by waiting for six months when another chat with your GP would help allay your concerns.

Looking forward to hearing more about your progress.

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Hello Caroline

Thanks for your response.

Well done to your family for giving you that encouragement and support. Seven years on they too must look back see how much progress you have made.

I am so glad you have managed to move on and built up your new life.

Take care and keep up that positive attitude

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Hello Caroline

Thanks for your post.

Well done for rebuilding your life following your SAH seven years go. I am sure your experiences during that time will be very helpful to draw on.

I have some questions for you.  I have been on the SAH journey too since my wife`s SAH May 2011. I am interested in how your husband and daughters coped as they lived with you dealing with the after effects of your SAH.

It`s good to hear you are leading a busy life. What are the main differences in your life seven years on?

Thanks and well done.

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