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Mum had her SAH 9 weeks ago on the morning of 9th sept, Mum and dad have been married for 54 years mum is 74, they had six children and we were taught right from wrong and to respect our elders we are a close family and all get on together dad was on oxygen 24/7 (miners disease) he could not walk from a to b and lived down stairs mum cared for his every need.

on the morning of the 9th dad phoned me and said he had not heard mum up and about had rang the house phone on his mobile and got no reply he was really worried and helpless ,I grabbed some clothes and ran the half mile to the house the thoughts going through my head were awful Iknew something bad had happened,as I unlocked the door my hands were trembling dad was in a state.

I found mum on the bathroom floor she had banged her head on the door frame on the way down she had a black eye and bruising to her face she had vomit and blood on her face (cant get that image out my mind )I ran downstairs dialed 999 it was the longest 15 minutes of my life they stayed on the phoned and talked me through what i had to do then to my relief i heard the siren help was here ,I was then able to comfort dad who was also diabetic and needed his insulin,and ring other family members .

went to the hospital with mum she was taken into emergency room i was sat in a little room with a few chairs a coffee table and a box of tissues i then knew it was bad

The doctor told me they were taking mum for a ct scan and then they would do one of two thing ,leave her and she would die pretty quickly or if there was anything they could do the would blue light her to queens medical I phoned for someone to meet me at the hospital I could not take this news alone my brother came , the doctor came back and said they were going to operate on mum I said mum would not want to live with no quality of life she always said dont ever let me live like that he said we will do all we can ,my thoughts were mums 74 would they do all this if there was no chance of a good outcome,

we went back home to dad and the rest of the family dads nurse was ther

she managed to get dad into kingsmill hospital just till we got sorted out and knew what was happening to mum, we then went to queens to see how mum was she was in ICU they had put a drain in to stop the pressure on her brain she was on oxygen and they had done a tracheostomy it was so hard to see her like that we stayed for a while and then went to kingsmill to see dad and tell him mum might not make it he was upset and knew he did not have the energy to go and see her.

the next couple of days were spent going from one hospital to the other althought dad was admitted for social reasons he was a very ill man but they moved him from one ward to another each time saying you cant stay here , !!th sept mum had coiling done doctor said dont build your hopes up it was a massive aneurysym and a massive bleed only managed to close 90% we were devastated, when i went to see dad on the 12th I told him mum had opened her eyes when the doctor shouted her name that made him feel better and a bit of hope that she might pull through I stayed with dad all that day because they were moving him again i begged him to come home but he wouldnt he did not have to be there we could look after him he would have none of it they moved dad that evening which was quite distressing for him every time he moved his lungs had to work harder Dad was in his new bed 20 minutes he had a heart attack and died dad had a DNR which we all knew about and had discussed but for that instant i had forgot about and pressed the panic button I am glad i was there and he did not have to face death alone, i feel so angry the way he was treated there was 3 empty beds on the ward he was moved from he could have stayed there.

Ringing the family to tell them about dad was one of the hardests things i have had to do its was only 3 days since mums SAH i was feeling emotions i have never had to deal with before, we now had to visit mum knowing she was unaware of dads death it was hard trying to keep the grief out of your voice she could hear and would squeeze your hand the next couple of weeks were hard planning dads funeral without mum we all went to see mum after the service that was a hard day .

Dad died on the 12th and on the 15th they told us they were putting a DNR in place for mum I left the room i could not bear to listen to this it was to much to take in,Its 4 weeks now and they are moving mum to kingsmill its easier to visit but died died there and i found it really hard to return there after such a short time since dads death but some things have to been done.

When mum arrived at kings mill she was assesed by the doctor he said in his opinion what mum is like now is how she will be PVS.I felt really angry, WHY DID THEY OPERATE, a few days after this mum started to wake up I was holding her hand and asked if she knew who i was and she nodded her head when awake she seems quite aware of her surroundings she has tried to talk but just garbled sounds

We dont know what to do about telling her about dad would she understand or because we dont mention him does she know and is she going crazy because none of us have confirmed it she is unable to communicate with us What do we do ,last week we were told mum has no swallowing reflex (she had peg feed 2 weeks ago) and no sitting balance

this week she is eating small amounts of yougurt and managed her balance only for 1 minute but its a start she is only 9 weeks in and only been awake for three and she is 74 they seem to have written her off at hospital

I have read a lot on your website and found some hope from it but none of the people are mums age, will have to take every day at a time and see what it brings


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Hi Mag, welcome to the site, I'm glad you've found it useful over the last few weeks.

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through. I was with my dad when he died (10 yrs ago yesterday) - I'm sure that in time, the fact you were there will give you some comfort.

I'm not sure what to say in regard to whether you tell your mum about your dad. For myself, I think I would rather know, but I can only suggest you and your brother decide between you how the news would affect her.

It does sound as though your mum is gradually improving, and nine weeks is not a lot of recovery time, especially for a massive bleed. One day at a time is definitely the best way forward.

Good luck with everything, and please remember to look after yourself as well, it's important to take good care.

Blondie x

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Hi Mag

And Welcome to the site, I am so sorry to hear about all you are going through & your Dad my Dad died 6 years ago last Wednesday I'd just walked out the room when he died but for my Dad that's how he would have wanted it....

Its a tough one whether to tell your Mum, maybe just now isnt the time but its amazing how things change from day to day the improvements can tell you when maybe. I think waiting till she's stronger before telling her, but as I say its a tough one

It is just one day at a time & it takes time too.

Hope to hear from you again

Take care of yourself & again I'm so sorry.


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Hi Mag and Welcome

What an awful time for you and your family as Blondie says in time you will be glad that you were with your Dad when he died and it will be a comfort to you. I come from quite a large family and we were all with my dad at the end.

Even though you feel that the hospital staff have written your mother off she is starting to make small improvements despite what they think.

With regards to telling your mum about your dad I can't offer any advice you'll probably know when you think she can handle that.

Take care of yourself

Janet x

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Hi Mag,

I'm so very sorry to hear of your Dad's passing and your Mum's SAH. Nobody can prepare us for these moments and thank goodness none of us can predict the future, as we wouldn't have a clue how we would cope.

Somehow though, we do find the strength and it sounds as though you are coping, even though it must be so very hard for you. I'm sure that everybody reading your post, will be moved by it.

As for telling your Mum about your Dad's passing, I don't think that there are any rights or wrongs and only your family can make that decision. However, if your Mum is making progress, even in a small way, then there's hope.... Personally, I would literally play it by ear and take each day as it comes ... has she been able to ask about your Dad?

My aneurysm hasn't been totally occluded and I still have a neck left .... I'm younger than your Mum, 45 ..... but, the best reason for getting better was not wanting to leave my kids behind ..... if you have a reason to keep going, it really does help.

Thinking of you.....

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Hi Mag

So sorry to here about everything you've been through. I'm with the others on the telling your mum bit though - only you and your brother can decide whether she could cope with the news at the moment.

I was readmitted to Queens Med a week after my SAH so I'm not too far from you - so if you ever need to speak to someone face to face let me know.

My thoughts are with you and family

Sami xxx

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What you are going through is incredibly difficult, and as the others have said, what to tell your mum will come down to a judgement best made by the two of you in seeing how she is handling other information and her general situation and condition. Don't give up hope, or more importantly, let others give up. 74 is a good age and a good life worth treasuring and keeping. All of here have been through the wall and come out, and while we are younger than your mum, all know that big changes can and do happen for the future. Thinking of you and sending lots of support. Joanxx

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