Depression after SAH?

[Ponigirl]

I've had several medical problems all of my life, before and after my NASAH in Jan. 2013. I've had soo many surgeries. The one health problem I have that has stuck with me is chronic pancreatitis (diagnosed in 1999), I know I had it for about 5 years before that. I am in the hospital about once a year for a week, sometimes more. I am nauseated all the time, very tired and in general just feel terrible. But I never let that get me down, or any of my other medical conditions. I was always very upbeat, positive and happy! People would always ask me how can you be so happy and cheery when you are so sick- well I said It could be worse. Then it got worse- I had a NASAH. After that I feel like I lost the ability to be positive and optimistic. I am very depressed over all the things I can't do like work, spell, drive, read, etc. I also lost my job, and I so loved my job!!  I just feel like I've had more than enough health problems but this just did me in. 

Did anyone else have depression after their SAH?

[Macca]

Hi,

I think a number of us have suffered depression at varying times post SAH.  I know I have.  You seem to have put up with a lot and I can see why you might have been susceptible to it.  Try to look on the positive side.  The only way is up. When you fall off a ladder you have to start at the bottom rung and work your way back up again.  Try, but one step at a time - if you go too fast you will surely get knocked back again, if you do then dust yourself down and get right back up again!

 

Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare - well you are the former at the moment.  Don't be hard on yourself - easier said than done, I know but I've been there and you may have suffered a setback but you will win out over the longer term.

 

Good luck,

 

Macca

[Winb143]

Ponigirl,

 

You will get through the other side and be as bright as a button.

It takes  time though.

 

Some days I get downers Yes Win gets a down day but I find laughter in all I do.

So thinks happy thoughts when possible (You cannot be happy all the time).

 

Think of happy times and smile when possible and be of good cheer, as we love you.

You are part of the BTG Club xx

 

We are here to help each other so if you are down we are here for you xx

 

Love

Win xx got any good songs? xx

[Carolynusa]

Ponigirl!  Your body has given you a hard time, hasn't it?  I've battled depression my whole life - for real.  Off and on I go to the doctor and get anti-depressants for a while.  I've noticed on this site that there are people who are taking anti-depressants with decent results.  Why don't you look for that thread and see what they say?  Have you talked to a doctor about the way you feel?  Take the symptoms seriously and see if a doctor can help you.  I consider depression a medical condition.  Since my SAH I could sink down into the depths of that depression at any time.  I fight it.  I, too lost my job and my income was very necessary for survival for my family.  We aren't doing well at all in that regard.  The government is taking forever to decide if I am disabled.  Quick summary:  I had a sah, lost my job, younger son totalled my car so we have none, we live day to day trying to decide if we can buy food, my husband very depressed every day, my bipolar son is losing it, etc. etc. etc.  Throw Christmas into that mix and I'm looking for a stagecoach out of town.  Geez.  So....I so get you sweetie pie.  

 

Try to think of this time as a medical result of your sah.  Your brain still trying to heal.  It too shall pass.  Please see a doctor if you are not feeling better.  In the meantime stop in here!  Visit the Green Room.  These people - including myself - care very much.  I've never seen anything like it.  Please stay with us.  We care so much about you.  I don't want you depressed another minute.  Try music if you can handle it - but not sad stuff.  Go outside and smell the air.  I think maybe you like animals.  Try some nature specials on tv - not the depressing ones.  Try and feel the love in whatever you are doing.

 

Take care!

Much love, Carolynusa

[iola]

Hi,

I think some kind of depression comes with the package. I was not depressed before mine but I can tell you I had a very stressed and busy life. I am a stress person. I do not like it but it is part of who I am. I did go back to work and still do but not without struggle. I struggle every day.

I had cervical cancer in 2000, hysterectomy, and married all in the same year. Five years later we adopted our daughter. Then 2013 slam, a brain bleed. With all of the life changing events in my life nothing, and I mean nothing, prepared me for the SAH. Think about how yours happened. It does not sneak up on you, it just punches you right in the face! Fine one minute and then retching pain the next. World tilting, time ticking, doctors talking, papers in your face, meds you've never heard of, angiogram grams, sonograms, needles, nurses, strangers, and a brain trying to process and survive all at the same time.

Then you are sent home, like a new babe in the woods, struggling with fear, pain, isolation, and questions. Of course depression sets in. I cried every day for months. But, I also got up every day, took a shower, put on my makeup, and tried to live. I have a 9 yr and she needed me to be well so I had to be. Did I feel well? No. But, you push and move. Am I still scared? Yes, I worry. After you go through something like this you realize you are not in control. It's such a shock and you feel it instantly.

I have a deep trust and gratitude in God and that faith has helped me tremendously. You are here for a reason. Find out what that is. This site is here for a reason. I've had some hard down moments and the folks here have helped me get through the toughest of times. You are not alone. Please do not think you are. Depression can make you feel that you are. Know you are not and we care and understand.

I

[kpaggett]

My issue was and still is sometimes the gigantic mood swings.  I can be fine one minute and then deep in despair the next.  I had no issues before the SAH, so I know that it is the culprit.  When I get in one of my moods, if I can recognize it and say out loud that this is my brain recovering, then it tends to ease.  I've also noticed that when I instruct others to just go with the flow even through these times, then it helps.  Sympathy seems to exacerbate it all for some reason and I can go on and on if someone is there saying poor Kris.

 

In the early days, I did seek out the help of a neuropsychologist.  It was very hard for me to do since I NEVER needed anything like that before, but I'm so glad I did...it was one of the best decisions post SAH that I made.  My goals at the time were:  No drugs so my brain could figure things out; and to never see the guy again as soon as it was possible.  Both came true and I can handle anything as it comes up.  The issues as you described are still there, but the difference is that I can make it through quicker and with ease as each one presents itself.  Before, it really helped to see someone that was objective every week.

 

Hang in there.

~Kris

[Teechur]

Your depression may both be situational and due to your brain hemorrhage. I would agree with Kris. It might really do you some good to go and see someone with who can walk you through the situation and help you find your way out onto the other side.

 

We have quite a bit in common. In 2003 I had a bout of kidney stones that I SWEAR were trying to kill me. When the second one drove through on giant, spike studded tires a new doctor in my doctor's office sent me to get a CT scan. Long story short, they found a tumor in my pancreas that, had they not found it, would have probably buried me by now. I was very very lucky that I got kidney stones at that exact time because my doctor is off on Friday and he said that he would have never sent me for a CT scan.

 

I ended up having three surgeries to remove it, including a Whipple Procedure, which has left me with intermittent pancreatic pain that hits me every six weeks or so. Sometimes I can go eight weeks, and every now and again I get lucky and think "Oh wow! Hank hasn't haunted me for awhile! Maybe..." but then those are the magic words that summon Hank and generally within a week he shows up. (Hank is the name I gave to my tumor to make light of it so as not to freak out my students too much when I had to take so much time off.)

 

So I hear you on the pain thing. It's horrible. I'm lucky because it was cancerous, but because it was found so early it was encapsulated and no chemo or radiation. Nothing hurts like panc pain, though. That is a cranky little organ! 

 

But like you, always up. After all, when one somehow escapes pancreatic cancer, someone up there likes you very very much! I always look for a reason why things happen and right before the kidney stones, I had lost 100 pounds and having the Whipple convinced me that I needed to take really good care of myself so I never EVER felt that bad again. (The recovery from the Whipple was about a full year before I was back to my previous energy level, although I still have the after effects of the pancreas pain.)

 

I really felt blessed to have come through that, and the combination of being left SO weak afterwards (I had some serious complications) that I was determined to never feel that way ever again until the very end of my life. I resumed exercise way before I probably should have. I eat clean. I run marathons. I was in the process of training for my first 100 miler.

 

Then suddenly I got the worst headache of my life. I will be honest. I felt completely betrayed by my body. I took (take) such good care of it. I did everything I could precisely so this would NOT happen to me. I don't REGRET that by any stretch of the imagination. I believe I actually had such a good outcome because of my low heart rate and blood pressure because I was dumb and did not go to the hospital for hours and hours! (I saw a movie, then tried to take a nap, until finally I posted on Facebook to ask if this is what a migraine feels like. I was at the movies when it happened-in the lobby.) A friend texted me from across the country and bullied me into going! She probably saved me from dying in my sleep that night!

 

So I'm with you there, too. While I am not depressed like I was before and am feeling much better now, boy did I go through it and it scared me because I'd never had that feeling...not even when things were really bad. Don't wait, go talk to someone. It's not worth going through it alone. I tried to talk to my husband and I think it scared him so he just did what he often does when something scares him, he changed the subject.

 

Everyone here has been wonderful, but sometimes you need someone local to be able to sit with and talk to who gets it. I was very very lucky. It just happens that I found a friend who is also a runner and who suffers with daily headaches just like me. She had her SAH about nine months before me. I don't know how I would have kept my sanity if not for her. Most of us aren't lucky enough to become friends with someone who has had this experience and lives just a few towns over, though. 

[Ponigirl]

I can't thank you ALL enough for your input. I started seeing a physitritrist (I can't spell anymore) and she knows neuro and did put me on an  antidepresseant, when that didn't seem to cut it- she changed it- I go back again in a few days. It just seems like some days the antidepressant is just not working! But I have VERY good support from my hubby and wonderful mother. They keep me going- even when I can't do it myself. 

 

I wish I would have found this site right after my SAH- but I was in such a fog- I didn't understand what a brain bleed (SAH) was or what it meant or what to do. I felt like in the beginning I was doing great!!  I think because I wasn't doing anything! When I tried to do things- I learned real quick - life has changed!!!  I felt like I had someone else's brain- still do!  

 

I am very bitter that I lost my job because of my SAH. I am still bitter over all the things I can't do because of my SAH. I know I will get over that- and it will pass, because I refuse to stay bitter.

 

Like many others our financial situation has taken a big hit. We are working on that. I have been denied SSDI twice!! That just does not seem fair!! But I'm (we) are not giving up!

 

My 2 year "rebirth" date is coming up on the 15th. I plan on getting my hair cut. I did it last year because when I was in ICU they shaved half my head. So I waited an entire year to get my hair cut and did so on 1/15!! So I may make this an annual event.