Avoiding shops and people due to nosiness

[Vicki Hobbs]

Hello again, this is Vicki, I have another question. How do you all get on going to local shops, hairdresser etc after sah? It has been 2 years since mine and I no longer go to the local shops (we live in a country town) every time I went to shops or hairdresser they kept asking me how I was and rehashing the whole thing. I do appreciate the kind thoughts, but I would love to be able to walk into shop like a 'normal' person or just like your regular Joe just buying the milk. I guess I'm asking are we always going to be associated with being sick? My hubby and boys are great, they now go to the shops for me.

Last visit to hairdresser was awful, a lady jumped in front of me and said very loudly that I used to work at the chemist and had major heart problems and asked me how I was feeling now. Nope, I had no problems with the heart. Then a couple of other ladies (that I don't know) all chipped in and told everyone there what had happened to my head (and it was all wrong). While I just slithered down in the chair and wanted to be gone. Am I an awful person to feel so ratty about all of this?

[Louise]

Hey Vicki, your having a rotten time maybe you need some councelling it helps a lot believe me.

sadly it is all to common for people to ask how you are, where its great you family go to the shops for you, its really you that has to conquar it hun. So dont avoid them and think about going and speaking with your GP (doc)

[MaryB]

Hi Vicki, I find the hair dresser the most annoying of places to go. Both my hair dressers want to talk and both are really loud and I cannot stand that. I would like to sit in quite and relax and get my hair done. I found for me not having to get into all the details to say "I had a stroke" and I am getting better all the time. It just simplifies it for me. I also will tell the cashier if I am having a problem processing my wallet and money or debit card. "sorry, I have had a stroke and it is a bad day for me". It gives me time to think and stop beating myself up and it give them a moment to think about their customers as individuals. I also live in a small town and sometimes I just say " I am doing better and I do not want to talk about it today!" I do this with of course a smile and a laugh!! I find for me being more blunt - maybe as blunt as people are to you is what works for me. I think if they are all talking about it in front of you - your response may need to as blunt for them to understand. It does not seem like beating about the bush works for those people. LOl. Good Luck!! maryb

[Gill C]

I rarely shop & then only in the small local stores. I live in a place where virtually no one knows us so not many know what happened to me although some of the school mums do. The village we used to live in up north was pretty small & we knew people who had lived there all their lives so news would have travelled fast there & everyone would have asked. In a way that would be nice cos you are part of the community & people care, here we are a suburb to a city & although we've lived here 10 years next year we don't know local people.

My NCT friends are all scattered about & some from another forum are the same so although I know quite a few people not many of them are local. My first hairdesser appt I dreaded as I had cancelled one before my anni was found. They did ask & I told them what had happened & had to refuse a head massage (just in case) but mostly they just got on with it. I now go to a different salon as it was a ot cheaper & I liked the atmosphere there.

As a result of that I very rarely get asked how I am, close friends consider me fixed & outwardly I seem ok. I do get confused with money even in the small shops but never enough to have to give a reason why, if people think I'm odd or slow then so be it. The stuttering or losing words when tired is a hard one so I try not to get to that stage.

In the very early days I tried to go to the cinema & shop in a very busy place, I thought I could do it cos it never used to be a problem. It was busy & noisy & I felt nervous & scared with all the bustle & it tired me quicklly. I think most of us feel much like you do Vick, Internet shoppign has been my saviour & I think being blunt is a good way of getting people off your back if they are being too nosey!!

[Winb143]

When I see checkouts who recognise me and they see wheelchair they look so I just bla bla on about I had a thingy in head etc..

They mean well but once I've told them they just say hi as they would hear it all over and over again..lol

I find most people okay.... and talk around me stops ear noises....like shhhh..whistle and ting ting ....

Be Well All

WinB143 xx

[Sandi K]

Hi Vicki, if you go more often I wonder if the novelty will wear off and people will stop asking? I go to our local shops and the hairdresser and out of politeness some people still ask but its been 20 months now and they aren't expecting to have a conversation about it. All they want to hear is that I'm fine and coping. Like any topic people get bored and they are into something else.

Then there is the flip side. You look great and people see you often and forget anything happened and wonder why you are acting so strange on an 'off' day! Then I do what Mary does and tell them I had a brain hemorrhage. It's funny how some people forget or think you are 'over it'. They just don't understand and lucky for them.

Louise's suggestion of counseling is a good one. They give you help knowing what to do in these awkward situations that make us feel uncomfortable and anxious.

Sandi K.

[kpaggett]

I also felt very weird about the hairdresser especially. However, I know that you can create a mental block for yourself if you don't get back out there and try...so I tried and failed...but then I tried again and again and now I only know that I'm worried about it and no one else really is...and the only one who care if the story is told correctly was me. When the ladies leave the shop for the night, they don't even remember who their customers were 1/2 the time. However, if you just need to be where no one is talking about your head that day, go to a different place and see how that feels. Sometimes it'll make you realize that what you thought you needed was really something different.

If all this becomes like it's controlling your life, then please to seek out professional help. I did and am way better for it.

~Kris