Shanti

Hi everyone Thank you so very much for your replies. Just had a good cry reading them through. Really don't know anymore how I'd cope without everyone on here. Laura: you mentioned worried about your relationship with Simon. Yes, feel exactly the same; Paul is bound to get fed up with this etc etc. Just had a thought: would we love them any less if it was the other way round and they had had the SAH? No, of course not. I'm going to hang on to that thought. Karen: as usual you hit every nail on the head! As women (sorry chaps on here) we are used to multi tasking; I worked full time for 40 years, brought up my 2 children from my 1st marriage alone for 15 years (no maintenance 'cos he lived abroad and wouldn't pay it - when I left him I came home with 1 small suitcase, 2 kids and the equivalent of £5 in my purse) at the end of 15 years I had my own house and a car and 2 boys at University. Never had (or indeed applied for) a DHSS payment in my life. Ironically I'm not eligible for any financial help from the State now! So I suppose I'm used to being a multi tasking achiever and don't welcome it being implied that I'm not capable in some way, don't make the grade. As John said in his post, I'm not stupid, my level of intelligence hasn't diminished its just physically I get very tired and my short term memory is shot together with lack of confidence and anxiety. As regards Karen's reaction when Chris moved out: thank goodness its not just me. Its as if the SAH has stripped away all the coping mechanisms/facades put in place over the years and I've reverted back to the innocent state of childhood but with all the adult responsibilities still to cope with. Hope that makes sense? I get moved to tears very easily: a sunset, a sunrise, nature in all its glory, am very aware of others and their emotional pains and tribulations. Classic near death survivors stuff. I'm going to sit down this weekend and have a good ruminate about everything; I'm going for my MRI check up on Tues 20 May so will have a chat with my support nurse and the neurosurgeon after the scan. I will reread all your replies and it has helped tremendously as you all suffer similar things as Laura says it does help knowing that others are going through the same and that in itself makes me feel better. Thank you so much everyone Love 'n hugs Lesley xxx

Hi everyone I had noticed post SAH that I had become somewhat over emotional and that I cry very easily, whether in response to good or bad situations. Also I find that when I'm cross I come out with whatever I'm feeling right away and don't mince words (don't shout though or use bad language - just say it as it is). Helps in one way though 'cos I don't carry it around with me fuming and ruminating for days before I react, just get it over with there and then (must be healthier). Like others on here I do have anxiety attacks, especially just as I'm dropping off to sleep or waking up in the morning: one moment absolutely fine - next in outright panic mode. Nothing specific having triggered these attacks a lot of the time i.e. worried about something. The feeling of panic seems to start as tightness in my chest and then I get an adrenaline rush of fear. (Hope thats the correct expression). As an example of over the top/out of control emotions though: My son who came to stay with us in Sept as his marriage had temporarily broken down (turns out now its a permanent separation) came home on Tuesday evening and announced he was moving out to a shared flat later that evening. Once he'd gone I started to cry and went into full crisis mode: worrying about him, having to start again etc: he's only got his car and a few clothes. This went on all Tues night, and most of yesterday. Just could not stop crying. I know I'm quite justified in worrying about him a little, I'm his Mum, bless him etc. But the way I went on you'd have thought he'd died! It was nearer grief than worry. Starting to wonder if these over the top emotional reactions are post traumatic stress related? Having just typed the above I'm now having a panic attack, 'cos I think you'll all think I'm a little daft or something - which probably comes under lack of confidence. Also feel redundant and forgotten by everyone. On 2 May, my office manager and OH didn't waste time telling me they didn't consider I could carry out my old job and consequently started to go into all sorts of occupational health training options and moving me to another NHS site within the borough. As if I'm up to all that flapping around, learning new skills, having to enter into new working relationships with strangers. I was daunted just hearing about it, so felt I had to say I intended to resign. But now I feel a right old has been when I know really I've always been a very confident and competent person, its just I'm recovering from a brain haemorrhage and its a slow recovery. Some people though think that because I look and sound alright, that I'm fully recovered and I feel sort of ashamed. When I explain I'm not as alright as they seem to think, they look as if I'm shirking or trying it on. Sorry not making much sense... just feel very panicked, scared, redundant and stupid this morning. I think Karen suggested having my serotonin levels checked with my GP, though I might have imagined that. Not sure. Don't even know if I've posted this in the right place. Off to take my Mum shopping so will check responses later. Lesley xx

Hi Louise Glad you've had your share of good weather up there. We have dear friends in Turriff, also Westhill, Aberdeen and Ellon who we try to see every few years or so. Hope to go up in Sept to the East coast. Its certainly very beautiful too. But my heart does belong in the Western Isles, first time thought I'd died and gone to heaven. The road to Mallaig and the road to Kyle of Lochalsh are so beautiful. In my Will, half of my ashes are to be scattered along Tokavaig bay, Sleat peninsula, Isle of Skye. Paul's Will states the same. Hope the good weather continues across the country, goodness knows it was a long hard winter, especially recovering from such a huge experience as an SAH and operation. Love 'n hugs to you Lesley xxx

Hi Pam Um - sounds like a piece of the drill bit/head snapped off? Thats what happened to me, only it caused intense pain and an infection so had to go through the dental surgeon rigmarole (as related above). For root canal work they are incredible thin pieces of metal. The word instrument is weird in itself - a root canal is a very small/tiny/slim space - surely it could only be a drill bit? It couldn't really be anything else apart from the end of an anaethetic needle. Go for it - try to get to the bottom of it. If it gave you symptoms of Bells Palsy it needs sorting out. Wishing you luck... Big hugs Lesley xxx

Hi John I get the dizzy episodes too, especially when I first get up in the mornings. Have learnt to get up slowly and sit on the bed for a few minutes before actually standing up, that seems to help. I know before the SAH I always had very low blood pressure: 90 over 60 - now it seems to be 120 over 90-ish so perhaps its something to do with the increase in my blood pressure? Love 'n hugs Lesley xxx

Hi Holly Yes, I get all sorts of weird sensations in my head, also on the scalp and sometimes like someone is applying pressure to my left ear. If I scratch the scalp though on the itchy spot it really hurts as if there is a buried spot or something underneath. Lesley xxx

Gosh Keith, the video is amazing. Going to watch it again later with Paul. Thanks for putting it on the site. Love 'n hugs Lesley xxx

Hi Pam Did you get anywhere with your GP/dentist about the piece of so called dental equipment in your gum? Love Lesley xxx

Hi Louise Yes, Western Isles: absolutely adore the place. We've got Scottish blood in our veins and I certainly feel like I've gone home everytime I cross the border. Weird and wonderful! Can't wait, especially if we get the sunny weather we've had here this week. Lesley xxx

Hi Keith Yes, your comment said it all: we are the truly blessed ones that are still here to talk about it. And thank goodness we all seem to have a good sense of humour. You always make me giggle: long may it continue. Love 'n hugs Lesley xxx

Hi everyone Would I fly? Well I've got family in Switzerland but as its expensive: £200 minimum return to Zurich so I usually went on my own for a weekend here and there. No, at the moment I wouldn't like to be on a plane on my own and as we've lost my salary now, we couldn't afford for Paul to go with me. But think its marvellous whoever is intending to give it a go... Lesley xxx

Hi everyone As I'm now 61 I get free prescriptions, but I can't claim SSP or disability so its swings and roundabouts. As I'm not on any drugs anyway I'm not getting any benefit. I haven't had any aftercare offered, except in the early days rehab nurses came to see me and determined I was coping okay without additional care. Physically I've been very lucky and apart from the dreaded bad heads and right eye nerve pain the odd day, I've got better month by month. Seem to have plateau'd now though at a level of strength and capability physically, emotionally and mentally. Given the life threatening events of Nov last year, I do count myself one of the lucky ones. The best aftercare I've had is on this site: I tune in every day and just reading everyone's ups and downs, progresses and backwhatsits (can't think what the word is: doh) helps me feel supported and accompanied on what was at first a very scary journey. Even getting rattled by Aine's disappearance off the website and subsequent news that she'd had meningitis has a positive, 'cos that is now noted as a possibility if I developed certain symptoms. No-one at the hospital told me to look out for certain symptoms or that I could get meninigitis. Oh, just meant to add: if anyone else suddenly disappears off here for a week or so, please ask your partner to update us, 'cos we were all very worried about Aine the other week. The best pain remedy that works for me is: 1 x Neurofen + 1 x paracetamol Love and hugs all round Lesley xxx

Hi everyone Not too bad as a passenger healthwise, don't get a headache or anything, although must admit I jump and overreact to things now. Poor Paul gets a little freaked out at some of my more obvious reactions, like grabbing hold of the door and bracing myself for a major collision when he's only slightly let the car go to the left or something. He's very patient and knows I can't help it. Went to the Lake District on Tuesday and I had to have 2 naps whilst there; driven there: nap, walk on beach: nap etc. Felt the benefit of being out for the day though. Paul drove slowly and didn't suddenly brake or anything. So quite happy as we plan to go to Western Isles of Scotland end May/early June, so think with periodic stopping periods and naps I should be okay. Big hugs Lesley xxx

Hi Anne and everyone I do get a feeling like my head is bursting if there are too many people and too much noise. Like you its around the right hand side of my ear/head. I also can feel very wired and nervy after being near too many people or noise. Wouldn't even consider going to the cinema at the moment. Big hug Lesley xxx

Hi I was 60 when I had my SAH in Nov 07. So I guess I was lucky really when I see the ages of some of you, you are too young to be having something so serious. We all expect bits to drop off/stop working when we hit our 60s. I've always been very lucky healthwise so it was a bit of a shock to be suddenly stopped in my tracks. Hugs all round Lesley xxx

Hi Pam Just having a quick check of the site before going for a hot bath. We've been out in the sunshine all afternoon and found a lovely walk by a waterfall and stream up in the hills. My dentist was a NHS dentist but couldn't find out what was causing so much pain. He gave me the name of a dental surgeon and off I went for a very expensive consultation: £100. Anyway he found the broken off part of a very thin drill bit right at the bottom of the latest root canal work I'd had (complete with brand new crown on top). He then charged me another £200 to extract it as I had a proper dental operation if you will. I was in there about an hour whilst he had to take out the filling in the root canal and extract the thin piece of metal right at the bottom. He then put in a temporary filling and I then had to go back a week later whilst he satisfied himself there was no infection and he replaced everything. No problems since. (Paul just reminded me it was £300 'cos he remembers that was a lot of money at the time). I didn't claim from my old dentist as he was about to retire and to be quite frank had been a marvellous dentist up to that point: so I put it down to human error and let it go. Can you remember what dental work you had completed prior to the problem with your gum/roof of your mouth and the commencement of the Bells Palsy? It sounds to me as if it just might be the end of an anaesthetic needle perhaps? That would be deeply embedded wouldn't it. Hope you get to the bottom of it - if you'll pardon the pun. Big hugs Lesley xxx

Hi Pam Gosh you've been in the wars! It sounds like the same thing that happened to me about 5 years ago. After root canal work I developed the most awful pain in my jaw and it just wouldn't go away. After x-ray it transpired that a piece of the drill had broken off in the bottom of the root canal. It gets even better: it cost ME £200 to get a dental surgeon to remove it! Think you must insist though that they remove whatever it is. After all it might be that and not Bells Palsy that was/is effecting your face. They certainly watch each others backs don't they! Hope you get it sorted out Pam. If there is one thing we've all learned on here: if at first you don't succeed with doctors/dentists etc: SHOUT. Big hug Lesley xxx

Hi Karen Yes, exercise is a bit too much to contemplate for me at the moment. Just drove to Sainsburys and have felt very dizzy ever since. Going to go and lay down in a moment. It could have been the price rises though! Has everyone else noticed that most items in the supermarkets have been marked up between 5 and 10 pence since Xmas!? I suppose they need the money - NOT! Yes, really want to do a NW meet this summer. There are a lot of us all around this part of the country: Wales, Liverpool, Cheshire etc so think it would be very good for us all. Will probably look like a contingent of drunks arriving at the pub though, 'cos we all seem to be dizzy and none of us can walk in a straight line at the moment. Oh dear, must go and lie down feel really weird... par for the course... Love 'n hugs Lesley xxx

Hi Sarah So sorry you've been feeling down and under the weather. Hope you will feel better when the weather sorts itself out. Been up and down myself to say the least. Re gym workouts: personally I wouldn't countenance it for me, as my first SAH came on whilst upending myself over the bath to wash my hair with a broken left wrist. I also remember the rehabilitation team who came to see me on my return from hospital, stressed not to wash my hair like that again, also to not bear down when on the loo (so try not to get constipated). I used to do yoga but have thought better of it. Not sure how much of this is FEAR on my part in case my head explodes again. After my MRI scan on 20 May I will think again about exercise, other than cleaning the house, gardening and walking which I do at the moment but I wish I could get some of this weight off. (Gone from size 12 to size 14!) I've never had a tummy before (it was all the sitting/laying around/peel me a graping post op) and Paul has put on weight since driving his taxi so we've turned into a couple of telly-tubbies. If you feel up to it nearer the time, perhaps in June/July we can plan getting the NW contingent together near your home in Northwich? It all depends for me on whether they plan to operate/clip the remaining unexploded bomb oops aneurysm in my head. The consultant already said he wouldn't be able to coil it as it is in the right sylvian fissure arising from the middle cerebral artery. My friend Janie just said on the phone that Pilates is quite gentle, so perhaps thats a good option. Hope you're feeling better today. Big hug Lesley xxx

Hi Leo Welcome to this wonderful site. They are all a little nuts on here and liven up my day especially when I'm down and feel hard done by. Keep sharing your story and days with us and you will have good company on your journey to a hopefully full recovery. Had to laugh about the timing of your SAH: NYE My first SAH was around midnight on a Saturday night and we were falling over drunks in Casualty - the noise level was horrendous too. Got sent home by the triage nurse as he thought it was a migraine. One month later had another major SAH and thankfully having gone for an eye test and subsequently to the Eye Hospital, a consultant there looked behind my right eye and had me taken to Hope Hospital to the neurosurgeons. I suppose we have to take into account that a SAH is a pretty rare occurrence, even rarer I suppose the NHS having to deal with SAH patients both in hospital and post hospital as a lot of people don't survive the initial bleed. The eye consultant told me that he'd only seen a SAH (behind my right eye) once in his entire career and didn't expect to see another. Keep putting one foot in front of another and getting through each day. I found that there was no improvement for weeks on end and then suddenly one morning, I'd wake up and something would have changed dramatically or got slightly better. (It's only 1 month since I've been able to see properly through my right eye and not have bad double vision and have to wear an eye patch). You're at month 4 and I'm at 5 months post SAH and hopefully you too will make some good progress in the next few months. There's a wealth of info on here (I hope the medical profession takes notes!) and you'll be amazed how often you read something and have an EUREKA moment. Big hugs Lesley xxx

Hi Matthew Welcome to the best site for SAH survivors The best bunch of people you'll find anywhere are here 24/7 and we all share our fears, woes, jokes with each other to get us through each day. Glad you're on the road to recovery. Check in here daily and we'll all get there together ... Big hug Lesley xxx

Hi Kirsty Welcome to our world You've come to the right place to be cheered up, this lot never fail to make me laugh at least once a day. Its a fantastic on-line support group and everyone is so helpful, friendly and always there to reply when we're having a bad day. Sorry you've been feeling so down, so lets see if we can cheer you up. We've all got our stories like yours and amazingly we're all still here to tell the tale (as they say). Big hug Lesley xxx

Hi Karen I didn't find this site through Wikipedia either. Have just checked and as I thought: I googled subarachnoid haemorrhage help groups and the first entry is behindthegray. I know I had been looking at Salford Royal Hospital's website too, but just checked through now and there is no mention of this site under helpful links. Shall I ask them when I go in May to put a link in to you? Hope you feel better this morning. Just for the record, and I've said this enumerable times on here, without this site I honestly don't think I would have recovered as quickly as I have. Also the most important thing for me has been that there are others on here who not only have survived but continue to survive, all with a lovely sense of humour. When I first came out of hospital I was terrified of sneezing in case I popped my clogs! And gradually I have learnt to take one day as it comes and just try and get on with things. If I've had the odd symptom, I've checked on here first before even thinking of googling it. Also the first thing I do every morning is come on here to check out how everyone is and usually have a chuckle which is a good start to the day. If there is anyone I can contact for you to help with this just let me know. Janet: hope the scan goes well tomorrow. Love 'n hugs to everyone Lesley xxx

Hi John Hope you're feeling better. Its early days for me with all this medical stuff, so can't really comment. Only the nurses told me to stop upending myself over the bath to wash my hair, but then again it was washing my hair over the bath that set off my first SAH. I think we're all here for the long haul, we survived something so critical and we have all made lifestyle changes that probably have helped a lot to guard against further SAHs. Hope so anyway. I'm lucky I haven't caught any bugs post SAH so haven't had to check this out. I would imagine as its a vascular thing, having a very high temperature would be the worst thing. Spring's about to be sprung, things can only get better Love 'n hugs to you Lesley xxx

Hi Karen Thanks for the advice, I'll look into the DLA allowance. It isn't that we're flat broke, and Paul is working 7 days a week at the moment! but its if there are emergencies needing to be paid for. I really expected to be able to work full time for a few more years and replace things like the central heating boiler (about 20 odd years old according to my gas engineer) before retiring. Never mind, perhaps I'll be able to do part time next year or something. Yes, I think I'll definitely have someone with me when I get the home visit from work, although they are really nice people, sure they'll do what they can to be fair and square. Have a nice evening Love and hugs Lesley xxx