Karen Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 Hi Andy, Glad that your Mum is doing okay. Will also look forward to Tuesday......you will have to keep reminding me.......as I can be such a "wooden top"! Hopefully, you will get a nice icon when we chat again......I don't want the sad one either! Yep, I bet you never had so many helpful volunteers to carry sandbags....I don't know, men honestly.......like kids in a sweet shop! Hope that you have a good weekend, K x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyp Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 Sami-I took a peak at this-it is very good..I noticed it mentions a self help group near Nottingham..have alook! Is this the one you are likely to go to? There was a contact there... All the best Andy P X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted September 23, 2006 Author Share Posted September 23, 2006 Hi Andy/Sami, The Brain Help site is very good, a lot of info and lots of links. Walter who runs it, seems very nice and very helpful, but yep, it's certainly a good site to visit. The more help anybody can get the better. Waiting to hear from Julie at the Different Strokes website, to see if they will also link with us. Again, it's a great site. Julie is a voluntary worker with Different Strokes and she is also a survivor of SAH. Anyway, hope all is well, K x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted September 24, 2006 Author Share Posted September 24, 2006 Hi Sami, Just hope that you've had a better weekend than last week. How did the wedding go? Just hope you're okay...... K x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Hi Guys I didn't make it to the wedding - I had a funny turn on the way home on Friday - felt really faint and as though I was going to pass out. Got home and just laid on the sofa. This weekend was no better than the last. Paul had to work too so I spent the day with my parents. It was nice to be looked after by them again, made me feel like a little kid. I'm suffering more each day with the depression side of things, I just don't know whats causing it and I'm not used to feeling like this. I feel like theres no end to it and I'm in a really dark long tunnel and can't see a light. Sorry to put everyone on a downer today Sami xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Hi Sami, Sorry to hear that you've had a bad weekend..........the "funny turns" are horrible......I still get them and have had a couple when I was out today. I still can't get used to having funny sensations in my head and the feeling of being out of control. It's the main thing that makes me feel really fed up......so you have my sympathy. I shall be tackling the Doc about it on Friday, as I need something to dull this feeling. There's no way that I'm ever going to be comfortable with feeling as though I could pass out!! Just hope that you will feel better in the next couple of days and that you will feel brighter. Speak to you soon, K x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Hi Karen Thats exactly how it feels - like I'm not in control. I just feel overwhelmed by this feeling of despair and feel like its never going to lift. I know that I have every reason to be happy and I so want to hold onto those feelings and bring them to the front and over the bad feelings but I just can't seem to do it. No matter how much rest I've had i always feel emotionally drained. I can't stand the thought of feeling like this for much longer - I'm normally bright and bubbly etc and feel like the SAH has killed the person but left the shell. I'm still waiting to hear from the counsellor that my Doc has referred me to. Hope you're feeling better now (even though I'm ranting!!) Speak soon Sami xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Hi Sami, Sometimes, I'm not quite sure how I've managed to get this far.....but somehow, you do......I think that having kids helps, even though they can often make you feel stressed out.....not sure what I would have been like without the motivation of carrying on for them. You do get up in the morning, you do put a meal on the table and make sure that they have a packed lunch, money for the bus fare to school, clean clothes etc.....it's probably the drudgery of the day to day stuff that helps to keep you going. It's also knowing that you need to achieve "normality" for them and you don't want them to be upset or see you like a wreck. I would be lying to say that I haven't struggled with things......that was the main reason for setting up this site, I didn't feel as though I could be the only one to feel like it and also keeping in touch with some lovely people from the website that was pulled.......I think that when you talk, you need to be honest about your feelings.....we've all put on a brave face, probably more times than we should have done, as we don't want to come across as being miserable or seeming as though we are full of self pity. I have fought hard to stay off anti deps, but think that I'm probably at the stage where I need some help.......it certainly doesn't help with having the physical stuff to deal with, as it's a constant reminder of the SAH. (However, I'm still not keen on taking pills......as had so many side effects from the anti seizure medication........I seem to swing backwards and forwards with these feelings.....should I or shouldn't I etc) I think that you will probably find that it will take you 3 months to start making real progress........physically and mentally.......sometimes it's hard when people say to you that you're "lucky", well even at this stage of recovery I don't always feel lucky, especially when I'm going through some really bad days.........I'll look forward to the day when I do!!!! That doesn't mean to say that I'm full of self pity, as I'm not at all, but I often feel like saying to them "walk a few miles in my shoes" then come back to me! It's been a real struggle and my life has changed dramatically and I just like to be honest.....but I think that with honesty you can still be positive. I'm still positive enough to think that I can turn things around and I'm willing to try anything if it helps! I am grateful that I've been given a second chance at life...............but no, I don't feel grateful for experiencing this..........nobody could convince me otherwise at the minute!! I think that most people post SAH seem to experience the feeling of returning with the same body, but the person inside has dissappeared. I suppose with the life/death experience, we are all bound to change and our life style priorities are different than they were before the SAH. Nobody can expect you to be happy and smiley all of the time.......that's one thing that I've learnt.......I wasn't always like that before the SAH.....so why should I feel different now? Anyway Sami, it's good to vent your true emotions......I think that being honest is good for you and is also a help to other people experiencing the same......I'm certainly not a "Saint" and have never professed to be. I like to think that I'm a "half glass full" person and not "half empty"........still positive, but realistic......I can still laugh......but I'm also allowed to have the odd moan and groan or a good cry if I need to! Anyway, this is turning into an essay!......you do start to learn to live with the new you.......but yes, you're allowed to feel fed up and frustrated sometimes, nobody should expect you to be "Super Woman/Man".........but, if you really start to struggle with your emotions, then you must go and have a chat with your GP. Any time you want to chat...........moan or groan...........you know where we are! Take good care of yourself, Love Karen x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Hi Karen Thanks for yur advice. You're right - I never used to wkae up feeling on top of the world everyday either. I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself to be happy everyday and focusing too much on how I'm going to feel. Like you say it doesn't help when you wake up and can feel the side affect of the SAH - I'm still waking with mild headaches at the mo and thats part of the reason I end up feeling down. I also think that what hsppened to me is finally sinking in and it hard to comes to terms with. But hey, I'm alive and yes this is my second chance too so I've got to have the courage and the energy to grab it with both hands! Speak later Sami xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 Hi Sami, A little late getting on my computer today.....my daughter has got a temperature, sore throat etc.....just hope that I don't pick it up! Apparently, there's a lot going around at the minute, so trying to stay out of the same room.....don't I sound awful! When I pick up bugs now, they really seem to hit me hard.....it's bad enough putting up with the fatigue anyway, I just don't want anything else! So, just running in and out of the room making sure that she's okay. How are you today? Are you still okay to do the chat room tonight? If you're not up to it, no worries, as I'm not sure whether Andy P will be joining us, as he's been having some bad heads, so just hope all is well with him. Anyway, must go and check on Lauren.....hope that you're having a good day. Love K x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Hi Karen Not too bad today just heady and tired. Think yesterday was the result of doing too much on Sunday without a rest. Will be struggling to make tonight to be honest but we must arrange another night when we're all feeling up to it. I'd feel tonnes better if I didn't wake with the headache every time - I've tried to lay off the paracetamol today to see if they're partly to blame like the codeine was - am going to have a nice radox mood enhancing bath and a head massage courtesy of my husband later. Just a quick question - a bit nosey but would help - how did your hubby cope with your SAH? My hubby feels that he's not qualified to help/doing enough etc I've told him that he's doing his best and it helps when he hugs me etc but I know he finds it as stressful as I do depressing some days. Take care Sami xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 Hi Sami, No problems about doing the chat tonight. You should only do it, if you feel up to it., honestly it's not a problem.....I couldn't have done it at your stage, so no worries, but if you ever want to talk etc you know where I am. I will private message you later, about the rest of your post, as don't really want to do it on the discussion. I will try to p/message you at the same time as going on to chat..........so apologies in advance for my grammar mistakes! ( I work off of a notebook laptop....and the screen is tiny, so not much cop with my dodgy eyesight!) Anyway, I shall be going into the Chat Room at 7.30......as feels it's my duty with running this site etc.............I'm probably going to be a right "Billy no mates!" (he he!....... but never mind...........I shall stick on Eastenders at the same time for company!! (Just hope that it's not too depressing or the wine will come out!!) You take good care of yourself and hope that your evening is a good one. Your Husband is lovely..........Indian Head massage.........I wish!! Love K x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Hi Karen Thanks for understanding. I think sometimes I do expect too much of myself at this stage because physically I'm OK. Just gonna take it easy tonight and appreciate the finer things in life - ie get home feed the ducks, feed us and then bath He is lovely and I tell him so frequently but I think he finds it hard to believe when I feel low. He's been my rock throughout all of this. Anyway I'm off home now (as I do this from work during the week) I've not done too much before you and Andy tell me off!! If you're there Andy, hope all is OK with you and we'll speak soon. I'll pick your message up tomorrow Karen so no rush from your side. Have a good evening and don't let Eastenders get yow down too much!!! Love Sami xxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.