amexdm

Hi all: Well week 5 of phased return to work was interesting. I had my meeting with the VP to discuss my progress and the issue with my co-worker who doesn't think I'm sick. It all went well and I think my point was made clear that I am not 100% and am doing my best. But I won't accept individuals questioning if I'm faking it or not working enough. Of course the other person made it about them and said they were upset because I had said I go to bed around 1am. What the heck does that have to do with anything? Really?I take a nap after work and then go to bed at my normal time. She also said that she had a history of aneurysms in her family and she was scared that she MIGHT someday have one too. Really? I might win the lotto too but until then I'm not rich. Some people just don't get it and never will. But Thursday and Friday we get along well and I expect that to continue. I was exhausted by Friday but made it through. I had a weird attack at lunch on Friday. I felt dizzy, heart racing and my leeks got really weak. Almost went home but stayed and sucked it up. I did some breathing exercises and I seemed to calm down. Think was fatigue and maybe a short blood pressure rise. got lots of rest this weekend and feel better. Thanks to all for listening, we'll keep moving forward. How was the week for everyone else? Take care, David

Hello, Thanks GG, you're a sweetie. Meeting went ok, I'll explain in detail when I get my brain back tomorrow . I am so exhausted this week it's unreal. I can feel my bones. Anyhows, wife's surgery got pushed to April 3rd, so kinda good for us to get our stuff together. She's doing ok but getting nervous again about the surgery. Gonna go home and collapse now! Thanks, David

Update all: First of all, thanks for the comments and support. I met with the VP yesterday and made it very clear that I thought bullying or intimidating of a partially disabled person (me) was inappropriate at work. Honestly I have let it go on for 3 months now and that's too long. My boss agreed and said she will have a talk with said person. We will all meet together tomorrow at noon. Should be interesting. I'm just trying to have a simple life. Go to work, come home, rest and take care of my sick wife. The drama at work needs to go. i'm bustin my butt with a brain injury, that's hard enough. Sami- Glad you got on over the dragon, Our person sounds like the same. never happy, always complaining and nitpicking every little thing. I know how you feel. I'll get my smirk tomorrow. Sandi-Have a great vaca and relax. I have made a few mistakes (minor) too and I hate it. Not like me. Win- thanks for your encouraging comments, as always SL- Where have you been? Glad you are doing a little better and theyre not pushing you. Funny what SL said about being tired to the bone. Couple times a week I am so exh that I can feel the bones in my legs and feet. I am so tired that I can feel the fatigue all the way to the bone. Amazing but so true. Tomorrow will be a long day. Work 8:30-3:30. Meeting at noon. At lunch I have to run to my doctors to pick up a prescription and come back. Have an MRI at 4:15 with the Neurosurgeon that they say will take 2 hours. Then to the drug store to pick up meds. Gonna be a loooong day. Will update everyone on Friday night probably. Take care everyone, David

Carl, GG, Skippy, Sandy, SL and everyone else, Thank you so much for your support. It is difficult to press on without people who understand what I am going through. As far as work goes, as Carl said sometimes we have to stand up and be counted. That day will be tomorrow. It is one thing when an ignorant person says or does unkind things. It is another when they are trying to get you to lose your job or make you quit. That's where i draw the line. We'll see how the bully or coward reacts tomorrow when they're confronted of an accusation of bullying a disabled person. My bet is they'll fold like a cheap suit. Game on! Thanks everyone, David

Hope I'm not boring anyone, but it's a good way maybe for me to track my progress. Week 4 was better than Week 3. 3 good days and 2 bad. Went to Doc on Thursday and he wants to do an MRI next week. Made it thru the whole week and just came in a little later Friday. Thursday I felt like I was 21 years old, Friday I felt like I was 81. Having a problem with one of my co-workers and has been brought to my attention that they think I am "milking" my brain injury. This is highly offensive given my poor health condition and it will be addressed with that person. I am partially disabled and will not put up this in the workplace. Otherwise, I'm soldiering on. How was everyone else's week? David

Hello, Can anyone off their opinion of the difference between a migraine headche and after SAH/stroke headaches? Are they the same? Are they different? Is one more intense than the other? I never had migraines before my SAH. Rarely had headaches, usually only after a hot day in the sun or something. Speaking for myself, my headaches after my SAH have ranged for 4-8 on a scale of 1 to 10. 4 being annoying but manageable and 8 being head ready to explode, need meds, cant function and 9 meaning needing to go to the hospital. So would a migraine be like a 4 or 8? Anyone with any past with both types able to compare? Thanks. David

Hi All: The appointment went fairly well. The neurosurgeon was happy to see me and apologized for making me feelout in the cold for 6 months. We talked about my condition and he said some people never recover and some do. Well, of course. But he was pretty understanding and was concerned about my wife's possible cancer scare as well. He wants to do an MRI (next Thurs) to be sure. Sounds fine to me but he said it's unlikely they will find anything (good). He referred me to a neurlogist for the headaches and sent me on my way. He was ok though. Thanks, David

Hi All: I have a 6 month checkup on Thursday March 1st (this Thursday). It is with my neurosurgeon. It was scheduled by me and not by him. I am looking to accomplish a few things. Ask him why I'm not better since October (NASAH on July 30th), issues with fatigue, and am I working too much. Also what I can do physically activity wise (when better). Keep in mind this is the doctor who told me in September "you'll be fine" in a month and sent me on my way. I don't expect to get any great answers (who knows) but want this documented anyway for my work situation. I have a list of questions but my main concern is if I keep working more will this stunt/stop/ my recovery or cause a major health risk? Can anyone think of any specific questions that I can ask him that I have not mentioned? Thanks. David

Well, well, well, Week 3 did not go so swell. Mon, Tues, and Wed I felt sick, tired and fatigued to my max. Wednesday night I was walking upstairs with my work shirts and felt a sharp pain go through the back of my head, the same pain I had at time of SAH. It scared me for a minute and I barely made it up the stairs and laid down. Felt sick for an hour or so and just went to bed. Wife wanted me to go to hospital but Im sure it was just fatigue. Thursday morning woke up and was tired literally from head to toe. I could feel the fatigue right down to the bone. I called in sick to work and slept til 3pm. It helped a little. Went to work Friday and was about fried by 4:30pm. Tried to go to market and walked out from exhaustion. Laid down after work and felt a little better. Sometimes wonder how I'll get thru the next day. Try and rest this weekend and hope next week is better. What else can I do? Amexdm

This really helped, thanks everyone! Sometimes just thinking out loud and putting it on paper helps. Lin-Thanks for finishing my thought. What I was trying to say was if I can get some exercise here and there then hopefully it can help me build stamina in the long run. You make some excellent points! Being tired and brain fatigue are two TOTALLY different things. Before my SAH, I could have driven cross country (and did) tired but now the fatigue is nothing to play around with. My gym is a mile from my work so I have no excuse not to give it a try. Just got the bill too . The nap thing I have not much control over. Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. Kaz- I'm gonna give it a try, probably can't hurt too much. I think alot of us are waiting for that light bulb moment to feel better one day but I guess thats unlikely to happen. WinB- Thanks for the positive words. I hope you can start walking someday. But if there were the Olympics, I would surely challenge you for the gold medal in sleeping. For 2 months post SAH, I slept 14 hours a day with no problem and still do on some weekends. SL- Good to chat again, missed your comments. It's funny I wander off and pop in bed and 3 hours later wife is like it's 10 o'clock what are you doing. Slow in the mornings too, dont know how I'll do 8AM 5 days a week. I would love to walk and will try the treadmill but at the moment I get exhausted walking to the mailbox. I'll have to start slow. Ton of water helps though. Hope you are well. Mary- We're about the same post SAH with similar symptoms. I know you have other issues as well. You are brave. My headache is now going on 200 days! It never went away. It varies from a 4 to an 8 depending on the day and unfortunately have to take pain meds. DR told me the headaches would go away in a month. Not so much. Let us know how the doctor goes for you. Carl-I went back at 2 months and havent gotten better. 70 percent health when I went back and 71 now. I'm sure work has stunted my recovery. I too take naps at lunch. But right now it's too cold 20-30 out but in April I will be out in my car EVERY day at lunch with a sandwich and a 45 minute nap. Maybe that will help me. Thanks to everyone for the help, David

Hello, Hope all is well with everyone. I have two subjects that are somewhat related. I am 6 1/2 months post SAH and work 30 hrs per week and climbing. About 3-4 days a week after work I come home, have dinner and lay down in bed to wind down and watch TV. After about 20 minutes I start to doze off so I lay on my stomach and next thing you know two hours have gone by and I'm like dead to the world asleep. I wake up from what appears to be a deep sleep and don't really know where I am, who I am, what time it is, etc. I can only surmise that I am so tired (fatigued) that I just literally pass out and wake up whenever. A little scary and surely scares my wife. Anyone else experience this? So my silly thought is why don't I just go to the gym and exercise for 30 minutes cause really either way I'm gonna come home exhausted and maybe the gym will build me some stamina. I haven't been to the gym at all but maybe it's time to get back on the horse. The bad thing is I don't feel any better today than I did at 2 months post SAH which is about 70 percent health. So in 5 months no progress. Work probably hasnt helped. But I wonder is this the best I'm going to feel??? Thanks for any thoughts, David

Hi All: Jo I would say to take it easy as best you can. It is still early. I am at 6 months and don't feel ready for a whole lot of exercise just yet. Mary- Can you ask the NS about lifting and how much. I struggle with the groceries and how much to lift as well as at the gym. My NS told me 6 months but I don't really feel all that strong yet. Funny thing about list of questions for the NS. I saw him twice and had a list of ?'s both times. He didnt like it too much and pawned me off to the pain clinic. Thanks Doc! Sue- Funny you mention about the guarding the head and neck. I did that for my first three months. I felt alot of tension and weakness in my head and neck and felt if I turned too much that my head was gonna fall off! The neuro told me to relax and move normal and it went away after a couple more weeks. Let us know how it goes Mary! Regards, David

Hello All: Sarah Lou-How did your talk with the boss go? Sandy How was your week? Any better? Carl- You're almost retired, so good for you, sounds like you're fairly well taken care of. Skippy- I look forward as always to your positive comments. I wasn't kidding about the Life Coach comments they actually do have people here in the U.S. that do it for a living. I'll accept it from you instead though! Everyone- Welcome to hear how your week was well. My Week #2 of phased return to work- This week went fairly well. Some bouts with fatigue but had some good days too. Took care of myself and drank lots of water. Thursday was REALLY tired but muddied thru the day. So overall, the important thing is that I MADE IT. No complications. Up to 30 hours now and 10 more to go. I can do this. Skippy had said being stubborn helps. Well said. That I can be. But in a good way. I like challenges. If somebody tells me I can't do something it motivates me. Another positive thing is since I only get paid for the hours I work then each week I give myself a one hour raise. Nice bonus. It may get tougher but then so will I. One thing that I think has helped me is I have more or less given up alcohol. I used to have several to many drinks on Saturday and watch my football. But I have given it up. Not forever, but right now my body just can't take it. Hope all is well with everyone. Kind regards, David

Hi All: Hope all is well with everyone's work and health. Last week was week 1 of my one hour a week phased return to work. It went ok. Monday i felt great, had rested all weekend. Tuesday I felt like rubbish, no idea why. Wednesday felt good again. Thursday felt HORRIBLE in the morning and thought I might have to go home. But I took some meds and felt better. Plus I had a 1:45 DR appt so I had a short day. Friday i felt pretty good and it was a slow day at work. So I'm sure as most of you can relate it was a rollercoaster week. But the important thing is I MADE IT. Didnt miss any work and made it thru the week. I hope everyone is well and thanks to all for the encouragement. Especially you Skippy, I want to hire you as my Life Coach, you need any extra money? Resting today and hope next week goes well for me and everyone else. Kind regards, David

Thanks Skippy, You're right about can do. I always have a can do attitude. It's just my body that doesnt always come along I don't really have much of a choice with a sick wife. I am going to do 1 hour a week. It should be fine for now but it's not as easy as it sounds. 4 hours a month at 70 percent health will not be fun. I will make it though! David

Hi All: To Sandy, SL, Carl, GG or anyone else I've missed I have two important questions and would love to hear feed back from you all: 1. How many hours a week do you work right now and how many do you truly feel you physically CAN work?? My answer: I work 28 hours a week but feel I probably am able to work about 20 physically. But I am pushing it because I want to keep my job and know it is a full time job and will need to get back to it at some point. trying to keep all parties happy. 2. I have to be back to work full time by May 1st but not a hard deadline. How would you all approach it? I work 28 hours per week and need to get to 40. My boss said it is 12 weeks away so I could literally add 1 hour per week if i wanted to. Or i could jump right to 32 hours now and do that for a month. I currently work 10:30-4:30 MTTF and 12-5 on Wednesday as a break day. Anyone have any creative ideas? Leaning towards the slow gradual return. Thanks, David

Hello All: Thanks so much to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. The support on this site is awesome. I am so far lucky with my work being patient with me. I do a good job and they like me and I like them. Hopefully we can reach a mutual beneficial relationship. I may not have mentioned that they want me back FT by May 1st but it is not a hard deadline. My boss said it is a tentative goal but is subject to evaluation. It could be sooner or later. That is comforting. I will do my best. That's all I can do. I didn't do anything but rest this weekend. Nothing. Rest and water. I suspect Feb 21st is going to be a rough day and the days after. I have to really build my strength. No time for wining and dining at the moment. Thanks again to all for support. David

Update: I just had my meeting with my boss. They are giving me until May 1st to return to full time. I am happy and releived. That is 3 months. Pretty resaonable I think. I think I can do it but with SAH you never know when fatigue will set in. I will continue to take good care of myself and drink lots of water and hope I can get back to full time by May. As long as my wife's surgery on the 21st doesnt go horribly wrong, I think I can do it. Thanks to all for your continued support! David

Sandy, I'm going thru the same thing. My team members at work have complained so much about me not being there (I work 28 hours a week) that the boss has been forced to ask me to return to work full time. Don't know if I can ever work FT again. not at this point. See my new thread back to work full time and respond if you have the chance. Hoping for the best for us all. Hugs, David

Hi All: Today I get to have the dread "back to work full time" talk with my boss. Not looking forward to it. I am 6 months post SAH and have been back to work for 4 months on phased return. I am still only 75 percent healthy and my wife will have surgery on Feb 21st to see if she has ovarian cancer. Not a good time. I'm in the States so there is no Vocat Rehab. Loolks like I'll have to bite the bullet and give it a go. My work has been great with me but I guess they can't wait any longer. I would guess they'll give me a month or so.Wish me luck. Any advice? Thanks, David

Hello, Hi Mary, thanks for starting this because I've been meaning to ask you/all this. I am 6 months SAH and have headaches every day. They have started to get better but for the first 4-5 months they were intolerable and i needed to take pain meds. Mine start at the bottom of my head (just like SAH) and then move all the way throughout my head. I have to lay down every day after work and this helps. After my SAH I was in bed basically for 2 months with an 8 out of 10 headache. Now its down to a 4ish. Donna- you're scaring me that 20 months post SAH you have daily headaches. I thought they might be gone by then but every situation is different. BTW- My neurosurgeon told me they would go away in 1-2 months. NOT! David

Hello, Thanks for the kind words as always Sarah loulou. I hope your work is going better and you get the assignments you need. Sandy-It is indeed a slippery slope. My bosses understand my condition but my co-worker has complained so much they are moving me to tues and Thursday mornings. I guess they're trying to see if I can get up in the morning. The slippery slope I see is if i say i'm feeling better (which I'm not) they'll want me to work more. If I say well i'm not better than they're eventually gonna have to look to replace me. So what exactly do you say? So far i've been honest. Carl-Sounds like they were a little rough on you but maybe it worked out for the best. I went back at 2 months. BIG mistake. Three might have done it. But at least you're close to retirement. I have 15 more years to go. But if my health doesnt get better I may get involuntary retired next month. Thanks for listening, David

Hello: You are so right Sandy about fatigue being unpredictable. Last week I felt really good and this week not so much. Almost ready to give up as well. I have been working M T TH F from 1030-430 and Wednesday 12-5. No days off. 28 hours. now my co-worker who does the same job as me has ****** and moaned so much that now I have to work Tuesday and Thursday from 8:30-2:30 because she cant handle her job. I don't really feel well in the morning but guess I'll have to "suck it up". I feel the walls closing in on the full time thing and know I'm not ready at this time. My co-worker (same one) asked me today in front of my boss "Were you planning on coming back full time"? I wanted to strangle her. I fumbled for my words and said yes but don't know when. Looking back I should have said well the brain surgeon doesn't know how should I. So frustrated and ready to quit. Anybody know how to apply for disability in the States???? David

Hi: I think I'm coming in late on this thread but I have to agree with those that have cut anybody out or short. I have no time now for people who don't care to understand my illness. I have educated all of my friends and family about SAH. Those who understand and compassionate stay, those who don't must go. I have had had many family members and friends who have had various illnesses and I have always read and educated myself to their illness. I expect no less of my closest ones. Co-workers would be a different story. I once told a friend all about my SAH and the details and he said "well enjoy your vacation" meaning my time off of work. I havent talked to him much since. David

John, I was gonna do this one too. Positive minds think alike. 3 things I don't miss: 1) Working 50 hours a week to try and get ahead. Wasnt worth it. 2) House chores, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow. I'm getting to old for that anyway. Still do inside stuff and hope to still be able to garden. 3)The indifference of some family memebers. This SAH has brought me and my family and friends closer together so that is surely a positive. Thanks, David