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Bill B

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  • Biography
    dob 1956 Chorley, Lancs. 1963 moved to Notts.1977 Moved to Wales. 1981 Back to Notts, married, two kids , very happy.
  • Location
  • Interests
    Clan Macrae Moscow Circus, The Outriders, Adam S. Leslie - Berlin Horse, The Mittuns, Gaffa, Rosie A
  • Occupation
  • SAH/Stroke Date
    15.01.2005 SAH

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  1. I found it impossible to resume work. I didn't trust anyone. I prefered poverty to the interaction of work. I know I am a bit paranoid, but I sleep well!
  2. I was a rugby fly half. Later a goalkeeper. Now I have little balance and vision. It is difficult to be weak, when I was once, so in control. I struggle with the loss. Not ,only walking , but having to sit in chairs with arms. I am embarrassed by myself. Staying in my house is, increasingly, the best option. At the time of writing this, I have not left my house since October 5th. My car did 241 miles last year,..that is travelling to the tip , and back. It feels like the final chord, at the end of Sergeant Pepper.
  3. Something that hurts me, is when people think I am drunk. I wobble, and stagger, sometimes, ....if I don't have my stick, I have very poor balance.
  4. Hi Lorna. The restrictions on social interaction are manyfold. Balance, noise, movement, intolererence, ........ad infinitum! In fact,...every- thing has changed. I am the worst person to give advice. I have crashed and burned, over the last 14 years. You will never be who you were. However, you will find that people on this site have been through , exactly, what you are experiencing.
  5. I have come to a, personal, realisation, that people are disappointing. Best thing is, to avoid them! Get a dog. Get a cat. Get any creature that will not let you down! I don't want to be negative, but life is what it is.
  6. I've recently reviewed my posts since I first joined BTG. All I know is,...that, I know nothing.
  7. Johnnie, stick a skip on your drive, and we have deal!
  8. Most of the world is cold. I feel like BTG is a duvet. Not many people understand.
  9. Last night, an old friend told me of an impending gig. Musicians I have known for 40 years. I told him I would need to write the details down. He asked why? I said, Altziemers! He backed away ,in embarresment. I only said Altziemers, because, to explain Third nerve palsy, SAH, and all the resulting carnage, is too difficult. Altziemers shuts everyone up! It is simpler than ,having to explain memory loss, balance loss, anger, intolerance and depression. After years of expecting a re-occurence of the pain of the first event,( not flying for ten years) there was a period of numbness. 14 years on,...I don't fear SAH anymore. I just like to keep myself , too myself. I can't seem to interact with folk. My wife pushes me into social contact. I try to respond. I just can't be bothered. Is this normal?
  10. Something else that has emerged from SAH recovery. OCD cleaning! Not in my own house, but every time I go on holiday. I like to have Villa holidays, in the south of Spain. Three times a year! (Lucky man)! I always end up, sorting the garden out, cleaning the patio, oiling the locks and gate fittings,sorting out the TV and internet, fixing little plumbing problems,.....etc, etc....ad infinitum! I was not like this pre-SAH. My family think it is hilarious. Everyone is relaxing around the pool,..I am polishing tiles, ...saying ,..."we may be on holiday, but we don't have live like pigs". Needless to say, the owners love us, and ask when we will want to come back! Brain alterations have unforseen consequences. Onwards and upwards! Bill.
  11. Dose anyone else hoard stuff? I have a hoard of WW2 memorabilia, weapons, comms, newspapers, medals, insignia, and diarys/ photos. 1960's comics, thousands of books, Annuals ,1960/70 toys, clothes from the 60's /70's and countless other stuff ! My house is full of valuable/ worthless stuff!
  12. Thanks Win. I've been tidying the mountain of "good stuff" in my house. I could open a shop!
  13. We are all bashed up, in different ways. No one can navigate this thing alone. I tried, and failed. Years ago, I was a teacher, at the top of my game. Nothing could phase me. Overnight, all this confidence (arrogence) disappeared. Anxiety, and depression replaced my norm. It is shocking to see yourself as weak! The point is.....that others, who have had similar expeiriences, can remove your fears, help you re-build, give you validation in your own struggle. I am not good at all this stuff, but I know the power of support!
  14. Hi Swishy. Thanks for taking the time to reply. I love this site! Only self harm drove me away. I thought I could do it on my own. ....I couldn't!
  15. Hi Sarah Lou. Our kids give us the backbone to carry on. More than carry on, to succeed! I find it difficult to read a lot of the posts on BTG. I tend to tear -up. So much of what folk go through, is just what I go through. This site is a life saver,....literally!
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