MaryB

Daff you are laughing at my gray hair????

No Win. But did after the bleed. I have been wanting to start a thread before your sah for sometime but I need to getting my timeline straight. I was really fatigued, confused when over doing and not right. That was 2010 in 2009 I was neurological with gait, falling, grip etc. so nope I not morbid until after! But I had something major going on prior that got better with cymbalta but still fatigued and not thinking well. Maryb

I have lived and work in a small town for 20 odd years now. I can run into 6-10 friends or clients while at the grocery store. I pass out my personal cell number to "good" clients all the time if they may need help over the weekend with their sick pet. I live and work in a different enviroment than most of you. I have learned that for myself to "cope" at work more so when tired. I sometimes asked the same questions a few times or cannot find the word I am looking for, or cannot 'spell" at all etc.. It is just easier to say I am a stroke survior and somedays I have problems with words and writing while talking (that is a big problem I have at work). I do not think this makes people feel uncomfortable the way I say it but like Michelle it is that or look "thick". I already let my hair go gray so I am sure they are thinking worse on my bad days than what things are! It really does not bother me at all to have to tell people. Maybe that once a week when I am super woman I do not have to tell someone because everything is working great upstairs. Of course I am probably running with sissors that day as well shouting "Look at me! Look at me!". But when I stand looking at spices for 30 minutes I have no problem asking a fellow shopper for help etc. Also my bigger thing is the fact I cannot get the cart past people or around the corner without much thinking because of the vision loss there. I normally do not say anything when I am doing but I should! Because I know people are looking at me like "Just go around already!!" In my own way I think people are being educated and enlighten! PS I picked up a few groceries for neighbor last week - she wrote them dpwn and cirlced them in the advertisement. I got 3 right and 3 wrong. My other friend asked me what Kim was thinking having me do some grocery shoppping for her, was she crazy? maryb

Welcome, I am sorry about your situation but if you are feeling well for the most part that is great! I Never had the anger thing but believe it should be discussed with your dr and your general dr. I am most annoyed at noise and cannot even watch loud programs on TV with arguing or sports. I like quite. But I have read this is common what you are going through and others will follow soon with helpful support. I started therapy at the 14 month mark and although I did not think I needed it sooner or as I tell my therapist I really do not need to be here it helps me so much validation of my emotions that I need/needed. Also worked though my anger areas of working in a loud chaos place. Good Luck and feel free to ask away all your questions. Kind Regards, Maryb

Sometimes in life it is not even one day at a time but one step, one moment. Thoughts are with you! maryb

Mitch, Welcome, ask as many questions as you need to! I do not think the Neurologist or Neurosurgeons know what the end result will be and that is why they never answer us! I just do not think they know enough about the brain to tell us. Gee, I have a mengioma and was sick almost a year prior to SAH & strokes but in 2009 I lost balance and grip they thought/ think it was from my fibro but it has often made me wonder as I had so many neurological aspects along the way as well. Ah the "stroke" word! Man, neurosurgeons hate SAH being lumped into the stroke catagory. That was the only time mine lost his cool when I said "stroke" and mine you I had a couple! I personally hate the SAH being grouped in there as well. You are still so early on ( I am at 19 months) and it gets easier. I wish I journal the time but I did not. I also can tell you after 1 year I am still seeing improvements. I started therapy about 3 months ago - I only go monthly but that has been really good for me. I think I really need to be validated montlhy that I am doing well for what I have been through! I am sure it is so normal to be depressed somewhat after all this and heart attack as well. I think we all are in some state of depression on and off. Mine is so much better but I have done a bunch of postive thought process that has helped a great deal. Except ups and down don't be surprised when they happen! I think as a whole most of us like ourselves better now. I do not wish to go through it again but man it has taught me a lot and a lot of patience along the way. I learned in therapy I had to let go things beyond my control as they wear me out! That was huge. I just need to worry about little old me! Good Luck , Maryb

Oh My Darling Daff~ You wrote a perfect letter. All I can say it I feel exactly the same way at 19 months out. We are all at different levels of disabilites (? or whatever we want to call it) and recovery. I am not the same person prior to SAH etc either. My awareness of what I am doing at all times is there most of the time as I have to think - I mean really think when I am walking, do dishes etc. nothing is on auto pilot anymore- except sleep. I must say one of my rewards and I feel like I am bragging but I am not I see this as a postive thing that helps me. I store these words in the back of my brain and think of them when I am not feeling so positive. I am sure some all ready read me writing this but........here it is. In the GR a while back it was brought up about how our spouse feels since SAH. So I asked my husband how he felt with our new life ( frankly we were not all that exciting prior but I certainly did more around the house). My husband responded by saying if anything he loves me more & that is what in sickness and in health means in a our vows. He also said I do not even have any idea how inspiring I am to him and other people, people that I do not even know. One of my new lines for people that kind of "irk" me or say something that makes me feel like they just don't get it ( cause frankly I do not know if we would all get it either??) is that "Well having a SAH & recovery is not for the weak". I subsitute the word "weak" with something different but it woudl not fly here! I also usually say "Yes, I am doing remarkably well for what has happened to me. I tend to become forgetful, exhausted & get migraines daily as the day goes on. But it can always be worse." Maryb

Tulip, I have no words to say to make it better. Just hang in their and try to stay positive. It all takes time and hopefully things will work out ok for your Family. Kind Regards, maryb

Hi Phillip, Welcome to BTG, it is a great place to find out how others are coping and doing. Makes you feel normal! Maryb

LOL, I was going to add that to my statement but I have tried very hard to control how much news I watch so I am not outraged all the time. No way would the gun slingers ever give up their guns ( hey and no one is asking- just want to regaulte it a bit!!) Cannot even imagine the mayhem if goverment held their drivers license- too close to socialized medicine you know! I think you should get a written prescription from your doctor for a gun as it but I am asking to be blasted now!!!!!! If they took our license they would have to pay for us to be off work -it is so much easier and better to send us back in the middle of recovery so we can struggle than to allow us time to heal. How coudl we ever pay for our health insurance??? Although if you have a seizure it is gone for a year.

Welcome Lucky! And a big hug to your "Lassie"! Maryb

Like Louise I do not dwell or actually think of it but for me it is always there as I do so MANY things differently or not at all.

Kris, I have a couple of times a week that I forget - Usually it is some kind of joking around or horse play at work and ..........it comes back. Easter I forgot while walking down the steps to bring my ill neighbor a meal and almost fell........that is what usually happens when I forget ......oh must look where my feet are! I am hoping this summer to garden and that should make one forget. Maryb

I have as well started to really change my OUTLOOK on life. I have become much more posititve ~ I cannot change some of this and this is where I am. I am 19 months post as well as having several other issues I have really changed my thinking. I changed that voice in my head- turned it off and replace an instant phase like " it really annoys me etc....." with something more positive . I recently said I rested and took it easy on my day off instead of saying " I wasted my day off " as well as feeling that way too. Honestly ti shocked me when I said it cuz thatis not how I use to feel. Such a little thing but it is life changing. I started therapy, I was to make goals. I have already eaten better than 90% of people but I am still working on it. I accept where I am and only worry about myself at work instead of the whole clinic now. I am a hard butt to work with by the way, I am demanding that people have the same work ethic as I do etc...... but you knwo I found out I cannot longer beat that dead horse I can only do what I can do about myself. It has really been a process that cut down on my anger/stress etc at co workers etc.... I treat one of my Vet's as well as one of our Tech's like they BOTH HAD THE BRAIN ISSUES!!!!!!! But you know if does me know good if they cannot move forward through their day so I treat them both as my special ones! I know I cannot explain it well but their lack of pulling it together & prioritizing does not help me so I have to do it and tell them what to do next adn it is workgin much better. It beats having to hit my head against the wall all day wishign they woudl change. I really meditate poorly but I do sit and be still and listen almost daily as a reminder of what is really important. I do take medications which others here don;t or are against taking for one reason or another but me quitting my job losing my health coverage is not in my best interest either. I have to do what I have to do to make it. maryb

Ok ,sorry you are correct..............and I am Dyslexic and the words jump everywhere. I was trying to fill out deporit slip today for bank and I could not write in the boxes I was suppose to. I needed to fill in 7 numbers and I was liek there was not enough room so I counted both twice and sure enough I was wrong I just could not put the number in the box. I shold find some rose color glasses. Going on ebay right now!

I agree with Dawn. I can concentrate at work to a certain level. I cannot after a certain point. I also was told this week with the damage to my occiptal lobes this will more than likely never get better. Which sad to say on one hand I can stop worrying about it but I feel a bit like a failure for not tryin g harder. I do however have a horrible headache after paper work adnd computer work for 3 hours this am. That is how it is for me and has been. Can't move past that. I read somewhere that ( not a joke) rose colorglasses help with somethign when reading but do not recall what.

HOLY MOLY!!!! You poor people across the pond!!!! In the US I was told I could not drive for 3 months by my surgeon. That was it. End of Story! At about 3 1/2 - 4 months I started to drive a bit around the block. It has been 1 1/2 years and I do highway or expressway driving but have not done major city (Chicago- I can do Indianapolis but it is a small city). I even had to get my license plates renewed 3 months after all that brain stuff happened and they asked me if I wanted to renew my drivers license while there- plus I had a note from GP for handicap plates and I had a cast on my foot!

I was not a happy one to get that under my either. It was more of a dread, I think I believed it it had not come back at one year it was lost forever. BUT I was pleasantly suprised by putting that myth to sleep. Congrats. mary

Sandi, Not only have you been "working more and harder" but you have been busy more and have had a lot on your plate the past month or so. You really do not have as much down time like you once was. Are you even having to nap daily? If I am home I have to lay down but at work now if I think I can only rest for that 30 minutes it is not enough I am best to keep moving. My 2 hour lunch has been squashed to maybe an hour now or less and it is not enough to rest, eat etc....Somedays I am like I cannot even dare to sit in a comfortable chair or it is all over for me for a few hours. I know this is not good but it happening now. I wish I could somehow keep that work balance like it was planned to be for me. It is like give an inch and there goes a mile! maryb

Hi Gavin, I am sorry you have had to go through this but I am glad you found this site so soon. I think everything you are going through is pretty normal. You look rather young? Do you have a good support around you? You need and your supposrt system needs to read "A letter from your brain". I will look for it and post it here for you. Headaches and fatigue are very common. I have no angry outburst but I believe from what I read it depends where bleed was maybe. I am the opposite I cannot even imagine the noise from an outburst. .......maybe because I work with barking dogs all day!!!!! You need to GET IT that you cannot hurry your recovery without proper rest. It takes time to heal, I was told my type of surgery at least 3 months to heal, the brain itself seems to take as long as it wants. When the surgery takes 3 months it is mistaken you are HEALED it 3 months it pretty much means you can bump your head if you had to! LOL Or you can take off the protected invisable helmet we are wearing. There are many people here that can offer you an ear, so please stay in touch and ask away! This place has kept most of sane. ANd it is nice to know others heal similar. I am 1 1/2 years out, 54, working 35 hours a week and chugging along. I think most of us will say that we have been so enlightened by this experience that we like ourselves better now. I really mean that. Good luck, Maryb http://www.waiting.com/letter.html I am pretty sure this is it! If not someone will come along and correct me! PSS......ALso this is not like a broken leg this will take a different kind of healing that cannot be hurried.

I have not found anything about helping to increase your concentration. I think it is something that happens a little at a time. I really think I only concentrate at work when I NEED to. Still cannot read but I bought a book with 1 only a few pages to read on Incrediable Woman so I think that will be my practice. I was not even going to work on trying to read and recall until you brought it up. SO thank you Wem! mary

OK REALLY last one......SL my son tattoos now! After 6 years of top art school education! If I had a desirable spot for one I would want one as well but it will look melted in a few more years on me!!!!!!! Oh golly that was funny! A melted spoon! Cause I am soooooo old my skin sags!!!!

Hey I am not even sad there is snow on the ground! I am thinking GREAT! I do not have to kill myself doign my beloved yard work. I wanted to add another way I save spoons is I have pretty much given up being a 24 hour news _______. I was addicted to the news and what is going on in the world and at home but I cannot do it - it bothers me too much and as much as I love a good debate I cannot go there right now. SO I have given up the news and that gives me BACK at least 2 spoons a day. Ok really last post.

Ok, I know you are all sick of seeing my cute dogs and my post but I forgot to add ....that I am getting better in so many areas and having some spoons because I basically have no social life nor really care to have one. I have no one in my life that sucks the life out of and does not want to better themselves. I have no patience for any kind of bologna or game playing. If I go somewhere I prefer to go alone so I do not have to talk and carry on a conversation with someone. I prefer not to talk! So I am a real pleasure to be around for sure! Also been in therapy that helps me sort out my goals, plans and what is important to me at the time. I have worked on what to do about working in the enviroment I work in that is so chaostic (SP) and loud everyday. I work very hard on stopping the negative voices in my head and it really helps to look at the bright side of things. I do the best I can at work and have stopped comparing others to my work ethics. The areas I excel at so I am told are my coping stragies, probelm solving and observing behaviors. But like I said I cannot process much once I hit that wall I sort of just shut down. Or if I had to answer the phone all day I would be gone by the 3rd phone call!

Dawn, I cannot believe you answer 80 phone calls a day. I freak over a few I answer when the receptionist are busy! Honestly when I ask if they can spell their name I turn into an idiot! Such as the man says Woolever is his name - MIND YOU MY NAME STARTS with a W as well. I asked him 3or 4 time to sell it again by now I am totally freaking cause I cannot understand the first letter "W" and I end up making his account "Ooolever". This is how my brain works with letters and numbers I cannot hear and translate them. Kudos to you Dawn! I have a few spoons left after a hectic 1/2 day of work..........making dinner is always tough on days I work. I need that 30 minute cookbook - if all the meals were not so fattenign in it and I also need to be really organized. I make a big pot of something twice a week so we have left overs but I need to cook about 2 or 3 more days. I also have the house work on a pretty good schedule after a year and a half. I did call in a helper every 6 -8 weeks to do the heavier stuff for several months that really helped me feel caught up. One thing that really helped me was getting organized. I am an organize person by nature and had to be to begin with but now I make sure things stay pretty orderly ( spices cabinet, linens, laundry, my closets, shoes and dressers were all cleaned out slowly to only have stuff I use so I am not wasting energy and time looking for stuff. I really do not need 10 pairs of black shoes anymore, or do I?? Do I really need clothes that are too small or I look awful in any longer?? I keep a box or bag upstairs, downstairs adn in the basement of stuff I come across and do not need or want and BAM it is outta here. I turned Sundays into cleaning up refrig and cutting up containers of veggies for the week. So today at 5:05PM I have about 3 spoons left. But I will not try to use them up! Or maybe I reloaded after work when I rested for a couple of hours. I can no longer rest if I have to go back to work as I will never go back. Monday I would of just slept until the end of the day.