Karen

Hi Therese, Your job sounds really interesting and rewarding. It's great to get paid for something that you enjoy as well. Like you, I don't like driving at night with my dodgy eyesight....I find the headlight glare from other cars a real strain. My eyes were light sensitive before the bleed, but they're a lot worse now. How far away do you live from your work? At least there's a bus that you can catch. I don't worry as much now as I did before the SAH...It's almost like my brain blocks the worry out now. I also don't feel as stressed as I used to .... like you I have hobbies to keep me busy, which is good ..... at the minute I'm making beady key/bag chains .... I have to work under a lamp and have a tendency to lose half my beads ... but it's quite enjoyable and keeps me out of mischief! Nice speaking to you! Love Karen x

Hi Girls, Probably won't get much time on here today.....I'm paying for foostering around the last couple of days! Sami, I also lost 1 stone after hospital ...... but have put it all back on ... mine is lack of being able to get out and about (+ chocolate + bacon sarnies = pig) ..... due to dizziness..... Everything is breaking down at the minute ...... tumble drier ...... surround sound on tv is breaking up ...... Chris's car has just failed the mot big time ....... and I'm going now, to have a ****** nervous breakdown! Will hopefully see you later ..... if not, will speak to you tomorrow.. lots of love, K x

Hi Annie, Nice to hear from you.....hope all is well Lots of love, Karen x

Hi Louise, Glad that you're feeling better today It certainly helps if you've gotten a good sleep under your belt and seeing some sunshine out of the window. I see what you mean about the sports drink and the vitamin problem...so no, it wouldnt't be a good combination for you. I can understand what you mean about the upheaval of decorating etc. I used to be an avid DIY'er ..... but since I've had the SAH, I've gone to the opposite side and really can't be bothered with it!! There's quite a bit in the house now that needs to be done, but the bungalow that we live in is really tiny and it always causes problems as to where we put the furniture etc whilst it's being done. I think that it's going to be a while before you see me with a paint brush in my hand! At the minute I'm trying to get the house clean......since Eric decided to have a dog 5 years ago, I think that it's tripled the cleaning. I do have a cat as well, but the cat doesn't make hardly any mess. I've got my Mum and Dad visiting today, so I have to make the effort and get the rubber gloves on......I wouldn't mind if it stayed looking clean for longer than five minutes.....but dog + fur + mud = ****** mess!! Tumble drier has just decided to pack up ..... so more expense .... I could really do with having a job, but it's just not going to happen at this point in time. I just hope that nothing else is going to decide to break down!! Anyway.....toilet cleaning time.....mmm... my favourite job! Will be back later for a skive! Love K x

Hi Keith, Re: My nickname is a long story going back many years, but some would say I'm clean round the bend! Aah! So you're a comedian as well as a musician!! I have just had a look at you Web page ...... but my laptop is going in slow motion mode tonight and I'm still downloading the real player! I will have a listen a bit later ..... nice to put a face to your name and lovely to see a photo of Daniel. Yep, the one step forward and one step backwards seems to be a common problem with most of us .... I've sort of got used to it now ... but it can be pretty frustrating. Will speak to you soon, Take care, K x

Hi Ladies, Very good Sami! Re: "So we have Louise the Rambler, Karen the Foosterer and Sami the tattooed Granny!!!!! " Sounds like we could be some sort of weird circus act? Anyway, yes, I've been foostering around all morning ..... so nothing new there! My chocolate fix this morning is mini Jaffa Cakes ..... so me thinks I'm a bit tired today, when the jaffa's come out....I used to eat them (actually the whole pack ) when I was pregnant with Lauren, especially when I was tired ..... Lauren now loves them too....that's what comes of being overdosed by sugar when you're still in the womb! Anyway, apart from feeling tired, I'm not doing too badly today .... Louise, have you tried the sports drinks......it does seem to help with the energy.......mind you girls, they do have quite a few calories in them....so I stick to one a day.....so that I can have some reserve calories for the chocolate! Take care, Lots of love, K x PS Louise - we must have been posting at the same time! Just came across your reply as I was submitting this one!

Hi Keith, I love.... my V pillow.. It's good to cuddle as well! I can't lie completely flat since the SAH, as I find that I wake up with a pressure feeling in my head ..... I also lie on my side, but I just pull one end of the pillow slightly under my body as well.....but yep, the best thing since sliced bread! Love K x

Hi Louise the Rambler! This site is here for people to see a wide spectrum of experiences, including your own. It's good that you're so honest about it all and the many people that have read your story will thank their lucky stars and will be inspired by it. I know that I've been inspired by people like yourself that have struggled against the odds. When I've had a down day and can't be bothered to fight it, it's stories like yours that give me a kick up the bum. So you just tell it how it is and don't apologise for doing so .... most people post SAH should realise that recovery is very much an individual thing ... we all vary as to the amount of damage that's been caused and we are all unique human beings.....some handle things better and have a better coping mechanism..... others struggle. You've proved against the odds that you don't have to be a statistic and that you can sometimes open a "different door" you're a gutsy lady Louise and unfortunately there will always be ignorant people......it just makes it worse when they happen to be family. I know what you mean about people asking how you are ...... I just say "not too bad, thanks" ..... I think that some people ask you, because they feel that they have to and not because they're really interested. Some are though and you normally know who those people are, that have genuine concern for you. Sorry that you're having a lousy day though ....... but you are allowed to have the odd miserable day, especially if you've got things on your mind......you can't always be bright eyed and bushy tailed. I hope that you're taking it easy and putting your feet up. Speak to you later ..... I'm off to search for some chocolate in a minute! Lots of love K x

Hiya Keith, I will probably sit down tonight and write up some notes and view it again....my memory isn't what it used to be and I don't seem to be able to keep hold of much! But, yep, I'm glad that I did watch it, well worth it. Keith, I can never remember your proper name......I can only seem to remember bogbrush!!! I didn't think men knew that toilet brushes existed!!! I did wonder whether you were a musician by the photo that you use. Do you just play for fun or are you in a group? My brother Steve Elsworth is a jazz violinist, but he also plays a few other instruments as well, including the keyboard.....he used to play as a full time profession, but he also got a day job and so now only plays in the evening or weekends. One of his groups is The Morellos. How are you feeling now you're 6 weeks into recovery? You always sound in good spirits. Love K x

When I was in hospital recovering from the SAH, there was a lovely lady in the next bed to me, who had terminal cancer and had just undergone an op to have part of her brain tumour removed. She had obviously been in and out of hospital for quite a while and she had brought in this funny shaped V pillow. She told me that it was the best thing that she had ever bought and she took it everywhere with her. Fed up myself with lumpy pillows, neckache, backache + raging headache and not being able to get comfortable, I asked my Husband to pick me one up. From that day forward I've used my V pillow for sleeping, propping me up, in the car if I'm on a long journey, on the settee, it goes everywhere and I haven't slept with a normal pillow since. If you've recently had a SAH and you're having problems getting comfortable whether resting or sleeping, it's worth giving the pillow a try. I think that you can buy them from Argos and I've also seen them on ebay. K x

Hi Sami, I probably wouldn't have watched it at your stage either...I was in two minds myself...but glad I did. I think that I might watch it again and take down some notes and write an article about it for the site. I certainly feel slightly more reassured. However, when I go back to hospital at some point, I might ask to have a look at my own angio pics. Anyway, must go....I've got a date with my hoover......the weather is lousy down here today...it's tipping with rain and so gloomy.... Catch you later, Love K xx

Hiya, Well I finally watched the coiling video that Keith recommended. It was pretty good, quite a bit of info on it and it wasn't horrible to watch. I was a bit hesitant at first and wondered how I would feel. Anyway really glad that I did, as I have a little more info than I did previously, so thanks Keith for finding the link. I will probably put the link under useful sites, as it's well worth a watch. Hope all you guys are having a good morning and will speak to you later. Love K x

Hi Varun, Hope all is well with your Mom. Yes, I'm sure with having Doctors in the family that your Mum will have the best care she can possibly get and I would imagine that you will end up being an expert on the subject of SAH! Like the other girls have said to you......just give her lots of emotional support and show her that you're coping with her illness. I think that with Mothers, they are the centre of the family, they've always been there for you and it probably hits you a lot harder, when the tables are turned and you have to look after them. I'm glad that she's doing well and I hope that you will keep in contact as to her progress. My aneurysm was on the post communicating artery...but it's affected my right eyesight as I had a III nerve palsy. My speech wasn't affected, but initially I did find it hard to find the right words to say and couldn't hold much of a conversation. Even now, if I get very tired...I know what I want to say, but sometimes I just lose the words in my head! Anyway Varun, thinking of you and your family and hope your Mom continues to make good progress. Take care, Love Karen x

Hi Louise and "Granny" Sami, Sami - You're way too young to be a Granny.....perhaps you could go in for one of those glamorous Granny comps! I haven't had any babies around me for ages ..... I would love a little cuddle! What did you write about Charlotte Church? I can't remember reading about it.....but then again my memory is pretty bad.....so I may have! Okay so, now I'm speaking to a famous Granny!! Just picked my car up from the garage...it had it's first MOT today...even though I was pretty sure that it should pass as it's only 3 yrs old, it's still a relief not to have another bill! Eric is away....he's off to Poland for a couple of days working. The house is nice and peaceful now and the dog is snoring next to me...perhaps I should get a nose clip for him...he's worse than Eric! Mind you, they say dogs resemble their owners.... Dinner was good......but I'm going through a "can't be bothered to cook" stage at the minute .... I tried to watch "Ready, Steady Cook" on the tv as I was cooking, looking for some inspiration......but nothing happened to put a spring in my step........at least it was edible though! Louise - I also never knew that the anni's were measured ... it was only when I read other peoples postings on some other web sites that I found it out. I can't remember anybody telling me how large or small mine was ... I just caught a glimpse of 6mm ... so I'm presuming that's what it was referring to. Well done for getting the Incapacity Benefit ...... It makes me wonder if they try to wear people down, so that they don't claim .... Like you, I really hate form filling now ... when I first came out of hospital I couldn't cope with anything like that ... Eric had to do it all, as I couldn't even hold a telephone conversation with people and could barely write my name. When I look back at stuff like that, I have certainly made slow, but sure progress! There's no way that I could cope with the job that I was doing before the SAH ....... it was bad enough when my brain was in gear ..... now there's a few cogs missing, I would hate to think what a mess I would make! I might sit down with a glass of wine and watch the coiling video later. I sort of do and don't want to see it .....will let you know in the morning if I have and whether I might/might not need therapy after the viewing. Anyway, going now ...... sweet dreams to you both! Love K x PS: Anybody fancy starting a new topic tomorrow, as this one is starting to get a bit long?

Hi Sami, Who's Dic! Must be all those nuts in that Snickers bar! Yep, you're so right about form filling re: DVLA ..... they took 3 months to make their decision with me.....anybody reading this that's just had a SAH, contact the DVLA asap, as they're slow.....have you ever tried for Incapacity Benefit? I bet that one will get a few raised pulses from anybody else reading this who has ..... It took them 3 months and one tree (paperwork!) to come to the conclusion that I wasn't entitled to anything... I wasn't particularly "all there" at the time of filling in their mountain of paperwork etc ..... but talk about red tape....****** ridiculous. I still get weird dreams as well ...... but haven't experienced anything "spiritual"! Yes, Siobhan is definetly a mini Sami! I haven't got a clue as to the diameter of my ani .... not good at maths anyway! But when I go next time, I shall ask .... I just caught a sneaky look at my notes and saw "6mm"! I quite like reading Reveal......I buy it for Lauren really!! Going to make Sweet and Sour Chicken for dinner and will catch up with you tomorrow....take care and sweet dreams! Love Karen x

Hiya, Louise - I still can't drive too far ...... I'm okay if I could drive on a continual Roman road ... nice and straight ....... but too many bends, roundabouts sends my head all over the place, so my journeys are short and sweet! Perhaps like yourself, I should just go and catch the bus ....... the trouble is, living out in the sticks, you kind of get "tired of living" just waiting for one to turn up! Anyway, going to go and do some work now ....... I'm feeling far too relaxed today...... Love Karen x

Thanks Sami, lovely photo of Siobhan...she's a real cutey!....doesn't she look like you!! K x

Hiya, Just finished my sarnie....now on the biscuits.....will probably be onto the chocolate next......going through a "Ripple" phase. Lauren has just got up..she's still feeling ill and has a face as long as a fiddle.....so have vacated the room and using my Son's computer in his bedroom....it's luxury to have a big screen, where I can read it without squinting. No problem if Siobhan doesn't want to make contact, but the offer's always there if she did. I will upload her photo in a minute, will be great to see her with her duck......bless. I think that my anni was about 6mm...certainly wasn't gigantic..think a lot of my damage was caused by not getting into hospital fast enough...but I suppose that after having 2 bleeds now, I would like to have the knowledge that the coils are up to doing the job. I know that Dee wears the leathers.....I've yet to see a photo of her in them..so you've just reminded me to ask her. She also has a few small tattoos, she reckons they're quite addictive......they did a procession for a biker wedding the other weekend......apparently the bride was in white leathers....mini skirt etc.....she said that she looked great....until the heavens opened on them all! But yeah, she loves it too! I thought that the DVLA said that you were okay to drive? It was weird getting back into the driving seat again....but it doesn't take long for it all to click into place. The worst part was when I had to get rid of my car and downsize to something smaller. When I was working and could afford it I was driving a new Renault Scenic ..... it was lovely....you didn't have a key, there was an electronic tag that you would slip into the ignition, hold down the clutch and press a button where it would automatically start.......it didn't have a manual lever handbrake......it had a button that you pushed with an automatic handbrake. Then being poor again I had to swap it for a Renault Clio .... with key, handbrake and no refinements at all ... it was like learning to drive all over again, my brain took ages to get used to pulling up a handbrake, using a key....I still don't know what half the buttons do now.......think that I suddenly leapt into my geriatric years when I got in that car. I still don't like the car, I associate it with one of the worst periods of my life and it reminds me of what I lost (not in a material way!)....sounds stupid I know... When I had my book interview with Alison......one of the questions was "did I feel lucky to have experienced the SAH" ...... apparently, many people do find the experience spiritual .....my answer was "no"... I feel lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky to have had a SAH. Alison seemed to think that I will discover this feeling ...... But I've always quite liked who I am anyway, I consider myself an OK person and having the SAH hasn't made me any better a person than I was before......but I've yet to discover this spiritual moment that people talk about.......may be I'm in denial of something or require some therapy!!! Anyway going for some chocolate..... See you later, Love K x

Hi Sami and Louise, Yes, I'm still foostering....is there such a word? Just hope that nobody knocks my door......I still have sticky up hair and panda eyes and it's nearly lunchtime......I will just have to hide if they do! Thanks for your kind words Louise, about my Mum. I think sometimes that I now have a tendency for self preservation .... or my brain is thinking that way ..... I worry a lot less than I used to .... everything can be dealt with tomorrow, that's my motto since that SAH! I will be definetly asking the Consultant a few more things about my coiling when I go back. I'm sort of resigned to the fact now, that it's not a perfect situation and I may need it re-done...will just have to see how I get on with the MRA next year. Sami - Lauren is a member.....there's a couple of photos of her on the site...Siobhan can use your login or she can create her own, it's up to you..if she wants to send Lauren a Priv.message that's fine or she can post on the discussion board...whatever's comfortable for her. I know what you mean re: excitement.....what's that?.....forgotten the feeling now you come to mention it! Alton Towers eh! not quite sure whether my dizzy head could take it....feel as though I'm on a free ride most of the time! I'm sure that you will be fine to do it though. My friend Dee, her Hubbies got a Harley ..... they belong to a bikers club .. they go on meets all over the place ... she has a great time and it's a bit of a release from looking after Sam ..... she's become a bit of a biker chick I think! Anyway must go ..... at least I'm dressed now.......Louise, just re-did your story....but the site admin won't allow me to double space or much else...it also has a tendency to put some articles in italic and it won't let me alter it..... has a ****** mind of its own .... I'm restricted to one font, italic, bold, no other font size available....will have a word with my son to see if I can import any other options...as I agree with you re: eyesight problems and small type face. See you both later, Love and hugs......going for a bacon sarnie.... Karen x

Morning to you, Sami, Glad that you had a better night ...... I still love my pillow....I can't sleep very well at all without it. I'm sure that things will gradually get easier for Siobhan....she's obviously got a great teacher! Like I said, Lauren and I cried together for months...I think that we eventually both managed to cry ourselves dry, until we got fed up with it!! If Siobhan ever wanted to post on the site, Lauren said that she would reply to her. It's hard to believe that you're only 7 weeks down the line ...... you sound more like 7 months into your recovery .... I thought that I was hard on myself!! You will get to a point of acceptance ..... however long that takes, for me it was at the 12 month stage, which probably sounds a long time. I think my first milestone was 3 months, then six and finally 12 months. Once I got to six months, the time seemed to speed up and the days passed as they used to before my SAH.....but getting to the 3 month stage seemed to take an eternity. Anyway, must get up and dressed.....been foostering around since about 8am doing the admin for the site and just looked up at the clock!! Love and hugs Karen x

Hi Varun and welcome! Sorry to hear about your Mom. Your Dad's action in getting her into hospital so quickly for treatment, will definetly have made a huge difference to her outcome. How old is your Mom, Varun? The fact that she can move her extremities is a good sign ..... I had a temporary paralysis on my left side, which caused a little weakness at first, but it's pretty much back to normal now. My daughter Lauren, was very shocked and scared when I had mine....as were the rest of the family and friends.... but it seemed to affect her pretty badly. Lots of people refer to it as a "ticking time bomb" in your head....none of us knows that they're walking around with it and it's probably a good job that we don't! My aneurysm was probably just caused by a birth defect......I suppose that when we get to a certain age, the artery is like a rubber band and starts to perish at its weak point. Your Mom is probably feeling extremely tired and exhausted at the minute...I could barely speak or keep my eyes open at first....it was a good two weeks after my operation, that I started to feel better and more lucid. Stay positive Varun, it's natural to feel that your world has been turned upside down. Take one day at a time and very hopefully you will see a little more improvement in your Mom as each day goes by. I know that I was always overjoyed to see my family and kids when I was in hospital....even though I could barely keep my eyes open! I was just so grateful to be alive! I hope that you will keep us updated on how your Mom's progressing.....write anytime. Thinking of you and sending love, Karen x PS: A lot of us do have memory problems, as in short term memory...but over a period of time, it seems to improve......I still forget stuff and I have to make lists and just write things down. When I first came out of hospital it was very bad, but now it's just something that occassionally annoys me! As for personality change....I've always been told that it depends which area of the brain has been affected? My personality hasn't been affected, but the way that I view life now, after having a life/death experience, that has certainly changed. It's the mental stuff, such as anxiety and fear for the future that has affected me the most......again with time that aspect does improve.

Hi Sami, You can have a hug from me anytime you like! ... your family situation sounds the same as mine was a while back. Lauren didn't like being left on her own with me, especially if I was feeling a bit rough! To a degree she still doesn't, but she's coming to terms with it, bit by bit. I suppose it's a matter of reassuring them, that if you were on your own and if it happened again, that you would recognise the signs and you would call for an ambulance. I know that she still worries about me, especially when Eric is working away from home. To a degree, I now "put on a face" and tell her that I can cope with it and it's fine. I suppose that they can also read if your feeling insecure with the situation....but it does start to come right eventually....it does take time and I don't think that there are any quick fixes. Just keep talking to her, reassure her, let the tears flow .... Lauren and myself had loads of tears together.....she didn't stop talking about what had happened or the "what if's" for months and months afterwards....eventually the tears stopped along with the "what if's". Like you, I've also gone through the guilt ..... but in time that will also start to dissappear too ..... our family didn't feel normal for quite a while ... it was definetly all very abnormal and I could probably feel that more than anybody else. As for it happening again....yep, well I've definetly had that one on my mind....but after my spell in hospital in August and having to go through those feelings once again, along with my family....I think that I'm finally able to lose that thought a little......I decided that I couldn't keep thinking like it or I would eventually drive myself nuts and life wouldn't be worth living for. Again, I think that it's a matter of time and your emotions are still very raw at the shock of it all ..... you are doing so well Sami, so stay with what you're doing and things will gradually get better for you and the family as a whole. You take care, Love and hugs, Karen x

Hi Sami, Honestly, it does get better with time...your emotions won't feel quite so raw as they do now. In the mean time, sending you a very big hug and lots of love..... K x

Hiya, Sami, I haven't watched it yet either....I watched a little of the preview...but I'm still waiting for a quiet house. Lauren is off sick from school again....another nasty bug with high temp. This is her 2nd bug in two weeks......I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get anything...feel like throwing all the windows and doors open and blasting in the fresh air! It sounds as though you've had a bad weekend? My weekends always tend to be worse than the week days... I'm not sure whether it's the fact that you try to stay on top during the week and by Saturday, you've had enough and you go into meltdown.....goodness knows. I had another very tired day yesterday......very crotchety as well....couldn't sleep again last night and very shaky this morning. It didn't help having a couple of phone calls at about 3.30am, saying that the alarm had gone off at the premises where Eric works......I hate the phone ringing during the night, you always tend to think the worse. I had some bad news about my Mum on Friday. She's in her 70's now, but she's been diagnosed with colon cancer. She's waiting to back to hospital for more tests to see if it's anywhere else. Not quite sure how I feel about it...I sometimes think that the SAH has stripped me bare of my emotions....it's almost like my brain doesn't want to deal with any more than it has to, it's weird. I've just had a phone call from the hospital for my physio....October 30th...which is good news.....can't wait to say goodbye to this dizzy head, it gets me down. Anyway, hope that you're having a better day and keep your chin up.. Lots of Love, Karen x

Good morning Louise, Yep, your story was very good and your Husband was right to make you send something in. I still enjoy reading other peoples experiences and I think that it helps anybody that's new to recovery. Like you say, it also gives a realistic overview to recovery....some of us are slow healers and others are faster.....we're all so different, with lots of different experiences. Yes, the site does keep me busy .... at times, I've wondered what I've let myself in for! I felt though, that the internet was a bit short on sites specific to SAH and also, I didn't want it just to be limited to medical postings.....but some light hearted chit chat, day to day stuff, as life goes on and it's nice to be able to talk about the weather, the kids or anything else.... a bit of companionship really with people that are all in the same boat, so to speak! But, yes, I'm pleased that it's working out okay at the minute......I think that it's down to the people that use it, whether it works or not and how much they want out of it. Some of the guys on the site I've been speaking to for about 9 months now and they're a great crowd, they help me out with articles etc and it keeps the site looking fresh. I bet that boy's Mum was mortified when he said that about your head! I can remember my own kids coming out with a few choice things when they were younger. It's nice that you have College to keep you occupied, you sound really enthusiastic about it........holidays already! I don't know!! Take care, Lots of love, Karen x