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Mums SAH, personality change, and now have to contest her will.


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Hi

My mum had her SAH 10 years ago, and she has recently died. She was only 64. She became disabled and severely aged, and developed emphysema which is probably nothing to do with the SAH. Prior to her "blow out" as we called it, she was a lovely mum. Afterwards, she gradually turned into a really nasty person, who hated pretty much everyone. Her personality changed beyond recognition. All her friends abandoned her, and she never worked again. In the years following her getting ill, my sister and me tried and tried and tried again to get some sort of relationship with our mum. She wasnt interested in us at all. It came to a point where I didnt even want to phone my mum and ask how she was, because I couldnt stand the abuse and vile comments and language that came from her. In the last 2 years, Ive had nothing to with her, it was too painful for me. For me, my "mum" died when she had the blow out. We were never offered psychologists or counselling from the NHS in UK. If only we knew then what we know we would have pushed for it, and maybe mums personality change wouldnt have been so severe.

She passed away just a few days ago, and has cut my sister and me, and her own mother out of everything. She made a will a few weeks before dying and has given everything to the hospital that did her surgery, even though she never had a good word to say about them. So, we are now left to contest her Will. Prior to the blow out she would have made sure the family home came to us, now its all so different. Anyway, we have solicitors contesting her Will now. Its not a classic case of someone having dementia so they didnt know what they were doing. She knew what she was doing, right down to planning her own funeral.

Anyway, in England, these cases of contesting Wills is becoming more and more common, and even though she was of sound mind, the law will consider her SAH, and personality change, and will likely consider that her emotions were poisoned, so we will inherit after all. Our solicitor is gathering medical evidence just now. The evidence is strongly in our favour. Thats worrying that we were never made aware of all this years ago. Collecting statements from people who new her pre-SAH, during and after just compounds for us just how much her personality changed.

I just wanted to share our experience, as I'm sure other people go through similar horrible things. Mark.

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Hi Mark,

Yours is a very sad story to read. Try to remember that the way your mum behaved, the way she treated her family and the awful way she spoke to you wasn't really your mum. The damage to her brain caused this, remember the real person she was before her SAH. I can't really think of anything else to say that would help you. This is a horrible time for you & i'm sure her changing her will just adds to your hurt at losing her.

Take care

Michelle

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Hi Mark Welcome to the site

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum I hope she has now found peace.

Yes please try to remember that it was the SAH that caused her to change the way she saw things, remember her how she was before that.

She didnt have a 'blow out' as you put it she had a subarachnoid haemorrhage, the thing is years ago or now people dont seem to be made aware of it you have to aske questions why have they changed, whats caused the change, is there something that can be done ect....your right you should have been offered something and that was wrong, but I have to say sorry doubt you want to hear this, but your poor Mum friends and family abandoning her.

Everything is raw for you at the moment I hope that in time you find peace time is a great healer we never forget but it get easier in time..

take care

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Mark Hi,

I had SAH like your Mum .... I was very ill...my daughter and hubby stayed up the hospital most of the time and never gave up on me.

Even when they where told to put me in home and I'd never walk again ......I have proved the physios wrong so far ie legs are weak

and I can limp to the loo lol but I do it for my family who went thru it when I was out of it for over a year...

I do swear a lot more than before but it must either be me or SAH..so I'll blame the SAH ....lol

Try and remember your Mum with love ...and smile when you talk about her.......hope all goes well with your family and be happy

Regards

WinB143

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Thankyou for all your nice words. Tomorrow is her funeral, and I don't feel a thing. She lived 13 years after the SAH, but for me she died 13 years ago. I don't know if the SAH started off some other undiagnosed personality disorder which made her so wicked. She was definitely dellusional, and had classic post-SAH disassociation from the family. Now we will never know. I will cherish the memories of mum pre-SAH, as she was a lovely mum then. :-)

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Hello Mark,

Welcome to BTG.

Your post has bought tears to my eyes.

Cherish the good memories you have of your Mum.

As others have said, please remember that the SAH wasn't your Mums fault,we're all living proof on here that it can happen to anyone.

I send my love and big hugs to you and your family.

Take care,

SarahLou Xx

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Mark

First of all so sorry that you have lost your mother all over again, but yes, a SAH can and does have a profound affect on the way people behave. Like the others have said, and you have pretty much yourself, that your mother wasn't "herself" after the SAH and the way she acted, spoke and treated you all was purely down to the damage her brain received. I hope that you can take comfort in this and remember the loving mum that I'm sure you had preSAH.

I hope today went as well as it could have done, given the circumstances.

Take care and my sympathy to you and your family.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Having had to do some research for the solicitors who are challenging our mums will, I came across some research which summed mum up to a tee. And I had never even ever heard of "confabulate" before, but it does seem this is what she was doing - filling the gaps in her memory from the damage caused by the SAH, with fantasy, which she believed to be real. In fact, she had all 3 side-effects mentioned.

http://brain.oxfordjournals.org/content/123/10/2109.full

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