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pennys just dropped


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Hi all I just thought I would post, as for some reason the 'penny has finally dropped' so to speak and I finally realise what everyone has been telling me since my head blew up...that basically it takes a long long time for brains to heal and I cant expect it to heal now or tomorrow it takes time! I, since day one, after the bleed expected to be back on my feet, back to my nearly full time job straight after thinking that I would be recovered like a cold or something. I never gave my brain time to heal at all and so put it through more stress by trying to do exactly what I did before the event,rushing around working hard,taking care of my boy and looking after a house! This has now resulted in me claiming esa and concentrating on caring for my two year old which is a job in itself let me tell you because my body has told me I cant do everything and I need to slow down. Life is too short to be rushing around like a headless chicken just so we can afford to buy the latest gadget or what ever! I have always been someone who wants everything now now now and maybe my ways made me ill, but today the penny has dropped. From now on I will totally slow down, enjoy my time with my son and family and just take life as it comes. If anything this whole ordeal has learnt me to relax and calm down which is the lesson I needed from day one X x

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Bev we can all tell you to slow down but really its something you have to learn for yourself & usually the hard way!

Some of the older BTG members will remember me learning it the very hard way as I thought I could take nathan to the cinema, have lunch out & shop within weeks of coming home. Needless to say I was totally floored before the shopping & the walk to meet hubby who was picking me up was complete torture!! It took me all week to recover from something that I wouldn't have given a second thought pre anni!!

It still happens today although I am much more adept at knowing when I start to slow down & shut down, I can push through to some extent but it turns into full shut down eventually. Hubby can recognise it too but I try to take myself off or sit quietly before it happens.

I think lin lin said if you broke a leg you would rest it for 6 weeks or so & as your brain is never resting even when you are asleep just think how much longer it takes to heal??!!

Good on you for reaching that conclusion pretty early on in your recovery. It does get better honest!

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Hi Bev,

It's a tough lesson to learn isn't it, one only you can do by yourself.

Most of the time I have acceptance of my SAH but I do still kick out now and again.

I read 'a letter from your brain' often still, to ground me when needed.

Remember not to be too tough on yourself, live your today's and make plenty of memories.

Big hugs to you honey.

Take care,

SarahLou Xx

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Are we sisters, Bev? This was my problem from DAY ONE. I literally thought I'd get out of the hospital, go right back to teaching full time, go right back to training for races.

And even after I said I got it, I still didn't get it. Heck, I probably still don't get it!

It all takes time to sink in, to heal, and about the time you really start to get it, others think you're fine and all those people who offered the help the first month, are now wondering why you're not helping THEM and are making it even harder.

It's also not linear. It's not like you get a little better every day. You get a little better, then something else might crop up. Something you did fine last week, you may not be able to do this week. It is one day at a time, but if you judge your recovery from how you felt yesterday as opposed to today, it's very defeating. Rather you have to compare how you are doing today from three or four weeks ago.

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Think that might be my problem too, it's only 8 weeks ago and I've been home alone looking after a house and two children, one of which is going through the terrible twos early lol, for over two weeks. I find it so hard to get my head around and just want to be normal. Im feeling so ill this week so I too will have to try and take it easy and relax a little xx

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Its so hard to relax when you have kids though I was working too so knocked that on the head to relieve some stress! I realised that my son must be picking up on how fed up I have been and he has been playing up more so as rough and not with it I feel I am trying to battle through now and more important slow down too. Lisa do you have anyone you can rely on to look after your kids for a few hours to give you all important time to yourself to allow you to accept things? I never let anyone do that and there was offers but I never took up the offers cos I thought I was super woman or something and like I said thought I could just get on like before but I totally burnt myself out thats probs why I am like I am now feeling tired all the time and all other symptoms because I rushed to be normal now I am trying to accept that it takes time a lot lot longer than I ever thought x x

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Slowing down has always been hard on me. I am busy lady you know! I have told people and believe sometimes God taps you on the shoulder to get your attention & if you do not listen he may break your leg to make you listen to him, other times he may just HAVE to hit you with a sledge hammer right in your head to make you pay attention.

Yes, it took me a long time to get I was not going to bounce back from this set back. I think I can beat or do anything I set my mind to but ....not s0 much anymore!! I had to surrender almost like an alcoholic to alcohol I have no real control over my brain healing other than I need to rest it. I cannot over do or I will pay dearly. My dream is to fly by the seat of my pants again!

maryb

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Slowing down has always been hard on me. I am busy lady you know! I have told people and believe sometimes God taps you on the shoulder to get your attention & if you do not listen he may break your leg to make you listen to him, other times he may just HAVE to hit you with a sledge hammer right in your head to make you pay attention.

Yes, it took me a long time to get I was not going to bounce back from this set back. I think I can beat or do anything I set my mind to but ....not s0 much anymore!! I had to surrender almost like an alcoholic to alcohol I have no real control over my brain healing other than I need to rest it. I cannot over do or I will pay dearly. My dream is to fly by the seat of my pants again!

maryb

You totally hit the nail on the head there mary we have clearly all had to learn the lesson the hard way. I have woke up today exhausted I took my son to leeds german market yesterday and must have walked about a thousand mile it was also mad with xmas shoppers! I found it hard yesterday and got in a panik at times but battled though for jack.something that i could take for granted before I clearly cant now so ill pay for it today, but I cant just stop with a little one its playgroup this morning and just constant entertaining all day. Maybe ill be in bed by 8 tonight. Just going to have to change the way I work any other tips on what I can do?xx

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Its all one big learning curve honey...

Its how I learned how far I could push myself, learning to know how much you can do isnt easy but its a great start...

I still push myself way to hard & suffer (this time of year is the worst) but we all have our own limits its just a case of finding them...

OMG! Jord, 8wks - home alone & terrible 2's you need to rally help around you honey...

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  • 1 month later...

Took me a long while to realize it too! I ran with a friend who came to visit me in the hospital and she shared with me how scared she was when she saw me. I was saying everything was fine, it was no big deal, but I was surrounded by machines and monitors and in CCU. I truly had NO idea what I was in for!

A year out, just about, I have regained most of my life, but I had to take a lot more time off than I had planned. I am a full time high school teacher, and work an additional 8-20 hours a week as a personal trainer, bootcamp leader, and running coach. I had to step WAY back from that and am now building those hours back up again.

The best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself the latitude you need to just heal. You will be back to normal faster if you do that. The best thing I did was take the entire summer off to listen to my body. As a teacher I was off already and I canceled all of my classes except my running classes. I supervised those on Saturdays so I had six days a week to rest and heal. I do still have to listen to my head as I get terrible headaches. But I ran 31 miles this week, and 14.5 miles today alone. I feel good about that because for a time I worried I wouldn't ever get back.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Slowing down is such a hard lesson for me. Even as I think I've learned it, I realize that I've only just identified it. Learning comes with experience (how much do any of us have with this?). I have issues with it and so does everyone who posts here. Can't you hear it in others? Hearing it from ourselves is way harder. After we hear the call, we have to act. That's even harder. I often know that I'm shutting down only to still desire to keep going and deny it all the way to a total crying fest/collapse.

I've come to realize that denial is such an issue with parts of my brain. The conscious part knows the SAH happened, but some of the autonomic parts are just going along without a care and taxing the rest without 'knowing'. I wish I could choose what to shut off and what to focus on, but I can't...it is above the conscious pay grade. It's amazing all the filtering the old brain does.

remember to channel the tortoise (He's slow, yet wise).

~Kris

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