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Duvet Days Gone Wild

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I have to agree with Dawn that pacing yourself while working is incredibly hard. You don't get to rest when you need to and you know you are heading for a crash if you don't. Workwise, I am not the best person to offer advice as it never got to a stage where I could pace myself as needed to have any sort of work/life balance (even after 2 years back at work - it just didn't work out for me). Others who are now back at work will have better advice to offer in that situation.

I did feel some sadness but mostly huge relief when I was medically retired. I thought I could rest now & it would all be ok. Unfortunately, for me personally, it is still neither easy or OK but using the methods I mentioned earlier make it better for me as someone who is at home full time (albeit with many other responsibilities attached).

I hope I'm not going too far off topic here, but in response to Mary & David and the gardening theme, I am also trying to 'pace' myself in this area too. This year I am using pots for many of my veggies. I have bought tattie sacks so I don't have to dig for potatoes when they are ready & my carrots will be in pots too. Last year I almost wiped myself out permanently digging up potatoes but was pleased with my haul, then my dad dug my veggie patch over & turned up 3 more bags full of them :roll: It's another pacing method that I hope will help me keep going with growing my own veg :-D

Michelle xx

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I also agree, it is all about pacing yourself and planning things.

As you know though, un expected things get thrown at us which end up using up way too many spoons.

I work 3 days a week and I know that's my limit.

Although being a housewife and mother is way more than a full time job!

My two days off work are spent doing all the things that need to be done as well as having to fit in a lot of medical appointments at the moment.

I have learnt that when my brain says it really needs rest then I have no choice but to rest. My brain just goes into shut down.

I still can not plan to do any type of social thing after work. I just wouldn't be able to cope with it.

We went out Saturday evening, had a great evening, but I knew that I'd need to not do much during the day and planned nothing for the Sunday. In fact it was nice to laze on the sofa with Miss C and watch a DVD.

As for gardening, that's still something that totally exhausts me. I need to come up with a plan to deal with that. I'd quite happily concrete the whole lot!! I think I shall take some tips from you Michelle, all your garden plans sound great, good luck with it all.

David, maybe you could get someone to help you with a small veggie patch this year ?

Mary, hope those dogs stay away from your tomatoes! My Frog likes tomatoes too.

Enjoy your duvet days guys, I shall cherish mine tomorrow!!


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Oh my goodness Sarah Lou - I have no tips on the garden apart from veggies in pots, My Dad & ex do the heavy stuff like cutting the grass & hedges. I think I misled you - sorry xx

My final days at work were also 3 full time days per week. They went from full time to 6 hours a day with breaks in between i.e Tues, Wed & Fri. Then, with a fab boss,amazingly supportive work mates & 3 days of 6 hours with an hour off to swim at lunch time included in the 6 'working hours'.....sometimes this will be the answer for people post SAH, sometimes it won't. Knowing when to give in, accept it & the financial hardship it brings is the only answer to get a balance. Never an easy choice for anyone but it is ok for me, for now. I'm happy with less financially, socially etc and benefit from having more time to give my son. Not every day as some days are still tired, grumpy & unreasonable on my behalf but so much less so than when I tried to be single wonder mum, house keeper, garden queen, carer & sole earner after SAH......

We have less but are emotionally happier, I can't put a price on that. Even my pride in myself has changed as the social 'normal' towards people claiming benefits has changed. There are people who have never worked & never faced such adversity, the only difference is I am proud of what I did before & what I try to do now....and what I hope to achieve in the future, even if it is 'only' to have been a great mum to a child with an equally life changing brain condition. I'm happy with that, I've done well & had a few comments over the last week about being able to go abroad with my son this year when I don't 'work'. I don't use his DLA for daily living, it's paid to help make life easier for him & give him some happy & normal times that his peers take for granted each & every day - like having friends to call on & hang out with. He doesn't have that so this will be his happy,normal time and I refuse to feel ashamed of being entitled to that particular benefit. I accept that when he grows up & leaves home life will be even harder for me financially, if I could change things and work, I'd be doing that already :frown:

I know it sounds harsh but sometimes the choice is money or quality of life. We all have to choose what works for us individually.

Michelle xx

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I'm glad that you're proud of yourself dear Michelle, you quite rightly should be.

I hope that you have a fantastic holiday and that you make lots of happy memories.

You know my address so you'd best send me a postcard!!

As for the gardening tips... Yes, I'm sure you can give me some so I will be asking, chop chop get writing down ideas!!

Loopy Xx

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GG, take no notice of those jealous folk. They don't know your financial situation, for all they know you are on a decent occupational pension. No business of mine so please don't say.

Just be aware that you have to tell DWP about the holiday if you get ESA.

On a sad note, don't be surprised if someone reports you for going away, that is why you must tell them so you are in the clear.

Happened to me once when I forgot to report my holiday. After that I made sure I had said I was going away but kept it quiet amonst folk I knew and others as I never found out who had reported me. I would just go and no one was any the wiser.

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Pacing myself seems to involve more of an intuitive aspect rather than 'just the cold hard facts' and yes, if I over do it, I pay for it later. Later has evolved to be farther away as time progresses like David was referring to. I used to collapse right after yoga and a good long cry. Now I can come home and practice my cello and then wash my crazy hair.

So what is overdoing? Sometimes it is obvious and sometimes it is so strange that no one could have forecast it.

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Hi All:

This thread has brought up some great points. I am hoping to create a garden this year. But the physical work? I get very dizzy bending over so I may have to pay someone to plant them. I have had bad luck with potting plants. they don't seem to work for me. No idea how you do the heavy garden work GG, Mary, or anyone else. Point being the garden work might knock me out for a few days.

Have had a busy three days and not hiding under the duvet yet. Waiiing to hit the wall. Sunday night I smashed my head on a mirror, Monday night had a funeral, and Tuesday night had a dinner with some old high school firends. I am rather shocked I was even able to get up today. But perhaps some stamina is kicking in.

I am glad you are happy GG with your life now. Money or quality of life is a major decision. You should be proud you made that decision and are able to be happy and make it work. The DLA or SSI in the US would be a joke and cause me to lose my home, wife and any standard of living. I would have to live in a neighborhood where my belongings and life would be in daily danger. So my choice is to kill myself working or be robbed and beaten. I have to choose the money for now. It is not an easy decision for any of us.


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Hi David,

I seem to have said something in my post that has mislead a few of you on here....I'm so sorry, it wasn't intentional :oops: I don't manage the heavy work YET!! But never say never, maybe I will again one day?

I understand what you are saying about DLA/SSI. I don't live in the best part of town but, interestingly, my house used to be on the outskirts of the town in the countryside.Unfortunately as I was only 22 when I moved in I hated the silence & isolation. Over the last few years there has been intensive building of new housing estates next to me. Ironically, I now crave the silence I hated when I was younger!! The new builds are now the more expensive part of town & the noise disturbance, litter, minor crime & vandalism has risen with the new builds :shocked:

No massive point to this post other than that if I was still working I would move in a flash so even 'better' areas have their problem families.

Hopefully you will find what works for you in your own situation. Keep smiling :-D

Michelle xx

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Chin up Davey it is not even close to being time to plant anythign yet??

I have to say I had to do some major physical work the other day and knew I would pay for it for days so I was thinking back to when you have surgury they always say stay ahead of the pain so I alternated my pain and muscle relaxer pills while drinking a gallon of water and wore my giant sunglasses and big hat as well ( only nice day we have had). I think it worked pretty well- that was Monday and other than beign slightly crippled - hot baths, ice packs and the pool I did ok- today is Wednesday I had to lay down a bit. My hands hurt so badly from holding the rake but that so far has been the worst of it. I think my plan worked pretty well. I must say I am prescribed these medications and am not offering advice. I just knew I had to get a lot of work done and I would pay for it for a week.

Also I have not even removed my leaves from the beds yet. And when I do I will crawl like a baby and scoot on my bottom to get it done. No bending over or raking I sit in one place and jsut scoot like a toddler!

PS I also have found that I can wrap my ice pack in thin kitchen towel and tie it to my body! It works well around my neck.

We have all these tree trunks in the yard left from tree service and a family came by and wanted the wood for fire wood. Perfect! They came yesterday morning before school to grab a load I am thinking any kid that will do that ( ages 12, 14 & 16?) he is my helper for the summer. I probably won't even have to pay that much!!! Boy my kids were good at getting ready for school on their own etc but no way could I ever talk them into grabbing a load of tree trunks at 7:00 am before school. Yep, that little one is my plan out of killing myself in the yard this summer!!


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