Suziewong Posted February 26, 2023 Share Posted February 26, 2023 I’m new here, just discovered your site and wished I’d known of it last April! I’ve been a carer for my husband the last 15 years after he suffered from hydrocephalus due to a colloid cyst of the third ventricle. After emergency brain surgery he was home in three days with no back up or info from hospital. His health has been downhill ever since, Chronic ME and Fibromyalgia then in April last year as a result of his bleed on the brain he fell down the stairs resulting in multiple fractures. He was in hospital 7 weeks which resulted in him losing his mental capacity. Four weeks in rehab but they wouldn’t keep him as his behaviour had become so challenging. So back to another hospital for 8 weeks. The doctors and Consultants have said that because of the first brain injury and now this severe brain bleed has resulted in him having Acquired Brain injury dementia and it will only get worse. It has affected his short term memory, retention of information, thought processing etc. after travelling the width and breadth of our county I found a lovely nursing home for him. I’m 70 now and not in good health myself so couldn’t care for him at home any longer. He’s perfectly able in himself. He still thinks he can drive, his age changes all the time, he says there’s nothing wrong with him and demands I take him home when I visit. He has a DOLS against him. He’s offensive sometimes aggressive. His bags are always packed. I have to sneak out with help of carers. My heart aches for not being able to see him every day as it agitates him so much so I’ve tried staying away in the hope he will settle. The home tells me he’s doing fine but when he sees me it just triggers his agitation more. Help, has anyone else experienced similar, any advice would be welcome, thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted February 26, 2023 Share Posted February 26, 2023 So sorry you and your husband are going through this but remember your husband is in the best place xxx My dad hasn't had any kind of brain injury, I don't think as some say looks like stroke or brain others not but either way he had very challenging behaviour in hospital. I won't repeat some things he was saying, it was evil. However he is now in a nursing home and he finally says things like this is a nice house isn't it, I think I shall stay here and he always wanted to leave. He only moved there last September and liked it since Christmas xxx Hope your husband settles soon xx 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suziewong Posted February 26, 2023 Author Share Posted February 26, 2023 Thank you Jess, he’s been in the home since last October and I hope one day to hear those words from him too. I’m glad your dad has finally settled then you will feel a bit more settled too x 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted February 26, 2023 Share Posted February 26, 2023 Hope 🙏 you hear those words soon, everytime I went in I would say I love it here, isn't it lovely now he agrees xxx 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted February 27, 2023 Share Posted February 27, 2023 Hi Suzie a very warm welcome to BTG So very sorry to hear about your husband, so very hard for you too, hugs xx As Jess has said, your husband is in the right place. My God Mother had a similar situation with her husband. She like you had health problems and needed help and searched high and low for the best home. Everytime she visited he got very agitated and wanted to come home. It was so distressing she changed to visiting only once a week but phoned everyday for updates. The home were lovely and he was very happy and settled other than when she visited. Overtime things did improve. It took over a year as a lot to adjust to. His distress reduced but he still always asked to go home which was really upsetting. The carers were very good and asked her to leave as they needed to check this or that to distract him away from her leaving. She arranged a time beforehand. It worked very well. I really hope things improve for you and your husband very soon. Its just heartbreaking for all involved. We look forward to hearing more from you and always here if you need support or just to off load. We are a friendly caring bunch. Take care Tina xx 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swishy Posted February 27, 2023 Share Posted February 27, 2023 Hi Suzie Oh my goodness you have been through a lot and so has your husband. I also had to have my mom go to a nursing home for complex medical issues but also for her becoming very argumentative and too much for me to make things the way I would have liked. I know it is so hard but you are doing the best for him and you. Please take care of yourself and try not to feel badly if you can't see him as often as your heart would like. You are doing the best for him. Sending you a big hug, please come here as often as you like, this site has helped us all in one way or another. xx Jean 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suziewong Posted February 28, 2023 Author Share Posted February 28, 2023 On 27/02/2023 at 09:44, Tina said: Hi Suzie a very warm welcome to BTG So very sorry to hear about your husband, so very hard for you too, hugs xx As Jess has said, your husband is in the right place. My God Mother had a similar situation with her husband. She like you had health problems and needed help and searched high and low for the best home. Everytime she visited he got very agitated and wanted to come home. It was so distressing she changed to visiting only once a week but phoned everyday for updates. The home were lovely and he was very happy and settled other than when she visited. Overtime things did improve. It took over a year as a lot to adjust to. His distress reduced but he still always asked to go home which was really upsetting. The carers were very good and asked her to leave as they needed to check this or that to distract him away from her leaving. She arranged a time beforehand. It worked very well. I really hope things improve for you and your husband very soon. Its just heartbreaking for all involved. We look forward to hearing more from you and always here if you need support or just to off load. We are a friendly caring bunch. Take care Tina xx Hi Tina, thank you so much for your warm reply. I take note of all your suggestions and will try and hope in time my husband will settle and not have everything packed. Doubled edged sword I know. I wish I’d found this site last year when everything was so very much in the air x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suziewong Posted February 28, 2023 Author Share Posted February 28, 2023 18 hours ago, Swishy said: Hi Suzie Oh my goodness you have been through a lot and so has your husband. I also had to have my mom go to a nursing home for complex medical issues but also for her becoming very argumentative and too much for me to make things the way I would have liked. I know it is so hard but you are doing the best for him and you. Please take care of yourself and try not to feel badly if you can't see him as often as your heart would like. You are doing the best for him. Sending you a big hug, please come here as often as you like, this site has helped us all in one way or another. xx Jean Hi Jean, thank you I so appreciate your wise words and I’ll definitely visit this site often x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.