Daffodil

Loving the picture. Reminds me of my own 'human league' post SAH hairstyle; so very retro and on vintage style!!

Hi there. I don't think I have changed as a person but my experience has changed my outlook somewhat and I have been forced to make other changes in my life that i wouldnt have chosen but I'm still much the same person at heart. Louise makes a good point that it's very early on for you and sometimes the effect of a shock like this takes a bit of time to show itself. Severity doesnt really come into it, you had a life threatening event just a few weeks back so I would just take yourself as you are for now and take every day as it comes rather than think too much about what's changed or look for comparisons to then and now. Celebrate the moments without a headache, rejoice when you get to cut back your meds, cry when it's all a bit much, but don't dwell too much on it if you can. Take care.

Erin, I agree with Michelle's wise words. I think often the fear of going backwards after such a long struggle to move forward is bigger than the actual risk but it's hard to persuade yourself of that. You have come a long way and its been an amazing and hard journey so well done you, im in awe of what you have done so your concern at not stepping backwards is natural but this decision and fear wont be the hardest thing youve had to face. I remember lying on the bed before my last angio thinking ' I really don't want to do this but I have no choice' , I knew that the clarity it would gve the surgeons and consultants was the only way to really move forward to the next step of my getting better, the gateway if you like I needed proof that things were as ok as they could be. So I Think that's what you are taking the risk for , getting greater peace of mind that things are ok but only you will know when you are ready to do that. hugs.

http://www.rainymood.com/ It just plays on a loop.

Michelle, post SAH a friend sent me a cd of frogs chirruping , I imagine it's a bit like your dolphin cd. Anyway it does help to just have calm and quiet simple noise. I also have a bottle of lavender in my bag permanently. Lin, think the course sounds great, hope it helps. I am headed back for some more counselling as my anxiety levels have gone up and although outwardly I might present very swan like and appear composed I think the hidden signs are far worse and probabl very bad for you. My recent hospital trip confirmed that when they started checking my heart as my BP went sky high. That was weird, I wouldn't have said I Felt anxious but my heart gave it away...so long term anything that helps calm things and make life easier is a good think.

I think bagpuss may be right, cerebral angiograms are the gold standard check post coiling. That said if they are happy with you on the first check then they can opt to move to MRI scans yearly rather than more angio. I'm due my latest MrI check anytime after I had my 2nd angio last Sept.

Oh Tulip. I'm sorry the steps are so tiny and small. I'm hoping there are some glimmers of hope for you just around the corner. coming off ICU is huge so that's something worth marking. Sending positive vibes. Hope you're doing ok.

Hi Mick. A noble club but one which we would all have declined membership:lol: Hope you're doing ok. Lots of great advice here, it's worth searching old threads as members going back over the years have left oodles of good tips and reassurance. Slowly now.

Welcome Lesley. Hope you're taking it easy. Make sure you ask friends for help with the school run and don't be tempted to ' be strong' and prove you're ok, now is the time to rest so you can recover, your brains had a a big bumpy ride. My daughters were 9 and 7 when I had my SAH. They still get worried when I'm under the weather but they are less cross with me now for scaring them so much, we have talked a lot. Hope your girls are coping with their scarey time ok.

Greater sage and wisdom will follow no doubt but my advice for now is to take each day as it comes and be thankful for each and every improvement no matter how small. Focussing on these small steps makes you realise you are moving forward. Try and get out every day and look at the big Mid West Sky. Oh and get Loved one to bring you a decaf Caribou cappuccino with a caramel shot. That always cheered me up when I was feeling homesick in MN , it may be youre feeling homesick for the old you...it'll pass.

Sorry Doodles, another coiled person but I did have surgical recovery post shunt insertion which might be a little similar I think. Masses of staples and blooming horrible head pain. My head on the side of the op felt very numb for quite a while and in fact is still numb around the scar and my jaw kept locking for a few weeks after My team put this down to the breathing pipe whilst you are under general , your jaw can be placed into a pretty unnatural position during placement apparently. Dainty chewing was the answer as you have already found out. The healing brings with it some strange sensations, tingling and stretching but that is normal so try to take your pain relief and not worry too much. Well done you. It's so hard to go back when you have come so far and I'm sure that felt awful to be back in hospital and now have this new recvery stage but it's done now which is a very good thing ...so onwards and upwards eh? Some actual clip experiences and recovery tips will follow I'm sure. sleep tight.

Hi Sarah. Sorry to hear you've joined our exclusive club. I was 39 when I had mine and have deferred my 40th celebrations by a year until I felt well enough to celebrate:-D Nausea and dizziness are really common and it suppresses the appetite but catch22 as your brain is using masses of energy to heal. I read somewhere about the amount of energy a brain burns up just on an average day so yours needs extra fuel to do all it's work. My way round that was to get some of those energy shakes and had those between meals. Not particularly pleasant but quick, easy and gave me the vitamins I needed which then boosted my appetite to return. Pne thought is that as you were clipped you may have lost some CSF fluid during operation wich creates a low pressure reaction. I've had that a few times and although your CSF builds back up quickly the effects can last a little longer in my experience. Best things for that is eat little and often even though you don't feel like it. A glass offCoca cola , yes I know it's bad for us but take a little if yo feel like this has helped me and my neuros all have told me this. Ear plugs to drown out some of the noise and lie flat as often as you can and slowly raise your head on waking. Rest is so important. Low stimulation. I set tiny goals each day and kept track with a diary, it helped to see things improve slightly most days, not all though. Big hugs to you and the other new Sarah. It's early days and we will all get there.

:thumbsup: They just called. it's all ok. No blood, so thrilled by that. Phew. Now I just need to start picking up the pieces of me again. As you say Karen, one brick at a time.

My little saga continued yesterday. Sitting quietly at home after my few hours working yesterday I received a phone call from my neuro team wanting to know how the scans the previous day had gone. They then said, ' did you have an LP?' , ' no ' I replied. ' ah, well we want you to have one to be absolutely certain the other anneurism is intact'....so that was my fun day yesterday. I got to spend another day with the fine folks of the local NHS. Everyone was superb. LP was awful. I won't go not graphics but let's just say third times a charm. Then after a time spent flat I finally got home near midnight last night and they will phone today with results. The hard part folks was the anxiety that came with the procedure, with the thoughts that race around. It's been horrid to be honest and I am sat here , pretty achey, hoping that this is the end of this particular episode as I don't feel strong enough to face any more shocks right now.

Well done for joining the party. Self denial about how fast we can heal is something we are all excellent at here so you're in good company. I'm 14 months on and still kidding myself that I can do more faster than I really can. Great you're seeing a neurophysiologist , it would be good to hear more about that as they're like hens teeth in the UK so great you found one. Welcome.

Hi Sarah Snap. Yep had mine at work and as far as my kids were concerned mummy went to London one dayand just didn't come back, not for 8 weeks anyway. My two were 7 and 9 when it happened so easier to explain to them that they needed to help out post event. I joked with my eldest that I'm like a character in a Jaqueline Wilson kids books. Her mum's are always total drama cases. With a two year old to care for I would definately go to those friends who offered help and be honest that you are struggling say ,' yes please I do need your help, can you do this?' . Ask for lifts , ask for them to get your shopping, take your little one to the park and ask them if they can do it regularly for a while so you can plan some extra rest times. Tell them why it will help, they will be happy I think to be asked. Work. Read the thread on that. It's long but great advice. The simple facts are that you've given your control centre a horrible shock but it is still running everything and trying to heal so it's using up masses of energy. It's clever but achingly frustratingly slow. Don't worry about the housework, it really can go hang. If you can get someone to help then do, if not then just squirt bleach down the loo and count the dustballs with your daughter. Come here and ask anything hat bothers you. Better than sitting and worrying in silence

I am going through a very slow return to work and I blogged about how this feels on our internal company site in the hope it would improve openess so that people can be less scared about people doing roles in different ways. In my role that's what I advocated before any of this happened so I wanted to keep true to that. Anyway I received this email this morning and after a particularly hard weekend it was very welcome. I thought I would share with you as I thought it was special. It was from someone who has also gone through trauma. 'I was very sorry to hear what you have been through and so pleased to see you are back at work I hope things get better with your brain… I have found this poem very nurturing at times when I have to deal with taking a step back, it is not the light/happy type but I have found it very comforting to have the patience to be with the less shiny moments… Hope it’s helpful.' I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing. ~ T.S. Eliot ~

Kris, I laughed there. Did you mean to put medicate? I think both medicate and meditate could equally apply. But wise words again from you all, thanks. So I went to my GP who is very amazing. He said we can't ignore any pain that wakes you up from sleeping so phoned my neuro team, who in turn arranged for me to get scanned at local hospital. They wanted to check that my shunt wasn't acting up. Anyway after a long day of scans, bloods and very high BP( no surprise there) I am home happy in the knowledge that all my unnormal head remand just as unnormal as last time. The doc at the local hospital made me laugh though. He said " your scans seem normal, no I take that back, they are amazing and full of hardware but normal for you" . Nice guy. So I chalk this up to another unexplained recovery moment and Kris I will be takin your advice. I think I've been using parts of my brain I haven't in a while and they complained in a misdirected way. Typical though..it's half term here and kids to entertain.....

Kris, I got more from your last post than a day with the doctors. Seriously, the concept that our damaged neurons can recover a bit but then exhaust far more easily. That makes my rational head happy with the sense of it so thanks. Now we just have to work out how to overcome it.

Thanks everybody. Had another crummy night but not as bad as the previous and i have taken things down to my lowest gear today. Drunk lots more water too. Your kind words really helped me. That you're proud of me means a lot. The fact I am able to do so well at this point is pure testament to this site and my putting into practice what you have all shared and taught me. And I should say I am very up and down mostly it's just this is a bigger dip than usual. Macca, you summed it up so well, that, its that what if this is the time I should check it out feeling. I am notorious for ignoring things and hoping it'll get better. When I went back to hospital last July and got my shunt it was after ignoring symptoms for quite some time. Well i thought i was supposed to have a bad headache after SAH. And they were like ' don't worry it won't be hydrocephalus ' and then you should have seen their faces after they scanned me. Panic stations or what. Apparently I had left it so long there was no room around my brain at all. Yikes. So I have learnt that I shouldn't ignore everything but equally don't want to do the opposite and panic at everything. So I will be seeing the GP tomorrow to discuss the tingling, the cold feet, stiff neck ,the anxiety. Thanks from bottom of my heart. And Win , enjoy Wales. It'll be awesome.

I have been feeling so much better over the last few weeks. I have made some big steps this year like starting back at work and back driving and I feel I have been managing my pacing well. Things are on the up. Then yesterday I woke with a heavy, dragging head. Really nasty one that made it hard to lift my head up. I dropped all my plans and did very little and went to bed last night and that's when my worry set in. I went off to sleep fine but woke with a start around midnight and an absolute fear of dread and a really stiff neck. I got myself up slowly and went to the bathroom. Felt very dizzy and after a few hours of this broken pattern I took some nausea and Dizzyness medication that I have for such cases which were very common in early months. My hands and feet were absolutely freezing. these are all symptoms i remember from immediately post discharge. My sleep was broken and horrid. This morning and I have that hangover feeling and a very stiff neck and lower back and there's a horrible niggly thought that says what if the coil has shifted and I've got a small leak? My rational head keeps saying its ok, my emotional one is not joining in, how do I get it to? I read the ' what happens to us' thread today and know that the sudden return of a symptom is probably going to have set off some deep anxiety. I have been planning to go back for some counselling as I really want to not get panicked by symptoms rearing their ugly head and I never was an anxious person prior to SAH. Thing is I don't even know I am worrying, does that make sense? Then boom it just takes over. But it's been a while since I have felt this bad. Thing is I have so many unknowns that are pretty scary. A neck on my coiled artery which they can't add more to, it would need stenting. Another berry anneurism. A VP shunt that could block. Managed high blood pressure. Most of the time I try not to worry about this, so was last night just my sub conscious kicking me? . Need my BTG friends advice.

Congratulations on your wonderful news. How exciting and yes what a difference a year makes. Linlin, another member had a baby quite recently. I'm sure she will respond to this with some sound advice.

Hi there. Can't advise what's best here. I think if surgery is recommended then i probably would have it. I had to go back and have a shunt placed after my SAH, didn't really want to face that I needed it but I did and it was the right thing to do despite the risks. I also have another uncoiled Annie which they don't think is worth operating on ..hmm and then there is the neck on my coiled rather larger one that burst originally. I have been told that due to where it is it would have to be stented if the neck enlarge....and so we go on. I guess I try not to think about it all too much. That's the only way I cope. Not much help. Sorry.

Hi there. Would offer a big hug if I could. Is there something bothering you or on your mind more than normal stuff, something you wish you could have talked to mum about? Maybe it's time to talk about it? Maybe this is how your mum watches over you, the times when you really miss her is the time to ask for some help and a listening ear. It's hard to feel lonely when you're surrounded by people but you're not alone and I like others on here genuinely feel that angels watch over you. Live your life with happiness. We all carry heartache, Im sorry you had to find yours so early but the strength in living a happy life despite it will shape your entire experience. We are here for you. It could just as easily been any one of our daughters posting so we will all help to make sure you are ok.

I have the biggest collection of scarves now. Seriously unless it's very warm I wear one to keep the wind off my neck. The days I don't wear a scarf and it's windy or slight chill then I get bad neck pain. I also wear a hat a lot.