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Beyond The Mist? - Louise


louiserawlings
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Hi , my name is Louise I suffered my SAH in July 2010 . I was recommended to this site as there doesn't seem to be the support out there for what has happened , it seems to have been patch me up and send me home . I was sent home after a week after coils fitted but was taken back into hospital suffering vasospasms this has left me weak on my left side . After leaving for the second time I felt strong enough to go back to work after 3 months , this I now realise was a big mistake as although I felt the support was there because I looked ok on the outside it was assumed I was fine on the inside . This led to what I can only preseave to be a mental breakdown and could not cope with anything life chucked at me which hit hard as I was before this a very confident and outgoing person . Life seems even as the second anniversary comes closer is still a constant struggle , i cope day to day but i get days where i get very confused and can even forget my own name . I get tired if i have to concentrate for to long and extremely anxious and stressed over little things like bills that i know are sorted . My family make a joke that if i'm tired and speak to them i sound drunk as my words slur . I seem to have at times problems with my brain comprehending what i'm looking at or trying to take in forgetting little things quite easily . I recently had a medical as I've suffered depression with what's gone on and have been put back on a programme to get me back to work . The officer in charge after my interview said in his own opinion I should not be there , I think I try to pretend to hard that I'm back to normal but I realise this is just kidding myself and not those in close connection with me . I am hoping there are others out there to which these feelings relate to so I don't feel so alone and isolated in these feelings and at times utterly useless and would welcome any feed back or guideance in what I should do or the relevant people I should talk to

Thank you for your time Louise

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Hi Louise

just wanted to let you know I have felt the same as you. I had my NASAH in Feb 2010 and felt just like you last Oct 2011 and decided I had to do something about it.

I contacted Headway and they arranged for thecommunity neuro team to meet me. When they explained that what I was feeling was normal I learnt I bneeded to adapt by learning different copy strategies.

I have learnt to compartment things and try to deal with things one at a time as multitasking made me lose my reason and panicked me with my sense of uselessness! I am still working on things but am getting better at it. I have had to learn to not only accept help but even ask for help which i would never have done prior to my headpop as i felt it was a sign of weakness.

i realise it is not a good sign when i cannot find simple words like "tomorrow" or "photocvopy" saying today or photograph instead and when my husband mocks me for wrong words I know I am overtired.

I started using a nintendo ds and found it really did help me to think a bit better. I used it every day

I have now subscribed to a web thing "luminosity" which is same sort of thing. You can try it for free for a few days

I also think the book I read recently "rebooting my brain" showed me that what I had felt was real and the same as other people only we all feel very isolated once discharged from hospital and nobody really helps us understand how to deal with things

keep coming here Louise and you will understand that all your problems and worries are shared and you will be offered lots of reassurance and guidance

keep your chin up

Di

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Hi Louise and a warm welcome! :-D

You're definitely not alone. What you're experiencing is the same as most of us.....not that it makes life any easier for you to cope with.... but believe you me it does help to know that it's not "just you" and most of us on here will be able to totally empathise with your situation.

Mental health post SAH is something that seems to be a huge problem for many of us .... depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress etc is not something that many of us want to admit to and something that doesn't seem to be recognised by the medics post SAH or enough done to tackle it...we expect ourselves to be able to cope, but often we just put a mask on, more for other peoples benefits, than our own.

From what I've seen on this site, people are normally at their wits end before they get the help that they deserve. It took me quite a long time to admit that I wasn't coping, as I put on a really good mask! Talk to your family and no, you're not useless, you're just recovering from a major brain injury and that will take time. xx

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