blueday

Yes garyolly....your in the right place and Welcome. I say the right place because as your friends visit you.. they will ask "How are you.. OK?" and you'll say "Fine, a lot better". I must have said that a thousand times myself. It's like a code at times, saying the right thing. Here at BTG some are helpful and patient...some just tell it straight like me as I shoot from the hip, the difference is that these people at BTG, know what you have been through and understand....more than friends, even nurses....even Doctors will struggle at times. Until you have been in the Water....you don't know.. So just jump in when your ready...I was in denial for years after my SAH. Then I dived in for my own recovery.

Dr. Silberstein is talking again......but at this price I advise you listen to him. With his knowledge at no charge....brilliant. I know he has helped hundreds of people with problems with Aphasia and Strokes. My quiet hero Harvey Alter is still climbing his own mountain, but touched thousands of people in the States. I was just pointing out about 'Cognitive' problems after Strokes. I was trying to give some 'Re-Cognition' too. What I write is what you read, you won't hear that from me.

Yes this can be quite common at certain times. I am semi-paraplegic mainly with my right leg and arm. The frustration for the patient as you start to recover, the question is why is this. I am my own patient now, I know for sure my leg and arm is fine. I was a runner and a footballer (no surprise then). So why is walking difficult? The word paralysis indicates a problem with my leg and gait (walking style). There is nothing wrong with it...the tool I have misplaced is in my brain. So I don't work on my leg, I work on my brain. I had good success recovering my arm very well... when you 'think' about your fingers and hand and arm you become more complete. The downside is fatigue. Working on my leg is another challenge.... my mini mountain. As we always say we are all individual people. All our strokes and SAH are exactly that totally individual. I'm sure a lot of our team have no problems with mobility or arms and legs...some mild....some worse. I can guarantee that if you have the desire, we will all be dancing again, its just an awakening. Dr. Stephen Silberstein M.D

Hey...I'm quoting from myself! This is a follow on from what Momo noted. I thought some may find this interesting. Obviously you have to reason and balance from what you read or hear.....but that is life isn't it. I noted this from a personal experience that I thought I would share. It is not well heard or watched but it may ring some bells to some. It rang bells to me with me having Aphasia and touched on some points that I have mentioned on my Aphasia page which Jaykay had picked up on about my IQ levels. He spoke very good English, but with any accent I struggle. Judge it for yourself, and with my favourite word be 'balanced' about it. So if it helps with Memory, Concentration and with me on Comprehension, don't close the doors.

Thanks Momo.....we are all learning.... Maggie has learnt some of the tricks for us all. I learnt from Elvis..."a little less conversation....a lttle more ACTION"...suits me! I do admire Harvey....people who climb mountains they are called heroes or adventurers, but I know that Harvey went up a BIG mountain too. Yes Momo you enjoyed it with him and laughed.....we do need some humour too..

Yes we all need inspiration at times. Today is for me….and perhaps some others. The title to this page is “Aphasia” so today is a little more specific. Again I like to listen to other peoples talking; today my hero is Harvey Alter. He will explain himself anyway, but his achievements and recovery is again brilliant! In a nutshell he has Aphasia and quite severe. After years of rehabilitation he is who he is now. With his disabilities he has dedicated himself to help others with Aphasia in the United States…..and he has had great successes. His support system is more like a Corporation other than a Charity. I enjoyed his speech very much…as I said before working from the inside out I appreciate the level of concentration he must have done as he completed his chat, and I’m sure he will need a rest after that! Funnily enough listening to him talking about singing…..struck me on a subject before about stammering. I hope I don’t bore the majority here….. from theses little things we learn and recover very much. Today I’m writing…..tomorrow hopefully talking.

Hello team…..OK….please don’t shoot me as I’m only the messenger! I came across something that I want to share with us all. I definitely acknowledge The Brain Help Charity in Scotland for the work they have done too about people who have had Subarachnoid Haemorrhages and Brain Injuries. They are listed below and worth a look at too. This is for inspiration for us all as it is about Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, as a younger woman she dedicated her life to understand how the brain works to help her own brother who was born with Schizophrenia and brain disorders. She is qualified to talk about this subject as she had her own SAH! So now as a Doctor and Scientist she does her own talking as now she talks from the inside out……like us all Survivors. It does take some time to listen to all of this so do your e mails first then read all the articles at BTG then settle to it. As we all share personal experiences on the Home page at BTG this is one to listen to rather than read but it is the same ………just a personal experience. I can see she does not have Aphasia as such but worth seeing. I will try to invite Dr. Bolte Taylor to our own SAH BBQ in Dorset but complicated as she is in the States so don’t hold your breath. Her recovery was GREAT…..so if she can do it so can WE! God Willing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XTINfPhzMM Oprah Winfrey initial interview (9 mins) How it Feels to have a stroke ..a personal experience (20 mins) http://www.brainhelp.co.uk/Welcome.html Brain Help Scotland

Brilliant...........she's about 26 years old. God help us now,

Maggie….many thanks for your compliment. You commented on my avatar…..yes it works for me although I do find it a little haunting, as it stares at me as if words should come out but don’t. I write more and talk less now although at home I MUST try more at home. It creates more tension with my Angel. She is more an extrovert than myself now but she does need conversations and jokes….thankfully she has a good sense of humour so that keeps us going. I introvert more now and become a recluse, but I do see the dangers. Tomorrow is my Speech & Language group but after 5 hours that will close me up again for a week. It makes a long day, with travelling its like doing a shift nearly after 7 hours. In the early evening I have to see my new Doctor with Angel as she does the explaining for me. I once went on my own to see a Doctor but what a disaster that was. What a list I have had of Doctors. I used to feel more comfortable when you had the same Doctor for years, developing a relationship, respect and trust. These days everything just seems like a business, more money more costs more funding. Sorry Maggie this has come out like a chat so best I leave it….but............

Lin-lin thank you for adding and enhancing our group. Always good to have a Solicitor in the family, even though you have put your books down for the moment. Your SAH is very recent, as we have learnt. I'm sure you were thankful that you survived your personal ordeal, and it's normal that you want to get better quick and get on with life too. Reading in between your lines it sounds as though you have a balanced approach to how you are feeling.......which is an excellent attitude. Depending on how you feel regarding work and taking on the world again may take some time. We don't know all the details about you and your SAH; we don't even have to know at all. Just the three letters says it al....SAH. Lovely you put down some words for us after only 7 months and 2 weeks, now its time to heal and strengthen yourself again. Looking forward to hearing from you again.

Tina, Janet and team. Yes they were not good days for you either, with thanks to God you did.....even against the odds. The odds is my business so I know where you were. I was given 40% survival. So today we all sing to you.... "Simply the Best". Hoping you and your family all do well.

Having Aphasia is a dark place I live, lonely and frustrating. It’s not a blessing it’s a curse. I have lived for 3 years in denial about my haemorrhage. Hoping to get better not understanding about myself. With my permanent friend it’s always here, for me 24 hours a day, every day, doesn’t even take Christmas day off and always listens to me. Not the BFG…the Big Friendly Giant it’s Bigger and Better the BTG Behind the Gray. It’s behind me when I need it most. It has in many ways ‘Awakened’ me to life. To deal with things…….to a point accepts things, but also to fight on! Aphasia is part of my body now, but it can be used to help me. Retraining my Brain, looking at things differently, different approach and new ways to achieve things, even in small ways. We all know every journey starts with one step…. from every little seed a new Oak tree can grow. I am trying to work around my memory deficiencies, and likewise exercise it. I explained to JayKay I remember names by association….and now for me it works with some success. Joe, Jim Jerry are just names, don’t mean anything to me, a name is a name is a name. JayKay thankfully has included a picture of herself, and very nice too. With eyes closed I can see her…..so what is her name? I build the thread, Photographer…BTG……JayKay….Jen. I do understand it might not make sense to you, but for me it works. It’s like when people have different problems like talking…….singing is easier. Why..? God knows but it works for some. I remember a young guy won some competition on TV. it’s a name so I don’t know….was it Will was it Wilf. A very nice young man who when he spoke he had quite a nasty stammer or stutter, but he could sing perfectly. Why? Words are words. He sang so well anyway he won the competition and created his own life from it. So the Brain is a clever thing, just try a different approach. I learnt something from that. I was going to bore you all about the significance of making lists. I have lists for everything now with Cognitive problems…..but I live with my new constitution, I wont be caught out or “Fooled Again”….sounds like a song! Then again with the BTG and the BOB (Brains of Britain) collectively, none of us is ever going to be Fooled Again! I’ll save that for another time. Remember those days?This has Awakened me to many things. Having to ‘think’ about walking and using other not damaged parts of your brain to operate limbs in a way reminds me of the “The Awakening”….remember that film. I think Robert De Niro and Robin Williams were in it based on fact. A Doctor worked so hard randomly on offering certain drugs to people who were in a vegetative state. He successfully made them Awake… had them talking, washing, shaving and reasoning even dancing…. so a bit like me lol. I use poetic license in this as I am not catatonic (fingers crossed).It was based on fact and truth where these remarkable achievements were achieved for about 11 people for only about 2 weeks. Sadly it has never been achieved as the drugs were used far too randomly. Nevertheless it motivates and inspires me; I must get out a DVD again.(Yeah… I know strange films for strange people) Honestly team, I am not Catatonic…..except something like when I am in bed sleeping again. Which reminds me…..I’m off for a lie down, catch you all later.

Momo........thanks for that. I'm sure some may have help from it, so things to think about.

JayKay….many thanks for your discovery and your observation. Many thanks as I read it as I am moderately paralysed too. I think physically as far as arms and legs are concerned you are fine, so thanks for sharing and thinking about us. I used to call you the 'Journalist on the Spot' now I see I should change it. With Aphasia I cannot remember names easily so I do it by association to help me. Journalist on the Spot....BTG.....Jaykay........Jen, but maybe it's not accurate. The Photographer...BTG....JayKay... Jen. More accurate because as your father said "You have a good eye"....means you spot things which others may miss, observant, paint a picture for us to see. So thanks for spotting that article, taking a picture of it in words for us to see it, to share.

ZOE1ZOE1ZOE1 (Ooops sorry wrong caps were on) ! I think you answered your own question about Richard's driving at the moment. To be honest if he is just at Haywood Rehab working on his low concentration levels and as you say as he is left paralysed, which on a manual car would be the clutch pedal controlling the drive of any vehicle....well as I said you answered your own questions. In response to your first post I was preparing my own experiences with the DVLA and my own driving but I'll save it for another time. The DVLA never give you a simple answer to any questions regarding the Legal Requirements for driving, other than one charming Lady whose name is witheld who I certainly owe her a bottle of Champagne. Points of interest regarding driving Licenses. I have been driving on my full License for in excess of 1 year. After my SAH I did not drive for 3 years. I never surrendered my License. If Richard surrenders his own License then think of the implications whenever the time for his driving is appropriate again. The DVLA can not seize or cancel any License. Only the Police and the Courts can cause a License cancellation. The DVLA can only make recommendations for Medical reasons when supported by Doctors and Medical persons. Subarachnoid Haemorrhages are included on the Medical reasons not to drive. You will be pushing your luck without a minimum of 1 year 'clear' of any Seizures or Epilepsy additional medical complications. Once the DVLA have been informed that a driver has had an SAH, ensure that you are clear to drive again by the Medical Board is in possession IN WRITING. Hopefully that clarifies my own position on driving.

I have been working on my Aphasia for 4 years now….48 months…1,460 days….35,040 hours, but whose counting! Time has come to personally analyse my improvements. Talking: YES improvement. I can say Hello and have a conversation to a point. Thankfully I can order my own Pint! Reading: YES improvement. I can read well and enunciate well. Ask me later what did I read? No chance. Writing: YES improvement. I don’t write like abdfghk ccklmnt dfg anymore! Comprehension: YES improvement. (It looks better if I say YES) Still lose the thread, go White blank, understand what you said to me ‘Poor’ Arithmetic: YES improvement. Funnily enough it never totally deserted me. I always was an ‘Adder Man’ So for these improvements I personally thank my Speech and Language therapy Group at Queen Mary’s Hospital, Sidcup…..you know who you are, Beryl, Jan and Rosemary and the Volunteer team. I thank you. Cognitive Behaviour. Timing: Still Poor. But I do realise my own deficiencies. Planning: Poor. What is a Plan? Memory: Some improvement. What did I have for dinner last night? Just give me a chance. I’ll get there. Concentration: Weak 10 minutes is long enough but push me for 15 minutes. You have to be Cruel to be Kind at times. Moods: Instable Still swinging and bouncing around like a ball! Still crying then laughing. Get a GRIP. Understanding: Be nice..let’s just call it moderately Poor but with improvement. IQ (quota): Reduced. Last test 3 years ago IQ 80-90. Dull. (Believe me I hate reading that too) Physicality and Co-ordination. Right leg spasticity with drop foot and right knee hyperextension. Leg support brace to be upgraded to full calliper with knee support to improve gait and avoid damage to knee and correct back pains. Medical Background. 7th March 2006 Subarachnoid Haemorrhage after an aneurysm with extensive internal bleeding followed by a Stroke after Coiling. After the tragic loss of his personal GP no Doctor for the last year, had temporary Practitioners followed by a new Doctor addressing physical difficulties. Started a course for Depression, but that Doctor is no longer present but replaced by an additional new Doctor, not yet been met and unknown. Other problems to be dealt with later after the course for Depression. Registered as 'Disabled' by local Council. Positive Achievements: Active reader and writer at Behind the Gray after Karen’s conception and support from her own family and Bogbrush. (aka Chief Technical Director) noted very good improvement in writing, particularly after continued therapy at BTG. Maintained continued therapy at Speech and Language, Sidcup over the last 4 years. Other achievements: None. I contacted 'Headway' 4 weeks ago where I was assessed for Cognitive assistance. They agreed they could help for one day a week pending funding. Since then I heard nothing. But I did try. Let's face it life doesn't get any easier. Analysing my own recovery in comparison to others I have thanked those who are responsible for those I am in gratitude forever. Reading through things 6 times to get the ‘gist’…… to spend 7 hours to make sense and spell correctly and re-read things makes me tired. Me and my PC are not actually married, just good friends as it gives me my voice. Methinks it’s time for Blueday to go to bed…..many thanks all, and I mean it!

Welcome to BTG..... When you want to write something, if your thinking and taking your time make sure you can save what you have written somewhere before you hit the submit button. If there is too much of a time delay you will lose what you have written. You won't be happy if you lose it all..........like I have. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

thanks for that JayKay......most informative.as we no it is not easy to claim after your own illness. yes to stop the professional scroungers i understand that. but when you are vulnerable after an illness is almost impossible too. when i was working in businnes i paid alot towatds taxation. funnily enough i kept a track of how much tax and insurance i paid. if i got it all back now id be living in the carribean and not worrying about bills. as i say we are all in the same boat. affter 16 years to 20 years paying tax think about it. if you paid a lwer rate of tax and insurance £5,000 per annum after 20 years £100,000 has gone towards the government. try to claim £50 per week assistance and it will be hard. if you are in your 50's as i am to pension day as it is 15 years.so you claim back £39,000 the government still keep £61,000. i was a higher tax rate at 40%.....now it would be 50%. after 20 years taxation £1,000,000 has gone so I should be in the carribean. try to claim back £39,000 and you'll have the same problems. the Inland and Customs Excise Revenue (HMRC....HidingMyRealCash)should be renamed Mafia Inc. but im not bitter.keep the money, spend it on roads, spend it on the Olympics im sure i wont be offered any free tickets for the celebrations. and at £100 tickets something tells me I wont attend any why......'cos i cant afford it!but like i said im not bitter! i cant work at the moment, tried to claim unemployment benefit. No.....not qualified. ESA.....nope surprise not qualified. but hang on i did qualify for DLA as im registered as disabled. £36 oer week =£1872 per annum after 3 years i have cost £5616so keep the £994,384 Mafia Inc. i cant sit in a seat at the olympics that i paid for....actually quite a few seats so i should invite some friends all at gratis.but im not bitter....AS I EXPLODE! thanks JayKay thanks for your report and information. challenging isuues but i know they wont keep you quiet. you are our reporter on the pulse. which newspaper challenges issues for people....erm im struggling. and we all know it wont get any easier after the budget.They give us the Budget because we are the Budgies! anywya y'all thats my twopence up.hopefully ill clean this up if i remember what i was doing before i started finnishing this. as i calm down making social conversations....Anyone watching football today? Portugal-v- Brasil worth watching.........on Sunday England-v- Germany (but as Cecil always says dont mention the War) ill save my shilling for the meter when England are on.............but im not bitter! thanks BTG (BehindThe Gray) and our new super hero BatmanTackledGovernment !

Hiya Jaykay........... Yes you are absolutely right......... so how shrewd you are.Yes it's all about making sense. You have no idea........(well, actually you do) how I have to prove read before I post, but it helps me too. I'm hoping that what I said may have rang bells to others too.

Mood swings to us is a mystery to us. Hopefully as we are recovering we usually don't know or realise at first why we ask our own questions. Why do I get so irritable? Why did I get so emotional? What made me cry so quickly for no reason? Am I as passionate as I was before? What made me laugh so much...when I didn't even inderstand the Joke? Was I making sense when I was talking? Why do I feel so down and depressed? What's the point....I can't be bothered today? I'm not going out today....so I'll shower another day, if I remember? Feels like my brain is shutting down?....and loads of other personal questions. We all ask our own questions as we understand our own bodies. I see it actually as a good sign. If you ask those questions then you are on the road to recovery, if you don't ask those questions.....then you still need some time to heal. JayKay and Miss Moody.....yes like me our lives have been "shunted". That is how I describe it. Others will agree........as we know in different ways. The level of change is dependent on our personal scale. I have a friend at Speech and Language Therapy.....a mature man having had at least two strokes. Talking to me within minutes he can be sad and upset and crying.........then within moments smiling, laughing and being amusing. This I do understand. The shunt of his life. He doesn't analyse himself but he is aware of his change. I don't pacify him if he cries but I do laugh with him as he tries to manage himself. I suppose we all do as we learn about our own "Body Management". Others have said after their own SAH......they changed, they care more, they can be more observant, they live more for the day, perhaps they are more complete people Survivors. These are the bonuses ! (?)

Welcome Angela, nice to see you were cruising as now you are in the fast lane with us all........if you get tired just pass on the baton, we always pick up. I followed your development quite closely......two aneurysms as we all know this isn't so friendly. But you did it and your sister. I had several bleeds before my big one. So welcome aboard....remember your focus on your grandchildren...but also think about yourself too. Wishing you luck and reading you more and please give my regards to your sister.... as we are all in the same boat. You said we were "Smashing."...taking that as a compliment so thank you. We are also wise enough to know you are a "Cracker" to so carry on........doing what you did.

Those that are interested in Aphasia for academic reasons or like me, as I have it! As we ascertained the level of Aphasia is the amount of confusion in communication language ...the disturbance in words. To simplify the Aphasia Scale, with myself, on 1 to 10 -12345678910- whereas others can be 1 or 2 or even less .5 This has been caused by my ruptured haemorrhage and the extent of internal bleeding in the brain causing damage, as we all know the human body is a very complicated engine but is very resilient. Aphasia Scale...........7 Apply the same to my Paralysis Scale..7 then Body and Balance Scale.....5 then Headache Scale...........0 Fatigue Scale as we all have that... 5 In this example my score is 24/50 which are just approximations. This illuminates my level of body and brain disturbance since my SAH. This is for my benefit for matters to be addressed to my whole body. No other Doctor has analysed the whole body or the complete package. Doctors have offered pills for this, pills for that. Rehabilitation has addressed Speech and Language Therapy. In a disjointed fashion they have all had invaluable help but when I am my own Doctor I want the whole package. With your own Health Scale above including your own ailments such as; Mood Swings, Learning Ability, Memory, Depression, Panic Attacks and Incontinence.. these are all very common ailments after SAH or Stroke. Bearing in mind my example above my score should have been less than 5/50 to be so normal and fit and healthy, so I have some work to do on myself. I had Dominant Hemisphere damage with the extent of blood so no surprise that the Pituitary Gland is affected....to a point. In the winter I cannot naturally regulate my own body temperature. I was always cold for 4 months. Others had a jacket or jumper on..I was under a blanket with the central heating on. In bed I was always cold, couldnĺt sleep. Eventually I did and I woke up cold. My partner kicked off the duvet with the heating on...even had sweats. I even pinched some of her own body heat by contact. She recognised I was cold in comparison. This is a good indicator that some where the body balance is wrong. This likewise is a follow on with Dorina's page on Hypothyroidism, the disturbance in the body balance as the Pituitary and Hypothalamus. Radhia Gleis talks much better than me so she can do the talking for me, and looks a lot better. There is too much information in here so just take out what is relevant and balanced. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GGaT...=PL&playnext=2 Gleis1..If you stick with this Dr.Gleis will go throug her whole DVD..which will put you to sleep! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdrXc...next=1&index=8 Gleis 2 Hypothalamus Hypopituitarism(sorry about the sound quality in this where a medical student was cheating)

Welcome to the team. Seems as though we have some things in common. 1. We had subarachnoid haemorrhages. 2. We both ruptured and had internal bleeding. 3. 2006 was a year to surprise us both. 4. We are both survivors. 5. We are recovering, learning and strengthening. 6. We are both our best Doctors No. 1 The reason why I say we are our own Best Doctors, because we know better than anybody else about our own bodies, about our ailments and about our best strengths. After my haemorrhage followed by a stroke for the next 3 years I was in denial, simply because I didn't know about my own position. Over the last year I have learnt alot about myself my own problems so that I can address my own ailments. I am not a medical person so I am not an expert, but I am an expert no me!(just as you are) You have done really very well about yourself.... I know you love your family immensely as they do too about you with your support. There is no paranoia involved in this. Just keep an eye on yourself and make balanced decisions about yourself, then keep your Doctors in a job.....because it is there Job. Best wishes......take care of your kids and husband.....also take care of yourself.

Yes saw it last night Nita........forget about the money......You were the "Secret Survivor!" Operating the fork lift truck, I think Phil may have learnt something from you too. Well Done! Working where you are.........I think you did your bit too confirming Phil's generosity. I should thank Phil too having gone through his own journey, sharing some of his own experiences and his success. Long may his life and happiness continue with himself and his family. Well Done all..........something to be proud of!

Sorry Leonie I missed that........didn't know until today on Sunday 13th. As you know Wimbledon is awkward from S.E but I would have made the effort. Best regards.........