Riane

Surfer, what is DSA?

I just got off the phone with my GP. He has sent in a requisition for a CT angiogram to follow up my brain bleed of June 17th. This is to be the first follow up after the CT scans I had while in hospital. He has requested a CT angiogram "Circle of Willis" scan. That is the one where contrast dye is injected through IV, into the veins, then the CT scan conducted. I asked (12 days ago) for a 4 vessel catheter CT angiogram - that is the one where the catheter is inserted through the artery in the groin then the contrast dye is injected into the arteries. My GP feels that the risks are much greater with this procedure. I said that regardless of the increased risks, I would like the 4 vessel catheter procedure. He has reluctantly agreed to see if he can book this one. Have I made the right decision in pushing this? I am having such a hard time making simple decisions these days, a decision like this one feels huge and overwhelming. I am afraid that I'm p******** off my doctor (not a good thing) and if I do get the procedure I am requesting then I have to travel hours for it, and have to face the extra risks of the procedure itself. On the other hand if I get the less invasive procedure (that my doctor admits doesn't take as close a look) and it comes back negative (as everyone is anticipating) I am afraid that I will still wonder if I do indeed have an aneurysm lurking in my head. My husband suggested I post here, since everyone here is somewhat familiar with the procedures I'm talking about. What would you do? I'm so confused... Riane

Eric, Good luck with your day. How many hours are you working in a day? How many days in a week? Listen to your body. Be well. Rest. Drink lots of water. Riane

Hi Sandi, REading your post reminded me of things I read at the Dealing with Doctors page of TBI website. It sounds like you're doing some of what's suggested, but just wanted to bring your attention to the page, if you haven't already checked it out. I found this at this website on Traumatic Brain Injury. While most of us here don't technically have "traumatic" brain injury (we didn't have an external 'blow' to the head) there are lots of cross over in terms of recovery and dealing with different thigsg. I found this website very useful for information. Hope it's useful for you. R:-) PS, I'm gonna give you a call sometime in the next few days, don't know when yet...look for my ring!

Hooray Win! Let's do a round of....I dunno, what rude songs do you have on that side of the pond?! Goodluck tomorrow Ern!

Every morning my 2 year old wakes up and asks "you still have owie in head?" Yes, I tell her, but it's getting better every day. She asks again when she comes home from childcare. It's become her check in ritual with me. She used to tell the story about, "Mommy have owie, doctor come and take Mommy away to hospital" over and over again, many times a day. (she was here when it happened) That story only makes an appearance a couple of times a week now. Her way of dealing with the changes around here. Not as funny a story as Leo's, but I do want to appreciate the candor of children. Many adults are so afraid to talk about what's bothering them, or what they're uncomfortable with...but leave it to a child to blurt it out. Gotta love 'em!

Si? quanto dinero? Too rich for my blood!

I just looooove how much we all have in common on this site. :lol: Perhaps van (and other vehicle) keys should get into the next study on SAH's.

As near as I can remember I was given much the same advice as you, Eric. Only difference, they didn't mention that I shouldn't be driving. It really was all rather vague. That vagueness and the fact that I was only seen by residents (the doctor was too busy to see me) contributed to me thinking that what happened to me wasn't that big a deal. Perhaps it should be a no-brainer, but I did drive within about a week. Looking back, not such a good choice. They also told me to get a follow up CT angio after 3 months. I have subsequently learned this is absolutely too long and quite ridiculous. I am now somewhere on the waiting list for follow up CT angio. It's been 6 weeks since my bleed. I have no idea how long the waiting list is. When I get too annoyed with Canadian/BC healthcare I remember that south of the border my family would be faced with losing our home over the hospital bills of this occurence. Our income is such that if we were American we would be those "working-class" folks that just cant' afford healthcare and make too much money for state programs. So, I remember that it's worth the wait, as I'm waiting in my comfortable home. I have learned much more about recovery steps, process, and things to watch for here. Thanks everyone, and especially Karen.

Oh my goodness Neil, do I ever know what you mean. I was trying to explain the loss of concept of self to my husband last night and I don't think I suceeded. We had just watched the Jill Botte-Taylor talk about her experience with her stroke/hemorrhage (click here to see it, only 18 mins long). I turned to him and said, "I am no longer the choreographer of my life". This statement of hers spoke so deeply to me because as a dancer and producer of shows, I know what is to be a choreographer. And, like you, pre-SAH I was a confident person who determined her own life. I had a very positive out look on life and was as successful at things as I wanted to be. I always looked at the glass half full. Even if it was empty it just meant I could wash that one out and get a new one. But, now I feel that all the "landmarks" of who I am/was have been WOOSHED away, like the tidal wave in Japan after the earthquake (back in March was it?). I watched a video on YouTube, back then. The power of nature to destroy all that humans had built was immense and awe inspiring, and frightening. I feel that something akin to that has happened to me. All the structures I built around myself/for myself and those I relate(d) to, have been crumbled into a puddle of debris. All my roads, pathways and directional signs to who I was - washed away. Now what? All of my life I have been graced with a deep feeling, a deep knowing that all is connected. Each of us is connected - by energy, by our souls, by The Creator, by whatever words we want to call it. Somewhere along the way of my SAH I lost that connection. I lost my deep knowing. It used to be that when I felt despair or sadness I would reach out with an inner voice and call..."are YOU there", and I would be answered, in one way or another. Since my SAH there is no answer. There is only silence. I wish that I had had a more profound spiritual experience than I had. I wish I had seen my grandparents, or felt the hand of the Creator, or...? But, as I had my SAH and went through the many hands that finally brought me to the hospital I felt...nothing. There was no deep well of strength, Love, compassion, bright lights, knowing, peace, anything. There is only my will to survive pulling me back to this moment. My own intuition and the people I am working with on this healing journey all tell me that this moment is where I need to be. Yet, despite the definite gifts of the SAH (and there have been some), I find myself in this present moment with less than I had in present moments previous to the SAH. I feel diminished. Not just in capacity, but in my soul. In my human experience. In my spiritual experience. I feel that I have lost something so valuable and so indefinable and I can't find it anywhere. Strangely enough, I lost my van keys. The day before my SAH I went to work and came home again. I must have had my keys then as I drove the van. Early the next morning I had my SAH. We have not been able to find my keys since coming home from the hospital. I and my husband have looked everywhere we can think of...twice. No luck. On that key ring were many keys unlocking many things, including my van (mobility), our mailbox (communication), my scooter (independence). I have used the key analogy to explain to my husband what I have lost. While we have searched everywhere for the physical keys, we have not found them and I am dependent on others (him) to get the mail, to provide the means for transportation. Luckily, we can get a new set cut (one of these days we will). However, much more important than that, I have lost very valuable keys to myself. I have searched everywhere inside of myself for them (more than twice). I can't find them. I don't know if they're even in here. Perhaps one day I will stumble across them, but so far no luck. In the meantime I feel alone for the first time in my life. I miss my soul/connection. I miss my optimism. I miss some extremely valuable parts of myself. My husband says they will come back. I tell him this is like telling me I'll find my keys. Perhaps both are true. One day I may find my keys/lost parts of self. In the meantime I must stumble along without them. No-one yet knows how to make a copy of a soul to replace the one that is lost. I'm sorry I have no optimistic ray of light to shine on this topic. I am truly sorry about that. I used to have so much light inside of me. Now, it's just a bit of a confused wreckage in there. It is here at BTG that I feel some remnant of connection that I previously felt. I feel that we are each connected to each other in our shared confusion, similar experiences, losses of self and experience with personal existential crisis. Right now BTG feels like a lifeline. I am so deeply grateful for that.

yeah, sleep...yeah, well... I didn't get much fo that pre-bleed. I was doing fine on 5 hours sleep a night for two years. Sometimes I would get as much as 6 hours. Occasionally I would sleep in and get a whole 8 hours (I felt so luxuriously decadent on those days). I got in such a habit that I wasn't able to sleep before midnight or 1 am each night. The night I had my SAH I went to bed at 3am. Hmmmm. I'm not stupid. Just a little slow sometimes. Looking back I can totally see what led up to my bleed. I wasn't getting headaches before, but I was getting "tight head". I get that now post-bleed, it tells me I'm tired. That it's time to stop. I'm learning to listen. I go to bed at 10pm now. Sleep till my 2 year old wakes me up at 7am. Last night I was up till midnight finishing my "research project". Today I ahve "tight head". yeah, I'm not stupid. I get the connection now. You don't have to hit me over the head with a Mack Truck (again!). The "office" is closed for the rest of this week. No more research. I'll re-assess next Monday. Glad to hear you're feeling good Eric. I hope/wish for you that you have an amazingly smooth recovery process. Damn, who doesn't want that!? R:-)

I downloaded the pmaphlet from the brain and spine foundation. Would love to get the leaflet from the Stroke foundation and Different Strokes. Maybe I'll check out their websites. When I have the eneergy. It sure sounds like you folks have great support on that side of the pond. Makes me more frustrated to see how little support we have over here. Honestly, there is no follow up that has been suggested to me. I've been asking for something, but there really is so very little. My doctor is sending me to a pshyciatrist (and I've finally agreed) and that's all that's available to me. Perhaps that's becuase I had a NASAH. Perhaps they have more support for aneurysmal SAH's. I honestly don't know. It boggles my mind.

I had some weird and concerning symptoms on Friday. My doctor was concerned about a re-bleed, so I was sent to the hospital for another CT scan and a lumbar puncture. Everything is fine, symptoms have gone away, CT scan and lumbar puncture were clear - no blood. That was 6 weeks exactly post SAH. So I have obviously processed my blood. On an interesting note, while they were warning about the possibility of headache from the LP (lumbar puncture) resulting from decreased CS fluid - I HAVE FOUND MY HEADACHE AND HIGH PRESSURE HEAD HAVE ALL BUT DISAPPEARED! Not that I'm advocating LP's to get rid of headaches (my resulting back ache sucks) but I sure find it interesting.... R:-)

Wow! It's great to hear that so many of you have received good information (and some support) from the hospital, your medical providers, or social workers and other professionals. I am continually astounded by the ignorance and lack of information that I am getting here on this side of the pond. Perhaps, as Sandi K mentioned to me, it is because of having a more concentrated population that the medicos have more information over there. Here, in Canada (and it is sounding like in the US) the info is amazingly limited. I spent most of Friday in the hospital again, trying to find out if I had a re-bleed. Without getting into details here, I did have the fortunate experience of hearing the Emergency Room doctor say, "no wonder you are experiencing all those symptoms, you have had a brain injury and those are classic brain injury symptoms." It was like the clouds cleared and the sun shone (not in a too bright way!) I was so relieved to FINALLY hear a doctor say I've had a brain injury (my own GP refuses to entertain such silly thoughts). On the negative side, when asked about his experience with what happened to me, he admitted that he's never heard of PM-NASAH. Sadly, this doctor does not maintain a private practice anywhere, he is exclusively an Emergency Room doctor. I asked. Where I live there are no pamphlets on NASAH. There may be pamphlets on aneurysmal SAH, but since that is not what they think I had they didn't give me that publication at that hospital. Because the medically accepted long-term prognosis is so good for me there has been no follow up care offered (again there may be/likely is (I hope) for folks with anuerysms). No social workers, or other folks to help educate me or help me navigate the systems that I now have to find my way through (trying to get disability support, etc while I focus on recovery). Once again I am left happy for all you folks in the UK/Europe who have such civilized sounding medical care. I'm sure it's not perfect, but when you get down on its imperfections just remember that it can be worse and is over here in North America.

I'm coming up to 6 weeks post-SAH. My 11 year old called me up today from her dad's house (he and I share custody) and she asked me if I'm better yet. Ok, she's only 11...I had a talk with her and talked to her about when she broke her arm and how long it took to heal and it was in a cast. While our brains do so many things even when we don't seem to be using them...I hope she got it a little more. I'm sure we're going to have to talk about it again. And again. And again. Yesterday I had a nice phone conversation with Sandi K. During our talk I spoke of my outrage that I was sent home from the hospital with so very little information about what to watch for in my healing journey, or where to find more information. I told her that when she and I are feeling better we should make a pamphlet to hand out to SAH and PM-SAH survivors when they are discharged from the hospital. It could talk about each person's recovery being different, while naming some things that can be very common. And, it could include website addresses for places like BTG (assuming there are any other places like BTG). Of course, being so close to the event, it's the early stages that are forefront for me. Perhaps there could be a series of pamphlets made up. One for Aneurysmal-SAH, the first stages of recovery. One for PM-SAH, the first stages of recovery. One for SAH, the long-term effects. One for people who love/care about survivors of SAH. Oh, I'm already exhausted contemplating the work involved. But seriously, I do graphic design. Layout of pamphlets is still a fairly easy thing for me. All I need is the information to include on the pamphlets....well, that and the energy to see it through. ...and the money to print... ...and the money to distribute. Frankly, despite the obstacles I do believe it can be done. And I believe that who better to get the information together than the people who are living it. Isn't that how the Stroke Foundation (may have a different name in the UK) was started was by the stroke survivors and their loved ones. Seems to me it is time to begin the early stages of getting the word out about SAH. Perhaps it takes 5 or more years. It's a damn good thing for me that Karen started this place 6 years ago. What's 5 years when you move at the pace of a SAH survivor? Just think about it... I won't be in any position to seriously consider putting together a pamphlet for an undetermined time. I'm asking people just to consider it. Perhaps there are enough of us with the combined skills/resources to one day see this to fruition. Ok, I'm stepping down off my righteous soapbox now. Please accept my appologies if I've hijacked the thread, or if this is discussed elsewhere. Just chalk it up to newbie zeal. Now, back to the regularly scheduled program on the understandable frustrations felt in the face of former friends who just don't frikkin get it. Riane

Hi Eric, Man, can I identify with the high level of activity you had pre-bleed! I have two daughters (ages 11 and 2 years); was volunteering (with 2 year old in tow) at our local elementary school which is in crisis and threatened with closure (took a min of 10 hrs per week of work at school or in meetings); worked at the local real estate office 3 days a week doing marketing, graphic design, website based work (extreme multi-tasking involving multiple web-browsers, with average of 8 tabs apiece), and keeping track of the details, details, details...of contracts etc for the Realtors, important dates, multiple pages to be faxed off and signed, submissions to lawyers, etc, etc; was building a very large cement sculpture with the kids at the local elementary school; was working on choreography for and performing in an upcoming show on September 2 and a different one November 11; came home and cooked dinner most nights; have a huuuge garden (that's going to weeds right now); and am a potter in my spare time. I totally think/know that stress played a role in my bleed. Pre-bleed I was saying for months that I was doing too much and had to slow down before life made me slow down. I had a bit of an emotional break-down about 3 weeks prior to my bleed and came out of it with the plan to go away, all by myself camping for 4 days and 3 nights. As planned, I did just that. I camped in my van, beside the ocean. It was lovely, and quiet and peaceful. I had only myself to answer to and no-one asking anything of me. It was my first time alone in 3 years! I came home on the Wednesday night. And in the middle of the night on Thursday night...boom! And now, everything has slowed down. I have hours and hours of alone time each day. My 2 year old is in daycare 5 days a week, and when she's home so is my husband. Frankly I just can't parent, and cook dinner, and arrange playdates, and deal with squables, and talk logistics with my husband all at the same time - like I used to. Now, it's one thing at a time. The detail person that I used to be is gone (for now?) and has been replaced by slow going, one-thing-at-a-time, I better write it down so I remember - New Me. But, again, that's my story. Yours is going to be different with, no doubt, some similarities along the way. Good luck to you, your wife and your kids. It has definitely been hard on my family...but then they still have me which, I believe, makes the extra burden they (my hubby especially) have to bear. I think they would agree with me on that point. Be well, and do drink the 3 litres of water each day that I read somewhere else on this site, what an amazing difference it has made in taking some of the pressure off my head. Riane

Yesterday was a difficult day. I didn't leave the house. Couldn't even make it out for my walk. Stayed in bed all day. Had the laptop with me and did a bunch of research on PM-SAH. Ha! There is really very little research to find. All the studies talk about the "excellent prognosis" and how the patients have such a great quality of life after 36 months. Where did the doctors get two-three weeks from?! Where is the information to fill in the blank of that 36 months?! Sorry, my outrage is a little over the top right now. I'm so glad to hear that the British medical system is more civilized in their approach to allowing the space and expectations for recovery time, unlike here in North America. But, all that research and hearing from you folks over the pond about how things are done in the UK has galvanized me. I called my doctor today. We had a long discussion. He has agreed to - send a referral for a follow up four vessel angiogram; give me the necessary notes so I can claim medical disability; give me a referral to a counselor (which I have now agreed to see). I am realizing that I'm going to have good days and I'm going to have bad days, and what I need right now is to have the self-centred time to be with whatever kind of day I have. Thank you again to everyone here for being here. It makes such a difference to hear your stories/experiences and know they are a reflection of my own journey. It has helped me to come to terms with where I am...at least for today, it has. R:-)

Hi Bill et all. Yep, I think I'm starting to get it. Let me recap... Boom! Thuderclap. Emergency. Scan. Scan. Stand down. Go home. Recover. Recoup. Regroup. Get back to life. Wait....it's not working. Cry. Rail. Get mad. Cry more. Get scared. Damn my head hurts. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Wear sunglasses and a hat everywhere to keep the light down. Don't leave home without earplugs. Don't be home with kids without earplugs. Grieve. Grieve. Grieve. Lift head up and find some little thing, some small thing, any little bitty thing that brings a small glimmer of joy and spend little bits of time with it. Forget artistic obsession 'cause that only brings the hangover the next day. Listen to the early warning signs and pay attention. Stop. Drink 3 litres of water a day to keep the headaches down. Reach out and find others who have already/are walking this road. Know I'm not alone. Become an annoying advocate for my own health. To the medical community, to my family, to myself. Heal. Be grateful. Walk.

Hi Eric, What part of North Carolina do you live in? I've been to Wilmington, and my sister and brother-in-law live in Carolina Shores. My mother-in-law lives in Myrtle Beach, SC. We try to get over there every year to visit her, but I don't know if we're going to make it this year. I live in British Columbia. I was told pretty much the same thing as you when I was sent home from the hospital. I can't speak for your situation, but in mine I've discovered that it's total BS! One thing that I've been wrestling with the past couple of weeks is wondering what's wrong with me that I'm not doing as well as they led me to believe I would be doing. Thank everything that is good I found my way here to find out that the only thing that's wrong with me is I had a PM-SAH and the North American expectations of pick yourself up and back to the grindstone is absolutely insane! So, go easy on yourself. Yes, by all means listen to your body, it's going to have a whole lot to say to you in this journey. Throw out any ideas/expectations (from the medical community or from yourself) of when you will be "back to normal", grieve what you have lost so that you can eventually make room for whatever your new normal is going to be. I've had some developments in my world in the past 24hrs, but I'll post them over on my intro thread. Ciao for now. Riane

Hi Ericy, Wow, that's a recent bleed. I'm amazed you're on-line already. Welcome to BTG. I had my bleed a month before you, on June 17th. They sent me home from the hospital three days later on the 20th. I spent a lot of time lying down the first two weeks, since my head ached so much and I couldn't move my neck much at all. As a result of that I had sacrum trouble. At least I thought it was because I was lying down so much (I was very active and had trouble sitting down pre-bleed). When I got up to go to the bathroom or change rooms, my sacrum would painfully sort of "catch" and I'd have to walk in a funny position that reminded me of my grandpa his last few years of life. That cleared up after a few weeks as I increased my activity. Hmmm...I still can't bend over without almost toppling over, it makes my balance go all wonky. I can however go for a walk most days. I don't know where you are located, but here in Canada there seems to be a belief that one can/should start back to work several weeks post PMSAH. I'm getting the gist that there is a different approach in the UK. Sounds like things are very civilized over there. Take time to heal Ericy. Listen to your body. Come here when you need to give yourself permission to not acheive what you did before. Riane

Hi Samantha, I'm new here too. I'm glad you (and I) found your way here. It's so wonderful to know we're not alone and that others are going through the same thing. I'm 42 years old, I had a non-aneurysmal SAH a little over 5 weeks ago, on June 17th. It's scary to not know what caused it. "They" tell me it's unlikely to happen again. I accept that is what the statistics say. But why? Why did it happen in the first place? Why wouldn't it happen again? I can't go into stores either. For me the lights are too much for my head. The sounds are too much and too sudden. I have a very large garden, my family tries to grow as much of our own food as possible. The weeds are now taking over, crops aren't being harvested. The potatoes are heaving above the ground and going green, but I can neither cover them, nor harvest them, as either takes more energy than I have. When my husband is home from work he's too busy with our 2 year old to take care of the garden. It breaks my heart to watch it get out of control like that. But, my mantra is becoming "surrender, surrender, surrender". That's really hard for me to do. Even when I do think I've done it, I find myself thinking "well, I've surrendered, how come nothing has changed?!" Good luck. You are not alone. Riane

Hello all, Thanks for the warm welcome. I am really so very happy to have found you all. Thank you Karen for creating this site, it really is a godsend right now. Sandi, I'm so happy there is someone in my own time zone and in my own west-coast cultural context. I'm looking forward to connecting with you more. Bill, thank you for your perspective. I think I'm finding my way to a similar place - it seems to me that I'm going to have to engage in grieving who I thought I was, to make room for who I will become. I have read your story and some of your posts, it seems that you have taken the opportunity presented by your event to remake your life. I trust that I will get there and will find a return of my creativity. It's difficult for me to take on my former pursuits as they are taxing on my body or brain and I need to rest right now. Having said that, as I was taking my daily walk yesterday it occurred to me that perhaps now is the time for me to get back into photography, which I haven't had the quiet time and space to indulge for a few years. Today I will take my camera on my walk with me. Maybe I'll take broken photos Tracy, when did you have your NASAH? Thanks for the welcome Louise. Carolyn and Skippy(?), How come the medics say we should be back to normal in a few weeks/months? Did they ever talk to people who had a SAH? I just don't get it. The GP that gave me morphine and left has called and left me a message and wants to talk to me, but I just don't have the energy to deal with him right now. He's a fairly young doctor and is very, very sure of himself, we've had some incidents where we don't see eye to eye, in the past - mainly because he has told me, the patient, that what I am experiencing is not what I "should" be experiencing. I hope that this has shaken him up a bit and perhaps he will be a little more careful in the future. Maybe he'll consult more with the other, more experienced GP's in his practice. The GP who diagnosed me trained in neurology, so I lucked out on that one, that's why he know an SAH when he saw it. However he has taken what he learned about SAH to heart, namely that it should be cleared up in weeks. He's an excellent "mechanic" - his approach being that if there is nothing showing up on a CT scan then there is nothing there. He thinks I should be back to me, and if I'm not it's because I have some deep seated emotional block that should be dealt with by a counselor. I have done talk therapy before and while it was useful then, it just doesn't feel right for what I'm going through right now. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be here talking and getting affirmation that what I'm going through is normal and acceptable. But going to a counselor who will help me uncover the emotional causes of why I'm so emotional just upsets me furthur. I'm emotional because things are different in my head. Please don't shrink it, 'cause that will only increase the pressure. Luckily, I have other options. On Friday, I am seeing a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medecine (who looks at the body in a wholistic way rather than just a mechanical entity) for accupuncture and perhaps some herbs. I am also working with a yoga teacher who does restorative yoga. For all my complaining I actually live in an amazing community with lots of support. And, it's amazing to find you all here and expand my community connections. Here I dont' have to explain why I'm feeling how I'm feeling. You get it. You live it. Thanks again for the welcome. Riane

Hello all, I am so happy to have found you here! After an emotionally difficult day last Saturday I spent 45minutes searching google, looking for something other than medical reports on PM-NASAH. I was looking for support, I knew it must be out there, but it sure took some teary time to find it. And, here you are. I am so relieved to not be alone on this journey. My name is Riane, I am 42 years old. I live on Denman Island, a small island on the coast of British Columbia, in Canada. The resident population of Denman is 1500 people. That number increases by another 1000 in the summer as many people come here for the beauty and the laid-back experiences of nature. I am like most Denman Island residents in that I unabashedly admit to being somewhat of a hippie, and that I am an artist. I live on Denman with my family which consists of my husband, my 11 year old daughter (her father also lives on Denman and we share custody), our 2 year old daughter and our dog. As well as being a mother and wife, I am a dancer, dance teacher, sculptor, potter, singer, writer. I am also a gardener with a large garden from which we eat much of our own food. For money I work 3 days a week doing graphic design, on-line publicity, and web admin for a local real estate company. I volunteer weekly at the local elementary school and I am active in various community groups, including producing various shows. At least, the above paragraph was true up until June 17th. Since then, my activity level has gone to nil, what I can do and the way I think of myself has changed. No doubt this is familiar to most here. On the morning of Friday June 17th I was making love with my husband when I was hit with the most excruciating explosion of a headache, nausea and leg seizures. One of the local GP's came to our house and gave me a shot of morphine, thinking that I had a migrane (though I have never had one before) or a pinched nerve. Then he left. (One day when I am feeling stronger I will follow up with him and let him know how angry I am. Thank God my bleed wasn't an aneurysm). A couple of hours later I told my husband to call the doctor again, there was something really wrong. Luckily there had been a shift change and the GP who was then on call knew right away what was going on with me. By the time he saw me at home he was sure I was having a SAH. He sent me by ambulance to the local hospital where I had a CT scan which showed that I had had a SAH. I was then airlifted to Vancouver where I got my second CT scan. By then I was on quite a bit of morphine, the pain was easing and I was responding well to the questions that kept being repeated to me. On Saturday morning I got an angiogram. On Sunday I was finally given the information that no aneurysm had been found. By that time I had already come to the realization that things were likely ok, due to the way the nurses in the ICU went from being very attentive to not having much time for me. I figured, rightly, that if it were an aneurysm there wouldn't have been a delay with getting information/treatment. While being kept in the dark was annoying and scary for me, I also understood/stand why it was that way as I was able to see that many of the people around me in the ICU were in very dire straits, and the staff was busy with them. Also, it being the weekend, there were not many neurologists working. On Monday I had a quick visit from the chief of the Neurology dept. who told me that other than having an interesting brain (apparently I have branches in my brain where none are expected, and no branches where they are expected) and the evidence of a bleed, there is nothing wrong with me. He told me he would like to see me after 3 months for a follow up angiogram just to be absolutely sure there is no aneurysm, and that's it. I was free to go and get back to my life. I could return to light duty at work after 2 weeks, and expect to be totally back to normal after 3 months. I was given the choice of going home or being transferred to another ward for a couple of days. Since I am somewhat paranoid of all the germs in hospitals, I decided to go home. I came home 5 weeks ago. My mother was here for the first two weeks to help around the house. My two year old goes to daycare 5 days a week. My husband is doing double duty as parent in the evenings and on weekends. My 11 year old has been having to take on more responsibilities around the house, but everytime she goes to her father's then comes back, we have to go through the process of getting her to remember that she can't make the same demands on Mom that she is used to doing. I returned to office work on Saturday the 16th of July - one month after my "event", and two weeks after the doctors advised me to. I did a 6 hour shift. The first 3 hours were fine. The second 3 hours I worked with a wicked headache. The next day I was pretty toasted. I worked again on last Saturday - another 6 hour shift. No headache...hooray! But, I was very "hungover" yesterday. In consultation with my hubby, we have decided I should cut my shift back to 4 hours, and stay at one day a week for now. The work that I do is a lot of "coding" in html and other information manipulation/transfer. It's not long into that work that my head starts to hurt again. These days I am mostly fine, it doesn't hurt to think the way it did a few weeks ago. But, my thinking is slow and gets confused sometimes. I get really frustrated at times. I am more emotional than ever these days (I've always been a bit emotinal) and I cry at the drop of a hat. I was crying like crazy as I kept googling, and googling trying to find a group like I have found here at BTG. I am also noticing what I think may be some symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). And, I am adverse to making love again - what was a previously much enjoyed activity, now terrifies me. The garden is overgrown as various crops are being taken over by the weeds. I cant' do the weeding, and when my hubby is home he's parenting our 2 year old, so he's not doing it. Crops that we have are not being harvested on time as again I can't do the work. I was out there picking raspberries this morning, thinking I don't have to bend over, nor lift my hands above shoulder height, but even then I got a nice crick in my neck and headache. I finished the job and got 3 good buckets into the freezer, but I'm afraid I'm going to suffer for it tomorrow with another "hangover". My GP is a great mechanic and while he knew right away what was happening to me back in June, he figures that I should be more on the mend and that I may need to consider psychotherapy, as he believes that I should be back to more work and my other activities. I have no energy for artistic pursuits which is very depressing for me, but the cement sculpture I was in the middle of doing is too much physical work for me these days. Same for working with clay. The September 2nd stage show that I was working on will have to go on without my assistance, as I'm just not up to choreographing and working with people. I used to be very outgoing and social, but now I get anxious when I am around people that I don't know. People I do know I can handle in groups of 5 maximum. More than that and I'm overwhelmed, anxious, tired and unable to communicate. Even writing isn't working for me as my thoughts go around in circles and are difficult to keep on track. I've been reading posts here for the past 2 days since I found BTG and I think that you who are reading this may identify with so much of what I'm talking about. And, reading those posts I see how minor my own difficulties are. I didn't have an aneurysm (as far as they know), it is expected that all will return to normal for me within some months, and I am so lucky to still be here and be Mama to my beautiful girls (even if Mama to my 2 year old consists of morning cuddles and bedtime stories, these days). Even with my minor challenges, I am so very grateful to continue to enjoy this gift of life. Thank you for reading some of my story. Riane