Hello

[Guest Mummybear]

Hello everyone

My name is Jan and i found this site whilst browsing but i wish i'd found it a long time ago. I had a SAH in May 05 and i haven't been the same person since. I have a loving family but i feel so alone at times because they haven't been through it and make jokes about my memory loss. I know they don't mean any harm but it breaks my heart, especially when i can't remember to do things that need doing or i've forgotten i've said i'll make a cup of coffee, simple things to others but mountains to me if that makes sense. I've also had severe depression since my SAH and sometimes i feel so tired i just want to stay in bed.

I was browsing tonight because i have similar symptoms now that i had days before my bleed - Lightheadedness, feeling sick, floating feeling in my head, straining to see and dizziness. I'm sat here crying with the fear of another bleed and i need support.

[rince]

Jan,

Welcome to the world of SAH! The support on here is superb and Karen does a wonderful job in allowing us to all come together and she's created a resource that is unrivaled for those if us who've had a SAH.

The symptons you're suffering are very similar to those that I'm currently having and I'm fairly sure it's just a cold. As with anything make an appointment with you doctor just to be sure tho.

I know that soon you'll have a whole string of replies to this post from people far more capable than I of reassuring you!

Again Welcome

Scott

[Karen]

Hi Jan,

A very warm welcome to the site......any time you need support, we'll do our best for you.

The short term memory problem is frustrating.....I know how you feel....I do the silly things too.....some days you can laugh at it, other days you want to cry over it.

I'm 19 months post SAH and I would be lying to say that I haven't found it a struggle. The fatigue is horrendous to deal with and when I hit low points, I also find it hard to get out of bed in the morning. I know that this is sometimes caused by the depression that comes and goes.

If we're honest, I would imagine that most of us fear another bleed...I still worry when I get the weird pulsing in my head and if I feel a pressure build up in my ears. I suffer from dizziness since the SAH anyway, so that's not unusual for me. I also had a third nerve palsy to my right eye, so my vision is out of sync......it's worse at night time when my eyes are tired.

It sounds as though you could be experiencing an anxiety attack? I've also suffered these attacks and they can make you feel lightheaded. I use a Relaxation CD when I'm stressed. I stick my headphones on, lie down and take deep breaths. Is this the first time that you've experienced this, since your SAH? Anxiety can cause a whole host of problems similar to what you're describing.

I've shed many a tear when I've thought that I might be about to have another SAH.....you're not alone ..... it feels as though you could go mad with the worry.

How old are you Jan? Do you work? Sorry, I'm always nosey! It's nice to know a little background and makes it easier to chat.

My own story is on the homepage.....

I hope that by the time that you read this, that you will be feeling slightly better....come back and chat anytime....

Like Scott says, if in doubt, then contact the Doctor .... don't be worried about what anybody else thinks.... do it for your own peace of mind.

Sending you a big hug!

Love K x

[Guest Mummybear]

Hello Scott

Thankyou for your reply and i'm sure you're right about the cold but i'll get it checked out on monday.

I think my depression has taken a hold of me again and i'm just feeling sorry for myself at the moment, which makes me feel rather guilty after reading some of the stories on here.

I asked about support groups in my area after my sah because i felt i needed it but sadly there were none. I also looked on the net for support but no forums came up in my search only information sites. I'm so pleased to have found this site because now i can talk to people who have been through it.

Thankyou Karen xxx

[Guest Mummybear]

Hi Karen

Thankyou for your warm welcome.

What you've just described in yourself is me to a tee...BIG hugs !!!

I'm 43yrs old, married with six children and three grandchildren. My youngest two are just 5yrs and 3yrs in june, my daughter was just 11mths when i had my sah. I'd been back and for to my gp for several days prior to my bleed, with headaches, not being able to focus and generally unwell but they were put down to a virus even though in the morning prior to my bleed i had severe pain in my left arm, causing three of my fingers to become numb. I continued as best i could for the rest of the day (was on the sick from work) and went to bed with Nigel (hubby) at 1.30am. As i settled down my daughter woke so i got her back off to sleep and sat on the bed, i fell back onto the bed with severe dizziness and an overwhelming feeling of sickness. I managed to make it to the toilet and as i bend over to vomit i had the most terrible pain in my head. I managed to cry out to Nigel who called an ambulance straight away and thank god he did or i wouldn't have been here to tell the tale. The doctor at the hospital had told Nigel if he had called our gp instead of an ambulance i would have died because the gp would have put it down to a severe migraine and sedated me for the night.

[Karen]

Hi Jan,

We must have been posting at the same time! ... so hope that you caught my previous reply.

You're allowed to feel sorry for yourself here.... we all get our down days and scary days .... it's good to be able to share with others who also know what it's like.

Anyway, it's way past my bedtime ..... hope that you feel brighter tomorrow..

Love K xx

[Karen]

Good Morning Jan,

Hope that you're feeling brighter today....

It's surprising how similar some of our SAH stories are, especially the lack of knowledge or complacency from GP's. If it hadn't been for me trawling the internet when I had a warning bleed, years before, I also wonder whether I would have lived to tell the tale.

Wow! six children and three grandchildren....I bet your house is always busy! It must have been hard for you after the SAH, coping with recovery and also having very young children. At least my two were old enough to help out etc. It's a lot to deal with Jan, so it's no wonder that you get times when the depression kicks in and the tiredness takes over. I admire you....

Love your website by the way....it's very cute! I expect that also keeps you busy....how on earth do you get time to fit that in as well? Think that we must have "Super Mum" in our midst!

Anyway, must get myself up and showered......lazing in bed with my laptop.

This site is always a bit quieter at the weekends......I normally check it out 2 or 3 times a day, so I might catch you later.

Hope that today is kinder to you,

Love K xx

[Guest Mummybear]

Hi Karen

I'm not feeling to bad today thankyou but i've got a lot of pressure in the back of my head which is wearing me down, i guess you guys get fed up with that too hey. Nigel and i went out to lunch today with NO children and spent some quality time together for a change.

It was very hard coping after my bleed Karen especially not being able to look after my two little ones. I wasn't even allowed to pick them up for a cuddle so Nigel would have to put them on my lap and do it that way. Three of my children had left home and were leading their own lifes, but there wasn't a day they didn't call in to help with shopping and housework so i was lucky really to have that support and Nigel is a fantastic husband and dad. I don't know about you guys but i felt as if i was putting upon my family and felt totally useless at times.

I can never work again because i now have arthritis of the spine which causes a great deal of pain at times but i cope, although i'd dearly love to have that bit of independence back. I sometimes feel jealous of Nigel working full time but we couldn't afford to live off benefits so he had to go back to work.

I'm no super mum Karen, i'm just a normal mum like yourself getting on with life as best i can.

I have two websites Karen and yes they do keep me busy but that's how i like it. I spend most of my evenings on Mummybear's after the children have gone to bed and it gives me something to focus on. I would like to make a mini banner for this great site, linking it back to here if of course you don't mind, but i won't be offended if you say no !!!

Take care for now and thankyou very much for your support. xxxxxx

[Sasbo]

Hi Jan

Good to meet you. This site is a great help, as everyone has said, as you realise that you're not alone and that what you might be feeling, well someone else has probably had similar and can help from their experiences.

I've come to the conclusion that it is so hard for everyone around us to appreciate what we're experiencing. In fact they can't - whilst they do a brilliant job in looking after us it must be so confusing and painful for them to not be able to understand what's happening. This can get very depressing - I know it does for me and I must appear so ungrateful at times. But here we can let off steam and everyone understands - it's magic!!

Anyway, once again welcome and hope to chat soon.

Sarah x

[Karen]

Hi Jan,

Personally, I think that you're being far too modest with what you've achieved..........most of us, haven't had to come through this with very young children....I'm really not sure how I would have coped.....I know that I would have needed a lot more help and the mental trauma of having young children and not being able to do stuff for them, is a whole different ball game. Even more emotional baggage to have to deal with, so I suspect that you're a lot stronger than you think you are. I can understand why you've suffered from depression, but you seemed to have done remarkable things and you're probably a bit like myself and far too hard on yourself.

I still feel like a burden on my family.....I used to be the anchor of the family and that anchor, suddenly disappeared overnight. I know that it's been hard on the family and even though it has eased, I know that they worry about me.

I too, haven't been able to return to work.....I don't think that I could cope with the stress, my memory is poor and I still have some remaining physical disability. Who knows what the future holds.....I haven't written anything off, but I feel like I'm only 50% of the old Karen. I used to be able to run at 100 miles an hour......but, not now. However, setting up this site, has given me great strength and if it helps anybody else, then it's a great reward and I'm happy!

No problem if you want to link your site with ours.......We've had a few members joining with young children or pregnant (with health concerns) post SAH ..... have you discussed SAH on your own site? ..... I personally can't imagine having to cope with this and also having a young family......but I'm sure that anybody coping with pregnancy after SAH or young children would welcome any advice that you could give...If you open up the topic on your site, then I would be very happy to link your site on our homepage.

The more info/help that we can provide, the better....it doesn't matter from what source it comes from. Anything that you want to discuss about managing a young family and dealing with the fall out of SAH, do please bring it up on the board here ..... any advice, tips or suggestions don't hesitate to raise them, it can only be of use to others in the same predicament.

What other site have you set up?

I've just pinched my signature from a website suggested on your own site!

so thanks!

We finance this site independently......we're not charity funded.....but it's been so therapeutic as to my own recovery, that it's been worth every penny. I do the general admin on it, but my son Chris, does the more technical side and he's a Saint with his patience.

Some of us, meet up every couple of months and it's quite liberating to know that you're not alone. I'm still trying to arrange a Hotel meet, this year.....hopefully at a midway point in the country, so that some of us members of the site can have a get together. It really does help to know that you're not the only one going through this turmoil.

Glad that you're feeling slightly better today......I often get the pressure in the back of my head......a pulsing feeling, like somebody has put my head in a vice and is squeezing it. Mine is normally down to stress and I'm beginning to realise that nothing bad is going to happen to me.....however, it's still not nice and it's a stark reminder of the SAH!

Take care,

sending a big hug...

[Louise]

Hi there

Welcome to the site.

Think everyone's covered it, good old swings & roundabouts :?

Louise.x

[Skippy]

Hey there

Welcome to the site. I personally know that without this site my recovery would not have been as remarkable as it was from the emotional side. I'm one of the 'lucky' ones who has no lasting physical side effects and was back at work 3 weeks after. its easy for me to say that though as my husband and I run our own company so I've got a bed in the office for when I get tired.

Swings and roundabout eh? In the words of Duran Duran "I'm on a ride and I wanna get off, but they won't slow down the roundabout" very apt!!

TTFN

Sami xxx

[Guest Mummybear]

Hi everyone

How are you all?

I'm sorry i've not been here for a couple of days, Nigel is decorating our dining room so it's been a bit hectic here and the wall bracket on the new window blind we bought broke before it was even fitted.

I'm feeling much better now and thankfully the depression has started to lift a little so i'm feeling much brighter in myself.

I did need a great deal of help with my babies after my sah and it was sooo difficult and upsetting watching everyone doing simple things for them like changing a nappy or bathing them. I felt as if my role as a mum had been taken over and would often have outbursts because i'd try and do things for them myself, even though i found it difficult. I hated all the help i received although i knew i couldn't do it myself but as far as i was concerned i was their mum and it was ME they needed not anyone else. I also had a fear of going out so i became a recluse, i couldn't even go to my front gate without having a panic attack. I don't know where this fear came from though because my sah happened in my home not outside. I'm pleased to say that i've overcome the fear now although it took me 12mths to do it.

Karen

I applaude you for starting this group and will offer any help that i can to support others. My members know about my sah but we haven't got a topic for it i'm afraid, i really don't think anything would come of it to be honest because no-one has been through it. I do however have an affiliates table at the bottom of my forum which is used by hundreds of visitors a month, so i'll make you a banner and add it there. You don't need to link back to my site Karen but thankyou for your offer. I didn't join here to advertise my sites so i'll pm you the link to my other forum.

Take care all xxxxxxxx

[Slim]

Hello Jan

Welcome to the site hope you are feeling better.

Aine

[Karen]

Hi Jan,

I used to quite enjoy decorating, but since the SAH I will do my best to avoid it. Hope that it's going well....

Glad that you're feeling better.....I dip in and out of depression, as you know, it's very hard to deal with..........but I'm sort of used the "see-saw" effect now and I've been lucky that my spells of depression are fairly short.

I can well understand how you felt when you couldn't look after your babies....it must have been very upsetting for you......I think that's the thing after a SAH, you feel as though you've lost control, even over the most simple things in life.

Anxiety and panic attacks after the SAH for me, were dreadful........I can see how easily it is to end up never going out of the house. My Brain Injury Consultant said that I displayed typical "avoidance" behaviour. I think that this problem has been made worse by having bad eyesight and dizziness since the SAH, it knocked my confidence completely.

Thanks for the link!

Bye for now,