alison

Well Hello again wonderful people its been nearly 4 years since Chris had his SH and stroke. I was just reading back over this thread at how far we had come. And with out this wonderful site i really dont know where i would have been back at the begining so once again thank you for all the posts, advice and support ..has been so great!! As for me and Chris now...well, I say this with a heavy heart but...we are actually seperating..its very sad i know....He is waiting to get his own little flat locally. We are still friends, Ive been there for him 24/7 for 4 alomost 4 years ...I am going to help him ease into his new life and with all the added support he will recieve. I feel I am enabling his acoholism while he is with me here and we have just become incredibly dysfunctional as a family. I feel really guilty for not being able to carry on with Chris as my partner, I still love the guy btw....but I did try..I admire anyone who copes with a loved one in this situation..i know it can be so surreal. I wont go on and on about the negative things with Chris as I am sure everyone knows all about it really, just wanted to update you on our journey. much Love Alison x

Hey Tinks I am there right with you hunny hugs, have been through a very similar situation with my partner. He had an SAH 2 years ago and has improved so much. When he first woke , he was the same, sexually explicit, racist, aggressive ..he was never like this before. I was terribly embarrassed at the time, even leaving the hospital in tears because it was so distressing...BUT...it does pass! Yep, he maybe like it for a while...but, when Dad is more aware and as time goes on you will be able to say to him ' hey Dad, dont say that...or Dad, that is not really very nice ' etc ..words to that effect, he will basically have to learn what is acceptable socially again...my partner was exactly the same...he is fine on that front now..maybe the odd thing here and there but nothing like in the early days. Right now, i know its really hard to see your dad going through all this. My partner also had some skull removed because of pressure ...and a year later they fitted him with a metal plate, just an over night stay at the hosp and it was fine and he looks right back to how he did The best thing i can advise is taking what he says with a pinch of salt, the negative stuff i mean...he really cant help it and the nurses docs etc,..know this too I read that when the brain has this trauma , when awakened again, all the deep early primal emotions wake first, sexual, aggression etc...so its just part of your dads healing process, as freaky as it is So chin up, you are doing all the right things being there for him I wish you all the best on the journey you face and i am sure you will soon begin to have some positive days Please feel free to message me if i can be of any help..and here is the link to my intro on this site and you will see i had very similar worries to you http://www.behindthegray.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?7530-New-Member-Alison-saying-hello

Thank you for your replies Yep, the drinking thing is very hard to be honest, its prob the worst thing that is going on now. Such a shame and i feel guilty about it in some way..i dont want to be an enabler for him. Anyway, i really am keeping as positive as possible about everything. The trouble with Chris and getting help is, in his mind..he is quite fine and can do it all by himself..and anyone who has come to see him, he will quickly get them to leave! lol..so i dont know..still baby steps i guess I know its an escape for him, i really do understand that and I hope in due time we can tackle it positively! and Win...i sing all the time ! i got that from you i sing my head off as i go about the house and even when i take a trip to the shops lol...it makes me smile Well i will keep updating, see how things progress love and hugs to you all and thank you once again for all your on going support , prayer and words of encouragement

Well its been 2 years since Chris had his SAH...cant believe where the time has gone! I have not written here for a while and wanted to pop in as I dont know what i would have done with out the support from the great folks here ! Well, Chris is doing good in some things, bad on others...all the things i worried about, especially his lowered inhibition is much better now He still has to be reminded now and then of his behavior if he says things a lil too OTT but other than that, its all cope able. Last January he had a metal plate fitted to cover the large gap in his skull, his head is now all back to its normal shape. Was just an overnight time in St Georges and he has had no complications at all His blindness in his left eye has improved and he has learnt to compensate with the other. The only down side to things with Chris is that he is now an alcoholic. I feel even strange writing that , as it seems so surreal. So...this obviously has impacted a lot on his recovery. Trying to cope with a drunk brain injured person is not fun at all, very stressful but i do my best each day to get us through it. When he has not had a drink, we talk about his brain and what the drink is doing etc..he knows its a no win situation, but sadly, he has no motivation to stop, he has lost the skills he had to make those decisions sadly so i try to manage it with him as best i can. Apart from the drink issue, Chris is actually doing well he is pretty much the person he was, but there is this core that is missing or is blurred. I see flickers of the old chris now and then. What the future holds?..well i really do now know...we just have to make the most of each day I guess.

smiles..its great news you are getting better. I think maybe the blues and anxiety can come from pp expecting too much from you and maybe expecting to much from yourself Its such a rollercoaster ride and you are only human, dont be so hard on yourself hun x good luck in your wonderful process and great improvements. X Alison x

Welcome Lillian, my partner had an SAH in feb this year, he is 46, i can totally understand what you are going through. my thoughts are with you both xx

oh right scoob, did you have an op to replace the skull or are you waiting to hear about it? Chris's dent is about 3 inches high 6 inches long it does look quite strange, i am used to it now, but some days its very prominent others its less. After he had a clip fitted, he began to get worse so it was performed to purely save his life and release pressure. I think when chris has had it delt with he will be able to move forward even more, its kind of stopping things right now, and i tell him its still early early days in his recovery.

Thank you for your replies guys. Lovely to hear from you and ty as always for your wonderful support and yes, this site is amazing. I have learnt so much here its fantastic xx hugs everyone

Hi Win and Paul, so lovely to hear from you both and ty for your replies. did you get any good tunes on ya dads plate Win..chuckles. I dont know what is going to happen with Chris, will find out more in Aug when we go to the hosp i guess. He is quite frightened at the thought of having the op, i tried to keep him calm and say all the right things to him, but i would feel the same no doubt, at one point he said ' i dont wanna have it done i am happy like this' awwww. but i chatted with him and said he would be safer and be able do do more things with replaced, he agrees but i totally understand his concerns. Interesting about Lin, Paul. Glad to hear she is all fitted for the plate, a scary time too tho. Big hugs for Lin xx. I call Chris Iggle Piggle, a character from a kids tv show cos they have the same shape head at the mo..chuckles, he thinks that is funny. i also noticed when he is dehydrated , the dip in his head is way more prominent so i try to encourage him to drink more. Well its all a waiting game..was told this from the start smiles. thank you again for your replies and Win i dont know what a shunt is, only heard that in a train yard setting...chuckles. hugs and love to you all. My thoughts are with you both xx Have a great week xx

Has anyone had this? if so what happened to you? are you waiting for it to be replaced or a metal plate? I was curious as i dont know anyone else that has had this, and wondered what the procedure is too fix it?

hey lovelies just wanted to say hi as i not been here much lately. hope everyone is doing well Well its coming up 5 months since Chris had is SAH., still early days in the whole scheme of things. He has been home a while now and is slowly improving in many ways. I dont think he will ever be totally the same, i feel i can just tell but who knows. His speech and capacity to grasp the full facts of his condition are much improved. His impatience is still crazy and his concept of time appears to be non existent sometimes. He still may put his clothes on inside out and his shoes on the wrong feet but now we laugh about it, and i look him if he has done this, smiles and say, 'you better look in the mirror love' and he says 'oh ****** hell' looking at his back to front things ..chuckles. But on the other hand he never complains about himself and he does try very hard to get on with stuff. He gets tired very quickly and he has attempted tasks like strimming and mowing the lawn. i used to moan and worry about him doing these things but now, just let him have a go at stuff and just supervise, unless its really dangerous or irrational. We are going back to St. Georges in August, as Chris still has a bone flap at the moment. He will find out then what is gonna happen about that. So its onwards and upwards and keep smiling

I am not entirely sure this applies to your partner but they may help http://www.headway.org.uk/executive-dysfunction-after-brain-injury.aspx http://www.headway.org.uk/caring.aspx i found headway a really good site you can download a lot of pdf stuff too from them xx Alison

Hello Mountain I totally understand how you feel, my partner had an SAH of feb this year and i am slowly learning to be with the 'new' Chris. its only very early in his recovery but he too is a bit of a dif person right now. I understand now that it is his injury and not him that has caused this change. my partner suffered his bleed on the right frontal lobe and is now left with a condition called executive dysfunction. Now i know what this is i have researched and can now understand and help him in many ways. He too used to be a very fit guy always out on his bike, doing DIY round the house or spent time gardening, now all those things are of no interest ( except the bike riding where we have had many standoffs about it, as chris still has a bone flap and needs his skull repaired before he can venture on that again). Chris seems very flat in personality and also very childlike in many ways. i just try to stay chilled even tho I have had my moments where i felt like i was really losing my marbles. It sounds like you are doing your very best hun and you are only human and as every one says, its a long road and everyone recovers at dif paces. as for the bedroom dept..giggles..my partner is the opposite and a lil demanding at times! but i still stay chilled because i am not always in the mood, its hard to be a carer and a lover to the same person without a few issues. I wish you all the best hun and chin up hugs x

Thanks Macca, great post Yes I realise its a long old road we are walking here. I have kept a diary, i started it the day Chris first had his SAH, i do look back and think wow! Chris has come a long way all ready even tho its early in his recovery. Chris is a smart guy, his memory is impeccable, I am thankful we can still have a laugh together amongst the tough times I have been with Chris 23 years, we never married, we both just too lazy to ever sort it out but maybe will now, he has asked me a few times lately...giggles. Your lady sounds a wonderful girl, so brill to hear you getting married and i wish you every happiness in your life together. When i read messages like yours, the light at the end of the tunnels glows brighter so i thank you for taking the time to post. Alison x

I hope your MRI goes all good Mike. Thank you for your support and for sharing your experiences. Chris's behaviour has calmed down a lot thank goodness, He still has the odd day when he may be inappropriate but I can now cope with things much better. I know now that Chris will always be a little bit different from before. Even tho he is in a little denial of his exact state, day to day its been a bit easier. I am learning to cope and put in place new routines to deal with things. I try to stay calm and be lighthearted as often as poss. I have had a couple of bad days with Chris when he has been extremely demanding but we getting there

nice to meet you The people here have been fantastic support to me after my partner suffered an SAH in feb. Lovely to meet you and I wish you all the best in your recovery

Hi Tim This place is great!!! My partner has an SAH in feb 2012 and the folks here have been amazing support and a given me a wealth of fab info

Hey no problem Michelle thank you for trying to help i am very appreciative of all help always the ladies that came today thought it was a motorbike too lol! so no worries ever Chris is in the bath now, he asked me 138 times if it was ready as I was running it...chuckles!! hugs to everyone xx huggles xx

well today an OT and a speech therapist came to see Chris. He was the most charming man in the world to them. They had a good chat with him about therapy and what help they could offer. At this moment Chris is very reluctant to do therapy at all, he thinks laying in bed for 2 weeks will cure him completely. I have asked them to stay in touch with me, which they will do, and i am going to try gently to get Chris to let them work with him. Chris was stubborn before his event and now its very different because he cant always see how poorly he still is. Saying that tho, when the OT and ST were chatting with him, he did say he often thinks he is better than he is, and we all spoke about him going out on his bike and he even admitted it would be madness right now and explained that its hard to just to sit back and not do the stuff he did before.Chris was very active, he never sat still so i see his frustration totally. So hopefully over the next weeks with lots of talking and asking Chris questions about why he feels this and that I hope we can make steps towards getting some more of his old self back. I think with the OT and ST stressing that he only has a bone flap on his right front side and any knocks is going to be pretty awful was better than me harping on about it and if it truly sunk in, i dont know but i hope so. thank you for all your words of advice, always good as usual. Chris does not drive so thankfully that is not a prob, just his beloved push bike. Also he does have a safety helmet from the hosp but he is so reluctant to wear it. Overall Chris has really come a long way, i try to focus always on what he can do and not what he cant. I knew life would be tough when he came home, but he is here alive and kicking and it could have so easily been so different so i am thankful I have Chris here, i love him very much and we will get there

Thanks for your replies well as far asa I know its to do with emotions and planning and organizing. Now Chris is generally easy to care for but his impatience is extreme, he can appear as very selfish at the moment, I understand its all part of his condition right now tho, he has a strange danger sense too because he has a piece of skull missing at the moment and around the house he is aware he has to be careful and now he keeps wanting to go out on his bike, which leads to a row. I hate arguing cos he so poorly but he refuses to listen and says its up to him and if he wants to go he will. Now we went for a walk yesterday and he was bumping into things on his left and he even went to step out in front of car to cross the road, if he thinks I am letting him out on his bike he can think again but I am worried sick about this to be honest. He thinks I am controlling his life and does not seem to realise that it would (terribly dangerous

Has anyone suffered this after an SAH or stroke? Or is or has anyone cared for someone with this condition? I ask as my partner has this condition at the moment after an SAH. He is in recovery and is improving but wondered how others coped or are coping?

Hello lovlies hope everyone all good and enjoying the lovely weather we are having Well........Chris is home!!! he discharged himself Wednesday. a friend called into the hospital on Wednesday to see Chris, felt sorry that he was miserable and agitated and got him out!! i was not too happy about this as Chris needed to be there longer. Anyway, i have contacted all the relevant ppl and they have been phoning me, as much as they are concerned after doctors came round on wed eve to assess Chris to see if he had the mental capacity to know what happened, they were fine with his answers to their questions. it has been a crazy time, I just hope i can cope, Chris thinks he is fine and is kinda unaware that his decision making skills are a bit non existent right now, also he has trouble with his right eye and his vision is pretty zero in that eye at the moment. so......i have been caring for him here at home the best I can, I have made safe the house and locked up the shed were his beloved bike is!! I already had one stand-off with him about him wanting to go out on it today!! now, i know this is gonna be ****** hard work, but i love Chris and will always be there for him. His impulsiveness and impatience is really the toughest part to cope with. he knows he has to be careful but in reality he does not always think in that frame of mind so i had to be the firmest ever today and it was very tough cos he just thinks I am trying to control all aspects of his life. I am sure we will get there. I have been given a list of numbers for help if ever I need anyone suddenly so i do feel supported. When Chris is relaxed he is lovely and great to be around so I am learning to avoid the situations that lead to him being impulsive or cross....smiles...well heres to getting there x big hugs to everyone who has always supported me ty ty xxxxxxx Alison xx

The brain is a wonderful thing!! i never in a million years would have thought i would find out so much about brains !! I wish everyone a wonderful rest of the week and big hugs and love to you all xx Alison xx

Chris is doing really really well I am actually amazed at how far he has come, considering I have had days when i was just freakin out with all emotions blazing. I am sitting here and its late. just trawling through a few youtube vids and i thought of all the people here who have been there when i needed to ask a question or just wanted some comfort when it was all bleak. Every thing people said have been so positive and so true. My worst fear of late was Chris's behaviour, i was so worried he would be this violent cussing aggressive inappropriate guy for the rest of his life and i came here and i grizzled, and now...well its so much better. None of that now, hell yeah he still suffers with confusion and he can talk about stuff thats not quite making sense, for England lol. But I see Chris now, I see him so much more than i ever had since his SAH. He is now asking me questions about his event, he has apologised that he has been difficult and frustrating, and some times a right royal pain...and was like awwwwww bless him for that. I told him its all ok and i know he could not help it, but for him to acknowledge that he has been different i felt was a major step forward for him before there was no reasoning. Today we sat outside on the grass together, hugging and laughing..it was the coolest day since it all happened. so thanks to everyone who told me to hang in there, i always trusted you all cos you all been through so much yourselves. gosh i am wafflin I think he will be home very very soon, few more days in hosp, then a bit of rehab i believe is his next steps love and hugs and thanks everyone. everyone i have met to do with SAH, patients, family members of sufferers, friends, i tell them all about this place xxxxxxx love Alison xx

Well its been a few days since my last post and I have seen lots of improvements in Chris. He is fully mobile now and can walk fairly well for short periods of time. I got a wheelchair for him and have been taking him outside for fresh air ( even tho he keeps stopping ppl and asking if there have come to take him home! lol ). He has calmed down alot with his behaviour which I am so thankful for, he still very confused about things but it all seems a lil better and not so intense. The other day I was looking for some things at home, I had lost my iron! lol and the BT telephone we used to have as I have got a new service starting monday. I looked everywhere. I thought hmmmm, maybe Chris knows, maybe he can tell me. surely enough he remembered where they both were hahaha! I was soooo pleased. He also has been asking me more questions now, about his event and what happened. So that makes me think his understanding is slowly coming back. So for now things are going ok and I am learning to still stay focused and calm thank you all again for your continued support. Have a beautiful Friday love Alison xx