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Hi all: Yes, I wanted to add to something Skippy said that I had tried to fight it and pretend all was ok, but I was holding it all in. So I just lost it and cried in fornt of like 100 people and i didnt even care. My point is, let it out in whatever way is best for you but don't hold it in. Skippy- Nice to see you young lady. I am actaully going to see a counsellor Friday. It's free and part of the Pain CLinic I go too. My point of this counselling is to figure out my PTSD and how to enjoy life again. Iola- I thought you were arouund two months and a few others like yourself and wanted to share this with you. I'm glad you were able to read it. Hope to hear from others. David

Hello all: I have been meaning to post this thread for a while but in the meantime have been a little busy at work. I see alot of new members here and wanted to welocme them. I am 22 months in to SAH. Doing better but not 100%. I wanted to share with our new members the saga of the TWO Month Terrror I would call it. If, I wrote a book it would be chapter two. Some of us suffer a bit of a shock when we hit the two month mark of the SAH. Now mind you, not everyone feels it but from what I have read here there are many that have. What happens is at two months, the enormity of the SAH hits us. Typically, the first two weeks we are in the hospital. We get discharged. We get sent home with mostly no information. We are told we should be "recovered in 3-6 months. We rest for a month. 8 weeks hits and all of a sudden the SAH hits you like a ton of bricks. Speaking for myself, I realized that it did indeed HAPPEN and I would likley never be the same again. At two months, I happened to about 4 hours away on vacation and I had a few beers and realized I wasnt the same. I started crying right there in the bar, (happened to be a casiono). My wife was ith me thankfully. I went outside and just cried for like and hour. I'm have heard of this happening to other SAH'ers. I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just trying to give new folks a heads up. At around two months, it's gonna hit you that you had a brain injury. It may hit you hard. Let it hit you. Cry if you must. Just be aware and that it is part of the recovery process. I know others have felt this happen and wanted to try and share my experience. Any vets that care to share as well, that would be great. Good luck and stay with BTG, David

Hello, Sandi- Thanks, I need all the help I can get. I do try and bring snacks for in between meals but I won't have many "breaks" so that is what will be toughest. I will take them if I need them though. Brian- I think you need to speak to a doctor and not a PA. A neurologist or GP or THE Neurosurgeon. The same thing happened to me. The PA said "you should be back to work next week". This was 100% WRONG. PA stands for Physicians ASSISTANT. They are not doctors. Needless to say, I was off work for two months and THAT was not long enough. I had raging headaches (8-10) and still do so I spent the first two months in bed or sleeping. I suggest at least 2-3 months if you are able to take it. It depends on what you do for a living as well. You should go back to work when you are ready and not any sooner if that is possible. Going back too early will only set you back. Why would your doctor's office be rushing you back? It's either because they don't know any better or it's workmens comp rushing you. You would know better than I. All I know is I am at 22 months return to work and am at 60% health because I returned to work too soon. I wouldnt wish that on others. Let us know if you have any questions Brian. Thanks, David

Teechur, You know how I feel about this situation but I would still like to offer my support. It sounds like you just needed a good rant. It is perfectly normal. We are here for you. We feel your pain. Truly do. As someone who has had a headache for 600 straight days, I undersrtand that part of it. I dont even bother with the doctors because they dont believe me. Michelle has 5 years of headaches so she understands. You are exhausted and frustrated as you say. Me too. Kind of a powerless feeling maybe? What if this is it? I ask myself that often. I dont know the answer. But I do have some hope that more healing can take place. I agree with you and am not ok with the new "normal" or new "me". I like the "old" me. The old me was positive, kind, caring, happy and active. The new me is sometimes negative, angry, bitter, tired like an 80 year old man. Cause thats how I feel. But that's becasue we want everything. We had everything. Worked hard for a career, house, marraige friends, social life. Now those things are less satisfying. All that being said Teech, you are still very active. You work circles around me and other people in your activity. You may have to take a step back and just scale back a little. You will hopefully find time to do the things you love most. But come here and rant anytime. We understand. David

Sandi, You seem to be progressing well. I need those earplugs. your memory is very good! Last summer I was still on reduced hours. This is my first summer back full time. I will be working 9 hours a day with a short lunch. Add drive time and its 7:30AM to 5:30Pm which is a 10 hour day! I am concerned for this. Next week is my first. David

Hello, A lot of busy people on here lately. And welcome to any newcomers. Daff, are you tired yet? Your last few days have been a whirlwind. I do agree with Michelle that stress and faigue are one and the same no matter what you do in life. Mary- next week I go to four 9 1/2 hour days Mon-Thurs and then half day Friday. Its the 8am-530pm shifts with 1/2 hour lunch that I'm concerned about. Well, if I'm breathing, Im working. Macca- I am surprised but not shocked. Please update us when you have a moment. I feel so alone now. Just kidding. I'm quite sure you put a lot of thought in to your decision and it is best for you. Carl- You are almost done, congrats to you. Hope you win your battle. There is light. Sandy, keep going, I do have SOME stamina now. It only took 2 years though Wem and Mel- take it at your own pace ladies, time will heal. It took me 22 months, guess I'm a little slow Only 3349 more working days until retirement. Stay encouraged all, David

Hello, Great news Daff! We'll put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Now get some rest. Thats an order. No more Lumbar Jumping, just cake baking. Hope you are well now! David

Hi Brain, Welcome to Behind the Gray. I had my SAH 22 months ago and I am still recovering. You are in your early days. It takes everyone different times to recover. I imagine your back pain is rough. Drink lots of water, it helps hydrare the brain. The best advice i would give would be that yes it will take longer than you think and don't go back to work too soon. With 5 kids I think you will have your hands full as well. Good luck and I'm sure you'll meet many nice people here. David

Hi Daff, I feel this way often. I know sometimes I get the cold feet and hands .It's just part of the roller coaster of recovery. Hopefully just a down turn of the coaster. I have to say, it took me about 18 months to learn pacing. So you are way ahead of me. Sometimes the mind plays tricks on us. Even more so with a brain injury. Hope you are feeling better today. David

Hello all: In the best interests of BTG, I'm going to stick to the subject here. Stress and Work. Certainly stress at work or home will add so much to our fatigue and headeaches to the point of exhaustion. This week was ridiculous. Tuesday had to call the police on a friend of mine who is a full blown alcoholic and was physically threatening another frined of mine that he stays with. After a 9 hour day. Wednesday went to hospital to see said friend and pick up his clothes from his sisters. His other sister yelled at me on the phone as to why I wasnt helping my friend. ?? She's nuts. Stress! Yesterday came home and rested and spoke to my brother on the phone for 45 minutes which was nice but exhausting. Today, ready to pass out. I wouldnt wish my worst enemy to feel physically like I do today and have to go to work. But if I miss work, then my hand will get slapped or worse. Stress! The good news is I have planned a much needed long 4 day weekend to perhaps go Up North with my wife. I am really too tired to travel but my wife does so much for me that she needs and deserves the getaway too. I've learned as much as I push my body at work that if I don't drop dead then I guess I'll be ok. I hope all other BTG Back to Workers are doing well in their quest to make a living. Be well friends. David

Yes Win, I get cramps in my feet hands and ribs sometimes. Feet hurt but hands just too much typing on puter probabaly. Dawn, your thumbs may be from computer maybe. Win, I know I eat a lot so my hands hurt from fork and knife too. Mouth gets in the way though. Rib cramps are scary as shooting pains but they go away. David

Hello Pam, I am sorry for what has happened to you. It just gives me a pit in my stomach. I hope there is a better outcome for you and Richard in the future. The same thing happened to my mother. If you ever feel the need to vent, there are a number of wondderful people here to listen. I feel like a lump for complaining about headaches after reading your story. I wish the best for you and husband. David

Hello Mary, Wem, GG, Dawn, SL, Kris, I think the main issue here is fatigue and then after effects and pain. We all seem to have pain after exertion and just to what degree. I think I could prolly mow my lawn but it might knock me out for 4-5 days. So I have to pay someone to do it. Michelle- Thank you for your invaluable insight. I should pay you instead of the doctors. The information I learn here is so much more than from doctors. I have always wondered if I quit my job, would I be miracle cured. I think the answer is no. That is my guess. So I may as well work if I'm able and be able to support my family. It is horrible fatigue yes. Perhaps off topic and start another thread but thats up to mods. I dont think I can do anything physically that wont set me back 3-4 days. And I cant afford to lose 3-4 days. Thats just knowing your body. I have passed up many a social event to rest. In fact, I have no social life. Right now, dont care and maybe I'll be better some day. Thanks to all for sharing. David

Hello, You're asking the wrong cat Mary! You know my answers are yes, yes and yes. I breathe, and I feel fatigue and pain. Thanks for this though as I am comforted to know that others get a hoarse voice as well. I did play golf last fall which would be about two miles of walking. I was asleep by 8pm. zzzzzzzzz. i wouldnt even consider doing much yard work as I know it would just shatter me. Looking to hire someone to plant my garden though. I can water stuff . David

Hello, Aw Macca you old softy. Yes we miss your wisdom on here. You're like a college professor or something. What I wish is that there was more education in the medical community as to the after effects of an SAH and how we have trouble getting back to being a normal member of society. After everything I've learned and read here, I know more than the doctors and nurses and could help future SAH'er adapt to life after SAH. Someday that will happen but probably not soon. I think that SAH is so rare that theres not enough of us to care about when others have cancer and other illnessed. Just reality. Mary you and I could be a traveling Nurse team. Take care of others. Win you show us all the courage to move on through this monster and do with laughter and song. Rather ranty this week arent I? David

Hello all: Boy its been a tiring and soul crushing week. The level of brain use and demand just completely exceed our brain capacity. But I'll take it for now as we all have bills and the unemployment line is looong. Right now, I'm sockin a good chunk away for retirement and hope I make it there alive. Dawn- You're right again dear. Thinking back, I think 16 hours is perfect. 4 hours aday with Wednesday off. Thats how I started. Anything past that is too much. With working 40 it is just torture. Are you able to exercise? We go home and collpase. So how do you exercise? Doesnt seem physically possible. Dawns says "happily" amputate my head. I understand, I really do. Mary and I say poke our eyes out with dull scissors. But sometimes that seems less painful than beating our heads against the wall. Macca- We miss your wisdom on the sight my friend. Hang in there. You've keep me afloat. You had mentioned at one time that you had 3-4 years to retirement. Can you hang your hat on that? Mary- I hope you make a good decision. You have plenty to handle and theres no way they would deny you in the long run. Who will I have to poke my eyes out with then huh huh??? Mel- Its nice to hear from you. Keep plugging, you will build stamina over time. Where are ya Sandy, Lou, GG, Skippy, Wem? We need pals David

Hello DD, Thanks for sharing this. I agree with just about all of her statements and it helps to see other people put it on paper so that maybe someday the aftercare people will get it. But i definitley feel the same way as what she stated. Thanks. David

Hello all: Hi all BTG Back to Workers. Been busy at work and not much energy at night to post. Still working 40 hours and making it somehow. It has been busier than usual with tax season, proposal letters to clients and yesterday had a system upgrade that had some major bugs and was a disaster. Not our fault, it is the System Designer. I am glad to see everyone is plugging along. In 3 weeks, we go to our summer schedule which means i will have to work four 9 hour days and 1/2 day Friday. Now how the heck am I going to work 9 hours a day when I cant even work seven? Any advice Sandy? BTW, my company has decided I'm not sick any longer and it is a full time job. There is no stepping back. In the good ole USA, they are not legally bound to do so. A doctors note would be nil as it is a full time job requirement. Aint life grand? I like my job and will muddle through the hours. Am I supposed have my wife support me??? I believe that I am surely capable of working around 25 hours a week at a healthy pace. Any more than that is pushing it. How many hours do my fellow BTG'ers think that they can actually PHYSICALLY work? Just curious. I did manage to clean the house on Saturday. Maybe I'm getting better. I didnt spend the whole day in bed. i have to help my wife when I can because she does everything for me. I hope my friends here are doing well and sorry I am not more positive. Oh and i called to rent a cottage in three weeks and the lady said "Aint life grand?" at the end of her message. Someday I will sing it from the rooftops but for now I'm happy to make it through a week at a time. David

Hi Karen, I'm a Senior Member but have not read it yet. I didnt feel i was ready to tackle a book until now. How do buy it? Google? Amazon? What did others think of the book? David

Hello, Yes I have decided to try a career as a Crash test Dummy! My head doesnt hurt any more than normal so I am lucky. Cracker out, David

Hello, I get this clicking also. It is pretty common and seems to be when I'm not feeling well. I also had these clicking feelings a few weeks before SAH which may be related. But now, the back of my neck feels very weak and I'm sort of afraid to move it too much. The back of my neck feels like mush and is bothersome. if I get a massage, they aint going near it. I'm surprised more pople don't hear/have it. David

Hi All: This thread has brought up some great points. I am hoping to create a garden this year. But the physical work? I get very dizzy bending over so I may have to pay someone to plant them. I have had bad luck with potting plants. they don't seem to work for me. No idea how you do the heavy garden work GG, Mary, or anyone else. Point being the garden work might knock me out for a few days. Have had a busy three days and not hiding under the duvet yet. Waiiing to hit the wall. Sunday night I smashed my head on a mirror, Monday night had a funeral, and Tuesday night had a dinner with some old high school firends. I am rather shocked I was even able to get up today. But perhaps some stamina is kicking in. I am glad you are happy GG with your life now. Money or quality of life is a major decision. You should be proud you made that decision and are able to be happy and make it work. The DLA or SSI in the US would be a joke and cause me to lose my home, wife and any standard of living. I would have to live in a neighborhood where my belongings and life would be in daily danger. So my choice is to kill myself working or be robbed and beaten. I have to choose the money for now. It is not an easy decision for any of us. David

Thanks all, It really was scary. I'm ok now. But it's good that I didn't hit the corner of the nightstand or something. Imagine waking up with your head in a pile of glass. Yes, scared the heck out of my wife. As if our partners arent worried enough of us eh? With the blood peeling now, it feels like my brain is peeling off in pieces. I get tingling most days so it feels like I have a hole in my head (no jokes). I guess I have a hard head. Must remove all things from near bed now! Mary- I hit people in grocery with cart cause cant see the corner. And am freaked out by low ceilings as they feel closer. I am imagining Mary waving at the Birds flocking her. Thanks all, Davidhewithholeinhead

Hello all: Well I finally found something the doctors told me after the SAH to be true! . It's ok to suffer a head bump and your SAH will be ok. Let me explain. Monday morning I was having a Bad Dream and I fell out of bed and crashed my head directly in to a glass picture frame on the floor next to my bed. It was scary. My body hurled head first into the glass and I woke up on the floor bleeding in a pool of glass. I wouldnt have thought it was real until I grabbed my head and felt blood. I cut my head in two places and glass everywhere. I thinkst me lucky it wasnt worse. Im ok now but like seriously? So now the dried blood is coming off and leaving my scalp exposed. With the usual brain tingling it feels like my brain is split wide open. Fun stuff. But I had no after effects like concussion or headache (other than my daily one) that were concerning. So you see it is ok to hit your head after SAH and be ok. I wouldnt advise be a head first crash dummy like me though. this is so crazy I could not make this up. I cant have many lives left. Does it ever end? Thanks, David

Thanks Daff, I read it and can certainly relate. Although today feeling as if the sharks would just eat me and be done. Just a bad day. I give you alot of credit for writing down your thoughts. I did that for a while but then didnt stick with it. my ADD kicked in David