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hi everyone, just a bit of advice please if anyone can help. i lost my dad a year ago this month to a subarachnoid haemorrhage and since he died my sister moved in with me and i am now in dads bedroom as my sister is in mine and for some reason i cant sleep on a night without having to leave my lamp or tv on. and i always wake up between 3 and 4am and look around the room. its always on my mind that im gonna wake up during the night and see him sat on the bottom of my bed or something and even tho hes my dad and wouldnt hurt me im still scared of the thought of it. i never used to believe in that stuff until i heard stories that people have told me. im just wondering if these thoughts are ever gonna go away or am i never gonna get a good nights sleep again :-( i know its still early days and i miss him more than anything but i just need to get the thoughts out my head x

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Dear Stace,

i'm sorry to hear you lost your father to a sah. What you describe, waking up in the early hours almost expecting to see your father at the bottom of your bed, is very common. It happened to me after losing my father when he was visiting Australia (he died suddenly) and I just couldn't stop wondering where he'd gone to. So early morning around the hour of twilight, I woke up looking around for him. I suffered some hallucinations, imagining he was there. I had never had to face death in the family before. I saw my doctor who told me it was a stage of grief. When your father dies so suddenly, unexpectedly, you're psyche is in total shock and you cannot believe they are gone! It's like a heightened state of alert at that hour of the morning!! It's almost as though you'd expect to see them, even if you imagined him (& I don't know what to believe, as I've felt/experienced weird stuff) he is only popping in to see you are okay. Try not to worry, just turn over and go back to sleep. Your symptoms will ease gradually. Glad you have your sister living with you for extra comfort.

Grief has a strange effect on us. Seems a little strange to reply to your post...but I had to immediately, because I know how you are feeling!!

Love

Anya x

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Dear Stace, Sorry my answer to you was incomplete. I was just lying in bed remembering how it was for me and suddenly thought that you are probably, like I was, being sent around the twist with fatigue, missing your father and wondering where he is.

You must be feeling raw with the first anniversary coming up.

I wonder if your sister suffers in the same way? My sisters didn't, and so there wasn't the understanding. When I saw my doctor he described it as a unresolved grief and would I like some counselling...which I grabbed at! You may, for instance, have some form of reactive depression if you're constantly waking up at that hour every morning, in which case see your gp. You can also telephone Cruse Bereavement to talk it over with them.

Losing your father is very traumatic and I hope you've been able to grieve for him. I'm sorry I didn't mention this before...so silly of me, as this is a classic case of unresolved grief. Hope I'm making sense as its past my bedtime and my brain feels a little addled!

The post before also still stands! I don't see what the problem is sleeping with the tv on (although you'de get better sleep with it off); and leaving the table lamp on, for extra comfort. But if it was my choice I'd listen to the radio for comfort.

Hope your sleep will improve and you will be feeling more at peace soon x

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Hi Stace

So sorry to hear you lost your dad to this awful event.

I have not as yet experienced the loss of a parent, but dread it happening.

I can imagine it must be a little unsettling to sleep in his room now, although I am sure that will pass in time as you find ways to cope with your loss.

Have you been offered bereavement counselling? I believe Cruse Bereavement Care are good, and they may be able to offer some advice and coping strategies for you?

Hope your worries start to ease up soon and you are able to sleep well.

Take care

Kel x

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Hello Stace. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is terrible when someone dies so suddenly and unexpectedly like that. Anya (who is a darling) had some very wise words for you, and Kel also suggested Cruse. Counselling definitely sounds like an option and I hope you find peace. Take care x

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Hi there they should go in time but my seven yr old often used to talk to my uncle at night and his great grab he never seemed phased by it. Try talking to your dad one night and telling him all the things you wanted to say but never had the chance. Maybe that will help. Sorry I don't know what else to suggest, maybe subconsciously thats what is really bothering you. Jess.xxx

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Hi there I was going to say berievement councelling I went to them they're brilliant....

It is all part of the morning process, and is more raw at the min that normally I think, the others have given you sound advice.

I have lost both my parents & still miss them as much now as in the begining but I also know just what your going through too.....

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hi everyone, just a bit of advice please if anyone can help. i lost my dad a year ago this month to a subarachnoid haemorrhage and since he died my sister moved in with me and i am now in dads bedroom as my sister is in mine and for some reason i cant sleep on a night without having to leave my lamp or tv on. and i always wake up between 3 and 4am and look around the room. its always on my mind that im gonna wake up during the night and see him sat on the bottom of my bed or something and even tho hes my dad and wouldnt hurt me im still scared of the thought of it. i never used to believe in that stuff until i heard stories that people have told me. im just wondering if these thoughts are ever gonna go away or am i never gonna get a good nights sleep again :-( i know its still early days and i miss him more than anything but i just need to get the thoughts out my head x

When I lost my Mum it was like losing my best pal,,,,,I just feel that every day she is looking after me

and looking out for me....when I had my SAH I saw my parents.or was I imagining it!!!!anyway I am glad I saw them again.

Your Dad Loved you..and time will heal your hurt......easier said than done but trust me, think of the happy times you had with Dad and keep smiling your Dad doesn't want you sad...remember he loves you

ALWAYS !!!!!

Regards

WinB

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