Skippy

Hi Guys Well I bit the bullet and watched the video. All I can say Keith is - THANK YOU VERY MUCH I am soooo glad I watched that. I feel more reassured by the "coils" in my head now. Watching the whole process was amazing - Paul watched it too and thinks that my parents would like to see it. Well, I can only ask them. is there any way of getting hold of a hard copy of it does anyone know. I tried clicking on the "request a video" button but it told me that the page had been removed But yes, very informative and I do feel more empowered now and better equipped to ask my specialist questions. Many many thanks Love Sami xxx

Afternoon ladies Chocolate seems to be best at the moment. You know I lost a stone whilst in the hospital with my SAH and was a size 12 before I went in. i have taken great pleasure in not watching what I eat for the last 6 weeks and have put my stone back on again - but guess what - I'm a size ten and can get in a size 5 trainer where as I was a six before! How does that work then!!! I napped yesterday and found that I didn't sleep as well last night although I'm not tired but I feel kind of more normal today. I've planned a tidy-the-house-fest at the weekend. Paul is having to do everythig at the mo as I still get tired doing anything physical so I'll have to do as much as I can on Saturday and hopefully on Sunday we can make it for a full football match for Paul to manage. Then I can watch Rossi race in the afternoon!!!! I got a letter last night when I got home from work - from the hospital. I called this morning and have my follow up appointment on 8th november at 2pm - so I will let you know how that goes. Anyway -work calling again Catch you later Sami xxx

Hello Ladies I've just finished my chocolate Karen!! Hey Louise - when I'm having a lousy day I just tell myself that I had them before the SAH so why shouldn't I have them now. The world carries on spinnng and the seasons change - we are the only ones that feel different. Don't be so hard on yourself and do what you are doing - which is essentially listening to what yuor body and mind are telling you you can and can't cope with. As for family they can be daft - my brother rang me two weeks ago to ask if i could help his daughter with her business studies! Paul was furious - I just told my brother that I couldn't help make a cup of coffee at the moment and probably couldn't help her until after Christmas. I'm only 6 1/2 weeks into recovery and physically I'm fine but mentally I'm a mess some days. I still get tired though the headaches are lessening more and more each day. But i know the more good days I have means the less bad days theres been. And then the bad days don't seem so scary and bad cos I know I can get through them. Taking each day at a time is very sound advice. I also do what Karen does and try to have at least one sports isotonic drink day - great for energy and liquid replacement at the same time. So we have Louise the Rambler, Karen the Foosterer and Sami the tattooed Granny!!!!! Have a good afternoon ladies, I'm now off for my afternoon nap. Lots of love Sami xxxx

Hi Guys I just got my V pillow a couple of days ago and I had the best night sleep last night that I have had in weeks. I woke up this morning almost feeling like this whole experience was a bad dream. I use mine on the sofa when watching tv and in bed to read and sleep. When I'm on my side I just hug the other end to my chest and fall asleep having a big pillow cuddle!!! Definitely worth buying. Sami xxx

Hi Karen You are so brave!! I'm not ready to watch it yet - I daren't. Feel free to volunteer any information though I think written info rather than visual is about all I can cope with at this point in time. Must say though that Paul wants to watch it and we have more questions to ask the specialist when we finally get to see him. My sister in law told me that I have a good one and she knows him - so fingers crossed I'll soon get to see for myself. Catch you later Love Granny Sami :? hahahaha

Hi Varun Sorry to hear about your Mom. I had my SAH 7 weeks ago and for the first week I was unconscious most of the time - its the body's way of making sure that it can heal. I know that this is an extremely hard time for you and your family but try and stay positive for your Mom. make sure she sees you smiling - when my daughter found it too hard to visit me in hospital it saddened me but I understood as she's only 9 but she sent pictures and letters to me via my parents. Thinking of you and sending love too. Sami xxxx

HI K Mmmm Dic?? Freudian slip me thinks!!! The DVLAdid warn me that with anything nuerological I could be off the road for anything between 6 and 12 months but I wouldn't need a refresher course of lessons to start driving again don't know what wold be more dangerous!!! Didn't try for incapacity as we run our own business I was paid anyway and know from experience of claiming unemployment when I had Siobhan that I wouldn't be entitled to anything cos Paul was working. Have got Reveal too!!! I read that after heat. I won a phone in Reveal a couple of months back for writing the star letter of the week regarding Charlotte Church. Maybe you've read something I had published and now we chat regularly!!! Dinner sounds nice - I'll be there in a bit We've got to pick my elder step daughter up tonight and her son Jacob. he's four months old and really cute. I'm a Granny (by marriage!!) at 35!!! Anyway am off myself now so I'll catch you tomorrow - enjoy dinner and make sure you have a good nights sleep. Lots of love Sami xxxx

Hi Spiritual? I keep having dreams about my dead grandparents and in the dreams they're talking to me but i don't consider that spiritual in the sense that spiritual is meant to mean! My Dic said I was OK to drive but I still had to fill in the questionnaire for the DVLA and have been told that I have to wait for them to get back to me before I drive and also to tell my insurance company once the DVLA have decided. All this info - worse then changing my name when I got married!!! My parents' neighbours have all asked them if they've cloned me because apparently Siobhan looks just like I did when I was her age!! Sweet tooth here too girls. I've had a mini snickers and half a bounty today. I think the damage to the brain can also be related to the size of the "hole" in the anuerysm. My ani was 2cm in diameter yet they left me for 12 hours before operating even though I was there in hospital. So maybe even though the ani was larger than yours Karen maybe the hole wasn't - I don't know just another question to ask the expert I suppose. Anyway a drink and a copy of Heat are calling me now. By the way Karen, you're friend is right - tattoos are addictive, i have four and the smallest is about 3 1/2 inches tall by about 1 1/2 inches wide!! Anyway catch you later ladies Love Sami xxxx

Hi Karen Enjoy that sarnie - remember - need energy!!! I'll ask Siobhan what she'd rather do, but she may not post at all - she can be a very closed book at times. I have posted a pic of her with Dani the Duck when it had just hatched (she's hand rared them both). I don't care whether foostering is a word - its now officially a Karenism is if its not in the dictionary!! I've noticed that I don't worry so much either - dunno if its a subconscious thing or whether I've just realised that not all things can be helped. I've been told that at some point I may need to be recoiled but mine seems to be quite a small bleed and apparently even if the coils settle so long as they are still inplace where the bleed was then they don't need doing. I've always been a biker chick (tattoos, leathers the lot) and I miss not going out on the bike in the Winter and I miss it even more at the moment with having to wait for the DVLA to let me know if they agree with my Doctor. We came to work in my car today though just to give her a run out. She's not been used since the middle of August and she started first time so that was a bonus. Am apprehensive about driving again but just want to get as much back to normal as possible. Hey Louise, my husband said he's want to watch it too - but I'm still a bit unsure - those things are in my head!!! I suppose when I get to a point where I can consider myself lucky I'll try to reassess whether I think that my SAH was a good thing. In so much as its made me look at life differently and pack up smoking after 20 years then yes its been a good thing but my cigarettes were my crutch for when I was down, upset, anxious or angry etc and now I don't have them. its almost like I'm angry for having the decision to stop smoking made for me. I don't think I'll ever be able to say that in any way though it was the best think to happen to me - but hey never say never. Catch you ladies later Lots of love Sami xxx

Hya you foosterer you!!! Tell Lauren thank you very much and let Siobhan know - is Lauren a member herself or should Siobhan post as normal through mine or send a private message? I know its only seven weeks but it does feel like seven months. I wonder if I'll ever wake up again without it being my first thought! I keep i n mind that the more good days I have then that means the less bad days and that that in turn should make the bad days easier to deal with - sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I just want to experience that feeling of excitement and euphoria again rather than the anxiety and worry - once I have those feelings again even just once then I'll know that I'm on my way to total recovery. A question I need to ask my Doc is am i OK to go all the rides at Alton Towers? Can't wait for a bit fo good weather so I can get Paul to take me out on the motorbike again!!! Oh well - no rest for the wicked - work interferes with my social life too much!!!! Catch you all later Love Sami xxx

Hi Melissa Andy sent me the information he is talking about and it was a HUGE help. Its alright being told something but when you have it in black and white to refer to during unsure or anxious times its a great great help. Best wishes Sami x

Morning Karen Today I feel slightly better than yesterday. Took some of your advice from ages ago and bought an "L" shaped pillow. I had a lovely nights sleep - only woke up a couple of times. Siobhan seemed better yesterday, she had a little chat with her school teacher and I think that helped her. I've told her that we can cry together whenever she wants to and on Sunday we had a little weep together. I keep telling myself that I'm fine and there's nothing wrong with me because effectively I am and there isn't. I've been (here's that word again!) lucky enough to walk away with no physical affects and the emotional side I think is just down to shock. I think once I've seen my specialist and had some questions answered I'll probably feel a hell of a lot better about everything. My friends are telling me that my biggest fault is still with me and I haven't changed that much - impatience!! And when I stop being impatient I'll realise that it was only 7 weeks ago and I have to give myself more time to come to terms with what has happened and get to grips with my emotions. And as I know you are right I know that they are too. Many many many thanks for your support, understanding and of course the hugs - sending a huge one back at you!! lots of love Sami xxx

Hi Karen Thanks for the hug. It just hit me this weekend thats all. Paul is starting to find it a struggle coping with my emotions and feels that he could benefit from speaking to someone and Siobhan was in tears last night thinking about what would have happened if the SAH would have happened and I was on my own, so we don't know if she would benefit from talking to someone too. We're trying to take comfort in the fact that my Doc told us that I hadn't excited the Neuro's very much with my bleed and that for them to leave me for 12 hours without operating then the bleed couldn't have been that bad anyway. Its just the thought of what if it happens again and of having the anuerysm recoiled at some stage that is getting me down - I feel like I'm always going to be reminded that I've had this and never be able to be the person that I was before again. I feel guilty for putting my family and friends through all this even though I know its not my fault. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I have the energy to carryon fighting. Take care and again thanks for the hug Lots of love Sami xxx

Hi Karen Sorry to hear about your mum. Emotionally I seem to have more than I can cope with rather than being stripped bare. I never used to be a weepy person and since the SAH its all I seem to do. Had a a busy and boozy weekend which hasn't really helped - that and the fact that one of my closest and oldest friends has left Nottingham to live in Penzance - and whilst that means guaranteed summer hols its saddened me that she's gone - we shared a house with another close friend when we were in our early 20s. I just don't seem to be able to muster up any energy to fight the sadness and to be honest I'm completley tired of having to fight it. Had a bad nights sleep last night too so that didn't help. Going for a little lay down and cry now so catch you soon Lots of love Sami xxx

Hi I don't know if I dare watch this yet. I've had a couple of bad days and the thought of actually seeing what they've done to me scares me a bit. Maybe I'll come back and watch it another time. Thanks for putting the link on though Keith, my husband might like to watch it. Catch you later Sami xxx

Hi All Today I am good. I've just had my first business meeting in Loughborough with one of our clients and I feel good. We're on the verge of getting a huge projet from them which is potentially worth about £100,000 providing we get all the artworks. I'll have to co-ordinate the whole thing and Paul will be in charge of the artwork. Something to keep me occupied and make me feel like my old self. I'm looking forward to this evening and going to my friend's house to say goodbye to another friend her husband and their daughter as they're moving to Penzance. Nice to hear from you Andy H as I have read Heather's and your story and my heart goes out to you both and Louis so very very much. Karen take your own advice and do what you can when you can!!! Keith, please share what you found out about coiling with us - I've beentold nothing apart from they're platinum and twice the width of a human hair. Anyway I'm off for a rest now as today I feel i need one. Love to all Sami xxx

Hi All 6 weeks after my SAH and physically I'm fine. Headaches are getting less frequent and I don't seem as tired all the time. Emotionally its been a struggle with some days being desperate and others a complete state of euphoria. I've not had a bad day since 25th Sept and touch wood it will stay that way. I went back to work as soon as possible so that I could keep focused, my counsellor told me it was probably a good thing as its helping me keep things as normal as possible under the circumstances. I'm lucky enough to be able to rest at work when I get tired though. Anyway I'll stop rambling and give someone else a go Catch you all later love Sami xxx

Hi Keith I know - I'm sooooo sad its not something I shout from the roof tops. Its my sleazy fetish I suppose - hey I've got have something bad now I can no longer smoke!!!! Hahahahaha Speak soon Love Sami xxx

Hi I have been warned that the coils can compact and that they may have to be redone but at least that will be a preventative operation rather than a life saving emergency one and yeah I know what you mean - that Body Shock programme about that guy's aneurysm being totally removed - I sometimes wish that they had taken that option with me. My sister in law works at the local hospital and the nuerosurgeons have told her that my coiling was "a complete success" and that they are "very happy with how things went in Plymouth". What we have to try and remember is that anything in life can happen and we can't dwell too much on the fact that it could happen again. If we dwell on it too much then it does stop us being who we really are. There is nothing we are going to be able to do about it if it does happen again so what is the point in getting worried. I'm taking comfort from the info that my sister in law passed onto me and also that my allocated specialist doesn't see my case as urgent. I will be asking loads of questions when I get my appointment. The thing to do is to get a little note book and when you think of a question write it down and then take it to your appointment - that way you canwrite answers to the questions down too for future reassurance!! Anyway off now, so I'll catch you tomorrow. Lots of love and hugs Sami xxxx

Hi Karen At the time of MY SAH all I felt was a pop at my nape and then the almighty raging pain in the back of my head as if someone has smacked me in the back of the head with a baseball bat. Will have a look at the Different Strokes website. I actually saw it when I was searching for a help group. I found yours in the same place as Keith did via Salford. I hate the way I've been told its 'highly unlikey' to ever happen again. I want to know how high highly is. If you're three feet two the ceiling is high but if you're seven feet tall you'd have to duck down - you know what I mean? I feel like that little scared six year old too so I know where you're coming from. Good luck with dinner tonight and I hope the kids appreciate the effort and energy it takes Have posted you a private message too. Take care and catch you later lots of love Sami xxx

Hi Karen I'll answer your last question first - it all depends on how much I want to savour it - but normally yes I do!!! Hahahaha!! I try to plan things so that I have something to focus on in the future - almost like an aim to reach. Like this Saturday night we have a friends 30th birthday party and I know that if I have a Saturday I'm not going to want to go so I have planned what to do Saturday to distract myself. Paul will have to work again so that'll add to the anxiety and I'll distract myself by watching the Home and Away that I tape through the week - sad I know then Paul's sister Karen and my aunty Christine are coming to see me Saturday afternoon as they've not seen me since the SAH and I think are both feeling guilty - Lord only knows why. Then I can get ready for the party and that way I am distracted throughout the day but have some thing to aim for Saturday night. I daren't even think about planning holidays though. I wanted to take Siobhan to Center Parcs again the week before Christmas but I can't face booking it for two reasons 1 I don't know how i'll feel then and 2 the SAH happened on holiday and that has kind of put me off going away from home. Maybe my brain is being overruled by the stubborn so and so that owned it before the SAH and is being told that no I won't slow down and I'll ****** well plan things if I want thank you very much!! I get the weird shooting pains in my head too. They were the cause of the anxiety when Paul had to work the other night. I know that they're caused by anxiety aswell as the fact that the brain is healing, its just that when I don't get the headaches I can almost forget that the SAH ever happened. And yeah I said out loud "Don't you dare, just don't you dare. Not when Paul's not here, I will not let you put my daughter through that again" luckily I was looking in the mirror at the time!! But yeah its almost as if by shouting at 'it' you're defying it and denouncing it and it kind of makes you feel stronger. I didn't get a very good nights sleep last night - was tossing and turning all night for some reason. Didn't wake feeling bad though. I don't seem to wake focusing on my feelings any more which is progression. Just got to stop being so hard on myself and accept that I am allowed to be emotional without being depressed and that crying doesn't mean I'm weak etc. Anyway going for a much needed lay down now. Speak later Sami xxx

Hi All I've just called the Hospital hear in Nottingham and have spoken to my Doctor's secretary. Apparently he has looked at my notes and my referall and has deemed me a 'routine' follow up which I'm told means that he doesn't think my case is 'serious' or 'urgent' :? . It's comforting in a way as he's the Nuerosurgeon so he should know - but also a little put out by the fact that I'm in effect - like you Karen - shoved to the bottom of the pile and left there untill a space arises. Oh well at least in the meantime I can read all the literature the Nurse Practioner gave me on Anxiety whilst I have my second bottle of water!!! Speak to you all later Love Sami xxx

Hi Guys Hey Andy glad to hear that you're 'getting there' if yuo know what I mean. I've never had anything done at a dentists and the thought scares the hell out of me. Counselling session was good yesterday. He was very understanding and gave me a useful insight into how I'm dealing with all this. Basically I'm used to being quite hard faced and in control of my emotions and the strong one out of a group (my friends always turn to me for advice etc) and the SAH has changed all that because I have become vulnerable and am no longer in control of my emotions. He hit on the fact that something earlier in my life made me this hard faced person who had to be in control of her emotins at all times and its true. My anxiety is something that we're going to work on once I have seen the Nuerosurgeons or whoever at my outpatient appointment which he has advised me to chase today. Once I have answers to questions I will be better equipped to deal with the feelings of anxiety that I have. But yes a very useful hour and I have another appointment in two weeks time. Hows everyone here today anyway? Love Sami xxxxx

Hi Karen Yes it makes perfect sense to me - I didn't get a chance to rest yesterday or the day before so I know exactly why I feel like this and I'm annoyed with myself for letting myself feel this way. I hate supermarkets whenthey're really busy anyway and am probably too much the other way - I wouldn't so much have given the guy my life story as read him the riot act and turned the air blue Anyway am off for my appointment now so will let you know in the morning how it went. Take care and have as many bacon sarnies as you like - my weakness at the moment is Bounty bars Take care Love me xxxxx

Hya Andy P if you're reading this - am thinking of you also. I have that problem Karen, when I get into a good book I end up reading until the small hours and then feel completely wrecked the day after. I'm not feeling as up beat as normal today but I know that's down to the anxiety of last night with Paul being at work so i can kind of cope with it. I have my appointment with the counsellor this afternoon so I intend to let loose with all my feelings and fears. I still haven't heard anything from the hospital yet about my outpatients appointment so I've decided that if I don't hear anything by this time next week then I'm gonna give them a call and badger them about it. I know what you mean about the bandages thing too - I sometimes feel like putting one on for the hell of it just so people remember that I'm not that well at the moment. I think the mental health service in this country is awful. We're treated like second rate citizens because we have something wrong with our brains - its as if it renders us emotionless and useless - its really angers me. Like I said in one of my previous postings I can kind of understand why people turn to drink and drugs to try and get through each day when they're suffering and no one will listen. I'm gonna try and hold that anger and turn it into a positive feeling though and hope that it helps me recover. Anyway got to go to the bank now as some clients have decided to pay me this morning 8O Hahahahaha Speak later Take care Love Sami xxx