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Increased agitation

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It's been a while since I last contributed to this forum, apologies for that. These last couple of months have been hard, I find myself actively defending myself in conversations as I feel threatened.

Unfortunately my husband is bearing the brunt of this as in my mind he is the worst offender. A slight insight to him, suffers severe depression to the point of making attempts on his life, he was a loving gentle man but is now sometimes very aggressive and we ( myself, my husband and especially my sunshine boys) have had to cope with a lot over the last three years since he has been in the grip of this terrible illness. Before my sah I lost all my hair through the stress of trying to keep him alive, care for five children and hold down three part time jobs as he couldn't work. It's fun in our house......

Christmas of last year he under went a back operation as two discs had ruptured and were resting on his spinal cord, a condition called cauda equina. The operation left him with use in only one leg and following a subsequent fall in August he now has no lower movement and is confined to a wheelchair. This has rocked our world as you can imagine but worse happens at sea as they say.

Lately though I have felt that my "quirks" are used as an excuse for anything and everything. True I suffer terribly with my memory, however, I tell people how proud i am of myself when I remember something no matter how small it may be. Recently though no matter what I say he never believes me, only tonight he has accused me of not putting my tablets in the right place in the cupboard. I assured him they were there reminding him that he even asked me what they were for as I put them in the cupboard the other day. For ten minutes it was an angry twenty questions, are you sure?, did you move them? I think you are imagining it etc etc........he wonders why I am confrontational?

I'm sorry to ramble but I feel like I am the proverbial "buck" where everything stops. I know he is struggling but due to the depression I can't say anything right most days as he becomes very argumentative and says it's always me that causes an atmosphere.

I'm no saint I know but I try my best every day to keep things as close to normal as I can for all of us, but I'm so tired, mentally, physically and now emotionally I feel like just getting on a one way plane to somewhere there is no stress.

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I do get the hump sometimes with my Hubby when he acts tactless, that's men for you.


I can only imagine how you feel, I had a brother who used to hurt himself, so sad.


I really do not know what to say to help you but just keep typing as it gets it out of your system.


I feel so sad for you but that wont help so lets think !!  have you asked him to see a specialist as Stress isn't good for you.


I don't know what to advise. perhaps one of the others might know, she says passing the buck xx


Keep bright if possible and Good Luck xx


All the Best


Win xxxx

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Aw honey this sound like a dreadfully hard situation and home life is fraught. Sending you a smile and virtual hug for coping so well with this and your own health.

Like Win I don't have much to offer to be honest. Does your husband accept his illness? Does he have help or counselling? Do you and the kids? Depression is a dreadful illness and it consumes people and families. Your memory isn't the issue here, yes you forget things and you are going lose and forget more the more stressed you get so do yourself a favour and be kind to yourself about how well you are doing.

Sounds to me like you really need some help. Please ask for it, go see the GP and tell them. Ask them to Sign hubby up to https://www.bigwhitewall.com/landing-pages/landingv3.aspx?ReturnUrl=%2f#.Vfp64IGkqrUand also maybe set some rules in the house that if anyone says somethjng negative or unkind they have to follow it with an apology or a nice word or put money in a ' intolerance' jar ! it sounds cheesy but you need action sometimes to break some habits of behaviour.

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You are certainly having a very difficult time, not only having to cope with your own health issues

but with your husbands also and having five children to look after and protect from all of this has got

to be so stressful for you.


Like Daffodil said, maybe you should try talking to your GP, if you have one that is good at listening,

he or she could arrange some help for you both.


It has got to be very hard for you especially when you are trying to recover from serious illness yourself,

try and take time out if you can, even if it`s just spending an hour lying down in a quiet room away from

the rest of the family, it might help.


Also keep posting on here, that's the brilliant thing about this support group it`s a place you can come

and feel safe talking to people who will listen to you without judging you, people who understand what

YOU have been through.


Please try and stay strong, you will I`m sure get through this.

Best wishes to you and your family,



Michelle x

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Thank you daffodil, win & michelle, my husband has contact with a team who are available 24/7 they, when needed, do home visits for counselling etc and he has regular reviews on his medication. He's currently in an angry spell (we have various stages) at the moment which are always hard. Both myself and the children have had counselling in the past but due to funding etc it's only a short term thing. Usually I cope well with his "phases" but this one I feel is more personal than normal.There is a burning anger in me at how he can blame everything at my door even though I categorically know half of it isn't me however due to way I am now nobody believes me.

My husband knows that I struggle with him sometimes but I just feel so far away from him and no matter how many sorry's I get or I love you's it's cutting a little deeper each time.

I have a check up booked with my gp in two weeks time so I will mention all of this to him and hope that he doesn't say I have now become paranoid as well as a raving lunatic, or even worse give me the dreaded " we don't know" answer that they use when you ask anything about these little hiccups we've all had.

Thank you again for your replies, as you say talking about it helps failing that it's a sledgehammer and some brown tape

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  • 3 weeks later...

We do know that stress increases our symptoms whatever they may be.  Any way you can reduce this would be helpful to you and ultimately to your family.  How?  Keep looking for that answer...it will come as you search.  In the mean time, communicate all these feelings with your husband and see if the two of you can come up with something that you both have a hand in creating.

Working together provides twice as many options as working alone on this.  I'm sure if you're feeling this upset, so is he.  If you could both work on what it would take to move the whole family forward, then all the ups and downs will still fit into the plan and you take them as they arise together as a united front.


Take care,


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