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SAH and left with depression


baxy
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hi all my name is marie and i had a sah on the 11th jan 2012 aged 37. i was alone when it happened and when it did i knew it was something bad. i managed to crawl to the front door to open it and phone my loved ones and then i phoned the ambulance. i tried to tell the paramedics that i think something had burst in my head ( my sister had a sah in jan 2001 so i knew what it might feel like ) but they did not belieive me. even though i was a bit out of it i could see the look on the paramedics face as if to say what do you know. in fact the guy asked me if i WANTED to go to hospital and i said EH YEAH. it took the hospital 48 hours to give me a ct scan as apparantly it was busy with emergencies, dont know what i was classed as but hey ho i eventually got it which confirmed it was a sah. i got taken to edinburgh for coiling which went fine and i came home 2 weeks later. my main worry is work as i will not be able to return to the job i was doing before as it was very physical and stressful so am currently on very small sick pay. i cant afford anything at the moment and am currently having to go bankrupt which is a major stress. i just feel so sad all the time and i cry a lot and my motivation is zero. i have no energy to do stuff with my 9 year old daughter ( and no money ) which is playing on my mind and am worried about our future. i went to my doctor last week to ask about getting to speak to someone but he said that could take months and that i really needed to start taking antidepressants straight away. i have done some reading about them and they dont sound very nice so at present i still haven't taken them. i also have good days in between which makes me question my depression. i feel so worthless sometimes like a bit of a waste of space and a hinderance on others and there has been days when i have thought maybe it would of been easier if i had died. i want to know if i will ever get through this and should i take the antidepressants. i am also thinking about who would employ me now? what use am i to anyone? any words from anyone would be appreciated as you all seem so nice. thanks for listening.

marie

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Hello, welcome to BTG!

The way you describe your emotions post SAH and your concerns about returning to a demanding job reminds me so much of my circumstances in the first few months. It is obviously a huge shock to the household budget when you end up on sick pay and this brings lots of stress too.

I will gladly share with you some steps I took, including my mistakes! I made some poor choices very early on in an attempt to be my usual independent self, not realizing that my brain needed a bit more rest than what I was giving it.

Before I launch into a proper reply, can you tell me a bit about your family? I.e. do you have a partner, parents, an aunt or uncle; or simply some very close friends? The reason I ask, is that delegation was a major part of my recovery. Even if there are no family members, there are some community services available, but I don’t want to overload you with too much information in one go.

When you are able, let me know what your family dynamic is and whether they can be approached and utilised in some way.

Will be in touch soon,

Lynne xxx

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No words can say how you must feel ....all I can say is people on here might be able to help...

Can your Doc help you? or the Goverment?......I was given money then it was taken back !! so I am up poo creek also.....

All these forms you fill out then they change the system....Surgeon tells you to keep calm...How when you are worrying

about how to pay bills grrrrrrr The money I got was to pay for someone to look after me to give my family a break...which my

family never took as too worried about leaving me alone.....So they give respite money for family then take it back !! stupid isn't it all...

Genuine cases don't get a chance it seems.. .my daughter gave up work for me...I feel bad !!

Good luck and hope people on here can help you more than me and GET WELL xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Love

WinB143 xxxx

Edited by Winb143
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Hiya Marie,

i can relate to no-one believing you that it was something serious. I too knew i was having a brain haemorrhage because my mum had died of sah 9 years earlier. The local hospital would not take us seriously and they assumed I was having a panic attack. To shut me up (I believe I was wailing a bit) they gave me morphine so when the consultant finally got round to me, I had no reflexes. He was sure this meant I was simply having a seizure. Although my partner insisted I was haemorrhaging, they knew best. I'd been bleeding for over 4 hours when they finally did a CT 'just to check'.

Have you a MIND in your local area? You can self-refer for counselling. There might be a short wait, I used them years and years ago after mum died and it was very helpful. You get 6 sessions. I'm trying to remember how long I waited to be offered help, I can't really remember that far back but I'm sure it was weeks rather than months. Does your surgery have an 'anxiety management' nurse? My surgery has and she was brilliant when I had depression after mum died. She spent quite some time listening to me to get me the right AD's for me and my situation.

You will get through this. My GP told me that recovery is most rapid in the first 6 months to a year, then it slows down but recovery is a continual process and there can still be good changes for a long time to come. I was 35 when I had my sah and I was told that my age would work for me. To begin with, I was in a wheelchair, then I used a zimmer. Now I can walk for miles unaided. I couldn't read or write, but slow and gradual practise has brought all this back. I am a thousand miles further on than I was even 4 months ago and in 4 months time..who knows? It does get better, honestly.

Dawn x

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Hi Marie

Welcome to BTG.

Gosh I remember well the first months of recovery. I questioned everything and needed a lot of help. I too had my operation in Edinburgh. Were you given a card with Neuro Nurse Specialist's name and contact details, is it still Edith Wood? If so might be an idea to give her a call and let her know how you are feeling. You sound a bit overwhelmed at the moment and that's completely understandable. You've been through a major trauma. I work with psychologists and they are always encouraging clients to at least try any solution or medication that is offered. Anti depressants can lessen your anxiety whilst you try to find solutions for problems. Might be an idea to try them and see if they help. I would also go back to your GP and ask to be referred to either a psychologist (our waiting time is about 4months) or a counsellor (7 weeks wailting time). Get yourself on the waiting list, if you don't need it when you come to the top of the list you can cancel.

What about your work? Some employers have employee assistance programmes where you can get this kind of help quicker. There is a website www.stepsforstress.org where you can get a relaxation CD sent to you as well as having lots of information on coping with stress.

It's very usual for us SAH survivors to suffer with fatigue, especially in the early months of recovery and it must be exhausting to have to deal with a 9 year old too! Remember this little person needs mummy and your feelings of worthlessness is the depression talking and it's the depression that needs to be tackled. Have to you told your GP about how you are feeling? If you have and not been listened to then if you can see another doctor at the practice!

This is a wonderful site full of wonderful people and we've experienced just about every emotion possible. It does get better Marie but it does take time. There will always be someone on here ready to listen and share their experience with you, so keep in touch. Sending you big hugs, take care.

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Hi Marie - a warm welcome to BTG.

Some lovely replies to your post which I hope will give you some encouragement. Having a sah is a very traumatic experience and it is quite common to feel low for periods during recovery and that is hard enough without the added financial pressure that you are facing. It is not to say that you will always feel this way, although it can be hard to see an end to it whilst you are in the midst of it. If your GP has prescribed antidepressants, then it might be worth trying them - it is my understanding that they can take a while to get into your system before you start benefitting.

Your gp should also see you at regular intervals whilst on them which would give you a chance to mention any concerns etc. I was on antidepressants in my early 40's for about 18 months (I was 50 on the day of your bleed) and although this was prior to my haemorrhage, I don't recall any side effects, but they did help and I didn't become addicted to them.

The circumstances that you describe regarding your experience brought back a few memories - in my case the paramedic didn't actually ask me if I wanted to go to hospital - he said "I could take you to hospital, but you've probably got better things to do on a Saturday afternoon" and left me! I was operated on 10 days later with severe vasospasm:roll:

I have found it very tough going at times in the 3 and half years since my sah, my husband has been out of work for at least half that time (and still is) and I only work part time - I have 3 offspring at home, so I can relate to what you are saying. I have however had a lot of support - including family and friends, citizens advice, counsellor, doctor and of course people on here. I hope you too can get the help and support to get you through this difficult time.

Take care,

Sarah

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Sarah,

What happened to you is so bad !!...Bad Bad man !!

I was lucky the one first on the scene was a man whos daughter had been misdiagnosed and did not make it!......

He knew my huubby and I wet myself in front of him !!! ....When I think of him..I think of his daughter who never made it and she was so young......okay to sad to think about..!

Changing subject have a Great Day All...and we are so lucky to be here

Love To All n You Sarah

Love

WinB143 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Keep smiling xxxxxxxxxx

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