goldfish.girl Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 Hope I'm not boring everyone with a previous topic..... but I went out for a 40th birthday night out last night. I knew whilst I was there that there was a sense of deja vu so I searched my previous posts today (knowing that my last big event was 3rd Nov 2011). Amazing to realise that the same feelings are still there but the pain of realising how things are, what has gone & will never come back has lessened enormously. Keith & Louise had good advice that I did not want to hear in November, their words made me so angry (although I do hope I acknowledged the advice respectfully????) - accept how things are now Hats off to you both, unfortunately you were right! Social situations with lots of people just do not work for me now, I have lost my ability to small talk with strangers, along with my reputation to talk rubbish to everyone in the room, dance my pants off & party all night.......I can not stand all those people talking at once, I can't filter out the other people to concentrate on the person I am talking to any more. I really do NOT like this change, but it is what it is, the last attempt in Nov nearly broke me as I was not ready to accept it, this time I understand that it is what it is. The person I was has gone & after all this time, there is no chance that she will come back. It has taken 3 and a half years to accept this and be 'ok' with it. It is hard, it hurts but it is ok and even if it wasn't ok.......it is how it is! My only advice would be that whatever you are told will not entirely sink in until you experience it & are able to accept it for yourself.There is no time limit on this, some people give up & moan forever early on, some will never stop trying to get better & offering support to others. I may never like it that much but now I know it will not change no matter how much I want it to I think I can at last move forward a few inches. And maybe one day I will learn to use it as a positive, a new way of life that's as much fun as partying all night was Thank you to all who helped on that day last November Michelle xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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