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Do not read your medical records from the ICU!

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I read some of the reports from the day I was admitted to the ICU today and I am still shaking and crying. :shock:

Turns out I had a combo SAH. Only a small portion of the perimesencephalic cistern was involved.It was mostly midbrain, in places and cisterns that sound like a scifi movie! LOL And there were two points of bleeding and an issue with my heart….no one told me that. I don't remember any of the testing listed as being done that night. I thought I was awake but according to the reports I was not and in way more serious condition then I thought.

I know it doesn't matter because the end result of being alive and relatively well is a blessing. But I'm overcome once again with guilt for not being more spectaculour in my life! Damn Oprah……

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Honey I wouldn't worry about it, few of us don't remember I know that even after all this time I still don't remember anything not even a flicker....

Really put the gloomy thoughts out your mind no need to feel guilty about anything..

take care

Edited by Louise
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I have my emergency reports too and the reports when I was moved to the other hospital. I have all three of my angiograms. The emergency room reports haunted me until I made the dr explain it to me.

I honestly made myself sick with worry.

No Oprah for me either!!


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  • 2 weeks later...


It took me 3 tries to read my records...not because I couldn't read or understand them. Emotionally, it is a process to go through. I too had more than the perimesencephalic region involved.

I wanted to be the one who had the full recovery, who had the best chances, who was going to work the hardest for the biggest reward. But just like the initial event, we can't control what type of hemorrhage we got.

I do have to say that 2/12 years out, I feel so much more like my pre-SAH self now than I did last January. I had a big improvement after 18months. I'm not back to normal, and I still mourn that on occasion, but I am very satisfied with the general arc of my life, illness, and recovery.

It takes a while to get to this stage and I'm sure there are more stages for me to go through as well. Keep you eyes open inwardly especially and then you'll know when to revisit your records again.


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Hi Susan,

I know this dance. Two steps forward and then I fall on my face. When I went to see my neuro he said that was normal and it would take time to heal. It's not just a few months, it truly is 12-18 months and more. I am almost 10 months and I still have "stuff" still going on.

For the most part I am getting better though. Especially if I look back and see where I was and where I am now. Wow, that is something. Together we will conquer!!


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