A Question and a Brief Story

[zackw419]

I'm now 27. No joke- it takes me a second to even remember my age. My name is Zach. I had a series of "brain complications" that started majorly at age 24- but minorly- i believe at age 19. I've never had insurance. I've been on medicaid more than once and seen doctors- but theres a wall you can't pass through when the money isn't there. Proceeding in treatment is always a matter that relates to money/insurance as apposed to the general well-being of the individual. So with medicaid- the furthest I've gotten is free ibuprofen. I took things in my own hands- and paid 400 bucks to get an MRI that showed nothing. But I had a stroke. Most likely a TIA.

 

I don't really wish to convince anyone of my story. Its real. and even if I'm the only one that knows that- its fine. Because. at the end of the day- I'm the one in my body. Not the doctor or anyone else.

 

I just have a question. for others- since having the stroke- I've had lots of negative thoughts. Its changed my personaliy- and I find it very freaky- like being in a straight jacket (but its my brain).

 

Has anyone else gone through this? and how have you changed to a more positive mindset? if not that- how do you deal with the negative thoughts.

 

I'm only 27- I feel like I didn't get a chance to live my life fully. What I have, I believe, is right brain damage, it severly affects short-term memory and awareness. The only good way to describe it...and I've said this before...

 

but its like when your a kid- and you "daze off" super hardcore...then the teacher calls your name- and your back- but you don't remember how much time has passed.

 

This stroke- feels like I'm stuck in the "dazed off stage" forever. Like, I'm constantly forgetting everything. Always. The brain damage is in the right brain I believe.

 

I'm also open to Spiritual advice.

 

Thank you.

 

 

[Swishy]

Hi Zack,

To repeat Casey, glad you found us.  I am so sad reading your story when you are so young.  Strokes don't ask people's ages before they strike.  I had my SAH with a severe vasospasm.  I have been left with sensory issues, balance issue and questioning myself daily...the last is probably the worst...recently (my stroke was 2 1/2 years ago) I have been working with a therapist working on using relaxation techniques...I am realizing i don't think I have been relaxed since this happened...always worrying about what is next, I am way older than you, in my 60's,),,how am I viewed by everyone...on and on...it does get better as time goes on but I am a bit different than before...that is ok...I survived....

Zack there are many many people here that have written about their story...check out the site and I hope you will find some peace here with us as we all navigate our lives.

Jean

[Macca]

Hi Zach,

 

Feeling down is common after this event and it can take a long time to get back up again. You say you feel like you didn't get a chance to live fully  Yes you have, you survived and you have a second chance.  You haven't lived your life fully because you are still with us. All that's changed is that your circumstances have altered a little and you might need to make some alterations to the content of your life.

 

Try looking at your life a little differently. Instead of lamenting what has happened to you, look upon it as an opportunity.

 

An opportunity to reappraise what you do and how you move forwards.  You just had an abrupt change forced upon you, like the rest of us, but now it's time after having fallen down (like you did when you were a kid) to get back up, dust yourself down and carry on, just like you always did.. Might take a bit longer but you will do it!

 

Short term memory can be an issue, again as it is for many of us, but there are ways around it, like making notes or keeping a diary for instance.

 

You don't need to convince us Zach of the veracity of your story, but you do need to convince yourself that changing your mindset is a key to improving your lifestyle and frame of mind to positive effect.  No - one says it's easy - it isn't - but you need to have hope and belief in yourself.

 

A year out isn't that long in brain recovery terms and being a young man no doubt you'll be impatient to move on, but your body tells you when you've had enough. If there's one thing that a brain injury teaches you, it's to be patient.

 

Dealing with negative thoughts?  Well when you think one - ask yourself 'What about turning that around and looking at the flip side?'  To every South there is a North, to every East there's a West.  To every desperado looking at the negative, there's a John Wayne looking at the positive and taking on the world again!

 

You need to be a John Wayne!

 

So don't despair, things do get better over time.

 

Good luck, my friend.

 

Macca

[Winb143]

Hi Zach,

I was sure I was not going to get better I started choosing songs for my Funeral (Morbid or what)!!

 

Never told hubby or Daughter this, bad enough they had to put up with my singing.

 

Daughter found this site and when I was well enough I came on here and started to sing which I'll never live down lol.

 

Saw people on here talking about other things than Bleeds etc.  I knew then if they have been through it so can I.

 

This site as I always say gave me my smile back, as just knowing we are not the only ones,  helps.

 

Hubby was told I'd never walk again and to put me in a home !! Walking 800 to a 1000 yards on a good day and none on an off day. (Lazy)

 

Keep your chin up and I'll keep my 2 up (my idea of a joke) Scary what happened to us but we do get better and sometimes off days, and I have to be reminded about short term memory loss. Me to hubs "Hubby did I tell you this joke ?" Hubby "Yes Win several times" !  

 

We are in this for the long haul xxx Do not take other peoples worry while your brain is healing  xxx Good luck and Welcome to BTG XXX Singing happy songs helped me  !!