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Hi all, I hope you are all well? I am like a bad penny that disappears then returns once in a blue moon to try and make sense of my own muddled mind through everyone else's experience/advice I am struggling to make sense of my current level of "togetherness". I am two and a half years post blip so not a new member but in the last six months or so my mental state has confounded me. I have big holes appearing in my long term memory as well as my appalling short term. I forgot where the saucepans were the other day but they haven't moved for years. I couldn't remember a birthday ( that's a major anomaly for me). I forgot father's day for my father in law but bought presents for my husband from our children. I am becoming word blind, my spelling is shocking as is my grammar. My balance is shot and I have the attention span of a gnat that's just hit your windscreen at 70mph but more importantly to me I am devoid of all fluffiness. I feel nothing, long conversations bore me, little to no empathy. In a nutshell I spend my days being scratchy. I'm not a bad person and I don't believe I genuinely mean to be a battle axe but I just can't help it. In myself I feel great. It's like I am two people I'm happy and content but only when I am left alone. I hope someone can relate to this and share their thoughts because I'm stumped and have fast disappearing enthusiasm to sort it out. Dearest Win....I have tried singing but even thats not doing its thing Any suggestions will be gladly received M.O.F X

Just another thought. As you are a carer for your husband ask a carer's assessment from Social Services. They may well have suggestions to make life a little easier for you or may well be able to put help in place. Contact Adult Care at your County Council. There is no shame in asking for help even if it is for the short term.

You know what Neil I think we have all flown over Hope Valley every day since haven't we well done for the baby and big steps you have made and keep on keeping on. Go steady with things but still pushing the envelope nonetheless.

Welcome Sherry and pleased you have found this site it has been an enormous help to me and the friendship of people who understand is good. Whilst my SAH was from aneurysm I had terrible trouble sleeping for months afterwards, so appreciate how difficult that is especially with children. As everyone has said it is very early days and your body and brain are in a process of recovery which is very individual. You will be frightened that is normal I was frightened for a long time still have some anxiety that could occur again but I don't think about it daily now just when feeling ill or very stressed. It is an emotional roller coaster as your health which we often take for granted can take you by surprise - it does get better but gradually don't be frightened to ask for help or give yourself forgiveness at times for how you feel. Good luck in your recovery and they are all helpful on this site so don't hesitate to post and get support. Regards Sharon x

Well it’s been a year since my head blew a fuse. It’s been the most difficult year of my life but I have made a lot of progress. I struggle with fatigue and don’t have the strength and stamina I used to but I’m able to do most things and am very much enjoying life again. Every now and then I check on the forum and it is really helpful to read similar experiences. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to offer support and advice on here. My biggest improvements started around eight months after the SAH. My daily headaches stopped, my head became clearer and my mental stamina improved significantly. I could listen to music again without it sounding wrong (I think my brain processed high and low frequency sounds at different rates) and I no longer needed to use ear plugs and sunglasses. I started to enjoy reading books again and discovered I could beat my previous high scores on cognitive tests without even trying. The regular pain that developed behind my left eye, which turned into my problem headaches, started to occur less and less frequently, to the point where it only happens if I don’t get enough sleep or if I’m suffering from stress. I started to kayak again and was surprised how well I coped with serious white water and rescue type situations. I always feel a bit rough for a day or so afterward, so have to plan my days around my activities. I have dropped out at the last minute on a couple of sea kayak trips because it just didn’t feel right. It might be anxiety but it may just be a healthy respect for the sea and not wanting to cause a problem for me or my friends. I hope to get out on the sea later this summer and maybe a longer trip later in the year. I cycle occasionally and find I am a lot slower than I used to be and need to take rests but I’m working on it and enjoying what I can do. The biggest surprise has been my ability to fly my paraglider. It doesn’t seem that long ago when I thought I would never be able to do my main sport ever again. I tried a short flight earlier in the year and 20 minutes in the air put me in bed for a week. Four months later and I flew a 5 ½ hour flight all around the peak district. I had a special moment when I flew out to Sheffield and pulled a couple of victory loops over the Royal Hallamshire hospital. I struggle if I try to fly on two consecutive days and need to have a rest day afterward but for the first time since the SAH I feel truly lucky and recognise things could be a lot worse. This weekend I went camping with my eldest daughter and we went kayaking together. It’s been a difficult time for my family and I think we all appreciate each other a little more. My youngest is in the middle of her exams and we are looking forward to a family holiday later this summer. I’m doing some work but still very much taking it easy. It continues to be a worry but I don’t want to make any long term career decisions until I have a better understanding of what I will be capable of and if my stamina/fatigue will improve. I’m attempting some fairly ambitious DIY projects and using this as a measure for what I can do and what I can cope with. I seem to be ok as long as I don’t attempt too much, try to stick to timescales when I’m struggling with fatigue or allow myself to get stressed by my current limitations. I still enjoy walking but weirdly found my stamina level has dropped significantly in the last couple of months. The same thing happened at around the six month point, when I went through a significant cognitive improvement. It improved after a month or so and I hope to experience the same recovery of my stamina soon. It may be that I’m just doing more of everything else but fatigue seems to be my biggest on-going issue for now. Sorry if this is all a bit lengthy. Whilst our recovery stories are all different, I thought it may give hope to someone in a similar situation to me last year. Things are still a struggle but I’m able to do so much more than just a few months ago. I get frustrated from time to time and get taken by surprise with the odd day where I struggle to be able to think straight, remember a minor recent event or achieve anything useful but on the whole I’m surprising myself with how well I’m doing. My anxiety levels are now much lower, I feel more confident, much more capable and a bit more like my old self again. Wishing you all the best, Neil