Carl

I also think it changes day to day, I went back to work after a short two month recovery. People told me I was foolish for doing it but I was feeling guilty staying at home while my wife continued to slave away. I was also going stir crazy. At first I would say I was 90% coping very well with the day to day goings on at work. I found that after two hours of work I would get a bit of cabin fever and would take the truck out, do some field work and go for coffee. Well being a civil servant, I tended to take a bit too long for coffee, along with some co workers. Well I was caught and recieved a severe disciplinary action. My entire job was changed. I now find I am probably 70% now. I still work 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Minor things become quite stressful and even the weather plays a part in how the days go. I do enjoy walking whenever I can and that often boosts me rain or shine . There are also emotional days where I become an introvert, I would say they drop me down to about 60%. I don't care for myself on these days and wonder why others still do LOL. Not a huge negative feeling but not my usual chipper self. I find the support I get from comments and threads I read on this group have been the best shot in the arm I have had through out my entire ordeal. I have no doubt in my mind that eventually I will reach 100%. Perhaps nothing like the old me, but certainly more aware and a cute likeable chap anyway :redface:

Mary listen to your brain and body and take your time. I went back to work too soon and I thought things were going pretty good until I had a slight glitch at work. That happened 4 months after I returned to full time employment. I really think it set me back several months. I don't think it will be as easy for me to pick up the pieces at work as it would have been in the beginning. People don't see a physical impairment so they are not as empathetic as they could be. That being said. I have learned so much about myself in the past two months. I may have my moody moments and moments of confusion, but now I am accepting them and learning to cope. The only person who knows just how you feel is you. If you can afford to be off work, enjoy it while you can.

Well healthcare in Canada isnt exactly free but no one will get turned away thats for sure. There are long wait times for some things. Each province is different in the rates they charge for basic health care. Some people are fortunate in the fact that they can get extended health care to cover drug costs. When I retire I think it will cost me about 300 a month for my health care. I know I spend more than that on drugs for my wife and I. As I work I am one of the REALLY fortunate ones, my basic and my extended health coverage is covered by my employer. I think I had to pay around $80 for the ambulance ride, but in the big scheme of things it is cheap.

I am trying to come up with an analogy of the way my brain works since my SAH, trying to explain to people who have no experience or know no one with such an experience can be a challenge. Today I was online tying to read through some threads in a forum. This may be a good way to explain. I wanted to read a post so I clicked upon the thread knowing that my browser would refresh, the page would open, and I would be able to read. My internet connection was not that stable and the page didn't open. So I tried a few more times, still nothing. Time to stop and reboot and everything will be OK. But you can't reboot, you just have to deal with it. So then I though I will write a note so I don't forget what is happening. I am pleased that this is going so well. Then I look at the screen and find that the laptop has refreshed. In doing so it has put the text I am typing in the last position the cursor was on the screen. There is nothing but jumbled phrases on my laptop now. Should I try and sort them out, or scratch them off and start again. Refresh the screen and up comes a blank page, The thoughts I had typed out are gone. The reason I started typing has escaped me . Oh well I will look for something else to do. I go to a forum to read the latest news, I click in the thread and this time it opens. Now I remember what I was typing, Should I read the forum, or type out my frustrations. I could do both. I could pop open another window, type all I remember, save it and then close everything down, forgetting that I originally came here to read the forum. By the time I make the decision I am too tired to read. I bookmark the page for a future date. My head is full of bookmarks these days. Some days I can sort through them, other days the internet isn't connecting very well. To me the tough part is not so much dealing with the shortcomings, I know my brain doesn't work the way it used to, the tough part is recognizing the shortcomings. I have been back at work full time for five months. Sometimes exceeding my expectations, and many times not even coming close to what is expected of me. If I don't recognize my short comings, how can I be expected to correct them. Some days things may seem OK and the next day the same sequence of events may be too much to process, Just as the time I tried to reach the forum and read the thread, signals don't always get processed the same way. PS my cursor jumped so many times while writing this I almost gave up. I am glad I didn't:razz: Please feel free to add to this or share another analogy. It helps me to understand.

Thank you everyone. I know the crying happens, usually I go for a quiet walk alone and clear my head but this morning I was making lunches and had to get to work. As it turned out the day got progressively better. After work my wife picked me up and we went to a restaurant for coffee, one of our daily routines, we both find dropping off the issues of work before we get home helps our relationship. My wife recently revealed to me that she does miss my old silly self, and I have to admit I do to. Well today, like I said was a silly day. We were looking in the paper for vacations, that mental getaway when you cant afford it. I saw one to the Caribbean, that I knew we couldnt afford. When Nadine said that would be cool it is nice to dream, I said let me help you. I placed a warm coffee cup on her shoulder and said feel the heat of the sun. I dipped my fingers into a glass of water and flicked it at her, "Feel the waves" then I poured some salt onto the newspaper and said run your fingers through the white sand. We both had a good laugh and although we didnt get away I think we both enjoyed our mini retreat. It was good to be back. I read the letter to the brain yesterday and loved it. It has opened my eyes quite a lot. What I am coming to terms with now is that I had an SAH, and while I didn't require surgery it did affect me. I am still not sure just how much, there has been no Neuro specialists since I got the angiogram, I have had no therapists or really no one to evaluate the changes. I know now I went back to work far too soon and the politics of work kicked me down and set me back quite a lot. I also know that the best advocate for me will be me, and I need to stick up for myself and tell others to back off. I am very grateful to everyone here for sharing experiences with me. We are all so different, with different backgrounds and challenges, yet we are all so much alike. I cannot imagine how it is to lose sight or struggle with motor skills but I do share the frustration of missing who I was and learning who I am. I like the old me, I need to learn to love the new me. Thanks again everyone. This is an awesome haven in a crazy world!

One of those silly days today. Watching a commercial on television and start crying. I kinda thought it would be when I woke up. These are the days I think I went back to work too early. I know other people go through this too. Any discussion on how you cope would be appreciated. It certainly isn't the old me that's for sure. I feel like I need a kick in the butt HAHA. Crazy crazy times.

I know this is late but happy Anni Versary, I would sing the song but you cant take back first impressions so I don't want to do that. During the past few days, by joining this forum, I have felt a level of empathy I have not experienced anywhere else. I agree with your comments and your quote is so true, thank you for sharing it. I hope this next year is full of joy and strength. All the best.

I had problems concentrating on many things. I actually don't know if I could read a longer story I havent read fiction in some time, although I used to enjoy it. Something that has helped me gain some of my concentration back is sudoku puzzles. I am no master at this but I found I could start and stop any time I wanted to. I wonder if some simpler crossword puzzles may help. Another thought is bathroom readers, each story is short, or maybe poetry. It took us years for our brains to recognize and process all the things we experience, When the pathways are damaged the brain needs to find other bridges to cross. I think this is why I lock the front door and 2 seconds later go to lock it again. The information is in there, my brain just doesnt know where it needs to go. I am sure it is the same for your mum. Frustrating for sure. I wish you both all the best and I hope the things shared here help you.

Well Sandi this is the first place I ever heard of NASAH (non-aneurysmal SAH), but it sounds like my case for sure. The CT scan and the cerebral angiogram showed no abnormalities, but they did perform 5 separate lumbar punctures and they did find blood in the fluid, indicating there was a leak somewhere. I have to say that the pain in my head was far greater than the pain in my back, although the pain in the back lasted about 2 weeks. The whole ordeal was quite surreal. Everyone around me was in a panic and I just had a killer headache that needed to go away. Because of shortages at the Trauma Centre I was in our local ER for 5 days on a gurney. There were other people more severe than me that needed treatment. I was on a diet of ice chips and morphine in case I needed surgery. On the 5th day they did the cerebral angiogram and the neurologist gave me the all clear. The following day I was discharged. No need for surgery, kind of a miracle, immaculate amelioration! like my mother would say I am special! Even when I went back to work I didnt think anything was a big deal. It is only when problems at work started to arise that I noticed the after affects. I don't really want to get into details about work, other than I want to retire soon. I have been with the same employer for 33 years. It will be time for me to move on soon enough. The bottom line is we all have to live the best way we can and enjoy our second chance!

I would like to thank everyone for the warm welcome. DonnaMarie: I lose the lists as well KelBel: I love walking and that has helped the listlessness and the emotions Louise: Thanks for pointing out the fluids, I know that is a shortcoming, I have type 2 diabetes and I need to drink more for that too. Sandi K: I lived in Victoria for 10 years, my brother still lives in Saanich and works in Sidney. It is a small word Goldfish.girl: Yesterday I took a letter from my doctor to work. Handed it to my supervisor and requested a review or my performance. I found that quite empowering, although we will have to see how the review goes Skippy: Thanks for helping me understand my scalp I had no idea but I knew it felt good! Jess: I will drink more water and I will try and keep track of what things trigger my Fuzziness. Bill you hit the nail on the head. I like your sense of humour and I will Pontificate Kempse: I love the tshirt! I didn't have surgery but maybe I can use the "My brain exploded" statement! My doctor has told me I should be proud. "Most people don't survive. Yes you do have challenges. Yes you are overcoming them. Don't let people push you around" That being said. my wife has asked me to make lunches today. ciao for now!

I too have memory gaps, but not quite the way you describe. I will go through the kitchen to lock the door. Turn around back into the kitchen and think to myself. Oh yes I came her to lock the door. Turning back to the door I see I locked it less than 2 seconds ago, with no recollection of me doing so. I have gone to the store and purchased a couple of lottery tickets, driven home and not been able to locate them. Go back to the store buy two more and when I get home I now find all four in the car. This is a nuisance at home but it has become more problematic at work. This is not the sort of act you can write in a journal and refer back to the next day. So I deal with it , some co workers will scoff and say I have a selective memory. I think it is more frustrating that people don't believe me that the actual act of forgetfulness is. Carl

Thank you Louise, I went back to work one month after I was released from hospital, because I was bored stiff at home. Well that lasted 2 days! I took another month off and then returned. I took plenty of vacation time after my return to work too. I did run into some problems at work recently and I am trying to educated myself and my employer. I have to admit than many of my post SAH symptoms were not apparent to me or my employer. As I am becoming aware of my limitations I am documenting my days and the progress I am making. I didn't sleep more than 2 hours last night, not sure if I am anxious about work or about submitting the letter, either way I have a day ahead of me . Hopefully I will sleep better tonight.

I have been reading through this thread and although I get sidetracked very easily I have found it very informative. I am going through challenges at work right now and it makes me feel good knowing I am not crazy or lazy. I am just recovering and coping the same as everyone else. I think it is time for me to sit down with the human resources department and explain to them the challenges I seem to be facing. These are the same challenges I face at home, but at least at home there is no pressure to perform. I do have a letter from my doctor which I need to submit when I return to work today after my Christmas vacation. I hope this educates the correct people about my abilities and disabilities. While it is never comfortable to say I have some minor brain injuries and disabilities due to a SAH, I am thinking it is time for me to stand tall, accept who I am and be proud of the fact I am learning to cope. Thank you for sharing you life and for helping me validate the things I am going through. Carl

Hello my name is Carl, I am 54 and had a SAH on May 12 2011.Physically I seem to be as good as new, neurologically I have a way to go yet.I seem to be quite forgetful, a little moody, and I have a hard time concentrating. Did I mention I am forgetful and have a hard time concentrating.... seems my humour is in tact.One of the symptoms that I feel on a regular basis is a fuzziness or fog in my head. This is almost feeling like a pressure, but no pain. I find if I rub my scalp it soothes and the sensation goes away. It is hard to concentrate at work and that has lead to a few problems. I am not ready to retire yet, well not financially anyway.As for the moodiness, I am sometimes listless, sometimes I have an urge to cry for no apparent reason, and sometimes my temper is short. Not to the point of striking out, but I do have a tendency to ignore statements or questions that are asked of me. I don't mean to be rude. Sometimes I feel ignoring would be kinder than responding.I am finding that if I write notes and lists down that does help me cope with the memory problem, although it always seems the thing I need to remember is not the thing I wrote down. Concentration has been a bit more of a challenge. I tend to get side tracked very easily, having multiple "Squirrel" moments on a regular basis. Funny stumbling upon this site was one of those moments. I have no idea what I was looking for but here I am.Thanks for letting me vent a little. I am certainly glad that I am not alone in my situating. I have a great family which is very supportive, but sometimes it is hard to articulate exactly what I am feeling or experiencing. Yet another side effect =) I forgot sometimes I have a slight problem choosing the words I need in order to get my message across. Not that anyone would pick up from listening to me, but I have to pause often to restructure my sentences.Anyway that is me in a convoluted nutshell. I would like to thank everyone for being here and hope I can contribute some how.Thanks Carl