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Have been feeling quite good lately (I feel like saying that out loud is tempting fate), but feel low and tearful today......Have been having headaches low down at the base of my skull for about 4 days. They aren't as bad as when I had the SAH, but they are exactly the same feeling with less intensity. It's horrible and I'm back to feeling scared again.

I know this is a bit pathetic and I should get a grip, but I'm also fed up with being relentlessly positive and pretending everything is ok. I tried to say I was heartbroken about clearing my little vegetable patch yesterday - it all went to rack and ruin when I was in hospital - but the response was 'no you're not' ! It feels like I'm not even allowed my own emotions anymore.

I'm going to get motivated in a minute and stop feeling sorry for myself.......:frown:

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Bless you Julie ... how you are feeling is very normal. We have all been there. I think we try so hard to be positive and upbeat, plus you feel so grateful to be alive. Very mixed emotions to deal with. I found if I over did things I felt pain again at the bottom of my skull , down my neck and shoulders . Make sure you are resting up.

Your hormones are all over the place in the early stages which doesn't help either !. Don't be so hard on yourself.... Karen said that to me when I felt just like you. :)

You are doing great :) and not being pathetic at all !

Sorry about your vegetable patch :frown: sometimes family don't know what to say and just try to keep you positive. Its very hard for them too to see you so upset and unwell. Sending a big hug your way xxx

Edited by Tina
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Julie,

You are allowed to cry, you beat it, all what Tina says is right.

You get a pain and go uh oh, you worry about it happening again.

Been there got the sleepless nights over it.

When worried see Doc if it puts mind at rest.

I used to cry whenever a specialist mentioned my daughter, as I love her so much and I did not want her hurt anymore

than she had been, so I would say "We are here about me please do not bring my daughter in it" and it come out like this

Don't go my daughter blubber, sniff, you must not mention her sob you'll make me cry. I was a dope lol.

Some got the message the others spent a fortune on paper hankies.

Cheer up when you can Julie xx

Take care

WinB143 xx xx The Town crier

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Hi Julie,

It is perfectly natural to feel low at times. We have been through a major life changing event and little reminders such as the veg patch can and will trigger an emotional reaction.

Most of us strive to be upbeat and positive for our families, but sometimes we need a little 'me' time to recognise how we are feeling and to help us adjust to the changes in our lives.

You are doing amazingly well, be proud of your achievements and don't beat yourself up too much if you feel the need to shed the odd tear. You are just a mere mortal (not super woman!)

Take care,

Wem

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Great words Tina. All very true.

Julie your feeling scared and physically hurting doesn't make you pathetic. You are having a very natural reaction. I did a little gardening this weekend too which resulted in that blooming awful neck feeling and out of body feeling as my head firmly told me ' nope you've overdone it again' and it just horrid. No other words for it. I had to wait for it to pass. I still get very scared and worried when it happens though, I won't lie.

This site is littered with stories of where our desire to do wins over and then our brain reminds us sharply that we owe it to ourselves to be slower and gentler with ourselves at least for now.

Gardening is good therapy especially if you loved it before but it's also physically very demanding. So pick one thing and then stop and rest and dont be tempted by jobs that can wait. The seasons will be round again before you know it and you will be stronger. And yes its ok to be a little heartbroken that you cant do what you want to, i grieve for that regularly!

Could you find something that you can work on slowly a little at a time , a little less strenuous so that you can get satisfaction out of doing something. In the early days I did a knitting project as it help my concentration, coordination and I got that happy feeling from having achieved something. I was completely rubbish at it:lol: but persevered, still don't think I've made anything useful yet but my daughter made a knitted cape for her guinea pig this weekend so maybe it had some lasting effect.

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Julie,

When I came home from the hospital in April just about all my house plants were dead and my garden, that my husband tilled up for me about a week prior to my NASAH, was overgrown with grass and looked like part of the yard.

What was amazing to me was a couple weeks later I was outside walking around and noticed this very large group of Impatiens had seeded itself and were starting to grow in my flowerbed. I could not believe it. I thanked God for seeding them for me. I also looked over in my planter and I had one beautiful purple petunia in bloom. My favorite color is purple and I thanked my mother (in heaven) for that.

I do understand about the pain and I get afraid too. I am also six months and this morning I had pain directly across my head with pressure. I don't like it when that happens because it reminds me of the night mine happened. I, too, had the pain in the back of my head as well. It does get better as you get better.

Just think of it, you have next year for your garden. Look for the small miracles that are surely there for you.

"I"

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Thank you everyone!

Still a bit down and tearful today, but feel a little brighter overall :-D

Good thought Daffodil - I have been going a bit mad at the gardening, I think out of guilt and trying to be 'how I was' before. Have broken down the tasks now into little chunks to aim at every other day or so, but only when I feel physically ok. I think I was sort of punishing myself with it - does that make sense? On the hobbies front I wanted to make a photo wall of pictures that make me happy - kids, dog, husband, days out etc.....so I've got some photos and frames out and am in the planning stages (planning could take some time as I am easily distracted!!!)

Iola, think you are right about the blessings. I have wanted a veggie patch for as long as I can remember. Last year we moved to this house and had lots of work to do. Eventually I managed to work on a small patch of garden and plan my veg patch. It was going to be so pretty and so productive. Instead it became a tangled mess of weeds and dead plants. But doing the last bits of tidying I found a handful of green beans to pick that were not too stringy, 2 courgettes, a few tiny potatoes and the smallest green pepper you have ever seen....my daughters helped prepare them alongside the supper they had planned and they tasted wonderful!

Thank you for your love and support. It is really hard and seems so ungrateful to express the negative stuff, but I'm afraid it is there just beneath the surface and it is making me sad :frown:

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Everyone already said but yup it's normal to be full of tears! I was told to expect the emotional roller coaster for at least for the first 6 months. Even my horrible neurologist told me that it takes at least 6 months to a year for the brain to fully recover. So cut yourself some slack and cry if you need to! We faced a life threathening traumatic event!!! I think if we didn't cry and get scared THAT would be abnormal!!!!

(((((Hugs)))))))

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