Roshni Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I can't believe it's been five years since I first came on this forum. It feels just like yesterday, and the odd thing is, I'm sat in the exact same spot I was sat in when I posted my first thread! My dad suffered from an SAH back in Feb 2007 and is still recovering. I guess the thing that's bought me back is that things are looking like they're falling apart at home and I don't know where to turn. I suddenly rememberd BTG and how they helped me cope back when I was 15. It gave me a lot of courage, knowing that there were others that understood what I was going through, and vice versa. As a result of my dad's SAH and how things were at home, I ended up dropping out of college. I thought it was the best thing to do at the time, and I was needed elsewhere. I don't think I will ever look back and regret the choices I made, purely because it made me the person I am today and I wouldn't have met all the wonderful people in my life at the moment. I am starting University this year and taking up two courses (hopefully!), which is something I never thought I'd have the capability to do five years ago. I do, however, doubt whether leaving home is the best choice, purely because of how things are at home. In all honesty, reading a lot of the stories of what has happened to some people makes my situation seem so trivial! Love to hear back from anyone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Hey Hun Nice to see you back on the board - but sorry to read about the home situation. I do check every time I log in to MSN to see if you're on-line - can't believe you're all gorwn up now!! Did you meet a nice boy like your mum wanted you to? How is your dad doing these days? Take care hun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Hi Roshni! What a coincidence! Lauren and I were only talking about you over the weekend and wondering how you're are! We'd just come out of the hairdressers and decided to go and have a glass of wine at the pub.... and your name came up in conversation. Is it really five years ago? Lauren and I have just read your post ... it's a hard one for you, but we both agree that you should do what's good for you .... if you don't, then it could be something that you will regret later on in life. Lots of love to you .... from me and Lauren xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roshni Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 Hi Sami! My dad's progress is extremely slow at the moment, but I suppose watching it from home makes it seem all the more slow! Visitors seem to believe that he's improving, so that's a good thing! We're still in the process of fighting for adaptation for him, or at least moving to a new home. Plus we're trying to get physiotherapy for him, as it stopped about a year after he came home. Haha, no I haven't met any boys yet. I don't think I'm looking, either. I know that when I meet someone, things will progress from there! But at least I can be ecstatic about my sister! She's engaged to her boyfriend of seven years! Thank God and FINALLY is what everybody said here! How are you, these days? And the family too? Take care! Hi Karen! That seems to happen a lot! Everytime you think about me, here I am! I know, it's odd thinking that it was five years ago! It doesn't seem like such a long time, but my GOD it is! I'm glad you think that. I'm in such turmoil over what to do. I look at somany people and wonder if I'm doing what is "normal" but I'm hardly in a normal situation to base what I do with my life on anybody else's. I don't want to regret my decisions and I know that my mum doesn't want me to be unhappy. The good thing is that I've teamed up with an old friend of mine to start a small filming business. Quite new, really and I don't know the slightest on running a business but we seem to be doing well so far and we're both intelligent enough to be able to pull this off! It's actually quite scary thinking I'll be at university and running a business away from home. So many big steps! How are you both? Has Lauren finished university yet? I'll send her a message on Facebook! Is everything going well for yourself? Take care! xxxxx;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Hi Roshni, I can remember how poorly your Dad was, when you first posted on this site ... it's great that he's made progress, but a shame that you're all still fighting for adaptations to the home and getting physio for him ... it seems that for many of us, that unless you keep on, then nothing is done.... keep fighting.... I hope that you will follow your dreams and ambitions ... I would have been gutted if my SAH had stopped Lauren or my son Chris from pursuing what they wanted to do ... it would have seemed like something else that had been taken away from me. I feel that it's robbed me enough and I would hate to think that it would have taken even more from me and my family. Go with your gut feeling, you're a lovely, sensible girl and even though you're situation is far from normal, I'm sure that your Mum and Dad would want you to be happy and wouldn't want you to waste a minute of your life. The filming business sounds great! You never know what you can achieve until you try ... I was self employed before my SAH and when I went into it, I thought that it was going to be something that I wouldn't perhaps be able to cope with .... but I did and it's not as hard as you think it is. You go girl! ... Lauren has read your post and she will contact you via Facebook with her news... I'm good thanks, I have my next brain scan in 2015 ... I'm going to be 7 years post SAH this year .... can't believe where time has gone! Lots of love, Karen xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahLou Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Hello Roshni, I'm sure that your parents and all of your family and friends are very proud of everything you do and all that you are. Reach for the stars honey for they are your tomorrows. Take care and keep smiling, SarahLou axx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Roshni was only 15 when she joined BTG ... If anybody would like to see Roshni's original thread for background info then click on http://www.behindthegray.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?4422-Just-joined-here.&p=33034#post33034 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Hi Roshni New business sounds brilliant. You know that Paul and I run a business so if I can help with any advice, I will where I can. Siobhan is 15 in April - the age you were when we first "met" - she's just taken six of her GCSEs and it's all weird the way they do it - some they will all take again as a matter of course so see if they improve the grade they get, if not the original grade willstand. She's already planned which college to go to and wants to go to Uni to become a teacher - either English or Geography. We have a dog now - a springer spaniel called Buddy - a rescue RAF dog. He's three next month and as mad as a box of frogs. Karen's right, your Dad wouldn't want his illness to stop you achieving your goals and ambitions - if anything it will make him proud and spur him on. Happy for your sister too - can't believe that you're twenty now though - my how the time has flown and I do feel old Take care and stay in touch - you have my email (same as MSN) Lots of love to you and yours Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldfish.girl Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Thanks for posting that link Karen. How lovely to see neither you or Skippy have changed (personality wise) since you were both in the early stages of your recoveries. Roshini, I have just read your original posts, what an amazing young lady you are! That was such a lot to go through & stay on top of your school work at the same time. I have 2 boys, one was 17 when I had my SAH the other was 7 and alone with me when it happened (a year after your dads). They are both amazing too and I have no doubt that what they have been through, then & now, has had an effect on them both. As their mum I would have to agree that I would not have wanted my illness to hold them back in any of their dreams for their own futures. I'm sad to hear that you & your family are still having to fight for the help your dad deserves all these years later but you are a young woman now and I'm sure they would all be happier to see you follow your own path. They know you will always be there for them. Good luck with the film company & best wishes for your future Michelle x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roshni Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Hi Karen, Yeah, it's a massive pain! But we're hoping to get him into swimming or a hydropool so that the water helps him stimulate his muscles into relaxing. We have a private masseuse and physiotherapist who are willing to help out, so fingers crossed all goes down well! The most frustrating thing about the adaptation is waiting around for other people! The entire process is ridiculously slow. I'm working hard to achieve my dreams, and I think I know that I need to get on with my life. I can't stay at home forever in hope that I can help. We've done what we can, and we'll continue to do the same, as always, but I can't stop my life. At the end of the day, I'm still young and have to do something with my life. I'm lucky enough that my mum understands that, and my dad too. The business is slowly getting it's name out there. I know for sure that we have two to three clients already! Here is the link, for anybody interested to look! http://www.paradoxproductionsuk.co.uk/ I've been speaking to Lauren, and she told me she plans to move out soon! That's such a big step, and I wish her the best of luck! It's never easy leaving your home! I know I'm going to feel so bizarre when I move out next year. It always seems so slow when you're actually in the middle of it all, but looking back at it, you wonder how long it has actually been! I'm glad that BTG is booming! Lauren said that it's essentially a full-time job maintaining it. I'm so happy that it's come this far! And thank you for linking to my first post Take care! xx Hi SarahLou, Thank you, really, for your kind words. That was truly inspiring! I hope all is well with yourself! Take care xx :) Hey Sami, Oh gosh, yes! I'd forgotten! Thank you, I will definitely get in touch! No doubt, I'll need all the help I can get! Oh wow! 15! It's so great to know that she's got a plan. I bet she'll excell at everything she does! I bet she's just as beautiful, if not even moreso! It's odd thinking how she was so young when you and I first spoke! Little kids should stay little I absolutely adore dogs! My neighbour had an alsation. She was so cute! Buddy looks so playful! I'd never tire of him! My mum said she'll allow me to have a dog when we move, so thumbs up! As long as I pay for it's upkeep, which is totally fair! I hope you're right! My dad has two of his niece's weddings to attend this year, and hopefully my sister's too, next year. He has something to work toward, even moreso now! Don't worry, I can believe I'm twenty either. Twenty-one come July! Hopefully a weekend away in Edinburgh will help me get over how old I actually feel, compared to what I actually am You're hardly old! You're only as old as you feel, they say.... So I suppose I best start acting my age then.... Take care xxxx Hi Michelle, Thank you, really. I can understand what your kids went through at the time. It must have been so tough for your youngest to have seen it happen. I was the one who found my dad, after his SAH. It doesn't seem like it at the time, but it has a much bigger impact than ever imagined. It can change your plans, and mould you into who you become. I have no doubt that what happened with my dad allowed me to meet some of the best (and worst) people in my life. But if it wasn't for everything that happened, I'd be a completely different person, and I'm sure your sons will say the same. I know that I have the support of many people here, and that sincerely helps me with fighting for my dad and doing what I want to do. Family are there, but knowing that someone you've never met, has been through it all with you and knows exactly what you're going through is something else altogether. My morale has been heavily lifted and I know that I can count on so many people on BTG to simply type a few words onto a keyboard to help. You may not know how much you're helping, but you are! Thanks, Michelle and take care! xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahLou Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Hi Roshni, It's so wonderful to read about the way you've turned negatives in your life into positives. You seem to have some fantastic goals in your life. Well done you. My lovely Miss C was only 10 yrs old when I had my SAH, she's had a tough lil life, watching both her dad and I go through serious illnesses. She is without doubt the laughter, light and strength in my life. She's a beautiful young lady inside and out and I'm sure her experiences have helped shape her into the person she is. She has just started doing some homework entitled 'coping with illness'. I'm sure it'll be an interesting read. A very teary one too. I hope that your dad gets to have his hydropool sessions soon, I'm sure they'll be a help. Fingers crossed that the adaptations get sorted out soon too. All these things seem to take so long to get sorted out don't they. Keep in touch with us all, it's good to hear about how you're all doing. Take care and keep smiling, SarahLou Xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Hi Roshni, Hope all is well with your Dad and family ... I've got a feeling that we might be seeing you on the Dragon's Den TV programme soon ..wishing you every success! Yes, Lauren is moving out at the end of April, I shall miss her, even though it's only a couple of miles away .... another milestone for us all, we've already had a few tears together! Roshni, you have to live your life to the full or it will be full of regrets and that's something that no parent wants to see and something else that the SAH would claim and let's face it, it claims enough as it is! Yes, BTG is pretty busy, I never thought that when it started in 2006 that it would last longer than a year, but it just goes to show that there is a lack of after care and general recovery information/support. You take care and keep in contact when you can, as I would love to know how you're getting on. Love K xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roshni Posted March 26, 2012 Author Share Posted March 26, 2012 Hi SarahLou, I think you get to a point in your life where you realise that you can either wallow in self-pity and take everything in life as being one big plot against you, or you can take to brushing things off your shoulder and accepting that we all have the capability to overcome anything. Many people around the world have overcome such overwhelming hurdles; what makes us any different to them? What did they have that we don't? Everyone has the same capability, it's just a matter of tapping into it and believing you can do it. Our mind is our most powerful instrument after all. I bet that was tough for her. No matter how old you are, it's always going to have a massive impact, especially as she was so young. I hope her homework goes well! I'm sure she'll ace it! At the moment, hydropool seems to be at a standstill, which is pretty much how everything is at the moment. Nobody seems to be doing anything to help us, and we're stuck! I hope that the next time we speak, something will be moving. Five years ago, I thought the same thing, however, and yet nothing still. But hey, things can happen in an instant, so you never know! Hi Karen, Things are okay. We're just struggling with getting help to move house. The council is seriously messing us about, and we're just not getting the right support. It's ridiculously frustrating and downright annoying. I can't believe she's moving! She mentioned briefly on Facebook that she was looking! Wow! I wish both of you the best of luck! I'm definitely living life to the best of my capabilities. My friends and I are planning two holidays this year; one to Edinburgh and another to Dublin. I'm really excited! Plus, I'm starting a new course funded by the British Film Institute, so I'm really looking forward to that! I know exactly what you mean about the lack of after after care and support. Once you're out of hospital, your're left to your own devices. I don't want to count the amount of times I've had to email or call people left, right and centre, just to get a tiny piece of information from them. Even today, I've spent most of my afternoon emailing people trying to chase things up with my dad's housing information. The way they act about the information we ask for, it's like we're asking for a million pounds to spend for giggles! Lots of love Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Hi Roshni, You have such a wise head on you, for someone so young ... like Lauren and many other younger/teenage children that I hear about or see, the experience of coping with a parent that has had a SAH has perhaps made you a lot wiser than some of your peers. I'm really sorry to hear that you're having to chase the council .... it shouldn't be the case, but unfortunately I'm not surprised to hear that they're dragging their feet .. it unfortunately, seems to be the norm ... Have you tried the Citizens Advice Bureau for help with pursuing your Dad's case? That's fantastic news about the new course and wishing you the very best of luck! Enjoy your holidays! .... Dublin is fab, plenty of night life and a really good feel about it ... you might need a few extra Euro's though, as it's more expensive than the UK. Lauren's Dad comes from Irish parentage, so we've been over there quite a few times and if you spot the name Hyder on the war memorial at St.Stephen's Green http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St_Stephen's_Green then that's a relative of Lauren. If you can find it, try the Hairy Lemon pub/restaurant - http://www.thehairylemon.ie/ Have a lovely time! Love K xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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